Very hard question

[~Laura and Nick~ 5]

So last night I was going over (again) with my loving parents about the whole process Nicholas and I are about to begin.

My mom was asking many questions, one of them was "Are you able to come back and visit once you enter the states?"

I told you her of the AP option and she then asked "What if it's an emergency?" I said I had read that there was emergency AP situations but even then I didn't know if you could leave right away. I thought I had read somewhere it could still take a few days to a week to get approval.

She then said "What if something happened to your father and I, or your brother, would you leave and come home anyway and just start all over again?"

I couldn't answer her.

That question hurt me. What would you do in that situation? What if you had to leave in a days notice and give it all up because of a parent or very close family member?

Would you?

~Laura

Edited October 12, 2007 by ~Laura and Nick~

[Emancipation 2]

I did think long and hard about this. And if it came down to it.. i would have to say I would have gone home if the situation warrented with or without AP.. I think we would have struggled with the decision but my husband would have encouraged me to go home in the beginning (first few weeks).

I had nightmares before getting my GC that I somehow just oopsed and got over the CDN border without AP while i was on K-1 and waiting for my GC. It would be really scary and I would never know in my dream if i could sneak back in. Creepy.

Advance Parole can be received in very short notice and for family emergencies. I never filed AP at the time of AOS, instead took my chances and counted on Emergency AP.. didn't have to use it (thankfully) but it was something that I was willing to take the risk on.

our AOS only took a couple of months - so it wasn't long to wait. I would keep that in mind. You won't be without traveling rights for YEARS (hopefully), we are just talking months here (fingers crossed).

Isn't AP automatically included with the new fees (or at least doesn't cost more).. I filed before the increase in fees.. so not sure how the system works now.

Edited October 12, 2007 by Emancipation

[*JG* 2]

First of all, I would tell my mother to get over herself. I need more positives in my life then negatives right now. I have a friend who would tell you the entire world will not end if she dies tomorrow, regardless of the fact that her elderly mother, father, and aunt act like it would.

But, to be nice, I would tell her that if that situation occurred, I would do everything I could to try and come home. And, beyond that, I just don't know. That is the best you can do.

What if's are such a load of kaka, IMO. There is no right or wrong answer for them. Cause you just never know until you are in the situation. We all know the best laid plans fail all the time.

[~Laura and Nick~ 5]

First of all, I would tell my mother to get over herself. I need more positives in my life then negatives right now. I have a friend who would tell you the entire world will not end if she dies tomorrow, regardless of the fact that her elderly mother, father, and aunt act like it would.

But, to be nice, I would tell her that if that situation occurred, I would do everything I could to try and come home. And, beyond that, I just don't know. That is the best you can do.

What if's are such a load of kaka, IMO. There is no right or wrong answer for them. Cause you just never know until you are in the situation. We all know the best laid plans fail all the time.

Thanks for your response.

I don't think my mom meant anything by what she asked and I know she wasn't in any certain way trying cause me fear or concern. It was just a question in general and it got me thinking.

I have 3 elderly Grandparents and I've talked to them. They tell me to live my life. If something happens, it happens. I had never really thought of my parents getting hurt while I was down there. My mom opened my eyes to that perspective.

I'm not getting hung up on the "what if's" but I'd rather be prepared in my mind now, just in case something were to happen it wouldn't be a huge wave of emotions on a topic I had given zero thought on.

I hope like Emancipation said, it will only be a few months, rather than years.

~Laura

[~Laura and Nick~ 5]

I had nightmares before getting my GC that I somehow just oopsed and got over the CDN border without AP while i was on K-1 and waiting for my GC. It would be really scary and I would never know in my dream if i could sneak back in. Creepy.

Dreams are funny huh!! Sometimes they are so real!

[trailmix 77]

I think it's a good idea to think about it (briefly )

I read a thread not so long ago from someone in that exact situation and they couldn't decide whether to abandon the visa or not. Probably harder to make that decision when you are also worried.

There is emergency AP available and should something happen that requires you to come back it's always an option that might be granted.

I won't have to make that decision as we have filed for an IR1, but I would surely abandon the visa process.

[Emancipation 2]

I had nightmares before getting my GC that I somehow just oopsed and got over the CDN border without AP while i was on K-1 and waiting for my GC. It would be really scary and I would never know in my dream if i could sneak back in. Creepy.

Dreams are funny huh!! Sometimes they are so real!

Yep.. it really was strange, but i was paranoid about going across the border "by mistake".. we're not even that close here in CT

[Jeremy + Kristy 0]

Isn't AP automatically included with the new fees (or at least doesn't cost more).. I filed before the increase in fees.. so not sure how the system works now.

Yes, as well as Employment Authorization.

