The Vent

[trailmix 77]

Mephys, ditto to what everyone else has said, i`m so sorry for you and the little kitty.

Edited September 1, 2008 by trailmix

[trailmix 77]

Ok so my Husband went to look at a house here in Lake Mary, he is on his way home now.

Here is the thing, his work contract just finished Friday - so we are basically unemployed - however we can pay rent - but anyway.

So I am talking to the home owner and he wants:

- SSN's

- Husband's Green Card

- Chequing account number

- Pay slip and gross income amount

- Personal Reference

- Monthly debts (credit cards, car payments etc)

- Previous address

- Credit Check

Ok so, then thing is, he is paranoid and I don't blame him, however he should also understand that we don't know him from a hole in the ground either and that is A LOT of personal information!!

I can understand a few of the things, like a reference etc, I can even see him wanting our SSN's for a credit check - but geez, we only want to RENT the house, we are not BUYING it!

So my Husband showed him his last pay slip, gave him our SSN's and previous address and my Sister as a reference - I think he gave him a cheque too.

Some things in this country are just way overboard (as in most rental places do a credit check).

Edited September 1, 2008 by trailmix

[SpiritAlight 1]

Ok so my Husband went to look at a house here in Lake Mary, he is on his way home now.

Here is the thing, his work contract just finished Friday - so we are basically unemployed - however we can pay rent - but anyway.

So I am talking to the home owner and he wants:

- SSN's

- Husband's Green Card

- Chequing account number

- Pay slip and gross income amount

- Personal Reference

- Monthly debts (credit cards, car payments etc)

- Previous address

- Credit Check

Ok so, then thing is, he is paranoid and I don't blame him, however he should also understand that we don't know him from a hole in the ground either and that is A LOT of personal information!!

I can understand a few of the things, like a reference etc, I can even see him wanting our SSN's for a credit check - but geez, we only want to RENT the house, we are not BUYING it!

So my Husband showed him his last pay slip, gave him our SSN's and previous address and my Sister as a reference - I think he gave him a cheque too.

Some things in this country are just way overboard (as in most rental places do a credit check).

It is too much.

I miss my days in Quebec sometimes where a potential landlord can not and so would not ask you anything.

They can take your cheque and sign the lease with you and that is it.

The rental board there is so strong in favour of tenants.

In B.C. it was similar to your experience Trailmix.

They even wanted work references, etc.

And in Chicago, they also do credit checks as well as demand all kinds of info.

Well!!

What no blood sample?!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[trailmix 77]

It is too much.

I miss my days in Quebec sometimes where a potential landlord can not and so would not ask you anything.

They can take your cheque and sign the lease with you and that is it.

The rental board there is so strong in favour of tenants.

In B.C. it was similar to your experience Trailmix.

They even wanted work references, etc.

And in Chicago, they also do credit checks as well as demand all kinds of info.

Well!!

What no blood sample?!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh and birthdates! I hope this means we get gifts.

Oh and because we prob won't have much of a credit rating, putting down 2 months deposit is ok isn't it.

For heaven's sake!

I mean really, he lives next door

Edited September 1, 2008 by trailmix

[Flames9_RN 358]

unfortunately because of other idiots not paying their bills, others get hosed! land lords have to take precautions because of it.

[Mephys 2]

Just wanted to bring a quick update on Torri the cat.

There she was this morning in her cage, purring and resting calmly. She is so cute. We gave her treats but she isn't feeling too good anyways so she didn't eat. Some of the little sores she had already closed this morning. The bigger wounds will heal overtime, some of the skin might scab and fall down and then cicatrice. She was going back home tonight, but not with her owner, with the daughter. She will be taking care of her, hopefully permanently, and she will also get antibiotiques for her.

So I am feeling a little better. It's just being at work for 12 hours with a 15 min break kinda got me emotional yesterday and this case really disturbed me. We all have our bad days I guess...

Hey Trailmix, don't forget to tell your Lanlord the color of your underwears

Seriously, it's ridiculous how many people as for SSN in the USA and also all the info they ask, no wonder there is so much identity theft.....

[trailmix 77]

Just wanted to bring a quick update on Torri the cat.

There she was this morning in her cage, purring and resting calmly. She is so cute. We gave her treats but she isn't feeling too good anyways so she didn't eat. Some of the little sores she had already closed this morning. The bigger wounds will heal overtime, some of the skin might scab and fall down and then cicatrice. She was going back home tonight, but not with her owner, with the daughter. She will be taking care of her, hopefully permanently, and she will also get antibiotiques for her.

