The Vent

[Kathryn41 3,205]

((((((((((((((((((((Lili))))))))))))))))))))))))))

(((((((((((((((((((((EmilyandJason)))))))))))))))))))))))

I am so sorry you are having such difficult times. Immigration is never fun at the best of times but when you also have to deal with all of the hassles of misplaced files and careless workers and misinformation - well, it really does seem intolerable at times. Just tie a knot in the end of your ropes and hang on. You will be together with you loved ones soon and trust me, the time apart will just become like a bad dream. I hope you all get your visas approved very very soon and can get on with your lives.

Lili - it is a hard choice but you are the best person who knows how to live your life. You have to be honest to who you are - congratulations ,even though it is hard and those you love may not always understand.

[Carlawarla 1]

*******warning******this post will probably offend you*********I warned you********

I am so fukcing p1ssed at all this bullsh1t!!!!! I am starting to think that visajourney only exists to make my suffering worse by having to read about how many fukcing couples get approved ahead of me for no effing reason other than that they are fukcing lucky as #######. Oh and also the fun of getting to hear about all the wives who moved to the US and are now bored or homesick or whatever their effing problem is at the moment. . . . if people don't want to move to the US then please stop clogging up the immigration pipeline for the rest of us who want to be there more than anything in the world!!! I've gotten to the point where I can't read have the posts because it's all "I miss my country" or "oh no I got an interview too soon!!!" Like, who the f are you to complain when there are people like me who can't even get out of bed in the morning because I am so homesick for my husband and our home. And it must be wonderful to have the money to just hang around the US for months and months not working like some of you are doing. . . you get to be with your spouse AND you dont have to work? wow, that's really a lot to complain about. . . stop coming on VJ just to post pictures of your cat or tell us what you're having for dinner. . . I come on here because I legitimately want to know as much as I can about this process to try and get it finished as soon as fukcing possible, so I can go home to my husband and never think about it again. This process is literally killing me. . . I've been losing approx 7lbs/week and I can't eat or sleep anymore. . . so I will either get to go home or die in the next few months, and I'm begining to not care which.

It sounds like you are having a REALLY rough time. Yes, you warned me, and yes I am offended. Aside from that, I'm glad you posted that clause at the beginning of your post! I don't know if you feel better having posted that, but if you did...all the power to you.

Now I'm going to say something else...and be fair warned...YOU might be offended! We all have bad days, but if you're not exaggerating, and it's true what you really feel, and how this has impacted on your body, and mind....then you need to see a professional. We all have experienced mild depression, anger, and have had this physically impact on us, but personally, I've not seen such a case as yours on here. I think you need to see a psychologist, or a social worker, or some type of counsellor. You're losing 7 lbs a week, not eating, not sleeping...you're going to crash, and crash BAD. So please...do two things if not for yourself, then your husband and your life together someday. Stay OUT of threads where it says on the topic that it's about food, or getting an interview. Go to your family doctor IMMEDIATELY, and tell him/her what you've told us here in your post, and ask for HELP. You may require some interim medication and definitely some counselling. If you're working, maybe you can access your employee assistance program, which is anonymous. Please let us know how you're doing.

We DO care!

Hugs,

Carla

Edited March 12, 2008 by Carlawarla

[Chica Yeyé 41]

It sounds like you are having a REALLY rough time. Yes, you warned me, and yes I am offended. Aside from that, I'm glad you posted that clause at the beginning of your post! I don't know if you feel better having posted that, but if you did...all the power to you.

Now I'm going to say something else...and be fair warned...YOU might be offended! We all have bad days, but if you're not exaggerating, and it's true what you really feel, and how this has impacted on your body, and mind....then you need to see a professional. We all have experienced mild depression, anger, and have had this physically impact on us, but personally, I've not seen such a case as yours on here. I think you need to see a psychologist, or a social worker, or some type of counsellor. You're losing 7 lbs a week, not eating, not sleeping...you're going to crash, and crash BAD. So please...do two things if not for yourself, then your husband and your life together someday. Stay OUT of threads where it says on the topic that it's about food, or getting an interview. Go to your family doctor IMMEDIATELY, and tell him/her what you've told us here in your post, and ask for HELP. You may require some interim medication and definitely some counselling. If you're working, maybe you can access your employee assistance program, which is anonymous. Please let us know how you're doing.

We DO care!

Hugs,

Carla

Carla,

You have to be one of the most caring and loving women I have ever met. Bow to you, sister and may the gods always keep you safe.

Len.

