Marriage and affairs

[Nutty 2]

In response to the hot thread of Olivia and Waleed.

I know it is very hard for spouses to be seperate for a long time. It does make the "ties that bind" a couple together thin. Given this, do you think it acceptable that spouses maintain "extra" relationships via internet (or other modes of communication)?

My own personal view is that it is very wrong.

Someone suggested on the Olivia and Waleed thread that we should not expect people coming to USA to "change" because their "culture" is different.

However, I think muslims will say that it is not ok for a married muslim man to carry on "close friendship" with another woman who is not his wife. In fact, I think there are more defined rules of behaviour in muslim society preventing male/female socializing compared to that of western society.

[sarah and hicham 3]

I do not think there is any excuse for a man to talk to a young girl over the internet while he is married. I would not tolerate it and would never be able to trust the man again. It's unacceptable and no excuses can be made for that man.

[SandyNJack 5]

This is not just about being Muslim and you can not generalize that eveyone in MENA is Muslim. I personally do not think it is acceptable and I know that my SO would not approve either.

[pbgirl 1]

I remember a friend once telling me about something she referred to as "emotional cheating". You don't have to be physical with someone in order to cheat. If your SO is sharing his/her close feelings, dreams, daily thoughts etc. with someone other than YOU, than that's a problem.

[MelindaandTarek 0]

I do not think there is any excuse for a man to talk to a young girl over the internet while he is married. I would not tolerate it and would never be able to trust the man again. It's unacceptable and no excuses can be made for that man.

Sarah - I agree 100 percent!!!! and Well said.

[M+S 0]

Of course it's unacceptable Cheating is cheating.. Just the idea of someone even thinking of another person other than thier spouses that mean they are not LOYAL ..

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

In response to the hot thread of Olivia and Waleed.

I know it is very hard for spouses to be seperate for a long time. It does make the "ties that bind" a couple together thin. Given this, do you think it acceptable that spouses maintain "extra" relationships via internet (or other modes of communication)?

My own personal view is that it is very wrong.

Someone suggested on the Olivia and Waleed thread that we should not expect people coming to USA to "change" because their "culture" is different.

However, I think muslims will say that it is not ok for a married muslim man to carry on "close friendship" with another woman who is not his wife. In fact, I think there are more defined rules of behaviour in muslim society preventing male/female socializing compared to that of western society.

I have seen several men who cheated on their wives from arabic cultures eventually calm down and be good husbands and behave themselves. Their wives were patient and put up with alot but the men eventually got it together and calmed down.( this was in North Africa though)I personally could forgive but then again I may be very different from others.. I certainly would not tell someone else how to feel or whether to forgive or not..I love my husband so much that I would be willing to give him another chance. Some women may not feel the same way.. Oh well

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

In response to the hot thread of Olivia and Waleed.

I know it is very hard for spouses to be seperate for a long time. It does make the "ties that bind" a couple together thin. Given this, do you think it acceptable that spouses maintain "extra" relationships via internet (or other modes of communication)?

My own personal view is that it is very wrong.

Someone suggested on the Olivia and Waleed thread that we should not expect people coming to USA to "change" because their "culture" is different.

However, I think muslims will say that it is not ok for a married muslim man to carry on "close friendship" with another woman who is not his wife. In fact, I think there are more defined rules of behaviour in muslim society preventing male/female socializing compared to that of western society.

I am sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo not going to comment on double standards and the cabaret and bar culture because it will unleash a firestorm... Lets just say that there are certain women overseas who spend an inordinate amount of time with married men and it does not break up their marriages. It may not be RIGHT but it happens. There is the WIFE and then there is the woman you have a little bit of fun with at the cabaret or the bar... I am sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo not opening up this subject.. I am soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo not going to open this up.. hahahahhahahhahahahahahahhahahahahahahh

[doodlebug 3]

Cheating is cheating. If a woman is willing to accept this type of behaviour it says a LOT about their own self esteem.

[brnidokiegurl 0]

Cheating is cheating. If a woman is willing to accept this type of behaviour it says a LOT about their own self esteem.

doodle it goes both ways there is a man here at work just got divorced after 7 years of knowing his wife was seeing someone else on the side, why? i wouldnt know, sometimes waiting till the kids are older, only they know those answers. These are not young people either prob has college age or older children

[~Jackie~ 30]

And some of the girls back home will wait yearsssssssssss for their immigrant man to marry, come over and then walk out on the American wife to start a business in Florida (hope you made it ok) then he will send for her to join him here. hmmmpff.. emotional cheating is as bad as physical. (in my 'been there done that' opinion)

Jackie

[JODO 2]

And some of the girls back home will wait yearsssssssssss for their immigrant man to marry, come over and then walk out on the American wife to start a business in Florida (hope you made it ok) then he will send for her to join him here. hmmmpff.. emotional cheating is as bad as physical. (in my 'been there done that' opinion)

Jackie

You are so right Jackie. My husband was just telling me about one of the guys he met through a friend here who did that recently. We were talking about the guy being a newlywed and then later my husband told me he was "newlywed" to his second wife after walking out on his American one. I do not think his new Egyptian wife is over 20 and he is 35. He "claims" he gave the American wife the option of a loose "second wife" arrangement and she said no and not to mention the fact that it is illegal here!

Good for her!

[doodlebug 3]

Cheating is cheating. If a woman is willing to accept this type of behaviour it says a LOT about their own self esteem.

doodle it goes both ways there is a man here at work just got divorced after 7 years of knowing his wife was seeing someone else on the side, why? i wouldnt know, sometimes waiting till the kids are older, only they know those answers. These are not young people either prob has college age or older children

There's a world of difference between dealing with it AFTER you are married and have kids together and being willing to put up with it before you're settled in together. That's what I was getting at. Trust me I lived with it, though not for long, in my own marriage. In my case the kids were 1 and 2 and I really felt like I had no options since my mom wouldn't let me come home at all. Luckily for me he left me so I didn't have to be the one to make the decision. Had he been doing this before we had kids you bet your bippy I would have thrown the bum out!

And some of the girls back home will wait yearsssssssssss for their immigrant man to marry, come over and then walk out on the American wife to start a business in Florida (hope you made it ok) then he will send for her to join him here. hmmmpff.. emotional cheating is as bad as physical. (in my 'been there done that' opinion)

Jackie

What a $%@!! piece of trash to live a lie for so many years. I can't even describe how low that is because words can't express my disgust!

[rclouse 0]

I do not think there is any excuse for a man to talk to a young girl over the internet while he is married. I would not tolerate it and would never be able to trust the man again. It's unacceptable and no excuses can be made for that man.

Well, it is possible for two people of the opposite sex to have a friendly relationship without it being an affair. With the influence of Islam and the hyper separation of the sexes in MENA some people think that any contact or communication between a man and a woman is tantamount to cheating. Not so, IMHO. It all depends on the intent of the parties involved. If your relationship is strong, then you can trust your spouse not to do the wrong thing. If s/he does the wrong thing, there were probably signs well before of this tendency.

But yeah, cheating is definitely way bad. That's how my first marriage (starter marriage) ended. I know for myself I could never forgive someone for cheating on me, YMMV.

[jrmach1 0]

It is unbelievable that still in 21 st century people allow this behavior is completly wrong.Even if they consider it religious they are not going to be living in a society that understand that kind of actions .