So I am feeling a little better. It's just being at work for 12 hours with a 15 min break kinda got me emotional yesterday and this case really disturbed me. We all have our bad days I guess...

Hey Trailmix, don't forget to tell your Lanlord the color of your underwears

Seriously, it's ridiculous how many people as for SSN in the USA and also all the info they ask, no wonder there is so much identity theft.....

Glad to hear the kitty is doing well Mephys.

I agree with you, it is absolutely no wonder there is so much identity theft. So now we have given all this information to this guy (oh forgot to mention - he also asked for our credit card number on the application). Where is he going to keep it, in his big safe?? Umm no I don't think so - it will be somewhere in his house where who knows who will have access to it.

I understand Flames, I really do, that some home owners get burned by tenants (it has happened to my Sister and we cleaned up after it).

It is still, in my opinion, totally unreasonable and basically an invasion of privacy. Plus, we don't even know if we will get the house, he is showing it to others - if he offered it to us and then say wanted to check our credit - no problem - but he has gone completely overboard.

[MrsCat 6]

I agree with you, it is absolutely no wonder there is so much identity theft. So now we have given all this information to this guy (oh forgot to mention - he also asked for our credit card number on the application). Where is he going to keep it, in his big safe?? Umm no I don't think so - it will be somewhere in his house where who knows who will have access to it.

I understand Flames, I really do, that some home owners get burned by tenants (it has happened to my Sister and we cleaned up after it).

It is still, in my opinion, totally unreasonable and basically an invasion of privacy. Plus, we don't even know if we will get the house, he is showing it to others - if he offered it to us and then say wanted to check our credit - no problem - but he has gone completely overboard.

I agree with you Trailmix - that's just not a comfortable amount of information to give to a person. Had it been to a corporation you'd have remedies if they were not careful with the collection of your information. With a regular Joe - you're much more limited. Plus, its just a plain invasion of your privacy to want that amount of info.

Credit card # - I'd live in a cardboard box before handing that over to someone. Maybe not in hurricane season . . . .

[trailmix 77]

I agree with you, it is absolutely no wonder there is so much identity theft. So now we have given all this information to this guy (oh forgot to mention - he also asked for our credit card number on the application). Where is he going to keep it, in his big safe?? Umm no I don't think so - it will be somewhere in his house where who knows who will have access to it.

I understand Flames, I really do, that some home owners get burned by tenants (it has happened to my Sister and we cleaned up after it).

It is still, in my opinion, totally unreasonable and basically an invasion of privacy. Plus, we don't even know if we will get the house, he is showing it to others - if he offered it to us and then say wanted to check our credit - no problem - but he has gone completely overboard.

I agree with you Trailmix - that's just not a comfortable amount of information to give to a person. Had it been to a corporation you'd have remedies if they were not careful with the collection of your information. With a regular Joe - you're much more limited. Plus, its just a plain invasion of your privacy to want that amount of info.

Credit card # - I'd live in a cardboard box before handing that over to someone. Maybe not in hurricane season . . . .

Well, at least it's our american credit card, so the limit isn't very high

[BH45 0]

Oh boy....just finished a conversation with my 14 year old daughter. What have I done? I'm at fault for her having such a rough time now having to live with rules. She tells me that she wishes I hadn't met my hubby cause then I would still be there and she would be living with me.

I was very relaxed with rules. Now I get to see how much not having them is really afftecting her. The rules she has are not that bad but she sees them as being an intrusion on her personal life and the choices she wants to make in regards to certain friendships. She feels that no one loves her where she is living and I know better.

She can't go out on school nights - I would let her out after homework until about 9 p.m. She isn't allowed phone calls after 10 - well there weren't any of those during the school year with me. I guess she forgot that part. She wants to hang around a 23 year old male, that I had issues with when I was there and still do. It's been made very clear to him that he is not to call or see her anymore.

She's angry with me that I don't step in and tell my sister to let her do things. I'm still her mother but my sister is her guardian and she lives there. Am I wrong in not getting more involved? She really got to me - guess kids do that sometimes, right?

Things will be fine. Just have to have faith. Thanks for "The Vent".

[MrsCat 6]

whew - tough age BH!

[trailmix 77]

Oh boy....just finished a conversation with my 14 year old daughter. What have I done? I'm at fault for her having such a rough time now having to live with rules. She tells me that she wishes I hadn't met my hubby cause then I would still be there and she would be living with me.

I was very relaxed with rules. Now I get to see how much not having them is really afftecting her. The rules she has are not that bad but she sees them as being an intrusion on her personal life and the choices she wants to make in regards to certain friendships. She feels that no one loves her where she is living and I know better.