[MissStacey 1]

*******warning******this post will probably offend you*********I warned you********

I am so fukcing p1ssed at all this bullsh1t!!!!! I am starting to think that visajourney only exists to make my suffering worse by having to read about how many fukcing couples get approved ahead of me for no effing reason other than that they are fukcing lucky as #######. Oh and also the fun of getting to hear about all the wives who moved to the US and are now bored or homesick or whatever their effing problem is at the moment. . . . if people don't want to move to the US then please stop clogging up the immigration pipeline for the rest of us who want to be there more than anything in the world!!! I've gotten to the point where I can't read have the posts because it's all "I miss my country" or "oh no I got an interview too soon!!!" Like, who the f are you to complain when there are people like me who can't even get out of bed in the morning because I am so homesick for my husband and our home. And it must be wonderful to have the money to just hang around the US for months and months not working like some of you are doing. . . you get to be with your spouse AND you dont have to work? wow, that's really a lot to complain about. . . stop coming on VJ just to post pictures of your cat or tell us what you're having for dinner. . . I come on here because I legitimately want to know as much as I can about this process to try and get it finished as soon as fukcing possible, so I can go home to my husband and never think about it again. This process is literally killing me. . . I've been losing approx 7lbs/week and I can't eat or sleep anymore. . . so I will either get to go home or die in the next few months, and I'm begining to not care which.

Now That is some serious good old fashioned Canadian Rage coming out.

[~Laura and Nick~ 5]

It sounds like you are having a REALLY rough time. Yes, you warned me, and yes I am offended. Aside from that, I'm glad you posted that clause at the beginning of your post! I don't know if you feel better having posted that, but if you did...all the power to you.

Now I'm going to say something else...and be fair warned...YOU might be offended! We all have bad days, but if you're not exaggerating, and it's true what you really feel, and how this has impacted on your body, and mind....then you need to see a professional. We all have experienced mild depression, anger, and have had this physically impact on us, but personally, I've not seen such a case as yours on here. I think you need to see a psychologist, or a social worker, or some type of counsellor. You're losing 7 lbs a week, not eating, not sleeping...you're going to crash, and crash BAD. So please...do two things if not for yourself, then your husband and your life together someday. Stay OUT of threads where it says on the topic that it's about food, or getting an interview. Go to your family doctor IMMEDIATELY, and tell him/her what you've told us here in your post, and ask for HELP. You may require some interim medication and definitely some counselling. If you're working, maybe you can access your employee assistance program, which is anonymous. Please let us know how you're doing.

We DO care!

Hugs,

Carla

Carla, yet again you expressed exactly what I couldn't find the words to say.

TB....Get better soon

[MissStacey 1]

It sounds like you are having a REALLY rough time. Yes, you warned me, and yes I am offended. Aside from that, I'm glad you posted that clause at the beginning of your post! I don't know if you feel better having posted that, but if you did...all the power to you.

Now I'm going to say something else...and be fair warned...YOU might be offended! We all have bad days, but if you're not exaggerating, and it's true what you really feel, and how this has impacted on your body, and mind....then you need to see a professional. We all have experienced mild depression, anger, and have had this physically impact on us, but personally, I've not seen such a case as yours on here. I think you need to see a psychologist, or a social worker, or some type of counsellor. You're losing 7 lbs a week, not eating, not sleeping...you're going to crash, and crash BAD. So please...do two things if not for yourself, then your husband and your life together someday. Stay OUT of threads where it says on the topic that it's about food, or getting an interview. Go to your family doctor IMMEDIATELY, and tell him/her what you've told us here in your post, and ask for HELP. You may require some interim medication and definitely some counselling. If you're working, maybe you can access your employee assistance program, which is anonymous. Please let us know how you're doing.

We DO care!

Hugs,

Carla

Carla,

You have to be one of the most caring and loving women I have ever met. Bow to you, sister and may the gods always keep you safe.

Len.

Ditto to that. Beautifully written Carla.

[Sprailenes 47]

*******warning******this post will probably offend you*********I warned you********

I am so fukcing p1ssed at all this bullsh1t!!!!! I am starting to think that visajourney only exists to make my suffering worse by having to read about how many fukcing couples get approved ahead of me for no effing reason other than that they are fukcing lucky as #######. Oh and also the fun of getting to hear about all the wives who moved to the US and are now bored or homesick or whatever their effing problem is at the moment. . . . if people don't want to move to the US then please stop clogging up the immigration pipeline for the rest of us who want to be there more than anything in the world!!! I've gotten to the point where I can't read have the posts because it's all "I miss my country" or "oh no I got an interview too soon!!!" Like, who the f are you to complain when there are people like me who can't even get out of bed in the morning because I am so homesick for my husband and our home. And it must be wonderful to have the money to just hang around the US for months and months not working like some of you are doing. . . you get to be with your spouse AND you dont have to work? wow, that's really a lot to complain about. . . stop coming on VJ just to post pictures of your cat or tell us what you're having for dinner. . . I come on here because I legitimately want to know as much as I can about this process to try and get it finished as soon as fukcing possible, so I can go home to my husband and never think about it again. This process is literally killing me. . . I've been losing approx 7lbs/week and I can't eat or sleep anymore. . . so I will either get to go home or die in the next few months, and I'm begining to not care which.

