The Vent

[thetreble 19]

If your husband cheated on you T-mixy, which is what the facts are in this case, and then tried to go after half of what you have saved for retirement, wouldn't that seem unfair to you?

When you get divorced, many possessions are divided in half which is fair enough. But considering that she got %50 of everything and for the past 12 years has gotten around $1500/month in alimony, don't think think that is a little ridiculous? My father in law must pay her alimony until she gets remarried or he dies. It's permnanet.

[Emancipation 2]

Em, on the other hand, what is going on with your Husband's ex is really unfortunate, only he can solve it - as you already know and I hope he does

It is true.. we walk a fine line.. hubby has tried very very hard to make sure this doesn't go to court.. and money makes things burst.. the last blow up that occurred (because he refused to pay for a nanny to take care of the kids full time (she only works part time) lasted in almost a years worth of drama.

*sigh.. the one thing hubby holds on to is that one day his kids are going to know the details.. know how much he has lost and how hard he has tried to make everything work post divorce.. it's his reason for going on.. and it makes me so proud of him.. that he refuses to fight. But at times like this it's just a bit much for me ...

Edited January 7, 2009 by Emancipation

[trailmix 77]

If your husband cheated on you T-mixy, which is what the facts are in this case, and then tried to go after half of what you have saved for retirement, wouldn't that seem unfair to you?

When you get divorced, many possessions are divided in half which is fair enough. But considering that she got %50 of everything and for the past 12 years has gotten around $1500/month in alimony, don't think think that is a little ridiculous? My father in law must pay her alimony until she gets remarried or he dies. It's permnanet.

If I had an emotional investment in this scenario - then I am SURE I would have a different take on it.

However, I understood from what you said that she wanted to have half of the retirement savings and that in lieu of this she gets alimony instead?

So I was thinking of it more along the lines of her getting 50% of everything - if that makes sense.

Money is money and relationships are relationships - when it comes to equal division of property, I don't think that the 'wrong-doer' should get the short end of the stick.

Edited January 7, 2009 by trailmix

[Emancipation 2]

Money is money and relationships are relationships - when it comes to equal division of property, I don't think that the 'wrong-doer' should get the short end of the stick.

I'm not sure I agree with this in 100% of situations.. say you have a repeat offender (someone who's been married repeated and gets financial gain out of each situation).. or a gold digger.. does it still apply?

It's just something I think about..

[thetreble 19]

While I will see what you are saying, why should she have been entitled to HIS retirement savings in the first place? If I got divorced, why should I get half of what my husband put into his retirement savings? I have nothing to do with his retirement.

I don't know, I guess many arguments can be made both ways..I just hate that he got so screwed in the whole situation and while she was ordering new furniture, he was completely in the poor house.

[trailmix 77]

While I will see what you are saying, why should she have been entitled to HIS retirement savings in the first place? If I got divorced, why should I get half of what my husband put into his retirement savings? I have nothing to do with his retirement.

I don't know, I guess many arguments can be made both ways..I just hate that he got so screwed in the whole situation and while she was ordering new furniture, he was completely in the poor house.

Yeah, I do see your point, really I do.

It's just a different way of looking at things - and I don't think that either view is actually 'wrong' - just different.

[thetreble 19]

Oh i know.. I'm not mad or anything Traily...different points of view are good or else discussion would stop.

It just stinks and that is why divorce is scary to me. I'm not going to say it will never happen to me, but I hope it doesn't for this reason.

[beans 7]

People who are December filers like myself who have already contacted their congressmen because USCIS won't update their website processing times. Am I the only one who seems like that is a waste?

[trailmix 77]

People who are December filers like myself who have already contacted their congressmen because USCIS won't update their website processing times. Am I the only one who seems like that is a waste?

A waste of the congressman's time that they have to contact USCIS to persuade them to update their timelines?

Absolutely it is, USCIS should be doing their job.

[Necrotica 0]

I've decided to tell my congressman about our green card situation. It probably won't do any good, but it is utterly ridiculous that a replacement green card is $390 for someone who had their card lost or stolen, especially when it is to be carried with you at all times and also when it's only a conditional one! There is no reason whatsoever to charge such an extortionate amount. Even a passport is less than $100 to replace!

Without the green card or I-551 stamp, he can't get a replacement drivers license. That alone puts us in an awful situation. The field office won't give him the stamp until we prove that we filed for the replacement green card. There is no way whatsoever of getting out of the fee unless we want to try for the fee waiver program, which I doubt we qualify for, plus with me being my husband's sponsor, I fear that attempting to get the fee waived will get us in trouble since I no longer make 150% of the poverty level or whatever it is that I'm supposed to be bringing in. I have no idea how this will affect us once we remove conditions in November if I don't manage to pick up more hours or get another job.

I'm doing better than I was, but I still feel so sick over this. It's such an injustice after already paying $170 for the initial petition, $200 medical, $100 visa fee at the Consulate, and $1,010 green card/EAD/AP fee.

Edited January 7, 2009 by Necrotica

[Sprailenes 47]

Vent about the school system down here.

So this morning before my son leaves for school he sadly looks at me and tells me that the principal told him that if I do not return his call he will be kept in during recess. First mistake.

So I get to work and amidst creating new contracts for members, answering phones, gathering messages and doing what I do first thing in the morning, I decide to call the school. It turns into a conference call between his teacher, the principal and I. The principal asks me if I have done anything about my son since his teacher complained to me about his inability to focus before thanksgiving.

I told her that yes we had an appointment lined up for him to see a pediatrician but the appointment wasn’t until February. They basically both started to talk about how I didn’t have MY sons best interests at hand and how I was taking this situation lightly. Second mistake.

