What is the worst they have done ?

[jrmach1 0]

It is well known that there is a lot of people who doesn't believe in internet love.Off course when you start telling to your family and friends you felt in love on the internet and you are going to get married they all try to give you a piece of advice either you need it or not and off course they try to convince you of think better what you are doing with your life .

People can tell you all kind of crazy things just in order to make you finish you relationship ,like that they knew somebody in the same situation and he was a PIMP or that marriage it is not going to work because of this or that .In this case people can be really creative.

After they get to know your love many of them change there minds but some others don't.

Now you tell me what has been the craziest things somebody ever told you to try to make you finish your relationship????

[YuAndDan 153]

:ot:

Shouldn't this be posted in OFF-TOPIC forum? How does this post relate to the K-3 Visa application process?

:ot:

[Mononoke28 135]

Several people told me that he was only with me to get to the US and that he would dump me once he got here. It's so stupid but I've found that most vicious comments like that come from people who are jealous of the relationship and the situation we're in.

Diana

[edp333 9]

It is well known that there is a lot of people who doesn't believe in internet love.Off course when you start telling to your family and friends you felt in love on the internet and you are going to get married they all try to give you a piece of advice either you need it or not and off course they try to convince you of think better what you are doing with your life .

People can tell you all kind of crazy things just in order to make you finish you relationship ,like that they knew somebody in the same situation and he was a PIMP or that marriage it is not going to work because of this or that .In this case people can be really creative.

After they get to know your love many of them change there minds but some others don't.

Now you tell me what has been the craziest things somebody ever told you to try to make you finish your relationship????

You are not too shy to ask, but too shy to post yours?

[jrmach1 0]

You are not too shy to ask, but too shy to post yours?

Ok I'm going to tell you that one time somebody told me we just wanted it to have fun with me and then we would dump me ,that he was sucking just youth out of me .Can you believe it what is he a vampire or what?.

Edited October 19, 2007 by jrmach1

[edp333 9]

I have heard the SO is after a green card and/or after my money remarks. But like one of my co-workers said, "What money?"

[mbdesousa 0]

ohhh i ended ten year long friendship over the continuous comments how brazilians and brazil are the 'worst' and that my husband only wants to come to usa, completely dishonoring my worth, judgment, and mine and my husband's integrity and feelings.

person who said has never been to brazil, doesn't have brazilian friends, neighbors or co workers. but loves brazilian food and music.

now. the only thing i can say it is jealousy on this person's part. i divorced a man that i did not love, and it took me 7 years to find this precious man, who happens to live in brazil. i ventured out to the world to unite, and pursue my family life. i did not fall in any route, did not settle for small things in life. this person and his wife are the laziest, complacent people i ever met.

so i asked my friend to stop with his comments, and how would he feel if i insulted his choice of spouse? when things went too far, he started to claim that he was trying to talk constructively to me, but at this point it is a cope out it is too late. too many hurtful things were said. i got disappointed in this 'friendship'. people seem to be nice to you when you are lonely and sad, but when things change, they want to bring you down.

besides, i can't say that my husband is welcome in their home, because simply they have a thing against brazilians. so why bother saving the relationship. it become impossible.

yes, there were talks about green card and money with various people. most of them apologize for asking 'are you sure?" and that's where it stopped. i immigrated to usa, pursuing better life. why is that bad, that my husband has a better chance to provide for our family than if we lived in brazil at this time?

the odd one i heard from another jealous person, female: brazilian MEN get more bowel cancer, because they eat lots of meat? whoa.

Edited October 19, 2007 by mbdesousa

[WaitingWanda 0]

I'd wager your 'friend' has probably spent very little time outside the US? Brazil may not be the wealthiest country in the world but it is still one of the friendliest and most beautiful. Good on ya. Would you really want to consider such narrow-minded souls among your friends anyway?

[aidap 0]

It still astounds me that people can "fall in love" on the internet. I don't judge but I just cannot comprehend how you can believe you know a person that you are going to live with for the rest of your life through chats and the phone.