You'll miss your country too once you move down here!!!

Doesn't mean we don't love our husbands less, doesn't mean we don't deserve to be here.

Believe me, I thought everything was going to be perfect once I moved away, I didn't think about missing home because I missed my husband so much. I thought no feeling could overpower the love that I have for him. I am human and so are you. I am not offended by what you said, I just think you won't truly understand until you move down here too. Its only natural to miss the ones we love and our homes.

Hope things look up for you soon.

And remember we've all been where you are now, thats why this community is so great.

Edited March 12, 2008 by Sprailenes

[SpiritAlight 1]

I second the remarks on Carla.

And I totally agree with what she wrote.

It is not "normal" to lose so much weight and try to get through this alone.

This is so very sad and heart-wrenching.

Do seek help even if it is from friends and/or family.

A professional is a good idea if you do not have good peops that have the energy, time and skills to help you pull through.

It is extremely challenging to see others move forward with their timelines and not our own (as fast as we'd like and can see is possible).

Perhaps you are at a point where a doctor can write a letter for you to send to USCIS or the consulate to help expedite your application.

It is obvious you are suffering at a high level.

I don't know what can be done in such a case.

After all I am no expert.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(a personal note):

Many people who know me do not know how I choose to hermit myself in times of great stress and anxiety.

It's like this: I don't want to expose them to the demons that are surfacing in me in those times.

After all, people think I am the most energetic and joyful person they have ever met...which is always good for a giggle from me and friends who know me very well.

So the last time I "hermitted" was a lot of 2007 through this mess of the non-immigration.

I hated every single aspect of it.

Everything.

After seeing what it entailed, I did not want to do it.

Really.

I was sick to my stomach about it. (I wrote a whole bunch of my story way back when I first signed on here in VJ. Good therapy.)

I went as far as freaking right out and wanting to end it with my sweetie.

I told him I was experienced enough in life to know that broken hearts mend and it was time to cut this chord.

After-all, being alone and with no romantic problems sounded like a better option; a peaceful and harmonious time with no more conflicts.

Yes, I was ready to give it all up.

Move on.

He is the one that kept herding me (like a lost stray kitten, meaow) back on track each time I left the path to wander away.

So there it is.

His belief in what could be.

And now?

Time will tell.

I am not one to believe in fairy tales and happy endings.

I am one to give it my all.

Full on

and

full steam ahead.

If one day this relationship dissolves, it will not be because I (we) did not give it more than our 100% in each and every minute.

I never accept the status quo and I like to keep things fresh.

Reinvent what a relationship can be; live in the world of possibilities.

Like my favourite (self) expression:

Never let sleeping dogs lie.

Hahaha!

:star:

(I hope I have expressed myself in a way that relates to you/others that life serves you things that you believe you cannot handle. And then you do and you grow.)

[Mephys 2]

*******warning******this post will probably offend you*********I warned you********

I am so fukcing p1ssed at all this bullsh1t!!!!! I am starting to think that visajourney only exists to make my suffering worse by having to read about how many fukcing couples get approved ahead of me for no effing reason other than that they are fukcing lucky as #######. Oh and also the fun of getting to hear about all the wives who moved to the US and are now bored or homesick or whatever their effing problem is at the moment. . . . if people don't want to move to the US then please stop clogging up the immigration pipeline for the rest of us who want to be there more than anything in the world!!! I've gotten to the point where I can't read have the posts because it's all "I miss my country" or "oh no I got an interview too soon!!!" Like, who the f are you to complain when there are people like me who can't even get out of bed in the morning because I am so homesick for my husband and our home. And it must be wonderful to have the money to just hang around the US for months and months not working like some of you are doing. . . you get to be with your spouse AND you dont have to work? wow, that's really a lot to complain about. . . stop coming on VJ just to post pictures of your cat or tell us what you're having for dinner. . . I come on here because I legitimately want to know as much as I can about this process to try and get it finished as soon as fukcing possible, so I can go home to my husband and never think about it again. This process is literally killing me. . . I've been losing approx 7lbs/week and I can't eat or sleep anymore. . . so I will either get to go home or die in the next few months, and I'm begining to not care which.

