Funny Stories

[Buck and Natalia 0]

Waiting...... waiting....... waiting..........it seems like that is all we do. We miss them. We check all the websites. We miss them even more. We look again. Nothing seems to change.

Do you have a funny story to share to help ease the pain and boredom of waiting? It can be about you and your fiancee, a cultural difference story, strange interview questions.......... anything that would be appropriate for this website.

To kick things off I will copy one of my prior posts regarding a cultural difference issue (first visit to Russian bath):

Here is another cultural difference for you. Russians like their saunas rough (among other things). While traveling in Russia I was invited to a Russian bath. It was insanely hot and I had the hell beat out me with these tree branch things. A couple of times I wanted to scream but I thought that would appear unmanly. I did feel relaxed afterwards but it was the kind of relaxation one feels after a beating has ended.

[mox 298]

My funny story came at the end of my trip. I had a 2 hour layover between my flight from Kazan to Moscow and from Moscow to Frankfurt. It was raining when we landed in Moscow, so traffic was at a complete standstill trying to get from Sheremetyevo 1 to Sheremetyevo 2. To make it even more frustrating I had the only cab driver in Moscow who obeys the rules of the road.

So when I finally got up to check in to my flight, the flight closed as I was the next in line. The agent sent me to see the manager, who was this tall gorgious red-headed woman with a heart of ice. She was literally the most gorgeous woman I have ever seen, with a cruel streak a mile wide. I tried to explain that I had been next in line, that my visa was expiring within hours, and to please let me on the flight but she wouldn't do it. Just kept saying "flight is closed, flight is closed" with that special sneer that only Russian women can pull off. (and man oh man do I love and hate that sneer!)

So I had to go back to ticketing and actually buy a ticket to Berlin, and then hope I could make a connection to Frankfurt. My visa was due to expire in about 2 hours, so I had very little time. The agent sells me the ticket, and once again I go to check in. At that moment the only functioning baggage x-ray machine breaks down, so they're hand-checking all the luggage. Once again I missed my flight.

So I get sent to another manager, explain to him that my visa is about to expire, that it was my second attempt to get the hell out of the country, and he agrees to get me on the flight. Then he calls in the red-headed manager, and she is NOT happy to see me. Starts arguing with the guy in Russian, but apparently he out-ranked her and made her process me. Now she's pissed at being over-ridden, and in front of me no less. So by this time she is fuming. So I follow her out to the desk, and she's snapping orders at me like "give me Russian visa! Give me ticket!" I just meekly complied. She gets me checked in, hands me my boarding pass, and then in her heavy Russian accent says "Do not come back to Russia!" I was stunned at first, and then just had to laugh.

Turned out the flight was delayed over an hour anyway, and I'm sure she knew it. But man was she angry!

Edited October 11, 2007 by moxcamel

[katya_and_besik 0]

My funny story came at the end of my trip. I had a 2 hour layover between my flight from Kazan to Moscow and from Moscow to Frankfurt. It was raining when we landed in Moscow, so traffic was at a complete standstill trying to get from Sheremetyevo 1 to Sheremetyevo 2. To make it even more frustrating I had the only cab driver in Moscow who obeys the rules of the road.

So when I finally got up to check in to my flight, the flight closed as I was the next in line. The agent sent me to see the manager, who was this tall gorgious red-headed woman with a heart of ice. She was literally the most gorgeous woman I have ever seen, with a cruel streak a mile wide. I tried to explain that I had been next in line, that my visa was expiring within hours, and to please let me on the flight but she wouldn't do it. Just kept saying "flight is closed, flight is closed" with that special sneer that only Russian women can pull off. (and man oh man do I love and hate that sneer!)

So I had to go back to ticketing and actually buy a ticket to Berlin, and then hope I could make a connection to Frankfurt. My visa was due to expire in about 2 hours, so I had very little time. The agent sells me the ticket, and once again I go to check in. At that moment the only functioning baggage x-ray machine breaks down, so they're hand-checking all the luggage. Once again I missed my flight.

