New Diary of a Gigolo

[jawi876 2]

Hey ladies...I want to post something that I read back in 2003. It is purely fictional...and I didn't write it. The author stated that she is fine with others using it. So here is goes:

New Diary of a Gigolo...

DISCLAIMER - The following in not meant to be a slur on any gigolos or is it trying to say Jamaican men are all like this...

Day 1

Wake up to alarm clack a ring.

Cho man, if mi neva know seh mi haffi gwaan like mi ago miss dis fool fool gyal, mi woulda neva a wake up dem ungodly hours jus fi go a airport fi mek sure diss fool fool gyal send mi some money afta shi gaan...An mi cyaa tek di false crying ting...

Haffi put an mi best suit a close, mi waa har fi memba mi ina dis bess light...

Cho, mek mi run go ova Miss Myrtle yaad fi tief coupla har rose dem, mek mi gie di gyaal..

'Mass Charlie, draap mi outa airport nuh man, mi nuh have nuh money fi pay yuh now, but juss wait outside, a she gaan mi come pay yuh.'

At the aiport

'Dawlin, we may have been together for just a few nights, but you have touched my soul' Lawd gad, mi hope lightning nuh strike mi dung

Her-'Oh Romeo darling, I really don't to go, I want to stay here, I don't care if we don't have money, I just want to be with you'.

Me -'Darling, you know I feel that way too...please stay..' But kiss mi behine, a waa di xxxxx du dis chupid gyal, a mad shi muss mad..hurry up gwaan back goh fine mi some dallas, afta mi nuh mad

Her-'Baby, you know I have to go...'

Me -'If that's what you have to do, I can't stop you, I will count the days until you return.' Gyal, GWAAN NUH MAN

Cho, is why mi wear mi nice white shirt dowe...look how dis gyaal a dutty it up wid har cow bawlin...

Her - 'Darling, here's all my leftover money..'

Me - 'Baby, how many times do I have to tell you I don't want anything from you..'A hope dis gyal nuh spend aff har money an nuh lef none fi mi, is how it look so likkle bit, cho man

Her - 'Darling, I insist, you don't have to prove anything to me.'

Me - 'Baby, you know I love you'. tekking di money, bwaay a dis alone she a come gie big man....she a diss...but is alright, as she reach she haffi guh sen more...

Bwaay mi tink di fool fool gyal neva dida badda go home...mek mi juss walk go rouna arrivals likkle, neva know mi luck...

Rahtid, is how mi so lucky si waan gyal deh, fresh affa di plane...mek mi si a who shi come wid...lawd, it look like a juss shi...my time noe fi rope een..

Me- 'Welcome to Jamaica, beautiful.' mi nuh really like when dem fat so, but at least shi nuh big lakka some mi si

Her-'Um thank you.' oooh he's not bad looking, I wonder if it's true what they say about these Jamaican men

Me -'I was just here sending off my younger sister to the States, and it was as if God told me not to go so soon.' Dis ya lyrics wicked, muss ketch har

Her-'I don't know what to say.' Looks like I've pulled, but maybe he's just after my money or just wants sex...

Me -'Where are you staying, I might be able to give you a ride..' mi hope a Negril she a go, if shi seh yes, ar mi goose cook, shi naah go come man, shi ago fraid..

Her-'My hotel has arranged a ride, I'm fine.I'll be staying in Negril.' Wasn't that sweet of him to offer, but no way would I go with someone I just met..

Me -'It's very hot in here, can I buy you a drink...I'm sure you'd enjoy a cold Red Stripe..' Is how dis gyaal a sweat like hag....mi fraid she faint wey pan mi...

Her-'Yes please, I'd love one, here's the money..' Let's see what happens, if he takes it, he's after money..

Me -'Here in Jamaica, if we offer you a drink, we pay for it, I'll get it now..don't you go away...' Da US money deh woulda du mi good ya nung, but mi haffi play di game, nuh worry, mi wi soon tek yuh money

Her-'Oh I'm sorry, oh no, I have to go, there's my bus now...' Hope he asks me if he can see me again...