I don't know what to reply to that, other than I second others saying that you need to seek the help of a doctor.

You are not the only one suffering from separation, being depressed, not wanting to eat...I think we can all relate, but if you are losing weight so much and cannot sleep, it is a life threatening issue. Please get some help

Besides, you might read or not read this, but I have only one thing to say. Once you move here you will better understand. Being alone at home when your husband is at work, with no friends, nothing to do , not much money because you don't work ( yeah not everyone has a load of $), it gets to you after a couple months. Seeing my husband after each was good but it's still really hard to adjust to the living here. And most of us don't stay at home by choice, but by obligation, thanks to USCIS. I thought I would enjoy the vacation but it almost drove me nuts.

And besides, VJ are my main friends, no I don't have much friends here just because the situation doesn't really fit for that at the moment. So if we post pictures of cats or if we talk about missing Canada's food and such, it's not to piss off people like you, it's only to get support from other people in the same situation..AKA re-adjusting to a new country. Having you husband by your side might be 90% of it, but there is still a 10% that will get to you and make you miss the rest. Can't help it.

[Niels Bohr 72]

My advice.

Find something to occupy your mind. If you can't, work 2+ jobs. Get yourself away from the process. The only way to solve things when the pressure gets in is to get away from it. It may sound contradictory, but, it's true. You don't find a solution to a problem when you're stressed. You find a solution while you're on a vacation.

[ZansGirl 0]

Lili, I'm sorry to hear you are having such a tough time.

I feel similar - I just want a real life.

Spill it out "EmilyandJason". It feels so much better afterwards.

*hugs to you*

I considered it but then realized the topic was "The Vent" not "The Rant" .. lol so I'll try and behave

I'm having one of those dark days where I am so frustrated I just want to scream. Some days are fine .. and some are ... not.

The problem is mainly that we researched the options after we were engaged in June and in the end we decided the CR-1 was really the best option for us. Jason is just starting up his career and we couldn't afford to have me unemployed while waiting for AOS. At the time we were told that the CR-1 would take about 9-10 months to complete. Obviously we were misinformed. It is hard to swallow that the K1 really would have been SO much faster. It is also hard to see so many approvals for people who filed after us. Not that I am not happy for them, but it has me concerned that maybe our I-130 is sitting on someone's desk who has gone on holidays or something. We've also had so many touches in the past few weeks I'm worried that maybe they've found something wrong. I don't know what it could be .. but you never know.

I feel like my entire life is on hold while this process is going on. I barely have time to do anything other than obsess about this because I'm traveling every weekend to see Jason. During the week I'm busy working overtime hours to make up the time I leave early on Fridays.

I also feel like nobody really understands how I feel, even Jason. My sister actually was insenstive enough to ask me how married life was. Unfortunately for her, she asked me on a "dark day". Jason, of course wants to be with me more than anything. I feel he isn't affected the same way as I am because he is both starting a new career and living with his parents to save money. I'm doing something I've been doing for years so don't have the same distractions ... and I live alone.

We really want to just start our lives together .... we want a family! I know pretty much everyone here has felt this way and gone through this purgatory of seemingly endless waits.

I know I just need to hang in there and when it is over, this truly will feel like a bad dream.

I haven't even started this Journey called I-129f or K-1...but if I live alone too....doing a job that causes me more f-ing stress than i know what to do..living in a city, although beautiful, I have very few friends as i have not yet been here a year. I spend as much time as I can trying to juggle scheduales so I can spend a freaking OVERNIGHT visit with Zan, or him with me...

anyway...what I wanted to say was...if you ever need some to rant to in person over a nice glass of wine...give me a shout!

Tangie

[Toastburglar 0]

Thanks to everyone for being so nice after my insulting rant. I agree with most of what was said to me, and thanks for your support. I understand how you guys can miss Canada, especially after John explained to me how we won't be able to afford to take our future kids to the dentist

I do have a job at a grocery store, but I just started, and they keep having problems with getting my employee # from head office, so they can't get me onto the punch clock or computer or anything, and the days have just run into weeks while I wait to start there. I also had a second interview at walmart (for the night shift, so I can work both jobs) and they promised they would let me know one way or the other by wednesday. That was yesterday and I still haven't heard. I think not having anything to do is a big part of my depression. Hopefully I will get that job at walmart and they will get things straightened out at the grocery store. I have two degrees, but this is all I can hope for in this small town - there are almost no jobs here.

