The Vent

[playnice 0]

Thanks Carla.

Yup times are tough for a free spirit having to deal with nonsense problems Mephys.

I only want and crave harmony and joy.

Oh, I have been around long enough to know that life is not always rosy...do I ever...and yet,

if there is less joy than everything else combined,

then

why?

We did get dealt a heavy hand for a start to any relationship.

Complex K1, FIL's illness and death, doggy's illness and death, no home established as of yet.

Etc.

I do not mean to sound bitter.

I am just so sad these days...well, I have been sad for a long time concerning my current life choices.

What I am doing is looking at each part and trying to make peace with it and/or change things that can be improved.

Sometimes it feels like I'm climbing an ice mountain and I forgot my cramp-ons and ice ax.

This is what happens when two first borns get together.

Everybody is used to carving their own path and being "right".

It is a lose/lose situation.

And when I point that out, well, you can imagine...

it is like my ego needs to win sometimes (I see that!), especially when dealing with a person who has never been challenged about anything in their life.

I am the queen of such things.

Challenging people

bringing awareness to things

shining the light into "dark" corners...

Yes, I never let sleeping dogs lie.

And I never made a secret out of that.

Every one knows.

Comments?

Suggestions?

so this is where to come to vent?......VJ has helped me keep my sanity and perspective all these months....thought it was going

o.k. till the kosovo police threw in their wrench ...kinda new goverment there ...so apparently..now the big question is: anybody

here know how to complete a police report?????....i have got no clear answers to why the big delay.....still have the interview

after that....if something goes wrong with that....think i will need medication......i i know everything ends eventually....and they

will have to issue this...sad part is in their own sweet time.....i know there are many more on this site that have been waiting, and

waiting for whatever......and you are all in my prayers.......

[Krikit 1,164]

Good points, Trailmix.

My first thought was.... all people who start living together have to go through an adjustment period and learn to deal with having someone else in their space.... not just firstborns. lol. It definitely takes time, Spirit. I'm working through all that, myself. After living so long on my own it drives me a little crazy sometimes. I remember my friend, Arlene, asking how I was adjusting to married life, and if I had any regrets. I mentioned the difficulty of having someone else in my space and said "Sometimes I'd just like to sit on the couch and not have someone talk to me when they walk by." She said "Oh, give it 10 years. It'll come."

so this is where to come to vent?......

Yup. This is the place.

[SpiritAlight 1]

Thanks Carla.

it is like my ego needs to win sometimes (I see that!), especially when dealing with a person who has never been challenged about anything in their life.

I am the queen of such things.

Challenging people

bringing awareness to things

shining the light into "dark" corners...

Yes, I never let sleeping dogs lie.

And I never made a secret out of that.

Every one knows.

Comments?

Suggestions?

Well since you asked

The first thing that came to my mind when you asked comments/suggestions.

Why would a 'free spirit' really want to challenge someone about the way they live their life?

It seems to me that there is a lot of room for diversity in the way people look at things, it is not necessarily 'right' or 'wrong' - it is just that people see things differently - I don't see what is wrong with that.

Plus, when we request someone try to see things the way we see them, while it is respectful for them to try to see where we are coming from, we can't expect them to necessarily agree - just as we would hope they would not necessarily expect us to agree with them.

Ok this is probably going to sound like a shallow analogy...but oh well.

Some time ago I was out shopping with a friend. She liked this certain kind of glassware finish that I thought was just horrendous. So we were out that day in the store and she spotted something and commented how nice it was...although I thought it was rather repulsive. Then I had an epiphany

She saw it as BEAUTIFUL - how I saw it didn't really matter - it brought her joy - that's all that really mattered and I would respect that.

dear Trailmix,

Of course, of course I know one cannot ask nor expect anyone else to change.

Nope,

All I do is plant seeds and stand back and observe...or not, sometimes I am long gone if they do germinate.

And as a free spirit I am tortured by my need for exploration and more in a way I am accustomed to.

Honestly, I guess my sweetie thought he wanted the same things, but I can see that he is not able to go in any direction other than the his "duckies-in-a-row" lifestyle that he created for himself.

Uprooting, living on boats, exploring....they are just dreams to some people, nightmares to others.

Ha!

So why did I come and live in Wintertown and get hitched?

I am always looking at possibilities and that can be...exciting, different...and how unconventional for me.

And then, well, the smoke clears, and here we are...I am.

Yes each of us are special and each of us needs what we need.

