speaking of breakups...

[Cheryl & Medo 3]

I'm so sorry. If your family can't be supportive then you need to put them on the back burner for now. They will come around eventually. Right now they are just making every possible threat to get their way. Don't back down and don't give in.

I agree You need to go get married and start your life with your new hubby. And not worry about the family right now. They can not pick out your partner and they shouldn't even try. Girl go get married

[Nutty 2]

I am sorry for you troubles.

Abdou is probably suffering from culture shock and the added burden of not feeling welcomed by your family. Which makes it understandable that he is easily inclined to return to Morroco.

HOWEVER, if he really loves you, then the idea of you going to Morocco to be with him would not be opposed by him.

What if you have Abdou sign a pre-nup agreement stating that any inheritances or funds from your family are not to be considered part of the communal property in marriage. Your wealth from family finances are yours exclusively.

Would that make your family feel more assured?

[morocco4ever 63]

I am sorry for you troubles.

Abdou is probably suffering from culture shock and the added burden of not feeling welcomed by your family. Which makes it understandable that he is easily inclined to return to Morroco.

HOWEVER, if he really loves you, then the idea of you going to Morocco to be with him would not be opposed by him.

What if you have Abdou sign a pre-nup agreement stating that any inheritances or funds from your family are not to be considered part of the communal property in marriage. Your wealth from family finances are yours exclusively.

Would that make your family feel more assured?

Maybe I am hard headed, but I would never give in to ultimatums. It just proves they can do it over and over again. A loving family doesn't do this to someone they care about.

[amrssnowangel 0]

this is really hard to say. i haven't been around VJ much since abdou's arrival because we've had a lot more problems than i expected (with my family)

unfortunately, i lost my job in new york right before abdou arrived in america. i made the STUPID decision to move back to california to live with my mom who has a big house all to herself. she welcomed us and said we could stay with her rent free to help us get on our feet as a married couple. i think maybe this was all her game to get us in her home and destroy our relationship.

we've struggled and struggled the past three months my fiance has been here in america. he's had a hard time adjusting to our culture, language, people, etc. but he's drastically improved! two weeks ago he was even hired at a good company. a very good start to being in america. we've finally started settling in together, building our love stronger, and decided to get married today. she explained that if we got married, she wouldn't support our decision. my brother called and said my entire family has gotten together and all think i am crazy if i marry him. why am i crazy for marrying someone who so obviously and intensely loves me? because he's a poor moroccan muslim? my own father was a broke immigrant when he got here at 19 years of age! they think i am being used for a green card (my brother said he would bet "a million dollars" that abdou was using me and will leave within a few years) how can they possibly even know the intimacy we have behind closed doors? they threaten to cut me from wills, gifts, and any ploys with money they have to get me to stop. that if i marry him, that i will suffer great consequences. (whatever that means?)they all say they do it out of love....they are helping me. but how is taking my love away from me helping me? is money more important than companionship? i grew up thinking it was....seeing my parents in a big house with an empty heart. but i don't want that life!

now abdou wants to go back to morocco, without me. how is that for being used? my family has completely broken our relationship. made our wedding day a disaster....and our decision even more difficult.

do i let him leave me and start all over? do i let the one love of my life go back to morocco while i suffer here alone?

or do we get married today and leave this house....leave my family..and risk losing my relationship with them forever? he really thinks i can't handle surviving in morocco with him. he is concerned for me. i want to go... but this visa! we spent so much time and anguish over this !@#$% k-1 visa to get him here...with success! and to give it all up because of my family? my friends think i should move to morocco with him, get to know him more, go to more schooling, prove to my family we've taken more time to get to know each other, prove to them he isn't u sing me for a visa, then reapply for a marriage visa in the future. is that even possible? to REAPPLY for a k-3/cr-1 visa in a year or two? would they approve us? how could i even have the affidavit of support if i live in morocco for 1-3 years?! all these questions are swirling in my brain and i don't know how to make a decision. breaking up is hard to do................................

We have very few shots at love in our life. Hang on. When our families all have their own families, or are no longer on earth with us...who will YOU be with in YOUR old age? Parents have a way of coming around. I for one made it clear from the start not to put me in a position to choose, cause my place is with my love. He is the one I have to live with.....they will not be there on cold lonely nights to comfort you, they will not be the ones to hold your hand when you are sick...they will not share your bills, your sadness, your happiness, they will not share your life as your fiance/husband will. They dont walk in your shoes, nor you in theirs and they do not define who you are, or what direction your life should take. I say stand your ground...let them know that is their own choice but that your door is always open if they change their mind. But that you love this man, and will stand by him. You will marry him, make a life with him and if it was a mistake, the so be it. It was YOUR mistake to make. Then marry the love of your life...and be happy. Good luck.

[aya*abouelnasr 0]

I can feel your sorrow. My mother tried the same thing with me when I came back from Jordan and told her I had married Ibrahim. She said that I would no longer be a part of her family, but you know what? She came around. Now, several months later as we wait for his arrival, I can't tell who is more excited, her or me. LOL I know if you choose to leave your parents home, the estangement will hurt for a while. Imagine what it's going to feel like if you let the love of your life walk away because of your families being against it. Do you really think there is going to be peace and harmony in the home with you knowing it is their fault (basically) that you let him get away from you?

