The Vent

[trailmix 77]

For your daughter, keep talking to her like "an adult" and let her choose, feel responsible, and talk to her about her understanding of the word consequences.

What else can you do?

I am not too sure about raising children, and the experience I had over the years with age groups from 5 to 16 (teaching karate, and other activities), taught me a lot more than I ever taught them. I had bullying issues to bring up with the girls at one school (ages 11-13) and that was mind-blowing to all concerned. I believe I helped them see... And I had the boys of 7-8 sit and assist me in finding a solution to their own aggressive behaviours to each other. I got them to do the work and I facilitated.

Give them the responsibility and they will rise to the occasion, was my big lesson with kids.

All of this might not help at all...it is my experience with lots of kids all at once.

Good advice, but I also think, in my experience, how children react to their parents, or to their Mother's in particular, is quite different to how they react to an 'outside' person

[Mephys 2]

For your daughter, keep talking to her like "an adult" and let her choose, feel responsible, and talk to her about her understanding of the word consequences.

What else can you do?

I am not too sure about raising children, and the experience I had over the years with age groups from 5 to 16 (teaching karate, and other activities), taught me a lot more than I ever taught them. I had bullying issues to bring up with the girls at one school (ages 11-13) and that was mind-blowing to all concerned. I believe I helped them see... And I had the boys of 7-8 sit and assist me in finding a solution to their own aggressive behaviours to each other. I got them to do the work and I facilitated.

Give them the responsibility and they will rise to the occasion, was my big lesson with kids.

All of this might not help at all...it is my experience with lots of kids all at once.

Good advice, but I also think, in my experience, how children react to their parents, or to their Mother's in particular, is quite different to how they react to an 'outside' person

I guess it depends on the relationship with your mom, and also how it's brought up.

[trailmix 77]

For your daughter, keep talking to her like "an adult" and let her choose, feel responsible, and talk to her about her understanding of the word consequences.

What else can you do?

I am not too sure about raising children, and the experience I had over the years with age groups from 5 to 16 (teaching karate, and other activities), taught me a lot more than I ever taught them. I had bullying issues to bring up with the girls at one school (ages 11-13) and that was mind-blowing to all concerned. I believe I helped them see... And I had the boys of 7-8 sit and assist me in finding a solution to their own aggressive behaviours to each other. I got them to do the work and I facilitated.

Give them the responsibility and they will rise to the occasion, was my big lesson with kids.

All of this might not help at all...it is my experience with lots of kids all at once.

Good advice, but I also think, in my experience, how children react to their parents, or to their Mother's in particular, is quite different to how they react to an 'outside' person

I guess it depends on the relationship with your mom, and also how it's brought up.

true

I'm just speaking from my own experience. I don't think I very much cared to listen to my Mom when I was 14

My Mom is a very kind person, we also never had very many 'rules' (don't get me wrong, we weren't without rules )

When I was 14 I did think I knew a lot and really wanted to run my own life. In hindsight - I still think I was ready to make my own decisions.

Edited September 2, 2008 by trailmix

[SpiritAlight 1]

Okay okay okay.

Think whatever you like of me and my attention to detail,

and

please do think about this:

The forum headline

"Moving Here and Your New Life In America"

is a misnomer.

Many of us here already lived in America... North America.

Last time I checked, there were 3 large countries there.

Many humans live in a huge place called South America, too.

And let's not forget Central America.

Sigh.

The U.S. is the U.S.

It is not America.

Get it USians?

Language is important.

It is energy.

It has resonance.

It has weight.

[BH45 0]

Oh boy....just finished a conversation with my 14 year old daughter. What have I done? I'm at fault for her having such a rough time now having to live with rules. She tells me that she wishes I hadn't met my hubby cause then I would still be there and she would be living with me.

I was very relaxed with rules. Now I get to see how much not having them is really afftecting her. The rules she has are not that bad but she sees them as being an intrusion on her personal life and the choices she wants to make in regards to certain friendships. She feels that no one loves her where she is living and I know better.

She can't go out on school nights - I would let her out after homework until about 9 p.m. She isn't allowed phone calls after 10 - well there weren't any of those during the school year with me. I guess she forgot that part. She wants to hang around a 23 year old male, that I had issues with when I was there and still do. It's been made very clear to him that he is not to call or see her anymore.

She's angry with me that I don't step in and tell my sister to let her do things. I'm still her mother but my sister is her guardian and she lives there. Am I wrong in not getting more involved? She really got to me - guess kids do that sometimes, right?

Things will be fine. Just have to have faith. Thanks for "The Vent".

