The Vent

[Chica Yeyé 41]

Oh man, I would not want to piss sister Sprailenes off. That was so uncool hermana; and tres unprofessional: but the schools do sukc here.

Keep us posted on kiddo's progress, mmm'kay?

[trailmix 77]

What really got me is how she was sending verbal messages through my son. If we are SO concerned about his ability to focus why in the hell would you send VERBAL MESSAGES THROUGH HIM! Hey ever hear of a phone? Email? A note?? He was scared this morning and said if I didn't call she'd keep him in. #######!? Who does that!?

Anyways going to see Jaclyn Hoffman an educational consultant, I want an advocate beside me for this next parent child study team meeting. They are intimidating meetings, all these people and then just me. I remember last year was difficult.

Ahhhhh Sprailenes!! So sorry this happened to you (and your son).

I went to that same meeting about my son, in Elementary school, in New Zealand. The principal and I believe 2 other teachers.

I think I must have been having a bad day that day, because I nearly broke down and cried (not my usual approach). Strangely enough that seemed to work (ie: I never heard from them again).

Fastforward to a new elementary school and parent teacher interviews (we had moved).

Well his home teacher understood as she was quite the 'firecracker' in her youth and she wasn't too awfully concerned. The next teacher we went to see was not so understanding. I can't remember what he said, whether he insulted me or my son, but that was so not the right thing to do.

My ex stood up (he was totally enraged) - the teacher stood up and they both just stared at each other - how we managed to leave that room without a punch being thrown - I have no idea.

Anyway - ffwd a few years later and he did get through school and even a bit of college (though he did not like it and quit) - and you have a well adjusted STILL very energetic, lovely human being.

I guess what I am saying is - hang in there - I know where you are coming from, I know there is nothing wrong with your Son, I am sure he is a lovely human being and some day the two of you will look back on this and laugh.

[SapphireDreams 71]

Ateam, yes I know what you mean every kid is ADD. But I truly know that my son is ADD. And I don't plan on medicating him and thats my personal belief, but if I have a diagnosis then I can learn how to manage it and if I have a diagnosis I can get a damn 504 plan.

Its soo frustrating. Yes education is down the tubes everywhere. It makes me really sad. I love my son so much and he's a little different but so intelligent about the things that interest him and so amazing. He amazes me. I am hoping we can get this all sorted before he goes to middle school. But the schools have done nothing but frustrate me.

There is a really amazing book out there and the name is escaping me... but in University, I had a guy in my class who did a presentation all about how his son had ADD and how he refused to medicate because it didn't even help. He ended up reading this book about how changing certain foods in his diet would help his ADD. He said that as soon as he started to follow the book, his son was a different person. I wish I could remember more of the presentation, but it was truly unbelievable. The title was something about 'feeding the brain' or feeding the mind'.

You are also so good for finding this stuff out early. My brother didn't get tested for his learning disorder until he was like 15, so he suffered a lot going to school. Teachers just couldn't be bothered to help him and if you can believe it, it wasn't until Grade 10 that one of his teachers suggested he get tested because she thought there might be something more than just bad behaviour and not studying. She was right. I think my Mom paid around $1000 to get an assessment done in Canada. It was amazing how once he had that golden assessment the Principal took things a lot more seriously. Treatment from his teachers was a lot better too.

Anyways, you are totally on the right track and you are awesome Mom! I think bringing someone with you to the meeting is a great idea.

[Sprailenes 47]

No milk, no breads, no dyes, we do it all. I give him fish oil capsules every day too. At home its not as hard to manage, but again, I know my son, I know how to manage the issues he has. My mom used to meditate with Ethan once a week, I should really start doing that with him myself but I don't know the jargon.

Its at school where the real issues are. He just doesn't focus on the subjects that don't interest him. Sounds pretty normal to me! I don't focus on things that don't interest me either! But honestly, its his grades in those subjects that are really hurting him. If I get the diagnosis I can at least send him to middle school with the tools to get him the help he really needs. He is very aware of it too which is amazing.

Here he gets 15 minutes of outdoor time a day. 15! And these teachers wonder why the kids are bouncing off the walls!? This year and last they had 15 minutes and if its snowing out they keep them in the lunch room. I mean we come from a society of morning, lunch and afternoon recess! And if it was snowing out, that didn't stop anyone!

[beans 7]

No milk, no breads, no dyes, we do it all. I give him fish oil capsules every day too. At home its not as hard to manage, but again, I know my son, I know how to manage the issues he has. My mom used to meditate with Ethan once a week, I should really start doing that with him myself but I don't know the jargon.