She can't go out on school nights - I would let her out after homework until about 9 p.m. She isn't allowed phone calls after 10 - well there weren't any of those during the school year with me. I guess she forgot that part. She wants to hang around a 23 year old male, that I had issues with when I was there and still do. It's been made very clear to him that he is not to call or see her anymore.

She's angry with me that I don't step in and tell my sister to let her do things. I'm still her mother but my sister is her guardian and she lives there. Am I wrong in not getting more involved? She really got to me - guess kids do that sometimes, right?

Things will be fine. Just have to have faith. Thanks for "The Vent".

Agreed, tough age and tough situation. I'm not sure why your Daughter is living with your Sister - is this because you couldn't get a letter from your ex that would allow her to immigrate with you or was this her choice.

I guess whether you broach this with your Sister depends on what ground rules you set up before your Daughter went to live there? If any?

Edited September 2, 2008 by trailmix

[Carlawarla 1]

14 year old daughters are a pain. I had one myself...actually I WAS one myself! I'm not making light of your situation, truly. I can't imagine long distance parenting. That being said, you mention your sister is her legal guardian? I think you have to let your sister handle this one. Her rules, period. If your daughter is complaining to you about the rules then you have to stay out of it. You and your sister are going to be battling if this keeps up. You'll be in the middle, a horrible place.

I too can't remember if you mentioned earlier why your daughter isn't living with you?

Edited September 2, 2008 by Carlawarla

[SpiritAlight 1]

Dear BH45,

Girls today are more mature than we were at their age.

They grow up too quickly.

Well, their bodies do and the conversations are "older" too.

They are still kids though.

It is so challenging to know how much discipline to instill, and that delicate balance of the highly reactive emotional state of being at that age until about 17 or even as far as 19. It all feels like a mountain!!! and 'there is only now and this moment'!!!

Hey, some of us are still like that at times, hahaha.

So

what to do...

hmmmmm

this is a tough place to be.

You are far from each other,

want to stay connected,

want to be in each other's day to day lives

and yet

geography and circumstance have separated you

for now.

For your daughter, keep talking to her like "an adult" and let her choose, feel responsible, and talk to her about her understanding of the word consequences.

What else can you do?

I am not too sure about raising children, and the experience I had over the years with age groups from 5 to 16 (teaching karate, and other activities), taught me a lot more than I ever taught them. I had bullying issues to bring up with the girls at one school (ages 11-13) and that was mind-blowing to all concerned. I believe I helped them see... And I had the boys of 7-8 sit and assist me in finding a solution to their own aggressive behaviours to each other. I got them to do the work and I facilitated.

Give them the responsibility and they will rise to the occasion, was my big lesson with kids.

All of this might not help at all...it is my experience with lots of kids all at once.

Oh and there is one girl, I have done "child care" with her since she was 11.

I put that in quotes because her mom once exclaimed when I brought her back after a day of riding my scooter all over the place, going for treats, and a hike up a mountain, etc etc...we used to do so much in a day...her mom said, "It is not like you do child-care, you guys HANG OUT!"

Which made us both giggle like mad and hug eachother (the girl and I). Go figure...hee, hee. Very high energy, the two of us.

Her mom, a struggling single woman, had a few of her girlfriends help raise her, help take care of her (she lived with her full-time).

That girl is now a smart and interesting young woman of 20!

She and I are friends...and being our birthdays are a day apart (although many years), we are very much alike.

I could go on about this remarkable young woman...

As for you sweet BH45,

breathe.

Know that you are not doing anything wrong

and remind your daughter not to "make you wrong" when you talk to her.

Tell her what this means.

Ask her what she would like and ask her how she sees that could be possible.

Explore options.

Remind her that whatever she chooses to do, is truly her choice, and that what she does can never be taken back.

In other words, let's say you do something big, like have sex with someone.

Can you take that back?

This is what I'm talking about.

Well, I'm certain you know way more about raising children than I do.

I am giving you my outsider's take.

Wishing you a smooth and loving solution.....until the next situation.

Hee, hee.

Ah kids...

Remember one more thing:

approach everything with love and not from fear.

This is the best way to live.

Edited September 2, 2008 by SpiritAlight

[~Laura and Nick~ 5]

I can't say it any better than Catt did. Poor Mephys. Poor poor kitty.

Thank you all. I had to meditate a little over that and I took a nap to pass my headache. It's so hard because I keep seeing it in my head.

Anyways I called later at work to see if she had woken ok. I'll see how she is tomorrow.

Love you Marie <3

I'm so sorry that you had to experience that....poor Torri.