[deadbird 2]

It's your life, and you choose how to live it, not your parents. I think they would come around as well--it might not be till grandkids come around, and if not, you're starting a family of your own.

Take care of yourself and Abdou, I wish you well.

[chaishai 1]

If you really believe in your relationship I would perservere. My mother gave me a hard time. Now that she is OK with that, she finds other things to give me a hard time about though. Your family is your family forever and I really feel that they will come around. If you let them control who you are with then you might regret it forever (and they might continue to control you forever). good luck

[aminah 6]

If you really believe in your relationship I would perservere. My mother gave me a hard time. Now that she is OK with that, she finds other things to give me a hard time about though. Your family is your family forever and I really feel that they will come around. If you let them control who you are with then you might regret it forever (and they might continue to control you forever). good luck

I agree...........I think your family will come around in time. I hope you find the strength to do what's right for you and Abdou. Wishing you the best.

[Ta Ta 1]

I really hate it when someone offers me an ultimatum and claims it is out of love. BS!!! Love would be that they should voice their concerns then back off and let you decide. Then they support your decisions. If by chance they are right then there is no need to say "I told you so", but rather "We are here for you". I don't know your SO, but my best guess is that he feels like he is breaking up your family, he is depressed because he doesn't know where to turn, and he thinks he is saving everyone by backing off. Unless he comes from a wealthy family in Morocco he is probably right that you can't make it there...how would you feed yourself?

I know that none of us can really tell you what to do, this has to be decided by you because only you know everyone involved. If it were me I would tell my family "Thank you for your concern, but they have chosen to push you out of their lives, and you will oblige". I would then tell your SO that you love him, you want him to stay and work it out, but if he choses to go back you will support him 100%. Then work on getting yourself in the best possible situation to be self supportive. If no one has this much power over you then they will never be able to intimidate you again.

Hugs to you.

"

Excellent advice ! I agree 100%.

Tell your family that you find it insulting to second guess your choice and judgment with their manipulations.

And that he loves you for who you are and not a green card and their accusations are unfounded.

Show them you mean it or your own hesitation will be fodder for their agenda.

Put your foot down for once and for all and stand by your man.

Move out. He must feel extremely uncomfortable there.

[Peggy 1]

What a shame

Best of luck

[jrmach1 0]

do i let him leave me and start all over?

First of all I want you to know the decision to make is only yours nobody can tell you what to do right now maybe people have been in alike situations but not the same one just listen to your heart he came ,change his whole world for you and you did the same for him and now you are making a life decision who may cost you your happiness starting over is not that easy take that into account .

God luck with everything .

[jrmach1 0]

PS. My parents told my sister to marry her Jordanian boyfriend when they found out that his student visa was expiring. So they got married and he got his Master's. So my family are also hypocrites. They don't see anything wrong with telling her to marry a man but when I find one on my own, it's just not right. Go figure.

Don't let them break you no matter what there reasons are for trying to keep you apart from your soulmate they can't be stronger than theones that make you think you love him and you miss him with all your heart .

Keep loving each other as much i you can I will keep you together in heart and soul .

[bradcanuck 1]

Sereia, if you ever need a VJ buddy let me know, I am actually located just a few minutes from you.

My advice will be short and sweet: In life we make mistakes but when you have a gut feeling and you know something is right you need to just go with it.

My wife asked me the same question when I proposed (well it was a few days later). It took her time to adjust to everything. We got approval from her whole family and everyone gets along famously now.

Not everyone can be as open and understanding and frankly maybe if I was "dark skinned" they wouldn't have approved. Being her family is entirely Jewish, I doubt me being Muslim would have worked.

Everyone has their problems, her mother and I argue constantly about religion as I am hardline Athiest and she is a faith based Christian. But we realize that is just life and it's not something we really care about enough to "hate" each other.

It's time for you guys to move on and out of the house. Find roommates and get a place, or do whatever it takes. That environment is not safe.

Also a personal feeling... if my family EVER treated me like the way you are being treated I would walk up to each and every single one of them, punch them in the face, stare them down while they are on the ground and say "Fu*k you, you're out of my life." and I would NEVER speak to them again. Ever, for any reason.

That attitude to me is absolutely unforgivable and according to my personal moral code, against the rules of life. This is just me however. I know when it's best to hold them and fold them.

[~*Dorothy*~ 2]

Jenn,

I am so sorry to hear of your situation - it must be very hard. Please take care of yourself and Abdu and follow your heart - this is your life. Ultimatums never work and I am surprised that your parents aren't able to see that and no matter what decision you would make your relationship with them would be ruined - I think that if you would stay your ground they will eventually come around and see that you are a grown woman capable of making your own decisions.

Maybe you should head back to NY and start fresh with Abdu at your side. I realize that adjustment is not easy for everyone - Jamal went thru hell but he made it and is doing much better so I have a feeling if you both move out from the unhealthy situation with your family your love with thrive and so will Abdu.

Please do not hesitate to contact me.

Love always,

D.

[HLM 1]

this is such a heartbreaking situation....... and its the hardest test ever!! but i say move out with ur man and start a new life together. so what if u struggle for awhile at least he is right there next to u to comfort u and take away any pain. finding someone who loves u this much is a gift a very rare one!!! so hold it soo tight and go ahead in life with strong beliefe that this will work out. prove ur family wrong and you will see how they come back to you.

u ll be in my prayers.