MENA Breakups

[Ban Hammer 13,283]

I think that once someone shares their breakup story, then others feel more comfortable and come out with theirs too. I doubt that there are more breakups lately than in the past. I just think people feel more comfortable talking about their stories.

I always wonder if the men who leave their wives have things planned out all along, or if they leave because of an indicent. I'm sure it varies. I personally think that some men probably have a plan in their head from day one when they meet an American woman on the internet. I think some will endure anything to get here and gain status to help their families or bring over family members. Too bad we don't have any insight from the bad apples!

very true.

[♥JP♥ 5]

I don't think you can learn much from them. I mean what is the point? If you are happy in your marriage and someone else in a similar situation to you breaks up, why would that apply to you? I think the only thing we can do is be there for the person going through the painful breakup. If you are going to apply other peoples situations and experiances to your own marriage, then you will be destined for the same fate.

No two marriage are alike. Don't compare.

[maggieNomar 0]

I don't think you can learn much from them. I mean what is the point? If you are happy in your marriage and someone else in a similar situation to you breaks up, why would that apply to you? I think the only thing we can do is be there for the person going through the painful breakup. If you are going to apply other peoples situations and experiances to your own marriage, then you will be destined for the same fate.

No two marriage are alike. Don't compare.

Compare no, but be aware of odd behaviors, such as keeping money separate and not allowing contact with their family. I read recently of a woman who's fiance has not introduced her to his family yet.

[sara535 15]

I think that once someone shares their breakup story, then others feel more comfortable and come out with theirs too. I doubt that there are more breakups lately than in the past. I just think people feel more comfortable talking about their stories.

I always wonder if the men who leave their wives have things planned out all along, or if they leave because of an indicent. I'm sure it varies. I personally think that some men probably have a plan in their head from day one when they meet an American woman on the internet. I think some will endure anything to get here and gain status to help their families or bring over family members. Too bad we don't have any insight from the bad apples!

I agree with this, and I beleive anyone who doubts that the scammers are out there surfing the cafes exist is fooling themselves, however I also want to point out that not every failed MENA marriage is a result of fraud.

There are so many variables and challenges involved with immigrating to a completely new and different culture. I think that many young MENA men have some pretty unrealistic visions and expectations of what life is going to be like in the US.

My husband had a very hard time adjusting to his new life (not helped AT ALL by a lengthy AOS delay and interim EAD denied twice which left him unable to work for almost a year). But the combination of several factors, like being lonely after a lifetime surrounded by friends and family, like missing the community feeling of the mosques and daily calls to prayer, like being dependent on someone else for EVERYTHING including money, added up to some months of struggle. I had tried to talk to him about these things before he got here but there's really no way to explain some of this stuff. There were certainly a few times when I felt some real doubt if we as a couple would be able to make it through. Obviously we DID, but if we hadnt and it had ended a different way for us I can say with absolute confidence that it would NOT have been due to fraudulent intent such as him using me for a green card. Nor would there have been any foreseeable 'red flags' to open my eyes to. SOme people just have an easier time assimilating and finding their feet in a new life than others..

[♥JP♥ 5]

I don't think you can learn much from them. I mean what is the point? If you are happy in your marriage and someone else in a similar situation to you breaks up, why would that apply to you? I think the only thing we can do is be there for the person going through the painful breakup. If you are going to apply other peoples situations and experiances to your own marriage, then you will be destined for the same fate.

No two marriage are alike. Don't compare.

Compare no, but be aware of odd behaviors, such as keeping money separate and not allowing contact with their family. I read recently of a woman who's fiance has not introduced her to his family yet.

That is not necessarily odd behaivior. If my husband and I have seperate accounts and we break up, you can't look at that situation and say "uh oh, we have seperate accounts too, I bet he is up to no good" You have to remember that only a portion of the story is shared here on VJ. Many many details are left out. We rarely even hear the second side of the story too.

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

I think that once someone shares their breakup story, then others feel more comfortable and come out with theirs too. I doubt that there are more breakups lately than in the past. I just think people feel more comfortable talking about their stories.

I always wonder if the men who leave their wives have things planned out all along, or if they leave because of an indicent. I'm sure it varies. I personally think that some men probably have a plan in their head from day one when they meet an American woman on the internet. I think some will endure anything to get here and gain status to help their families or bring over family members. Too bad we don't have any insight from the bad apples!

yes.........some have it planned from start to finish....i can assure you of that....to the point that family members in the states help them plot......sad...but true....

[Ban Hammer 13,283]

I don't think you can learn much from them. I mean what is the point? If you are happy in your marriage and someone else in a similar situation to you breaks up, why would that apply to you? I think the only thing we can do is be there for the person going through the painful breakup. If you are going to apply other peoples situations and experiances to your own marriage, then you will be destined for the same fate.

