Ex-Pats and Other New Friends

[StillThePrettiest 3]

I've just been having a minor crisis over 'but who will be my friends?????' when I get to the States... I have a great circle of friends here in London, including someone I went to uni with and to whose son I am godmother, and a great community where I live... the 'go and cook in each others' kitchens and eat big communal dinners together' sort of community... so you can see why I'm starting to get increasingly upset about the thought of leaving them all

and it's sort of compounded that my SO wasn't born in Texas - he's been there for seven years now, but his circle of friends isn't the same as it might have been had he lived most of his life in the one area

so my question is:

how many of you have sought out (or are intending to seek out) ex-pats from your own community, once you got/get to America? for those of you who have done so, how did you do it? and do these people make up the larger part of your social circle, or are they in addition to friendships with American people?

I'm really curious as to how others have dealt with all this, so any experiences would be useful

although I don't think anything in the WORLD will stop me missing my godson

[Carlawarla 1]

I'm from Canada, and after seeing how many people move or immigrate from Canada to the US, I thought it would be cool to seek out other Canadians in St. Louis. I've looked through various websites, and meet up places, but I'm not finding anyone.

I've really missed the close friendships I had in Canada. I had a particularly close girlfriend network of about 5 women. We did lots together and shared everything.

I'm volunteering now, taking a Spanish class, taking an acquacise class...meeting lots of women, but non with a "spark" that would indicate they or I are going to be good friends.

My best friend of course is my husband. But having friendships with other women is SO important in my opinion.

So...in response to your question, now that I'm done my whining I would seek others out, but not make that your exclusive friendships. My experience hasn't been the greatest, but I have to remember, I'd lived my whole life in Canada, and the last 26 years in my smaller community. I've been here 9 months, maybe it will take longer.

Best of luck in finding new friends. Hugs to you when remembering old.

Carla

[Jasman0717 9]

Claudeth has met several Filipinos but seems to have closer friendships with some people she met from her old work.

[Nancy2015 2]

I've just been having a minor crisis over 'but who will be my friends?????' when I get to the States... I have a great circle of friends here in London, including someone I went to uni with and to whose son I am godmother, and a great community where I live... the 'go and cook in each others' kitchens and eat big communal dinners together' sort of community... so you can see why I'm starting to get increasingly upset about the thought of leaving them all

:crying: :crying: :crying:

This is what I had back in Moscow... if you only knew how much I miss it.

I didn't deliberately seek ex-pats from my country, and now I'm thinking that that's what I should have done, because I find it hard to relate to most Americans or people from countries other than Russia. It's been really hard for me as far as finding friends, this is the biggest reason I hope to go back to Moscow someday.

[Emancipation 2]

No luck on my end.. I do know a couple of CDNS here, but many have been in the US a long time and/ or are busy with their lives, so we have little time or connection. I'm finding my stage in life - 31 yrs and no children isolates me a bit, just cause most people we know our age are running after kiddies.. Makes it hard to really find good quality friendship building time. We can up and do things on the spur of the moment and many of our contacts cannot because of school or children commitments.

I'm trying to be patient.. 8 months isn't that long of a time, and I'm trying to keep positive that someday soon I'll find someone that I can "click" with!

[Ephesia 0]

I moved from Singapore to Indianapolis, so I had already been mentally prepared that I wouldn't meet many, if any, fellow Singaporeans here.

I am very close to a core group of hubby's friends. We all watch NFL games at each other's homes every weekend. Our dogs are also each other's play mates.

A couple of girls at work are also my good friends. I jokingly told my husband that I finally have friends that weren't his friends first.

I actually miss my family a lot more than my friends back home. Not a day goes by that I don't daydream of how awesome it'd be if they could move here.

[Amby 490]

I have own a bakery/cafe and so all sorts of people come in all the time. I've only come across 3 people from the UK and we've all spoke about England and how my husband is from there. I got them all together and Neil has such a great time. We live in a smallish city but the diversity here is growing by the day. I have a large family and most of my uncles are Neil's age or a little older and he has become great friends with them. Otherwise we hang out with my small group of close friends and he has made friends with their husbands/boyfriends. He occasionally talks about going out for a drink with people he works with but never actually gets around to doing it. I guess it will be easier for him when he actually is able to drive.

[elmcitymaven 9,712]

Nope. The boy has said he has closed the door on that part of his life and now he's in America, he wants to be an American (at least an American-in-training!). So far his friendships are with Americans and one Australian guy who lives a few doors down. He actively avoids anything British!