So I get sent to another manager, explain to him that my visa is about to expire, that it was my second attempt to get the hell out of the country, and he agrees to get me on the flight. Then he calls in the red-headed manager, and she is NOT happy to see me. Starts arguing with the guy in Russian, but apparently he out-ranked her and made her process me. Now she's pissed at being over-ridden, and in front of me no less. So by this time she is fuming. So I follow her out to the desk, and she's snapping orders at me like "give me Russian visa! Give me ticket!" I just meekly complied. She gets me checked in, hands me my boarding pass, and then in her heavy Russian accent says "Do not come back to Russia!" I was stunned at first, and then just had to laugh.

Turned out the flight was delayed over an hour anyway, and I'm sure she knew it. But man was she angry!

LOL

But unfortunately, being an a-hole is very typical of Russian officials!

Edited October 11, 2007 by katya_and_besik

[mendeleev 68]

This is the story some of my friends call The Cumin Caper

I like black bean soups with oranges and stuff like that, and wanted to make some for my wife. This was a few years ago -- well before we were engaged. At that time, she was this girlfriend who was turning my life upside down. I had just arrived in her city but hadn't been to her apartment yet. It turned out that I hadn't left any cumin in mine and, since it was 5 am, I couldn't call her and ask her if she had any. I was sick of lying in bed not sleeping, so I decided to look up the word for cumin, write various candidates down in my notebook, and go to the grocery store.

The grocery store had rearranged itself since the last time I was there. I wandered all over the place, looking very carefully at all the different packets of spices, referring to my notebook from time to time, and found nothing like cumin. (Since then, I've never seen any cumin in that country.) I bought some yugurt and butter, just not to leave completely empty handed. AFter checking out, I went to leave this store but this guy got between me and the door. He said something incomprehensible to me, and I said, Я не говорю по-русский and tried to walk past him. He put his hand firmly on my wrist and this second guy materialized behind me. Great, I thought! Its 0530, the store is deserted, and I'm about to be mugged. The guy led me to this small room underneath the stairs. It was filled with TV screens showing the store. I realized they were plainclothes store detectives. They were asking me all sorts of questions and were not at all happy that I couldn't figure out what they were after. Their approach was to ask more slowly and more loudly in Russian. (I thought grinkos were the only ones who thought that if you speak loud enough, a person can understand a foreign language! Wrong!!) I fianlly realized that they thought I was a shoplifter. (I hadn't slept properly in two days and my brain wasn't working on all cylinders for sure.) They wanted me to empty my pockets, I gathered. I pulled out my gloves, winter cap, and they kept wanting more. So I gave them dirty kleenixes, baggage check stubs, gum wrappers, receipts from US stores, you get the idea. Its amazing the junk you can pull out of your pockets sometimes. EVventually, there was nothing left, and they let me go.

I went back to my apartment. I waited until a decent hour, called my girlfriend and told her about it. During the morning while she was at work, she got more and more angry about the thing. At lunchtime she made me go back to her to this store. She summoned a manager, and then the manager's manager. She was furious with them, and pretty loud about it. It was funny. Every once in a while, she'd stop what I was saying, and ask me, "is that right?" What to do? I would agree. I understsood very little except, occasionally, "famous American" and "famous scientist". (I am American and a scientist but *definitely* not famous.) The managers ended up agreeing that they were completely wrong to detain me -- they should have called the militia instead! The next day, there were signs all over this shop -- pictographs really -- showing that you couldn't take pictures or write anything down. I didn't shop there for two years. (There are two other grocery stores in our neighborhood.)

But now, I think this whole escapade was pretty funny.

And yes, she had plenty of cumin I'd left her, and the soup was good.

[Satellite 1]

Here is another cultural difference for you. Russians like their saunas rough (among other things). While traveling in Russia I was invited to a Russian bath. It was insanely hot and I had the hell beat out me with these tree branch things. A couple of times I wanted to scream but I thought that would appear unmanly. I did feel relaxed afterwards but it was the kind of relaxation one feels after a beating has ended.

Nothing like a good repeat

See Below:

Here is another cultural difference for you. Russians like their saunas rough (among other things). While traveling in Russia I was invited to a Russian bath. It was insanely hot and I had the hell beat out me with these tree branch things. A couple of times I wanted to scream but I thought that would appear unmanly. I did feel relaxed afterwards but it was the kind of relaxation one feels after a beating has ended.

http://www.visajourney.com/forums/index.ph...p;#entry1018886

[slim 1,530]

The agent sent me to see the manager, who was this tall gorgious red-headed woman with a heart of ice. She was literally the most gorgeous woman I have ever seen, with a cruel streak a mile wide. ....... with that special sneer that only Russian women can pull off. (and man oh man do I love and hate that sneer!)