No two marriage are alike. Don't compare.

i disagree. just as i've seen convicted burglars educate people on how to better protect their homes, i believe dismissing the input from someone who's engaged in a marriage for benefit like this is quite reckless and premature.

[♥JP♥ 5]

I don't think you can learn much from them. I mean what is the point? If you are happy in your marriage and someone else in a similar situation to you breaks up, why would that apply to you? I think the only thing we can do is be there for the person going through the painful breakup. If you are going to apply other peoples situations and experiances to your own marriage, then you will be destined for the same fate.

No two marriage are alike. Don't compare.

i disagree. just as i've seen convicted burglars educate people on how to better protect their homes, i believe dismissing the input from someone who's engaged in a marriage for benefit like this is quite reckless and premature.

I didn't say I was dismissing anyone's input. But at the same I am not going to apply it to my life. I see it here all the time on VJ. Someone breaks up and then I get messages from people saying "oh Im next because I have this in common with that couple". That is not how to make a marriage work.

Just because one person is being used for someone elses benefit doesnt mean you can label every marriage that way. Many women in mena have had bad relationships in the past and its hard to trust again, however, if you mistrust your spouse because of what happened with someone elses situation then you are doing an injustice to yourself and your marriage. I have seen people ruin a perfectly good relationship/marriage over false accusations.

[ya falaha! 0]

There are women on here who are MARRIED and haven't met their HUSBAND'S family yet. If that doesn't cry foul, don't know what does.

I don't think you can learn much from them. I mean what is the point? If you are happy in your marriage and someone else in a similar situation to you breaks up, why would that apply to you? I think the only thing we can do is be there for the person going through the painful breakup. If you are going to apply other peoples situations and experiances to your own marriage, then you will be destined for the same fate.

No two marriage are alike. Don't compare.

Compare no, but be aware of odd behaviors, such as keeping money separate and not allowing contact with their family. I read recently of a woman who's fiance has not introduced her to his family yet.

[deadbird 2]

But how many of the girls who end up getting used or abused or abandoned see it before it happens? Few.

And when it does happen and the rest of us find out about it, have you noticed the spree of near-breakups that follow? (I can think of a few examples but won't name names--it's their business). It's hard enough to be separated from your loved ones and I really think sometimes a lot of the drama that happens here eats away at that strength that we NEED to get through this. I think that thought crosses each and everyone's mind at least once, certainly every time it happens to someone here. Not to mention everyone here probably has to deal with the naysayers in our family, circle of friends, coworkers...etc.

Frankly all these topics are scaring the hell out of me getting married is scary enough.

We need another warm/fuzzy topic. Right now. We need some good to balance out the bad.

[ya falaha! 0]

Remember what happened after the last warm fuzzy? Didn't Olivia start it? I don't think that will help anything. Just focus on your own relationship and try not to get emotionally involved in any one else's. You know if things feel right in your relationship.

[JODO 2]

Frankly all these topics are scaring the hell out of me

WHY?

[sarah and hicham 3]

We need another warm fuzzy thread? That's funny. Some people can't handle hearing the truth or any negativity whatsoever. Blinders, anyone?

[JODO 2]

We need another warm fuzzy thread? That's funny. Some people can't handle hearing the truth or any negativity whatsoever. Blinders, anyone?

A warm/fuzzy thread is not a panacea for bad relationships.

[Ban Hammer 13,283]

I don't think you can learn much from them. I mean what is the point? If you are happy in your marriage and someone else in a similar situation to you breaks up, why would that apply to you? I think the only thing we can do is be there for the person going through the painful breakup. If you are going to apply other peoples situations and experiances to your own marriage, then you will be destined for the same fate.

No two marriage are alike. Don't compare.

i disagree. just as i've seen convicted burglars educate people on how to better protect their homes, i believe dismissing the input from someone who's engaged in a marriage for benefit like this is quite reckless and premature.

I didn't say I was dismissing anyone's input. But at the same I am not going to apply it to my life. I see it here all the time on VJ. Someone breaks up and then I get messages from people saying "oh Im next because I have this in common with that couple". That is not how to make a marriage work.

Just because one person is being used for someone elses benefit doesnt mean you can label every marriage that way. Many women in mena have had bad relationships in the past and its hard to trust again, however, if you mistrust your spouse because of what happened with someone elses situation then you are doing an injustice to yourself and your marriage. I have seen people ruin a perfectly good relationship/marriage over false accusations.

it's not all about you, jp. said input may help someone else.