MENA Breakups

Sofiyya · October 17, 2007

I'm not posting this to be insensitive. I feel badly for anyone who loses a love they thought would last forever, ESPECIALLY after all most of us go thru to be together. Yet, there has been a spade of breakups recently and I'm hoping we can turn a negative into a positve and use the experiences of those among us who are now wiser to avoid some possible pitfalls AND to reexamine red flags not seen by rose colored glasses.

Any thoughts?

Beauty for Ashes · October 17, 2007

Yeah... um if your neighbor sees him bring home a blond and take her into your house when you are at work, thats a flag right?

If you find condoms in his car... um thats a flag right?

If he files an asylum claim claiming membership in hamas and men with black cars come to your door with guns drawn, thats a flag right?

And 2 years later they are still looking for him because hes been gone 4 years and STILL USING YOUR ADDRESS... ( oh yes.. I am so not kidding )

LOL

and LOL

funny now that he is soooooooooooooooooooooo gone

Ban Hammer · October 17, 2007

am i to understand that those above (marked with *) happened to you?

Beauty for Ashes · October 17, 2007

um yeah.. and a hell of a lot worse.. so bad that I have a permanent injunction against him and he even broke that... he was one scary as hell guy...He used to tell women he was greek ( yeah if Greece had a city named Ramallah LOL LOL

Beauty for Ashes · October 17, 2007

Oh I left out garbage bag full of social security cards.... car dealer friends who traded in fake papers.... oh and the whole giving 6 other people my address without asking me and I am getting all of Nablus's mail. Um LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL

amrssnowangel · October 17, 2007

Before he came or you married, were there any indications? Now that you can look back, was there something you missed that you see now? I know that i've looked hard at my SO. I've looked for what I'd consider the warning signs that are typical...

Im sorry you have to endure all that.

Tarik · October 17, 2007

sounds like a great guy to me.why did you guys breakup ?LOL

Edited October 17, 2007 by Tarik

chaishai · October 17, 2007

After that whole experience (the guns/ss cards) I would be REALLY scared to marry someone from MENA again! Did it take you a long time to be able to trust again and go through the process to bring someone over?

Beauty for Ashes · October 17, 2007

yes ....yes and yes.. and from a completely different social and educational background and country and culture..I met the other one when he was already here....And he was legal at the time we met on a student visa

LOL LOL LOL LOL

Beauty for Ashes · October 17, 2007

The whole pretending to be Greek all the time was the funniest part . I lived in Greece in 1985 so that was kind of really funny for me.....He told me he was from Ramallah.. I actually felt sorry for him because I thought at the time he must feel really bad about himself to lie like that. He even had like stickers with greek flags and had a whole story. He never used it with me but there are still girls that think they were dating a greek guy. I talked to one and she told me he said he was an orphan from Greece. Well to come to think of it, I know a moroccan guy who tells girls that he is a professional Italian soccer player. Oh well...

brnidokiegurl · October 17, 2007

life happens, both men and women deceive (or can) no matter where they are from....the lucky ones go into a relationship with equal intent and love and make it work the others will find some degree of not being equal on some point from one partner and it fails. This is relationships from day one of time.

ya falaha! · October 17, 2007

OMG :lol:

This is funny to me because I once dated an Iraqi (for a short time) who told me he was Greek when we met. He thought I wouldn't want to date him if I knew he was Iraqi. He pulled it off for awhile because #1 He looked Greek and #2 He lived in Greece for three years and could speak the language fluently. I found out the truth when I met the parents. Good times....

Edited October 17, 2007 by moody

Caladan · October 17, 2007

This is certainly true, but it's equally true that there are patterns in break-ups. It's not questioning the integrity of personal relationships to wonder whether there are patterns or warning signs that could conceive vary by culture.

Beauty for Ashes · October 17, 2007

Well..he was a beautiful charasmatic man and had a lot of desirable qualities and I think we were really in love at many parts of our relationship. I look back at pictures from years ago and cry a little because if he had not been constantly unfaithful with random women he met at work and had more self esteem, I think things would have been alot different. I learned alot from him.

When I caught him was when our world unraveled. Then I searched his car while he was sleeping ( yes not real ethical) I found so many things that freaked me out that I was unable to calm down. Then the whole asylum thing ( came to a head when the feds showed up at my door) I mean the whole trade in fake social security cards and fake papers was pretty common 7 years ago before 9 11. To this day I hear about illegals I have known through the year getting picked up with fake passports..

I had never dated or known anyone from outside of our country at this point ( we are talking 7 years ago) His childhood was so rough growing up in the camps. I supported and loved him. I remember one time I was throwing out moldy bread and he took it from the trash and started eating it and yelled at me. So many parts of me still love him. But his friends were so creepy. They were all involved in crime in one way or another and I think that did not help. Poverty and a hard childhood can do things to people. All his teeth were so rotten and he had gotten them capped in the US. There were so many truly sad things about him. When I made him leave, I packed his suitcase and washed all his clothes and made him food and gave him bedding and cried and cried. He tried about a million times to come back and apologise but after all the other women, the lies, the crime and the beatings it became unbearable. Sometimes people carry things they never get over.

I remember listening to ENTA OUMRI and sitting on my sofa and weeping. Do you know what weeping is? Its when the tears dont stop for hours and you really are not crying. You just love so hard and so much. I remember ramadan with him. I remember him telling me put your finger in my coffee bb, you are so sweet. I remember all the times he did things right. I still do this day GRIEVE for him and its been years. I felt so much empathy for him. To this day. I cannot look at his pictures.

My new relationship and every other relationship has suffered because of what this man did to me. I was so innocent at this point.. I never realised how much. I know he loved me the best he could... Even when I got a permanent restraining order against him ,he would have a palestinian call me to see what I was doing. Who I was with. I just got another piece of mail from a traffic court for him. He is still using my address years later. We had everything going for us. Similar ages. Similar education. We were a beautiful couple...just beautiful... He tore us completely apart. I lost part of myself and he remains a very dark chapter for me. I resent the criminals he hung around from his country. I resent him for tearing our lives apart because he could not be faithful. Every time he would cheat , I would get presents. Just so many things.

I would never date or hang around or even befriend someone from palestine because of what I endured. Not because they are bad people. Anything that remotely evokes his country, the songs or the food brings me searing pain. To this day, I will not eat the food from this part of the world ( I got very good at cooking it) or listen to any Egyptian music ( his favorite) He wounded me. I know sometimes he drives by my house and looks for me. I know he keeps tabs on me to this day. It was really the darkest years of my life loving someone so much and watching them tear their life apart. I remember finding pot in his pockets and fighting him to throw it away.. I loved him so much .. I was the first person to go to disney world with him. I was his first best friend in the US. It was so sad what happened to us... And to this day, I cherish every minute I spent with him.. But I had to leave him or it would have been the end of my life.... The final straw was when I found my mortgage statement in his glove compartment. He had consulted an attorney to try to get equity from my house. After that I was able to do what I had to do to leave him

He always used to say to me LIFE IS NOT ALWAYS GOOD . When he woke up in his new apartment with no one to take his clothes to the cleaners or hug and console him, he found that out

To me there are so many red flags

Spousal abuse

Unwillingness to have a baby

Friends who dont talk to you

Other womens numbers in their cell

I know from my own experience that age is not always an indicator. We were exact in age and looks, both attractive.

ya falaha! · October 17, 2007

A good reason for not comparing relationships or "cases". This kind of thing (fraud, spousal abuse, infidelity, etc.) can happen to ANYONE in any kind of relationship. Younger man/older woman, older man/younger woman or same age relationships can end in tragedy. It's so sad.

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