Got an email from mom a few minutes ago

[CarolineM 0]

Wow people have given some really great advice...Since I'm in a similar situation I will comment. My parents were not happy with Stewart at first either. They didn't like the fact that he wasn't American...He was staying with me once and when he walked out the door after meeting mom for the first time...she goes, "Well, he's not your all-American boy, is he?" Umm...no Mom, he's Australian. Anyway she didn't like him at all - probably just because he was different and she always envisioned me marrying some WASPY lawyer here in the south...not me at all but whatever. Another time he came to stay with me when I Wasn't living at home anymore and she goes, "You'd better not be sleeping with him..." I mean comments like that all the time because she DID NOT LIKE HIM. When the concept of marriage came up, oooh yes I got the Green Card comment too...trust me. But I talked to my parents candidly and was like...no Australian REALLY want to move to America...If you explain it to her...without getting defensive or angry (which is HARD to do if you ARE feeling defensive...) she just might finally understand.

I don't know how or when but she came around. It took work on my part - talking him up, letting my family KNOW how I felt about him and how it was my life, my desicion, and he was the love of my life...(Of corse it helped that they saw he had been around for 5 years...) Anyway now she and dad both LOVE HIM....in fact they spend more time with him than they do with me!!??? hahaha.

Like most on here who have had family issues, I think it takes time for them to understand and to see what you see. Just my experience to maybe give you some hope

Aussie-American couples have to stick together

[Hilarious Clinton 452]

Wow. Mom is a xenophobe. She should make a trip to Australia. She would find that it's not that much different from the USA.

Don't let your mom ruin the visit.

[eau_xplain 2]

Tell your mom in a nice way that you would like to share this very important moment with the two most important women in your life. That it would not be the same without one or the other.

[gimygirl 0]

i need some closure on this subject .... come back for an update!!

[Ladylethal 12]

Put family and your future wife on the scale, and see what´s more important for you, if it´s your girlfriend and you won´t give her up, you should have a chat with your mom, seriously, calm one, and show her your feelings so you´ll make peace with her and have you girlfriend with you. She´s your mother, and she loves you, so she´ll eventually understand you.

[sparkofcreation 0]

Having been in your girlfriend's shoes—not with my husband; with my last ex-boyfriend, who was a different religion than me—I would venture to guess she'd (Felicity) appreciate it if you talked to her about this too! If what you're determined to do is be with her and you don't care what your mom thinks, tell your girlfriend so. Be honest. Say "My mom doesn't like you because you're not American, but *I* do and I want to share this with you. I hope my mom will come around, but even if she doesn't, she is not going to break us up." But, of course, be sure you mean it. If you read VJ much, you'll see a lot of cases of foreign women coming here and having the MIL hate them and try to split them up. Sometimes the American husband stands up to the mom and it works out; sometimes he doesn't and it doesn't. So your relationship with your mom and how you handle this is going to be a huge factor in your relationship with your girlfriend. Huge. Hopefully your mom is a rational person who will eventually come round.

One thing to consider: Have you asked your mom why she dislikes your girlfriend? I mean, I don't know any of you, but she might have some valid concerns. You don't have to do what she says, but as Laura said above, she's your mom and she loves you. It might be xenophobia, but it might be that she thinks you're too young or she's concerned you met over the Internet (or for some other reason don't know each other that well) or whatever. My now-MIL was very not happy when I first visited G. in Scotland (my family has adored G. from the get-go) because I was American and we'd only met in person once. But now we get along okay, because I make him happy.

She may not eventually understand you, but it might help the situation enormously if you asked why she objects. Tell her you'll think about what she said, but you need to figure things out for yourself. If your girlfriend makes you happy, that will probably win out in the end.

(End of my story with the ex: His mom told him to dump me and marry a family friend. He did. I thank God every day that I didn't end up with her as a mother-in-law.)

[iceyspots 0]

Sometimes people don't think before they speak! I think she is worried about your future, but she's not expressing her feelings in the right way! Sometimes it's hard for a mom to break apart from her kids and watch them leave the nest.. but.. you should just tell her to be considerate to your feelings and your choices.. after all.. graduation is a big thing and transition in life.. Hope everything works out for you!

[*Robert* 2]

[kygeographer 0]

i need some closure on this subject .... come back for an update!!

Update coming tomorrow sometime! Just got back from Detroit a few minutes ago. Gotta sleep! *yawn*

[kygeographer 0]

i need some closure on this subject .... come back for an update!!

On the phone with mom, update coming in a few..

[MrMrsKnight 0]

We're waiting

[almaty 19]

clue us in

[kygeographer 0]

clue us in

Ok, so here's the latest.. This is crazy stuff.

Basically, she thinks that her and I are in it just for the sex, and that's the only reason she's flying halfway around the world for graduation.. just for the sex. She is also worried that I'll have to deal with Felicity's rising medical bills in the future if/when her health starts to decline due to her diabetes. However, I think her main reason that she doesn't like her (or at least what I've gathered) is that she feels that the basis for this relationship is sex. Kinda sad, and farfetched. If I was really in a relationship for sex, would I really be with someone that lives 10,000 miles away, and I only get to see twice a year? I think not.

I'm also wondering if it has something to do with the fact that my parents probably favor my ex-girlfriend of 3 years, who I basically left to start a relationship with Felicity. I'm still getting flak for that.

Any interpretations, or counter arguements for her?

[Fandango 1,440]

clue us in

Ok, so here's the latest.. This is crazy stuff.

Basically, she thinks that her and I are in it just for the sex, and that's the only reason she's flying halfway around the world for graduation.. just for the sex. She is also worried that I'll have to deal with Felicity's rising medical bills in the future if/when her health starts to decline due to her diabetes. However, I think her main reason that she doesn't like her (or at least what I've gathered) is that she feels that the basis for this relationship is sex. Kinda sad, and farfetched. If I was really in a relationship for sex, would I really be with someone that lives 10,000 miles away, and I only get to see twice a year? I think not.

I'm also wondering if it has something to do with the fact that my parents probably favor my ex-girlfriend of 3 years, who I basically left to start a relationship with Felicity. I'm still getting flak for that.

Any interpretations, or counter arguements for her?

'I'M AN ADULT MOM, THIS IS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS'

how's that?

[kygeographer 0]

clue us in

Any interpretations, or counter arguements for her?

'I'M AN ADULT MOM, THIS IS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS'

how's that?

That's exactly what I'm thinking. She can have this idea in her mind of the "person" she thought she raised, and maybe things were different when she was growing up, but ultimately I'm responsible for the person I've become, and I really have no regrets about anything in the past. You can't do anything about the past, only the future.