To rat or not to rat

[yassmine2878 1]

No, I havent mentioned it to anyone at work. I find the majority of people on VJ infinitely more trustworthy than the masses of women I work with. Im not too terribly concerned about being known as the narc, Im more concerned about getting my point across. One girl offers it regularly in her home, the other offers it at work. So Im kinda torn as to whether to treat it as strictly a social situation or a work one. Saying no isnt a problem, I repeat it often. But what really frosted my cookies is when one of them suggested (in a non-joking manner) that pot would make a good Eid present for my husband.

So you go to the house of a person who has drugs. I am no lawyer and know next to nothing about drug laws in the U.S. (or anywhere else for that matter) - however is there any risk that you/your husband (who I am assuming is the immigrant) could be implicated if the police decided to stop by their house one night while you were there?

I stopped going to her house some time ago when I realized what was going on there. She does come by my house occasionally, since we live in the same complex. But yeah, my biggest fear is that somehow my husband is going to be in the wrong place at the wrong time.

ETA: The chick who lives in our complex is also married to a foreigner (although he's been here for some 20-odd years). My husband used to hang out with her husband, but the relationship has pretty much faded away because of his problematic behavior and my husband's desire to hang out with people who speak more Arabic than English.

Edited October 14, 2007 by yassmine2878

[Ovaltine Jenkins 5]

Though...pot doesn´t seem to be causing as much harm and breaking families as alcohol does...

[caybee 21]

Though...pot doesn´t seem to be causing as much harm and breaking families as alcohol does...

Sure seems that way to me too. But in this case, the pot could break the family by getting the OP's husband deported.

I don't think I would tell HR either. That could backfire in several ways. But I would ask my coworkers to stop offering it and hope they finally got the message, and I would also keep my distance from them outside of work, especially because of my husband's immigration status. I'm probably too careful sometimes, but we have everything at stake.

[one...two...tree 2,762]

I'd treat the offer the way I'd treat a friend offering me an alcoholic beverage. Just tell them politely and clearly that it's not your thing. If they're chronic users, their memory may be compromised. You may need to be short with them and say, "For f#cks sake, I've told you 'no' a million times already! Is your memory that fried?"

[KarenCee 3]

Um...all the advice is great...but what about your unborn baby? What kind of people do you want this baby to be around? Around people who habitually break the law with drugs that are illegal? So why not just drop these "friends" who can't seem to respect you or your husband AND your unborn baby?

Just my measly two cents worth.

[Jenn! 918]

Um...all the advice is great...but what about your unborn baby? What kind of people do you want this baby to be around? Around people who habitually break the law with drugs that are illegal? So why not just drop these "friends" who can't seem to respect you or your husband AND your unborn baby?

Just my measly two cents worth.

Sorry, but what kind of people would those be exactly? Putting the issue of them inappropriately offering marijuana aside, how exactly is their marijuana smoking harming her unborn baby?

[Caladan 19]

I wouldn't rat them out to..... human... resources... because I can't imagine how that conversation would go, or what would come of it. The employer isn't going to fire them on your say-so; there's rules about how often and when drug tests can be administered (if this is even a profession where that's normally done); and the most likely result is nothing coming of it at all, especially if her work performance hasn't suffered.

Except that you'd look like a jerk who tried to handle her personal problems by getting someone fired. I think Steven's got it exactly right. Lose your temper if you need to and cut off contact if you need to.

[Caladan 19]

Um...all the advice is great...but what about your unborn baby? What kind of people do you want this baby to be around? Around people who habitually break the law with drugs that are illegal? So why not just drop these "friends" who can't seem to respect you or your husband AND your unborn baby?

Just my measly two cents worth.

Sorry, but what kind of people would those be exactly? Putting the issue of them inappropriately offering marijuana aside, how exactly is their marijuana smoking harming her unborn baby?

Yeah, Karen, I have to agree with Jenn here... It doesn't make the OP an unfit mother for KNOWING someone who uses marijuana any more than it would harm her unborn baby by knowing someone who was obese due to poor eating habits.

I mean, not the person you'd let babysit your kid, probably, but otherwise, not really a big deal. Chances are any middle-class woman has several drug abusing neighbors, statistically speaking.

Plus, if the illegality of the drug use is such a horrendous character flaw, it's that whether the woman is pregnant or not. The baby doesn't add anything except a 'but think of the children' trump card.

[LaL 418]

I'd treat the offer the way I'd treat a friend offering me an alcoholic beverage. Just tell them politely and clearly that it's not your thing. If they're chronic users, their memory may be compromised. You may need to be short with them and say, "For f#cks sake, I've told you 'no' a million times already! Is your memory that fried?"

yes!

and no, I wouldn't get involved in any way with HR. If the employer has their own drug-free-workplace policy in place, you shouldn't be the one to police it. Even if they don't, that is the employer's problem.

[Nagishkaw 510]

Snitches get stitches and end up in ditches.

[JODO 2]

Just tell them no thanks and keep it moving.

[bora bora 1]

Although I don't agree with what they're doing - I wouldn't rat them out either. I think it's a bit extreme as well.

[Drew and Tik 0]

I say no, especially not for pot. Just tell them to stop offering, you're really not interested. If they're not stupid, they'll get the picture.

[yassmine2878 1]

Id love to drop them both like potatoes sometimes. But I work with both of them in close proximity. Repeatedly telling them "No we dont want or need any" goes in one ear and out the other. The reason I was contemplating going to HR is because they dont restrict their offering of the substance to outside work. On the whole, Im not one to make waves. But this is ridiculous. How do you make someone understand that you're not interested without putting a boot up their a$$?

[Fandango 1,439]

I'd stop hanging out with them before EVER ratting anyone out. I think that's one of the lowest things one could do. But then again, I'm a New York Italian, so I think that's in my DNA

I do find it atrocious that you're considering sticking your nose and causing absolute chaos in a life of what you consider to be a 'friend'. Your friend isn't freebasing crack or shooting up heroin....it's marijuana. No, I don't do that ####### either...but a little perspective, please!

Tell them to stop asking you, or remove yourself from being around them so that you're not 'annoyed' to the point of possibly destroying someone's career over your annoyance.

Sheesh.

Edited October 15, 2007 by LisaD