First of all, I am not taking this situation lightly. I set up an appointment with the child study team at his school in Medford last year. It went nowhere. I also had my son evaluated and tested for ADD last year. IT WENT NOWHERE! The public school system in New Jersey is nothing but bureaucracy. Red tape everywhere! Just to get a simple 504 plan for my son I need a diagnosis, SOMETHING! I have got nothing.

The principal told me about testing, ( OH REALLY I NEVER HEARD OF THAT DURRR/sarcasm) and I told her to pay for the testing that Ethan would have to go through to get a diagnosis. Then the principal just got really condescending with me. Third mistake.

I told her: “Okay don’t you worry, I’ll go get him all fixed up to make your jobs easier!” and I hung up.

So then I find the names and numbers of all the people I can, I call the superintendant and I complain. I tell her that I want the child study team to re-evaluate my son. She is very nice about everything. I tell her I have been through it all before. We end our conversation and 10 minutes later the principal calls me up apologizing profusely and saying how we can have him evaluated as soon as I get it to her in writing. I ask for her fax number and I send it over. I am not wasting time b1tch, you have just messed with the wrong mother.

I just can not believe how much ####### one has to go through to get their child the help they need and why everyone is so freaking skiddish around the term: ADD. Yes my son is ADD! I know he is ADD! I AM OKAY WITH IT! I am not okay with getting screwed around, I can’t do anything without a PROPER diagnosis. No wonder you hear about so many kids down here going on to college at a freakin 5th grade reading level… and I expect that some American will take that quote and rip me a new hole… go ahead! I could care less. It's the vent, stop taking everything so f*cking personally.

These teachers just acted like I can make miracles happen! Also with or without insurance, getting him in to see someone is expensive and will be expensive. We paid 600 out of 1400 last year… luckily my mother is a psychologist and had a contact we could use, but it was in Canada. For some reason these people think that because the test was done in Canada it’s somehow not valid. It was valid. We only chose Canada because it was about price.

Anyways. ** it.

I think teachers need to change their methods of teaching and teach in a variety of methods because not every child is a carbon copy of one another. But you know, you get a child who is a bit of a firecracker and they don't know what to do. I know its hard, I understand its hard, but if it is so hard perhaps they'd be willing to take things more seriously on their end as well.

Edited January 7, 2009 by Sprailenes

[Sprailenes 47]

What really got me is how she was sending verbal messages through my son. If we are SO concerned about his ability to focus why in the hell would you send VERBAL MESSAGES THROUGH HIM! Hey ever hear of a phone? Email? A note?? He was scared this morning and said if I didn't call she'd keep him in. #######!? Who does that!?

Anyways going to see Jaclyn Hoffman an educational consultant, I want an advocate beside me for this next parent child study team meeting. They are intimidating meetings, all these people and then just me. I remember last year was difficult.

[TheATeam 0]

Sprailenes- that sucks. I'm not entirely sure how things work in Canada, but it seems to me that in the schools down here the teachers/principals are trying to get almost every child diagnosed as unruly and ADD and stuff. I know that you said you're having the opposite problem, not being able to have him diagnosed. It's so crazy to me. They like to diagnose the ones who aren't and refuse to really look at the ones who need help!

And what's with them not accepting the test because it's Canadian?! That's ridiculous.

I have to agree with your statement about the 5th grade reading level. I will say however, that I don't just believe it's a problem here. It's a problem in Canada too. The education system is down the tubes. Due to the fact that elementary and high school education is so much less than it used to be, it would make sense that college education isn't all that great either. That just leads to teachers who are undereducated. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I think most people don't think outside of the box and are never encouraged to actually use their brains in school anymore. That makes me nervous. I mean, if teachers thought outside the box they'd try different techniques to get all the children to learn well, not just try to have them labelled as problem children or slow learners. I know for myself that I learn by doing, and there were lots of teachers who never let you "do" in class, if you know what I mean. It made it more difficult.

Anyway...I just blabbed and blabbed! Sorry guys!

Mandy- I have to agree with what you're saying. It's sad that she screwed up and he had to pay for it big time. I guess that's why people get prenuptial agreements huh? Divorce is a scary thing. I always said that I would never get divorced and it would never happen to me. It did though. I do have to say that I got really lucky because we hadn't really accumulated much while we were together and I just wanted it to be over and not have to deal with him for the rest of my life, even if that meant he was giving me money. In the end it worked out best, for me at least.

Edited January 7, 2009 by TheATeam

[Sprailenes 47]

Ateam, yes I know what you mean every kid is ADD. But I truly know that my son is ADD. And I don't plan on medicating him and thats my personal belief, but if I have a diagnosis then I can learn how to manage it and if I have a diagnosis I can get a damn 504 plan.

Its soo frustrating. Yes education is down the tubes everywhere. It makes me really sad. I love my son so much and he's a little different but so intelligent about the things that interest him and so amazing. He amazes me. I am hoping we can get this all sorted before he goes to middle school. But the schools have done nothing but frustrate me.

[The_Dude 1,142]

I used to teach special education, and I completely agree with you about most school systems here (don't want to condemn all without any basis). They are a beurocracy and many times, the administrators get off on power trips. Some genuinely do care about the kids and want to see them succeed, but far too many took the job for a salary and prestige of being a principle on their career path upward. Education and Medicine are two areas where beaurocracy have NO business making decisions based on anything other than what is best for the child. With the current Department of Education goals, teachers are basically forced to teach a curriculum that is geared towards a single test. That is a load of #######. Teach critical thinking as early as possible. Thank god I had good teachers when I was a kid.

You did the absolute right thing in going to the superintendant.