I just want to clarify one thing - I have lived in Orlando for the last three years, worked there, gone to school there, met my husband there, etc. I have lived there since I left university. All my friends are there, all my things are there, John is there, my memories are there, my favorite bar is there and the world's best bartender, Laura, is there. John gets to continue living his life, while I am stuck in the spare bedroom of my mother's boyfriend's house, feeling very much like Harry Potter shoved into the cupboard under the stairs and forgotten about.

That being said, I AM trying to be positive, but at least once a day it all comes bursting out of me in a flood of anger or tears. Thanks to everyone for being nice to me. This whole situation sucks.

PS I'm still not eating, but a few more pounds off my 200lb self won't kill me.

[Chica Yeyé 41]

Thanks to everyone for being so nice after my insulting rant. I agree with most of what was said to me, and thanks for your support. I understand how you guys can miss Canada, especially after John explained to me how we won't be able to afford to take our future kids to the dentist

I do have a job at a grocery store, but I just started, and they keep having problems with getting my employee # from head office, so they can't get me onto the punch clock or computer or anything, and the days have just run into weeks while I wait to start there. I also had a second interview at walmart (for the night shift, so I can work both jobs) and they promised they would let me know one way or the other by wednesday. That was yesterday and I still haven't heard. I think not having anything to do is a big part of my depression. Hopefully I will get that job at walmart and they will get things straightened out at the grocery store. I have two degrees, but this is all I can hope for in this small town - there are almost no jobs here.

I just want to clarify one thing - I have lived in Orlando for the last three years, worked there, gone to school there, met my husband there, etc. I have lived there since I left university. All my friends are there, all my things are there, John is there, my memories are there, my favorite bar is there and the world's best bartender, Laura, is there. John gets to continue living his life, while I am stuck in the spare bedroom of my mother's boyfriend's house, feeling very much like Harry Potter shoved into the cupboard under the stairs and forgotten about.

That being said, I AM trying to be positive, but at least once a day it all comes bursting out of me in a flood of anger or tears. Thanks to everyone for being nice to me. This whole situation sucks.

PS I'm still not eating, but a few more pounds off my 200lb self won't kill me.

You're on the right track. Getting 2 jobs is not only good occupational therapy, but it gives you saving money for the upcoming moving and other expenses Take care of yourself sweetie, please do.

[KarenCee 3]

I'm venting. BLECH!

I'm tired of my job...tired of the whole thing. I'm trying hard to hang in there til the end of the school year but I tell ya, it's damn hard.

I had to deal with an "issue" today...two kids who don't get along. Haven't gotten along in a long time. I'm left covering a class for a fellow teacher who needs to be gone for a couple hours and guess who has to deal with the #######. ME. Two kids, one trips the other up in the bathroom (geez, do I have to go in there and monitor that too???) and the other one threatens bodily harm to the other one.

We have zero tolerance you see. Can't threaten. Can't try and hurt anyone. Defending oneself isn't a reason for punching or "whoopin' up" on anyone. This was the straw that broke the camel's back, proverbially speaking. We've all had it this year. Just so happens our School Resource Officer is in the building. She's had issues with these two as well. She happens to be one of our deputy sheriffs.

Momma and Daddy want to sue. They're already suing the middle school since big brother had to be restrained....for throwing desks in the classroom and endangering the other students. Now baby brother seems to be intent on following in big brother's footsteps.

Then I find out that big brother and baby brother have a mean azz daddy, this confirmed by another teacher, a veteran of our system who has also had enough and is moving on. What a loss. Anyway Daddy is apparently the leader of the KKK for this area. Didn't have any clue we still had such a brazen group of cowards around here in Podunkville GA USA but I guess I should have never assumed any different. No, Daddy isn't just a card carrying member...Daddy doesn't just wear the white robe. He wears the RED HAT...he's the man in charge. Now, normally I'd say the kid was bragging. However, not many kids that I know of know things like that unless they KNOW what they're talking about and this kid isn't one that talks about this at all. That's just it though...he's a KID. But a mean one. And to know this sorta makes me nervous.

Maybe I am overreacting but unfortunately this is not the first instance of this kind of behaviour I've experienced in my time. But after 13 years...I'm burned out now and today was that straw for me. My committment for this year goes through May 28th.

I want out.

[Chica Yeyé 41]

Holy fking shiit Karen. That's scary as can be. sister - please take care of yourself... this is not cool. Those kids are learning hate from who should teach them love