It is all perfect.

[Krikit 1,164]

Are you thinking of calling it quits, Spirit?

[SpiritAlight 1]

Good points, Trailmix.

My first thought was.... all people who start living together have to go through an adjustment period and learn to deal with having someone else in their space.... not just firstborns. lol. It definitely takes time, Spirit. I'm working through all that, myself. After living so long on my own it drives me a little crazy sometimes. I remember my friend, Arlene, asking how I was adjusting to married life, and if I had any regrets. I mentioned the difficulty of having someone else in my space and said "Sometimes I'd just like to sit on the couch and not have someone talk to me when they walk by." She said "Oh, give it 10 years. It'll come."

That is absolutely hilarious...

and so true.

Are you thinking of calling it quits, Spirit?

Who moi?!

Oh, I've thought about it a zillion times.

[Mephys 2]

Are you thinking of calling it quits, Spirit?

Who moi?!

Oh, I've thought about it a zillion times.

No way , not you !

Maybe you are too much of a free bird to get hitched and be in a cage....but wasn't that something that you and youre sweety had in comon?

[SpiritAlight 1]

This is how rumours get started.

Hahaha.

Not to worry anyone.

I'm certain you all can keep "secrets".

Well, I have to tell you that being all personal and shtuff on a forum is all new to me.

VJ sure brings out the emotions!

Other than dance and then karate, there might not be anything else in my life i have not questioned and thought of changing.

I have lived over ten lifetimes in my one.

Perhaps a lifetime a year or so.

That is how full-on I am used to living.

Things have slowed down to the point that I am not being me, I do not feel like myself, and what with having to live on the grid,

I resist and that ultimately hurts yours truly: me!

My sweetie is a noble (and brave) man.

Hey, he's lived with me since January...I have to give him credit for that.

Ha!

And I have been by his side supporting him through all his hard times (family, etc) this year.

I gladly and open-heartedly did that.

No effort.

What am I trying to say...

I am not the kind o0f person that gets satisfaction from complaining and/or being miserable.

Some people are like this.

It serves them in some way.

Usually I will complain or talk about something once and if I find myself still feeling the same way after some time, I will do something drastic...or small.

It depends.

Life is far too short for living in a state of unwellbeing.

Ha, a new word.

So, having said all that I have unloaded today, I just want to say, that although my partner may try and try to be the person he thinks I want him to be;

well, he feels like he is failing.

And he is.

One cannot do that for another.

I found our old emails...from day one.

I started reading them last night.

Upon our first opportunity, maybe tomorrow evening, I will have us read them together.

There is such a difference in who he was being back then (Oct/Nov. 2006)...all a big YES.

I find myself calling him Mr. No too often, and in the end it is me I don't like.

The personality that comes out when I am feeling defensive.

What is marriage?

War?!

No, I know it is not supposed to be about that.

We debate so much that I would rather be alone.

I have told him this time and again.

And then, the love and care we have for eachother supercedes (sp?) and we are trying to work it out.

I have a myriad of suggestions.

So many it boggles the mind....everything from those emails, to Buddhist-type "deep listening" exercises, to creating a bigger game to play together (if you know what i mean by this language). I am not without my resources.

Books, spiritual guides/friends (unfortunately long distance)....

The contrast of my return from the love-fest in Vancouver around my highly intuitive and spiritual friends has been great.

We fought the moment I met him at the airport.

And then when I stopped fighting and tried to recap and repair things, it was too late...for both of us.

Fire!

Yes, I am...and so is he in a different way.

He is not like me, and I am not like him.

He was convinced that opposites would compliment each other.

To what point?

It's been excruciatingly hard for both of us.

I want to say this:

I am not ready to run.

I am giving it four seasons (kind of the pagan thing you know?) and still...

There is work to do and I am doing it.

Edited August 27, 2008 by SpiritAlight

[Chica Yeyé 41]

Oh my Spirit

I am so sorry to hear of your woes. I remember when I first moved in with Bren; all the times of adjustment and change -that continue today since he was struck by chronic illness- the tears, the laments, the curses. Hard times lie ahead still; and sometimes I feel much like you my dear sister.

Spirituality though, or trying to be in synch with The Creator and The Mother, has proven to be our refuge and solace in all times. I try -emphasis in try- to not "make things happen" but just "let them happen". #######, I am not making any sense now, am I?

Anyway, I guess I was trying to say that the light is within, you know that. And the kingdom is around you.