Me -'Can I meet up with you real soon, I can't let you just walk away..' Dis gyaal is just ripe fi mi, afta shi cyaan ramp wid mi

Her-'I'm staying at the Beach hotel.' oooh he wants to meet up with me....yessssss

Me -'Shall I come and pick you up at 5, then I can take you out for dinner.' Mi hope seh anno nuff shi nyaam ar a bruk she ago bruk mi

Her-'Ok..' He's offering to buy me dinner, he MUST be ok then...

TO BE CONTINUED...............

[jawi876 2]

That evening

Bwaay sah, look pan di time, mi haffi goh hurry up...if mi nuh come deh early, maybe a next man rope een, an come tek mi golden goose whe fram mi...mi ago tek har to dis likkle restaurant whe nuh too hexpensive an mi ago tell har seh is yaso dem sell authenticJamaican cuisine...

Her- Goodness, you're early ooh he's on time, he must really want me..

Me - I just couldn't stay away from my girl...Bwaay watch how dis fool fool gyaal a fall fi mi line dem...ah so mi good all di while...

Her-So where are we going then, I'm starving..[i wonder if he's going to expect me to pay, or does he really like me

Me -I want to show you the real Jamaican way of life, so let's have something to eat at an authentic restaurant..I hope shi no nyaam nuff..wanda if she ago gimme likkle piece tonight like how mi a buy har dinner...

Her - Ok, I'd really like that..isn't that soo thoughful of him, showing me how the natives live..

Me - Are you scared of scooters...you'd really enjoy the ride if you aren't..mi cyaa badda tek taxi, it ago cost too much an if mi have a scooter, maybe mi coulda tek har somewhere lonely an she might fraid an gimme likkle piece quick quick, plus Miss Thomas rent mi so much bike, she muss can gimme a likkle discount...

Her -No, I'm not scared, I'd love it... he's spending lots of money on me, I must be special then, surely he can't be a playa and spend so much money on every girl he picks up...

Later that evening

Her - I really enjoyed that..Isn't he lovely, how he fits in with my dream of an island man..

Me - I can't remember when I enjoyed myself so much, it was great having dinner with you..You want another beer sweetie...Like how mi spend a good amount pan di licky licky gyaal, mi haffi get likkle pum tonight, mek mi drunk har...

Her - Oh I'd love another...I'm too smart to get played, see how well he's treating me..

Darkness falls, they go for a moonlight stroll along the deserted dark beach...

Her-This is lovely, it is so different from home..I wonder if he's going to try something..

Me - It feels so good being here with you..I really like you a lot..Wanda if shi drunk yet...mek mi try mi luck...

Me- Oh baby, I want you so bad, can I make love to you darling....Mi spen more dan enuff pan yu, yu muss cyann gimme some...

Her- No way, what do you take me for, I've only just met you... Oh no, is this all he was after..just a little fling

Me -I'm sorry baby, please forgive me, I knew you weren't that kind of girl, but you make me unable to control myself...Cho man, mi hope mi nuh frighten har aff, afta mi done spend so much pan har..

Her -Whatever, I'm not interested..How could I be so stupid, they all warned me about Jamaican men

Me - Pleasw forgive me, let me make it up to you tomorrow, I couldn't bear not to see you again.. Is alright, you must let aff both yu cash an some pum before yu go weh...

Her- Ok, I guess I will see you tomorrow then.. Maybe he IS serious, he might just find me irresistible...

Me- I'll walk you back to your hotel so I k now you get in ok...Mek mi juss mek all mi fren know seh a mi control dis ooman an dem nuh fi badda try...mi nuh too cut up seh mi nuh get nuttin, shi too fat anyhow...

TO BE CONTINUED.....

[Jonesie 1]

Hurry up and post the rest!

[Sonshyne 2]

Fi real... Edited October 19, 2007 by Sonshyne

[jawi876 2]

Day 2

...Bwaay mi a run outa money, it look like mi haffi goh mek some call....mek mi guh buy two phone cyaad deh...

[On the phone]

Me - Hello darling, I've missed you so much, I called a few times but I got your machine.......afta shi nah go know seh mi neva did call har....

Her - Oh baby, I missed you too, but I didn't hear the phone ring....

Me - It's ok, I know you must have people you want to see, after all you've just got back....... watch mi lay dung di guilt trip....

Her - No baby, the only people I saw was my family, I told you I don't have anyone else..

Me - Baby, I am just a poor Jamaican guy, a girl like you must be able to get anyone you want......watch how mi ago full up har head....