How is it that if your family or friends that using common sense point out that it may not appear to be what it sees are automatically "jealous" or "narrow-minded"? Why is it that if it's not what you want to hear, they're wrong?

I hope the best for you, I really hope it's real. I think it's easy for us to think that a person living in the third world will do absolutely anything, including "love", to get out of those situations. It's not a judgement on them; visiting Mexico and Honduras, I have seen first-hand what real poverty is like. It's heartbreaking to see on many forums what people do to US citizens to obtain the green card. It must be terrible to think for years you are loved and then be instantanously disposed of when conditions are removed. Just look and you'll see why so many people as skeptical.

But don't put on blinders and think everyone is against you. It's just easier for someone outside to see and question why you cannot meet and marry the traditional way.

[mbdesousa 0]

ooops

i might answer the wrong message. i met my husband in reality.

i don't know about falling in love on the internet.

[mbdesousa 0]

ooops

i answered the wrong post. i met my husband in reality.

i don't know about falling in love on the internet. i don't know how that feels.

but i would not be too judgmental.

my grandparents met through matchmaker, and saw each other 1 time before wedding. ended up being married for long years, until they died.

[Bassi and Zainab 1]

The thing is the jumping to conclusions and not respecting your ability to make decisions. I met my first husband on the internet and we were married for 7 years. He was in the US when we met and married, but I still got the "he wants you for a green card" routine. Meaning really and truly, that they are somehow more "aware" than I am and they "know more" about the world than I do. I know that people get scammed on the internet. I know that people take advantage of other people. I'd have to be boo boo the fool not to know those things and still be part of an internet community. I ask to be respected to make decisions in my life and if it were really about keeping me safe, it would be based on some type of facts not generalizations and stereotypes about a group of people and fear of the unknown. That's the difference to me.

I've been told that my fiance wants to take advantage of me because he's so poor in Africa. I laugh at this, because he's been trying to convince me to move to Ghana. He loves his home and doesn't want to leave, but loves me more and we agreed to try living in both countries but I'm so spoiled by american comforts that I just can't live in Ghana right now. I know that makes him a little sad, but we are going to find a way to "commute" so to speak and spend a lot of our vacation time in Ghana as well. Maybe planning to retire there. We're probably going to build a house there in the future. He is trying to buy some land near his family's land so that we won't lose the plot by waiting too long.

Now, I do find it odd, that people meet on the internet, fall in love, plan to marry and have never ever met in person. That's something I don't fully understand. Love is very tangible to me and I feel that spending time together in person is really important before planning to marry.

[C and J 1]

I have always been a very open-minded person. I take people as they are and only judge on the things I know, not on the things I have read.

It still astounds me that people can "fall in love" on the internet. I don't judge but I just cannot comprehend how you can believe you know a person that you are going to live with for the rest of your life through chats and the phone.

I actually think you can get to know someone better, in many respects, in this way. Not everyone goes onto the internet looking for "the one". You may find someone with a similar interest and become friends. Many months later you may find that the feelings are stronger than that (as in our case). Webcams also help, you can see the person, interact with them, you just cannot touch them. The physical side of a relationship is not the be-all and end-all.

I'm sure in the past there must have been people who fell in love with a penpal, when they eventually met.

With certain things restricted, you have to make up for them with what you do have. We talk more... how many couples, together in person, would sit and talk for 6 hours a day? I honestly believe I know more about Josh than I would have done if he was "some guy who lived in my area". The same could be said about what he knows of me. We share more about ourselves, our lives, our pasts. We worry about how things will be when we eventually live together, but every couple has that issue when they first move in. I will just be moving from a place further away. It's not all rose-tinted-glasses, we know there will be challenges.

However, from my point of view, I believe that the final decision on a relationship is meeting in-person to make sure everything is the same in-person as it is on the internet. You have to meet, you can't just hope that things will be the same when you're together. They are two completely different scenarios.

