The Vent

[~Laura and Nick~ 5]

I can't believe they are expecting you to go through with this when they KNOW you can't afford it!

How horrible is that!!!

I have a bad feeling that this will put a rift in between you and your hubby...I hope not, I hope you can get passed this. You may resent him for putting you guys in debt.

You may resent him for not listening to you and supporting you, HIS WIFE....

I'm so sorry....

[Chica Yeyé 41]

I can't believe they are expecting you to go through with this when they KNOW you can't afford it!

How horrible is that!!!

I have a bad feeling that this will put a rift in between you and your hubby...I hope not, I hope you can get passed this. You may resent him for putting you guys in debt.

You may resent him for not listening to you and supporting you, HIS WIFE....

I'm so sorry....

Lau, you said it. Let's hope Sprain's hubby listens

[IR5FORMUMSIE 850]

I don't know anymore. I don't want the wedding anymore. Mostly because I feel like we've let it get to this...I mean come on..a month before the event and we're trying to figure out a way to get out of it because we can't afford it. I want to like his mother. I want his mother to like me. I want everything to just work out you know. But they aren't.

I didn't know it would be this way when I decided to move down here. I thought his parents were alright people. His dad is a good guy, I feel like his dad would be the mediator in this situation. But my husband doesn't seem to be doing anything to let them in on what we know. I mean do I go ahead and talk to the parents? Or do I wait? I don't feel like its my job to push my husband anymore...he's an adult.

I feel like his mom may have some issues with jealousy perhaps...maybe she is upset that I have a better relationship with her son than she does. But she has to understand that she's the mother, and no one can replace her. I don't know if she feels unloved by him or what. Their relationship is kind of slow moving and barely there, but thats not my fault. It was like that before I got here.

I feel like my husband needs a spine is all.

Just to further the concerns of Laura, cermenoy for the sake of ceremony is meaningless. Use the Spirit test, flip a coin. Do you want to marry this man? If you do, then work on the in-laws and tell them the problem, for your own piece of mind. Do it now!!!! Diapers can be changed, men can't. Whatever your SO's issues with his mother may be, they cannot be allowed to poison your relationship with SO or the in-laws. You're in a tough spot, I hope this works out FOR YOU.

Edited April 7, 2008 by IR5FORMUMSIE

[Krikit 1,164]

I can't believe they are expecting you to go through with this when they KNOW you can't afford it!

How horrible is that!!!

It sounds like they don't know. That's the problem. Poor communication.

[Sprailenes 47]

So do I.

Its just been such a roller coaster these past few weeks. We were all sitting down there for dinner right now, it was a perfect time to say something but nothing was said. Last week his dad said: "If you need help just say something." and my husband just said: "Okay"

Then he said he was waiting for an "opportune" moment. It doesn't get anymore opportune than that.

And you know who's gonna get blamed for all of this right? Me. Thats right. I'll probably get blamed.

For the record: World hunger...yep that's my fault too.

I'm an only child though...I can take the blame.

[Sprailenes 47]

I can't believe they are expecting you to go through with this when they KNOW you can't afford it!

How horrible is that!!!

It sounds like they don't know. That's the problem. Poor communication.

I think they know but they aren't going to offer, someone needs to say something. Its like watching a train wreck. I want to turn away but I can't.

Anyways I made a list.

Pros of staying:

Able to pay for our end of the bargain with this dreaded wedding.

Able to save up and find a more affordable place.

Able to save up more money for furniture and the like.

Pros of leaving:

Healthier environment for all parties involved.

Working on making my relationship with my MIL better.

My son won't be getting on everyones "nerves" anymore.

Being a married couple and making decisions without others sticking their noses in.

[Krikit 1,164]

In the grand scheme of things, two months isn't long to wait to realize the "Pros of leaving" items. Where are your con items?

[~Laura and Nick~ 5]

A list...

Lists are a sign of change on the horizon.

Whatever you decide I hope you'll both do it TOGETHER...I hope you'll be happy and be the family I know you want to be.

You can't go anywhere but up.

[Sprailenes 47]

In the grand scheme of things, two months isn't long to wait to realize the "Pros of leaving" items. Where are your con items?

The cons are everything written above but in opposite form.

[Krikit 1,164]

In the grand scheme of things, two months isn't long to wait to realize the "Pros of leaving" items. Where are your con items?

The cons are everything written above but in opposite form.

Think it through, Sprailenes. The cons are far more than the above. There is a monetary impact and bad feelings between everyone. The impact is huge. You don't want this wedding any longer because you're feeling bad about everything. For all you know, this wedding will bring everyone closer together and you may even have fun. Don't make any rash decisions. Short term pain for long term gain. It's two months.

[Chica Yeyé 41]

In the grand scheme of things, two months isn't long to wait to realize the "Pros of leaving" items. Where are your con items?

The cons are everything written above but in opposite form.

Think it through, Sprailenes. The cons are far more than the above. There is a monetary impact and bad feelings between everyone. The impact is huge. You don't want this wedding any longer because you're feeling bad about everything. For all you know, this wedding will bring everyone closer together and you may even have fun. Don't make any rash decisions. Short term pain for long term gain. It's two months.

Krikit is quite right me thinkssss

[Sprailenes 47]

I believe they're right as well.

My husband is going down to talk to his dad now. He's going to tell him the situation. Which is good.

I'll keep you all posted.

I mean I just want everyone to get along. I don't want to end up hating my MIL. She's just really moody and hard to read and sometimes she seems okay and other times she seems not okay and maybe I take that personally. Sometimes she oversteps her boundaries, but maybe she thinks she is doing the right thing. I dont know. I can't analyze the situation because I'll drive myself insane.

Haha this board is like the place I come to when I am having relationship problems. Its kind of funny. I don't even feel like I can talk to family or friends about it, but I think you guys just give me unbiased advice and I really like that. Thank you so much.

Edited April 7, 2008 by Sprailenes

[Sprailenes 47]

Okay well his dad said that the smart thing to do is wait. That financially it would be better for us to be able to save up...we could pay off some bills, help pay for the wedding and even save up for furniture if we stay here. He was under the impression that we'd wait until the end of June to move anyways as my son is in school.

I guess I feel better now. Maybe I am even feeling better about this whole wedding thing now knowing we'd be able to hold up our end of the bargain instead of pawning the entire event on to his parents who have already paid so much.

I agree we're at two and some months before we can move. Its not that far off and we'll be able to save and stuff before then.

Its a good thing I guess.

I feel better.

I'll just have to deal with the situation with my MIL. Maybe I'll try to find ways to bond with her. I dont know.

[~Laura and Nick~ 5]

That's wonderful news honey

Keep us posted.

[Krikit 1,164]

Wonderful. I'm glad the air is being cleared and that a decision has been made.

Sprailenes, just as you are finding it difficult to live in his parents' home, I'm sure your in-laws are finding it every bit as difficult having two other people living with them. And even more so with a young child. Those days are in their past, so it's much more exhausting for them because 1) they don't have control and 2) it's not their child so they probably feel frustration with not knowing how to handle things. Everyone seems to be trying to tippy toe around each other, and that makes for a very uncomfortable situation. I think a bit of understanding on both sides is in order. I'm glad your husband made a step in the right direction. It was the right thing to do. And it sounds like your FIL has a level head on his shoulders. Things will work out fine. Now you can go ahead and focus on your wedding. Make it an enjoyable time.... and get excited! It'll be over far too soon.