Her - Don't say that darling, I love you and you're the only man I want...

Me - I was just lying here so depressed, it's like since you went everything's gone bad.......si di money chat yah....

Her - Why, what's wrong babes..

Me - Well, I've been missing you so much it's as if a piece of my heart has been taken, and my mother phoned me, she needs some money but I spent all my money off... watch mi a tell har dis she ago feel bad lacka she mi spend money pan even doh di money whe shi gimme a di airport do ne tek care a dat...

Her - It's ok honey, I can send you some...

Me - I don't really want to take anything from you, but it is my mother after all......gwaan tru my yout...di money whe she ago send wi tek care a Fatty fi di week she deh yah...

Her - Ok, how much do you need...

Me - Baby, send whatever you can send, I don't want you to put yourself out for me......she muss ago send a big money fi mi...like how she ago send di money, mek mi tell har seh di phonecard ago done...

Her - I'm going to send you the money right now, go down to Western Union..

Me - Baby, I love you but the card is finishing...hello.....hello.......mek mi hang up now ....

TO BE CONTINUED....

[jawi876 2]

Day 2, evening

.......Lawd mi feel rich like how dis gyal sart mi out, feel good wid some money ina mi packet...if mi play mi cyaad dem right, dis one ago line up an a same way she ago mine ....Mek mi call Mama an tell har seh mi ago bring anadda one up deh tiddey...

Me - Hi baby, how you doin' today....lookin fine as usual......is how shi manage fi get ina dat deh bikini, she nuh si seh shi cyaa hol....

Her - I'm fine........he came back, yessssssssss...he must really like me then, if he still came back to see me again....

Me - I didn't get much sleep last night....I was just hoping you weren't angry with me..watch har fall fi dis...

Her - No, I'm fine, forget it....He's really sorry about last night, he couldn't just want sex then...

Me - How would you like to go for a ride, see some more of Jamaica........mi wanda if Mama dun cook...

Her - I'd like that...He's just so sweet...

The happy couple ride off into the sunset to Romeo's mother's house, where he pretends he's just popped in to get something...

Me - Hi Mama, I would like you to meet Jane, she's a very special friend.......mi hope seh Mama nuh figet har name an go call har Suzy, Dianne ar Wendy like shi du di lass time...

My mother - Hello Jane, how are you enjoying it here so far..hope my son is taking care of you......... Bwaay is how Romeo love dem white ooman so, him come like him fadda....

Jane - Hi, I really like it here and Romeo has been a really good guide.......I hope she likes me, wonder if I'm dressed properly, I can imagine her as my mother-in-law...

My mother - I am sure he has......di dyaam wutless bwaay have enough practice, every week is a nex gyaal, him muss know him way aroun....Is why mi one bwaay pickney couldn't be a lawyer ar a dacta doh....

Me - Anything here to eat Mama.........if we nyaam yaso, mi nuh haffi buy har dinna again tonight....

My mother - You are lucky, food soon ready...Is how dis bwaay love tell lie soh, him nuh juss call mi an tell mi seh fi cook....

Jane - Food sure smells good... I can't believe he really brought me home to meet his family, surely he can't bring EVERY girl he meets home- I must be special, I'm sorry I thought he was a playa...

......They spend the afternoon with his family eating, talking and just having a good time....Later they say their goodbyes and jump on the scooter back to Jane's hotel.....

Me - I hope you liked my family, they LOVED you.......Mi muss get even a chupps tonight...

Her - I REALLY enjoyed myself, they were really nice......he says they liked me, wonder when he's going to ask me to marry him...

Me - Here we are, so do I get a goodnight kiss......Nuh ramp wid mi gyaal, tonight a kiss tomarrow yuh haffi goh let aff...

Her - Ok.......He's such a gentleman, he at least deserves a kiss...

They kiss and then they cuddle and talk for a while, they go for a moonlight walk and kiss again....

Me - It's feels so good being with you......mi wanda if she woulda let aff tonight...mi naa go pressure har as mi cyaa tek tun down, mi mighta bax har two bax if she go tell mi no...

Her - I like being with you too........Wonder if he's going to try and force me again...

Me - I guess I have to go now, what time shall I pick you up tomorrow......invite mi in nuh gyaal...