I believe Emergency AP is applied for at any immigration office. For instance, by land you would go to immigration on the US side BEFORE crossing into Canada, and at an airport, well, I'm not sure. Probably the international terminal somewhere.

[bradcanuck 1]

For me, death is the way of life. While I would be devestated if someone in my family died or was very ill or was hurt and needed me back home, I couldn't abandon the process. I would try to get an Emergency AP and if I couldn't... I'd just have to live with that and I came to the conclusion that I could and would have to.

[~Laura and Nick~ 5]

For me, death is the way of life. While I would be devestated if someone in my family died or was very ill or was hurt and needed me back home, I couldn't abandon the process. I would try to get an Emergency AP and if I couldn't... I'd just have to live with that and I came to the conclusion that I could and would have to.

Thank you Brad for your input.

[Flames9_RN 358]

I think it was a good question by ur mother!! And one should think about it! Thats 1 reason we did the cr-1 route.

[DeadPoolX 9]

Things we can't account for happen all the time. Emergencies and unusual occurrences of all types. After all, have you ever heard of anyone say to their friends or family, "Tomorrow, I need to go to the grocery store, but on the way, I plan to get into a three-car collision first." Accidents, unfortunately, do happen.

You're doing the best you can and it's your life; not your mother's or your father's or your brother's. This road (immigration) is a very difficult one, without family making it any tougher. You should try to explain to her that, if at all possible, you would come back if it was an emergency or even just to visit; however, once in the U.S., you will not do anything to jeopardize your case.

Hopefully she won't take that too hard, but the fact remains that most people (family included) don't truly understand how tough it is being apart from your significant other and the hardships we go through in order to legally immigrate. To ask us to "drop everything and start over" is a bit unfair, regardless of the circumstance.

Bottom line? You need to hold your ground. The path we've all chosen includes many sacrifices, and that includes moving, giving up jobs, potentially losing friends, and even making family angry with us. We do it all to be with those we love. The payoff, in the end, is worth it -- especially since family (if they truly care about you) will "cool off" and eventually understand.

[Jasman0717 9]

Life is full of "what ifs" You do what is right in your heart. If the "what if" arises you will do what is necessary. Don't let family and friend put undue pressure on you

[~Laura and Nick~ 5]

Things we can't account for happen all the time. Emergencies and unusual occurrences of all types. After all, have you ever heard of anyone say to their friends or family, "Tomorrow, I need to go to the grocery store, but on the way, I plan to get into a three-car collision first." Accidents, unfortunately, do happen.

You're doing the best you can and it's your life; not your mother's or your father's or your brother's. This road (immigration) is a very difficult one, without family making it any tougher. You should try to explain to her that, if at all possible, you would come back if it was an emergency or even just to visit; however, once in the U.S., you will not do anything to jeopardize your case.

Hopefully she won't take that too hard, but the fact remains that most people (family included) don't truly understand how tough it is being apart from your significant other and the hardships we go through in order to legally immigrate. To ask us to "drop everything and start over" is a bit unfair, regardless of the circumstance.

Bottom line? You need to hold your ground. The path we've all chosen includes many sacrifices, and that includes moving, giving up jobs, potentially losing friends, and even making family angry with us. We do it all to be with those we love. The payoff, in the end, is worth it -- especially since family (if they truly care about you) will "cool off" and eventually understand.

This is exactly what I needed to read DP...thank you.

As I was sitting on the couch contemplating what she had asked me I knew that I would try my hardest to come home but if I couldn't...I would stay with Nick.

I love my parents greatly and I would get home as soon as I could but to basically abandon my future, I couldn't.

I'm very close with my family and I know this will be hard for them but I love Nicholas very much and it's been so hard to be apart from him, as it's hard for all of us to be apart from our loved ones.

I hope I don't have to make this choice, I'm sure everything will be fine and I know she didn't mean anything by asking the question...but it did make me think.

Thanks again

[SonoranSongbird 3]

Well if you have always lived just across town from your mom, it is only natural that she is going to miss you, miss the way things always were, and worry about you starting a whole new life. But in the age of jet planes and voice-over internet protocol phones and such, it isn't as far as it was 100 years ago. If you get a job that transfers you to Vancouver, you will be even further away. If something happened to anyone while you were travelling overseas (or if THEY were!), you'd be further still. If you are moving from Ontario to New Jersey, you'll be closer by plane to your family than I am to mine, and I've been able to get home as needed to take care of my mom when she was recovering from surgery twice.

The period of having to wait for the AP is fairly short and you can get an emergency AP if needed. Also, K3 is a multiple entry visa. If the issue is being there for them years down the road when they are elderly, you can probably both go back to Canada then.

I think you have to follow your heart.