Its at school where the real issues are. He just doesn't focus on the subjects that don't interest him. Sounds pretty normal to me! I don't focus on things that don't interest me either! But honestly, its his grades in those subjects that are really hurting him. If I get the diagnosis I can at least send him to middle school with the tools to get him the help he really needs. He is very aware of it too which is amazing.

Here he gets 15 minutes of outdoor time a day. 15! And these teachers wonder why the kids are bouncing off the walls!? This year and last they had 15 minutes and if its snowing out they keep them in the lunch room. I mean we come from a society of morning, lunch and afternoon recess! And if it was snowing out, that didn't stop anyone!

15 minutes of recess? What the hell? What happened to two fifteens and an hour? That's real unfortunate.

[thetreble 19]

15 fuckin' minutes? Jesus you know! If I hadn't had my two 15s and the 1hr lunch growing up to play mini sticks and jump rope and gossip, I would have had too much energy as well..and not been able to focus.

Nev, I'm not sure if you know this or not but my father in law is a Special Education Administrator up here in Hillside. He knows all about this kind of stuff. Is there anything I can ask him or any contacts you need that I can possibly get from him that would help you? Because you know I will. He talks about this kind of stuff all the time and he loves his job.

I've met Ethan, he was entirely well spoken and had so much zest for life. I was thinking what a good kid he was and you know, there are so many intelligent kids out there who are just TOO intelligent to focus.

Stay strong and keep fighting the school for whatever it is that you need!

Oh by the way, just my two sense about education and teachers. Saying that teacher's don't have enough education is actually bullshit in my opinion. 30 years ago all you needed was OAC and you were pretty much a qualified teacher. Now you have 4 years of university plus teachers college. You get in classroom experience and are taught about various learning disorders that you certainly weren't taught about years ago.

My brother is a teacher in Ontario and a darn good one. He is young and understands the needs for kids. He said it's actually the older teachers in their 50s and 60s that often put the strain on the system with their old teaching methods.

[trailmix 77]

You know, maybe you should be looking for a school for gifted children for your Son? I mean maybe they are just not providing what he needs in terms of mental challenge?

[Sprailenes 47]

Aww thanks Amanderz. You're the best. If I have any questions I'll ask but so far so good.

15 minutes of outdoor time at his school last year and 25 minutes this year.

It was really hard last year because they were going on about 504 and I had just moved here and was learning about PAC meetings and Child Study Team and Connor Scales.. it was overwhelming. But had I known then what I know now, I would have fought harder. Last year I just kind of took what everyone said as what was said and moved on from there. When really I shouldn't have, I should have asked more questions, and I should have spoken up more. Plus my MIL was always talking about how I should put him on ritalin as if that was my only option and it was just an all around difficult period... but what doesn't kill us for sure makes us stronger.

MIL was right about one thing though, she said you have to fight hard in order to get the schools to hear you down here, and any time it dips into the funding they will beat around the bush and shes a special education teacer. Well I pay taxes and I think my son is entitled to the help that is supposed to be set out for him.

Edited January 7, 2009 by Sprailenes

[The_Dude 1,142]

I can't attest to anywhere but California on this. In California, if a school is unable to meet the needs of the child, then they are on the hook to pay for his tuition and educational needs at a private school that can provide the services, structure and curriculum to serve him. It isn't very easy to get this though. There have been cases of parents using this provision just to get their kids into private schools, so some school districts are very hawkish about it.

15 minutes of recess is insane for kids.

[Ontarkie 14,417]

I know your pain with the schools down here. My 4 are all now home schooled after a all the fighting we did since may with the schools.

My youngest 2 have severe learning disabilities and I had the paper work to back it all up. We met with the special education person and she made a plan for the two of them made appointments with the schools and we met with the principles and a few of their teachers (gr.6 and gr.8).

During the meating for my daughter (gr.8) the lady from the special education was telling the all of us what the plan of action for my daughter would be, as she is explaining to me what the teachers would have to do for Alanna to be successfull the teacher who is sitting sorta to the side and behind her but across from me leans over and quietle tell the principle that their no way they can do that. I stayed quiet been there done that before so I wanted to wait it out. Now we went to the schools back in may to get this all organized and what not they had her file long enough to know what her problems are and the first day of school she comes home with stuff thats way beyonde her level. She at a grade 3 reading and math lvl and they wanted her to read a book and do multiplications and divisions. Shes not at that lvl yet. She was yelled at on more then one occassion i went to the school to and pulled her out she was crying so hard I couldn't make out what she was saying. And they are very lucky I didnt find out what happened that day or I would of Filed so many charges for abuse its crazy.