Her - Come for me in the afternoon......he's such a gentleman, he CAN'T be after sex then...

TO BE CONTINUED...................................

[jawi876 2]

Day 3

A who dis a ring mi phone so early...dem nuh know seh mi need fi get mi sleep.....

Me - Hello, a who dis.....a which one a dem dis now...[.i]

Her - Hi baby, just wanted to tell you I love you and I'm thinking of you...

Me - Oh baby, I was just lying here thinking of how much I miss you......wanda wedda she ready fi married mi yet...

Her - Darling, I don't know how I'm going to go on like this...

Me - Honey, I know I haven't got any right to ask you this, but will you marry me, then we can be together.....when yu send fi mi fi come a New York..

Her - Oh baby, yes yes yes yes, I do so want to marry you and live in Jamaica with you and have your babies...

Me - Darling, I want that to....afta mi nuh mad, yu fi come live ina my one room, nuh sah, foreign cyaa miss mi....which more pickney mi waa...mi done have 5 arredy...but stap, better mi bree har yes, INS love fi si when di wife have a pickney fi di man...afta anno mi ago mine it...

Her - You have made me so happy, I love you baby, I am going to go and tell everyone now, they are going to be sooo happy for me...

Me - I love you too Linda.....tonks mi dear, yu a mi passport outa Jamaica...

....Lawd, whe mi phonecard deh, mi haffi call Lucy ina Landan mek shi send mi some money soh mi can buy Linda one ring...

Me - Hello Baby....

Lucy - Romeo darling, I've missed you, why haven't you called me for so long, I thought you had forgotten me...

Me - How could I forget the love of my life...the thing is, I'm in a little problem...watch mi rope har een..

Lucy - Why, what's the matter...are you ill?

Me - No worry bout dat, baby, yu cyaa help, mek wi talk bout us...watch dis....

Lucy - If we can't talk about what's going how can we solve it?

Me - Ok, this is what's up. My friend lent me his car and I had an accident and now the guy wants me to fix his car and I have to be hiding out,can't go to work as he will kill me if he finds me...

Lucy - Oh your poor thing, I'll get some money and pay for it

Me - I can't let you do that Lucy, it's my problem.....wanda how fass she ago get di money, plus it's too much, I owe him 200 US..

Lucy - Your problems are my problems Romeo...go down to Western Union and collct the money..

Me - Lucy, you know I love you right? I don't know how I would manage without you by my side...mi woulda haffi call Eleanor an tell har di same story...

Me - Hello...hello...time fi she tink di cyaad dun...

Mek mi draw an some close deh an go dunga Western Union go draw di money, den mi haffi go buy di ring and sen it go gie Linda...

TO BE CONTINUED.............

[SupportOAFJF 0]

Ok Jawi, sen on the res no man !! now u got me hook VJ soap opera continues....

[jawi876 2]

Ok Jawi, sen on the res no man !! now u got me hook VJ soap opera continues....

kikikikiki...mi see nuff people stop in fe read ie...but nuh poas. The author is right here on the VJ site...she should publish it for real. Soon come with more.

[jawi876 2]

Day 4

Lawd is suh much fi one likkle fake diamond ring....Jeezam peas, mi nuh noh how mi woulda manage anyhow a di real ting mi dida buy...mi hope dis a di lass money mi haffi goh spen pan mi visa fi go a fareign....Mek mi goh call mi breddrin Ricky as mi have a plan fi Fatty feel sey mi well check fi har...........

Me - Hello, Ricky mi bwaay, mi want a fayva.....

Ricky - My yout, mi haffi help mi breddrin hout anytime...

Me - Mi a gwaan rule dis fat ting a stay dung ah Beach Hotel, shi wi dep pan di beach ya nung, shi ina dis red baatsuit and she have tall blonde hair, mi waa yu goh chat to har at 2pm tiddey, mi ago come and run yu, yu done know di flex...

Ricky - Yeah man my yout, no prablem...

....On the beach at 2pm that day...........Jane is sitting in her beach chair when a tall handsome guy walks up to her............

Him - Hi my name's Ricky, I've been admiring you all day, thought you might want to go for a jet ski ride........eeh eee, is how Romeo coulda chat to di gyall yah....him good...................