[Amby 490]

neil was invited to joing the tristate celtic society as the only person in the group that is actually from anywhere near eire lol. his dad is irish but all these people in the group trace their ancestors back to ireland they're not actually from there. we're going to a bday party for oscar wilde on saturday night lol

[athena_ny 1]

I've just been having a minor crisis over 'but who will be my friends?????' when I get to the States... I have a great circle of friends here in London, including someone I went to uni with and to whose son I am godmother, and a great community where I live... the 'go and cook in each others' kitchens and eat big communal dinners together' sort of community... so you can see why I'm starting to get increasingly upset about the thought of leaving them all

and it's sort of compounded that my SO wasn't born in Texas - he's been there for seven years now, but his circle of friends isn't the same as it might have been had he lived most of his life in the one area

so my question is:

how many of you have sought out (or are intending to seek out) ex-pats from your own community, once you got/get to America? for those of you who have done so, how did you do it? and do these people make up the larger part of your social circle, or are they in addition to friendships with American people?

I'm really curious as to how others have dealt with all this, so any experiences would be useful

although I don't think anything in the WORLD will stop me missing my godson

My husband has Peruvian friends....but never deliberately looked for them.

[bakofoil 27]

I worry about all of these things too. To be honest though, I've moved around so much in England that I've always had to start afresh everytime I move. It's rare to find people who make you tick in the way your longterm close friends do but not an impossibility. My closest friend has five children and the logistical nightmare of meeting up at different ends of the country is such that we have learned to live with long stretches of time without seeing each other. We always pick up where we left off when we do see one another so it's not a big deal.

For the most part though, many of my friends have branched out and moved on so I am actually in regular touch with few of them these days. However, only today I got a message through facebook, which I joined only recently, from a very good friend of mine who has been living in France the past 18 years. Sometimes, it makes little difference how many thousands of miles away you are, the important people stay in your thoughts and also think of you!

One of the reasons I decided to move to the US rather than take up his offer of coming here was down to the strength of his family ties and friendships. We are fortunate in that he lives in the town he grew up in so there are plenty of 'cook round your place' type events (which I love too!) going on. I can understand your concerns but I get the feeling you're the type who will meet and make friends easily. And all your existing friends and family are going to love that free accommodation in Texas.

[BabyBlueSusie 1]

i think about this issue all the time and worry that my fiance will be lonely when he comes here...you will make new friends, and its not THAT hard for americans and brits to relate to one another...at least you come from an english speaking country...you will make new friends, and of course you will miss your friends in england, but dont fret, it'll all be ok

im lucky to live in new york city where my fiance can at least find albanians, but who knows if he will end up being friends with the ones he meets, or if they will click...im sure he will make friends at work, and its great that he speaks italian too, so he can relate to the italians and maybe spanish-speakers as well...everything will work out, im sure

[StillThePrettiest 3]

it's interesting you say that about it being an English-speaking country - on one level, of course you're right, but my experience moving to England was that this can form an expectation of it all being largely the same... and you then get culture shocks that you weren't expecting, always

certainly I think you'd be hard pressed to find two countries with a lot more in common than Australia and England, and yet it IS a completely different culture in many many ways... I think the States is a few more degrees removed again; I think the culture shocks are going to be plentiful

I'm sure things will work out, as you say, but the way there could be slow and rather painful

[bakofoil 27]

it's interesting you say that about it being an English-speaking country - on one level, of course you're right, but my experience moving to England was that this can form an expectation of it all being largely the same... and you then get culture shocks that you weren't expecting, always

certainly I think you'd be hard pressed to find two countries with a lot more in common than Australia and England, and yet it IS a completely different culture in many many ways... I think the States is a few more degrees removed again; I think the culture shocks are going to be plentiful

I'm sure things will work out, as you say, but the way there could be slow and rather painful

I agree with this completely. I've noticed huge cultural differences between the US and England, some an improvement, others not. Some just different. Even those colloquial language differences can cause confusion. Same goes for any English-speaking regions outside of your direct experience. Having the same base language does make things simpler though.

Meeting new people is not my sole worry. I'm concerned, as you know, about how educational qualifications transfer, but also how i'm going to get my head around all the beaurocratic differences when applying for anything. When I was originally looking at this whole visa nonsense I got so frustrated by how little I understood the systems and processes. I am an extremely resourceful and independent person, but my lack of experience of American systems and terminology meant I was having to rely on others to interpret them for me.

My other fear is that one day, hopefully not so far away, I would like to start a family. Now I know how to make a baby, but how the hell do you have a baby in the US without the medical side of it costing an absolute fortune? Here you get pregnant, go into hospital and get umpteen months paid maternity leave. I'm going to have to rely on others to guide me through that process too, because understanding medical insurance and ensuring there are no loopholes is something quite outside my experience.

[ya falaha! 0]

My husband has tried to seek out other Egyptians here and so far all of them have been jerks. He has found a few Syrian friends who have been very kind and helpful to both of us.