My youngest no longer had any recess at the age of 10 he had to sit in class all day then at lunch had to eat in silence no talking aloud what so ever. On top of that schools here started earlier in the morning and lasted longer then what hes used too. Then he is told he cant go to his locker to get his lunch any more cause they are not alowed to leave the lunch room. We chose not to buy the crappy school lunch program so he would have to starve then. He also complained of the teachers yelling and pushing them down into their seats.

Anyways that was just some of the ####### i dealt with 2 of the 4 kids, and they were all in different schools 4 kids 4 schools and the high schools were not any better. I was supprised when I went to the department of education and told them what was going on and how we wanted the kids out. She was fully aware of what was going on and just said they are working on it. And how helpfull she was to get us all the info for home schooling and where to get supplies. We found out homeschooling is very popular here and they have tons of suport groups and schools suplies and even how the University's have no probelms accepting the homeschoolers.

Danielle

[Sprailenes 47]

You know, maybe you should be looking for a school for gifted children for your Son? I mean maybe they are just not providing what he needs in terms of mental challenge?

I have been looking for alternative schools in our area and they don't exist, I think theres one in Camden and unfortunately I can't send my son to school in Camden because its a really bad area. I went to an alternative school in grade 7-8 and then again for some of my highschool. Alternative school programs are great. I wish they had them down here. I think its really where Ethan would flourish.

Ask my son about American history and he could go on for a while... but ask him about division and he really could care less. He gets A's in social studies, art and music, but C's and D's in math, reading and all the boring stuff. Unfortunately you need to know the boring stuff to make it in today's society.

Ontarkie, I can feel your frustration. I am going through it myself, teacher wants my son to see a doctor, teacher wants something done about my son, but is really unwilling to meet me in the middle.

I was thinking about just homeschooling Ethan last night. I am tired of the school system.

[Ban Hammer 13,489]

*sigh... I really try hard not to let this particular issue bother me.. and I really really try hard to not to allow myself this kind of rant about my husband's ex.. but HONESTLY...

Since hubby & I have been married she's been on 3 major vacations.. and is currently planning another cruise.. she also was talking to hubby last night about traveling while she takes a "break" from the kids this summer..

I'm not at all opposed to her taking holidays.. but the thing that gets me is that we give her SOOO much money on child support (3x's the amount that is in the child support order) and she is always asking for more for this expense or that expense.. add on top of that all the travel $$ that we spend to get hubby there and back, and we haven't been able to afford even a weekend away for ourselves. We can't afford anything extra at this point *sigh.. golly gee whiz... It makes me feel like we are funding her vacations.. (I know that's irrational, but it's where I"m at this am).

paying more than what is court ordered can be financially risky, as later on she can go back to court to try to raise the ordered amount of payment. as you are paying 3 times that, you might find it's double the original amount.

[Emancipation 2]

*sigh... I really try hard not to let this particular issue bother me.. and I really really try hard to not to allow myself this kind of rant about my husband's ex.. but HONESTLY...

Since hubby & I have been married she's been on 3 major vacations.. and is currently planning another cruise.. she also was talking to hubby last night about traveling while she takes a "break" from the kids this summer..

I'm not at all opposed to her taking holidays.. but the thing that gets me is that we give her SOOO much money on child support (3x's the amount that is in the child support order) and she is always asking for more for this expense or that expense.. add on top of that all the travel $$ that we spend to get hubby there and back, and we haven't been able to afford even a weekend away for ourselves. We can't afford anything extra at this point *sigh.. golly gee whiz... It makes me feel like we are funding her vacations.. (I know that's irrational, but it's where I"m at this am).

paying more than what is court ordered can be financially risky, as later on she can go back to court to try to raise the ordered amount of payment. as you are paying 3 times that, you might find it's double the original amount.

Well at one point she was threatening to take him back to court as he wouldn't pay for a nanny.. saying that he was still paying less than what the State (she had switched states at the time) would allow.. They had some sort of point system thingy in GA that was convoluted and favored the primary guardian... We are trying to keep everything away from the courts.. that's the goal and some of the rationale behind working out the support sans a court order.. but at times it gets rediculous..

Edited January 8, 2009 by Emancipation

[BermyCat 1]

You guys are really scaring me about the public school system and we don't even have kids yet. I've had no experience with public schools at but I only ever seem to hear bad things about them.

~ Catherine

[Krikit 1,165]

Wow. Just..... wow. (Re the school problems you guys are having.) I am so sorry to hear these stories. This is just one of the many reasons why I chose not to have more children. There's a school bus that picks up a young man down the street. It comes at 6:50am. I feel so sorry for him. But I suppose it prepares him for working life. People get up so early here. Not a good place to live when you're not a morning person. lol