You are a dear spirit. Kind and joyful.

[Krikit 1,164]

I am so sorry, Spirit. Whichever way your path leads you, I hope you find peace.

[Mephys 2]

Well Spirit, there is one thing I can say, when they say the first year is the worst one, I believe it's true...

We've had arguments, fights, lot of debating because we are both persons that need to be in control and we both try to get that control over the other one without even noticing it, and that lead to a lot of fights. So yes we are alike in many ways, perhaps too much.

One thing is sure, we are learning to live with each other more and more everyday, and of course those fairy tales we had back then when we were alone in the world with nothing to bother us area little far.

Anyways I got a phone call while I was writting this and lost my train of thoughts....

But just to say I have been thinking of going back to Montreal a few times last year, but it was always when I was in a bad mood. But things are getting better everyday

[Emancipation 2]

Lets see.. my sisters here have such great advice...

And I really haven't got too much to add to all of it.. although a GREAT thing I do in my mind when i"m irritated and frustrated is say... why... is it because of the way he DOES something (different than the way i'd do it and thus ultimately not really an issue) or is it WHY he does something (very rarely the case)...

He does things VERY differently than I .. that's the biggest irritant to me.. but as i remember.. it's not wrong/right it's just different.. i usually end up laughing at his antics!

[Krikit 1,164]

Yeah. My husband's learning to laugh at me when I have my little quirks, and I'm learning to laugh at his. You certainly don't know somebody until you live with them, that's for sure. I haven't killed him, yet, so I guess that's a good sign.

Though I do like to torture him a little bit.

[Emancipation 2]

my hands are so flipping itchy.... owie owie owie..

I get this every summer.. it's driving me batty today.. i'm sooooo thankful for Aveda anti-itch cream.. FER SURE..

What causes that anywhoo.. little pimply bubbles, peeling skin and ITCHHHHHHH...

http://www.netdoctor.co.uk/skin_hair/eczem...zema_003731.htm

silly asthma... WHY did my Grandma have to give me that ???????

Edited August 27, 2008 by Emancipation

[SpiritAlight 1]

Thank you sweet loving VJ women.

I get all that shtuff.

There is nothing really to complain about him...this is about differences that ultimately I am trying to see something:

are we on the same page about anything at all.

That is my spiritual path that includes him.

He has his own work to do that will guide him to learn to be able to express himself.

If he is not willing to go that route, well, I am not interested in the status quo.

And that has been no secret between us.

Our lives look so perfect on paper.

You know?

Especially for me.

I can look like a typical spoilt brat.

"What are you lacking for things?"

Nothing.

Now ask me if material things mean anything to me.

All I want is harmony, compassion, joy...that kinda stuff....as often as humanly possible.

My own spiritual path is to keep simplifying (stuff and brain clutter, haha), and to find stillness in the mayhem that is our planet.

There is the path of the Buddhist: suffer your way to Nirvana, aka peace

and there is Taoism (Lao Tse): Life itself, when understood and utilized for what it is, is sweet.

Understand.

Accept.

Receive.

What would you choose?

Edited August 27, 2008 by SpiritAlight

[Mephys 2]

Thank you sweet loving VJ women.

I get all that shtuff.

There is nothing really to complain about him...this is about differences that ultimately I am trying to see something:

are we on the same page about anything at all.

That is my spiritual path that includes him.

He has his own work to do that will guide him to learn to be able to express himself.

If he is not willing to go that route, well, I am not interested in the status quo.

And that has been no secret between us.

Our lives look so perfect on paper.

You know?

Especially for me.

I can look like a typical spoilt brat.

"What are you lacking for things?"

Nothing.

Now ask me if material things mean anything to me.

All I want is harmony, compassion, joy...that kinda stuff....as often as humanly possible.

My own spiritual path is to keep simplifying (stuff and brain clutter, haha), and to find stillness in the mayhem that is our planet.

There is the path of the Buddhist: suffer your way to Nirvana, aka peace

and there is Taoism (Lao Tse): Life itself, when understood and utilized for what it is, is sweet.

Understand.

Accept.

Receive.

What would you choose?

Wow, Spirit...

I must admit sometimes your thoughts are so deep you confuse me

Not so sure what you mean with all that....Is it that you and your husband's goal are not the same ? Or the ways to achieve them are different ?

What about everything that brought you together in this journey, I mean of course there is love, but that did you share so much that made you do the move ?