Agreed, tough age and tough situation. I'm not sure why your Daughter is living with your Sister - is this because you couldn't get a letter from your ex that would allow her to immigrate with you or was this her choice.

I guess whether you broach this with your Sister depends on what ground rules you set up before your Daughter went to live there? If any?

She is living with my sister because my ex wouldn't give me the letter to let her move here. The ground rules were she would be living with my sister and her rules. I believe Kelsie was informed over and over and over that she would not like the "new" rules she would have by not only me but also her cousins.

[BH45 0]

14 year old daughters are a pain. I had one myself...actually I WAS one myself! I'm not making light of your situation, truly. I can't imagine long distance parenting. That being said, you mention your sister is her legal guardian? I think you have to let your sister handle this one. Her rules, period. If your daughter is complaining to you about the rules then you have to stay out of it. You and your sister are going to be battling if this keeps up. You'll be in the middle, a horrible place.

I too can't remember if you mentioned earlier why your daughter isn't living with you?

My sister is a teacher in the high school. She deals with teenagers daily and raised two kids of her own. I have never interferred in the last 2 months with her rules nor do I intend to start now. I, agree Carla, that it's my sisters call regarding rules and discipline.

[BH45 0]

For your daughter, keep talking to her like "an adult" and let her choose, feel responsible, and talk to her about her understanding of the word consequences.

What else can you do?

I am not too sure about raising children, and the experience I had over the years with age groups from 5 to 16 (teaching karate, and other activities), taught me a lot more than I ever taught them. I had bullying issues to bring up with the girls at one school (ages 11-13) and that was mind-blowing to all concerned. I believe I helped them see... And I had the boys of 7-8 sit and assist me in finding a solution to their own aggressive behaviours to each other. I got them to do the work and I facilitated.

Give them the responsibility and they will rise to the occasion, was my big lesson with kids.

All of this might not help at all...it is my experience with lots of kids all at once.

Good advice, but I also think, in my experience, how children react to their parents, or to their Mother's in particular, is quite different to how they react to an 'outside' person

I guess it depends on the relationship with your mom, and also how it's brought up.

true

I'm just speaking from my own experience. I don't think I very much cared to listen to my Mom when I was 14

My Mom is a very kind person, we also never had very many 'rules' (don't get me wrong, we weren't without rules )

When I was 14 I did think I knew a lot and really wanted to run my own life. In hindsight - I still think I was ready to make my own decisions.

My mother raised 12 children. None of us are any worse for the wear for having rules and consequences from breaking those rules. I know I put my parents through the ringer when I was in my teen years being the baby of the family. My mother also said to me that "I hope you have a daughter just like you." She got her wish.

[SpiritAlight 1]

Haha, that is indeed the circle of life BH45.

Did you read my entire post?

Trailmix abbreviated it above...

Not that that is critical.

I'm so sorry to be reminded of why your daughter is not with you.

What a choice you had to make.

I do not envy that.

You are a strong woman!

[Emancipation 2]

AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

[Chica Yeyé 41]

AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

But really Emancipation, how do you feel?????

[Mephys 2]

AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

But really Emancipation, how do you feel?????

She needs a hug and a nap

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((E))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

[trailmix 77]

Ok, I called the house guy back (he sounds like a really nice guy btw - just paranoid).

He was wondering if there is any way he could verify our bank balance.

Long story short, I told him how I feel about giving a someone all this personal information and how different it is where I am from.

No bank balance for you!

He actually understood, he said he will call me back in a few hours

[Emancipation 2]

Awe... thanks girlies.. sometimes I wish i could bundle up ALL the pain and frustration and agony and futileness of my 1st marriage and let some of my "engaged" friends experience it for like 5 min... just to help them understand how IMPORTANT it is to chose well in life and marriage..

HONESTLY!!!!!!!!

[Krikit 1,164]

Awe... thanks girlies.. sometimes I wish i could bundle up ALL the pain and frustration and agony and futileness of my 1st marriage and let some of my "engaged" friends experience it for like 5 min... just to help them understand how IMPORTANT it is to chose well in life and marriage..

HONESTLY!!!!!!!!

Been talking to your friend from Japan again? lol

[Emancipation 2]

Awe... thanks girlies.. sometimes I wish i could bundle up ALL the pain and frustration and agony and futileness of my 1st marriage and let some of my "engaged" friends experience it for like 5 min... just to help them understand how IMPORTANT it is to chose well in life and marriage..

HONESTLY!!!!!!!!

Been talking to your friend from Japan again? lol

Ding ding ding ding!!! We have a winner!!!!!!!!

Now tell us Johnny what great prize Krikit has won today!!!