How is it that if your family or friends that using common sense point out that it may not appear to be what it sees are automatically "jealous" or "narrow-minded"? Why is it that if it's not what you want to hear, they're wrong?

Some members of my family told me not to visit Josh for the first time because he could be "some internet maniac" (stereotyped horror stories?) but I knew the person I was going to visit and knew that it would not be possible. It is much easier for someone to think badly of a situation because of things they have heard, than think positively. It is natural for friends and family to worry about you (and it is nice that they show they care) but they shouldn't make judgements based on stereotypes until they have met the person they are judging. My mum got to talk to Josh on webcam so she could see and talk to the person I would be visiting and she thought he was lovely. Once she'd spoken to him, she had no reservations about the visit (other than the long trip I would be taking alone).

Yes, people are used for visa's. Yes, people can be stringed along by someone with bad intentions. But that doesn't mean that it will happen to everyone.

I hope the best for you, I really hope it's real. I think it's easy for us to think that a person living in the third world will do absolutely anything, including "love", to get out of those situations.

Not every internet relationship is based on someone from a poorer country trying to escape poverty. That's another stereotype. People should not be blinkered as far as stereotypes are concerned. Things should not be generalised. If bad things happen, they happen... but that wouldn't stop me from living my life the way I want to. If you thought of the worst case scenario's possible before starting something (relationship, every day life etc), then you'd live in a box with no outside contact.

[neophi 5]

wow you guys really speak out your mind.

worse thing they would say was "you don't have to marry her just because of the baby"

heh

[NEDawn 0]

You don't have to meet someone on the internet who will abuse or hurt you. A person can just as easily be hurt by someone they meet face to face right in their own neighborhood. In my previous marriage, I knew a man for 3 years, thought him to be the gentlest man alive, everyone else thought the same. Not long into the marriage, He started beating me, I was so beaten down during our marriage I didn't have anything left of myself to even consider leaving, no self esteem, I had given up every aspect of myself, until one day, I discovered that my husband was molesting our 3 year old son! For my son I could take action, and pursued prosecuting my husband for what he did. Guess what I discovered!!!!!??? My husband was a twice convicted felon, a pedophile, caught for molesting two children previously, years before, and he had a history as a drug dealer. I had no clue! Not one person who knew him knew of this history, from years prior! Everyone thought him this gentle loving good man and father. But in reality he was a pedophile, a drug dealer, and a wife beater. We had known each other face to face on a daily basis for 3 years, and neither I, or anyone who knew us knew his secrets, except his own family. His own family hid the entire truth from me. Wasn't until I sent him to prison that the truth came out that they knew his record and history.

My relationship with M is much more intimate. After the hell of a marriage I went through I remained alone for 13 years because I didn't trust anyone. With the LDR, M and I have been able to get to know each other with the hundreds of hours of talking and writing. We have also made extended visits together here in my own home, he's lived with me for 3 months at a time. I required a credit check and crime check in his country. I know his history, have spoken to his ex wife, and know the score. I have complete faith in M, in his goodness. The likelyhood I would let anyone into my life after what I went through with my first marriage many years ago was slim.

My love isn't looking for a green card. Heck, he offered to let me move to Scotland! He isn't looking for money, he has a lucrative career as a computer technician, excellent credit, and the complete ability to take care of himself. We found each other, and often sit back in wonder at what we have, and we continue to build our relationship both long distance and with multiple visits.

It doesn't matter how a relationship begins, whether in person in your own home town, or online on the internet. What matters is what you do with it to get to know that other person.

After the hell I went through in my marriage I am overly cautious. M has been happy to jump through all of my hoops to show me who he is. I know and trust him more than anyone in my entire life. And he's always understanding and willing to help me to know him better. He knows how I was used and abused. He's a good man, a honest man, and a loving man. The real McCoy. I can only hope I can be the wife that he needs and deserves.