Jane - Erm, no....I don't have any money to go on it........ooh ANOTHER guy, this IS paradise.....

Ricky - No no, I couldn't charge a pretty girl like you for a ride.......Bwaay sah, mi hope mi nuh drap dung fi tell dem breed a lie yah....

Jane - It does look really fun......I wonder if it's safe.....

Ricky - It is a bit scary sometimes.....is whe Romeo deh...afta mi noh wah tek har pan nuh jet ski...

...Romeo walks towards the two of them......................

Me - Is wha a gwaan yaso...a coulda neva mi gyal dis dutty bwaay a talk to.....si how di gyal look frighten, dat fi reach har, afta she shoulda glad man like mi a chat to har...

Jane - Oh Romeo, don't be angry, he was just being friendly......oooh he's jealous, mustn't let him know I am touched...

Ricky -Afta mi neva know seh a your gyal, everyting cool man.....yu tek yu time eeh my bwaay, likklemoss mi woulda haffi really tek har out...

Me - Alright, yu can gwaan now......wicked one my yout...

Ricky walks away.....

Jane - You had no right to do that, we arent together.....cant let you know how much I want us to be together...

Me - Jane, you know how you make me feel, these guys are like sharks, you cant trust them......a MI name Jaws.....

Jane - Whatever........he's REALLY jealous....

Me - So how you doing....missed me this morning...look like mi haffi goh buy har a drink, she a sweat like hag again...

Jane - No, I was just chilling...and thinking of you...

Me - Can I buy you a nice cold Red Stripe.......seh no nuh gyal fi once...

Jane - I'd love that......he's always soooo thoughtful....

..........Romeo buys a drink for her and they sit talking until late in the evening.He takes her back to her room and they kiss goodnight...She sits on the bed and the phone rings.........

Jane - Hello....oh hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii sis, I was wondering when you were going to call, I was sitting here saying, 'Linda hasnt called me..'

Linda - Guess what, I have news, I'M GETTING MARRIED......................................

TO BE CONTINUED.................................

[Sonshyne 2]

Ok Jawi, sen on the res no man !! now u got me hook VJ soap opera continues....

I'm stuck too can't stay away from reading this thread I'm loving it!! Come on girl continue! Continue! The bredren is a mess.. He is working them poor Sisterns.

[jawi876 2]

Ok Jawi, sen on the res no man !! now u got me hook VJ soap opera continues....

I'm stuck too can't stay away from reading this thread I'm loving it!! Come on girl continue! Continue! The bredren is a mess.. He is working them poor Sisterns.

He is a mess for real. I have met countless men like him though. I have witnessed women describe him...not being aware of his private conversations to himself. I hate that it happens...but it's not just a problem in Jamaica.

Day 4 [cont]

Jane is still on the phone......

Jane - Oh Linda thats wonderfullllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll

Linda - Yes, he proposed this morning, I've told everyone...

Jane - Awww...you going to get married in Jamaica.....I would love an excuse to come back...

Linda - So why's that though.....have you met someone

Jane - Yes, he's really nice

Linda - Be careful sis, you knoiw there's a lot of men down there that will just play you for your money and try to use you....

Jane - I know, but he's different, he has never asked me for a penny, he took me home to meet his family and I had dinner with them, he hasn't pressured me to sleep with him and he respects me, he's not like the rest....

Linda - He sounds like my man was too, oh wouldn't be lovely if we BOTH got married....

Jane - Its far too early for that, we're just taking things slow.....I can't believe we both go on holiday within two weeks of each other and both meet lovely men, we must be so lucky.....and to think you haven't even told me much about him....

Linda - You know I've only been back two weeks and you were getting ready to go to Jamaica so we havent had time to catch up......

Jane - So tell me about him, what's his name, what's he look like.....

Linda - His name is R...............................................................the line goes dead........

Jane - Her phonecard must have run out....got to get some sleep, Romeo's coming for me early in the morning.............

TO BE CONTINUED..................................

[Sonshyne 2]

Looks like Romeo is getting ready to get BUSTED

[JA Tam 7]

Ok, the drama hold mi...Hurry up with the rest Jawi In fact, wi need fi contact the yardie author fi di instalment....Lawd mi caan tek it

[nyseness 0]

BUSTED...Yea I'm waiting too