Then he calls in the red-headed manager, and she is NOT happy to see me. Starts arguing with the guy in Russian, but apparently he out-ranked her and made her process me. Now she's pissed at being over-ridden, and in front of me no less. So by this time she is fuming. So I follow her out to the desk, and she's snapping orders at me like "give me Russian visa! Give me ticket!" I just meekly complied. She gets me checked in, hands me my boarding pass, and then in her heavy Russian accent says "Do not come back to Russia!" I was stunned at first, and then just had to laugh.

Turned out the flight was delayed over an hour anyway, and I'm sure she knew it. But man was she angry!

Women like her are so fun. Not on the job, but later, and preferably after a few adult beverages!!!

AFter checking out, I went to leave this store but this guy got between me and the door. He said something incomprehensible to me, and I said, Я не говорю по-русский and tried to walk past him. He put his hand firmly on my wrist and this second guy materialized behind me.

I frequented the supermarket near the apartment I stayed in so much, the guards were getting to know me and my buddy. They'd give us "the nod" every day when we'd come in to get our microwaveable chicken cordon-bleu and bottles of beer. That's all we survived on the first couple days we were there because we couldn't figure out how to operate the stove and we were scared we'd blow the place up if we started tinkering with the pipes.

My wife arrived and laughed at us for not being able to figure out how to use the stove.... and then she couldn't figure it out either. She ended up calling the girl that rented us the apartment and having her walk us through the start-up procedure. Seems we had to push and turn the valve, wait, turn again, then light the matches. We were laughing about it being a crazy Russian stove and my wife was telling us it was a crazy Moscow stove. In reality... it was German.

Nothing like a good repeat

See Below:

Did you miss the "I will copy one of my prior posts?"

[NavarreMan 10]

After my first meeting (interview) with my fiancée’s parents I was on my way out of Russia with 4 bottles of vodka bestowed upon me by her Father. At this time I was still in the dark as to how the meeting (interrogation) had gone but as I was standing at the final security check at SVO 1 waiting to go to my plane, I was none too worried about it.

A security guard, about 65 had me open up all my luggage including the box I had so carefully packed the vodka in. Upon seeing the 1st of four bottles he picked it up very carefully and asked me in a heavy Russian accent, "Vat is this?". I explained that Tanya's Father had given me the vodka. He replied, "You must have really impressed somebody". I asked him if that was because he gave me 4 bottles (thinking that he was going to confiscate them at any moment), to which he replied, "Nyet... this is the good stuff". At which point he let me pack up and get on my way.

It was not until that moment that I realized I had aced the interview. I also found out that this particular vodka was worth about a days wage for her Father. I was amazed at his generosity.

[Buck and Natalia 0]

WONDERFUL STORIES ALL...... KEEP THEM COMING. I feel our moods already lifting.

[Lyuba 0]

I think we don't have cumin in Russia. We have zafron which is much better.

And yes, Russian people are very generous once they like you!

[Kotenochek 0]

Moxcamel the most beautiful women for you supposed to be women you going to marry:)

[mox 298]

Moxcamel the most beautiful women for you supposed to be women you going to marry:)

Oops, I think I made a mistake. What I meant to say is that she (the red-head) was an ugly wart-covered troll with buck teeth and hairy arms.

But you are right, my girl is the most beautiful woman in Russia. I'm a little worried that Putin may declare her a national treasure and not let her leave.

[Kotenochek 0]

Moxcamel the most beautiful women for you supposed to be women you going to marry:)

Oops, I think I made a mistake. What I meant to say is that she (the red-head) was an ugly wart-covered troll with buck teeth and hairy arms.

But you are right, my girl is the most beautiful woman in Russia. I'm a little worried that Putin may declare her a national treasure and not let her leave.

hehehe thats better:)she is really pretty:)

[dagobert2 0]

Last year while visiting Saint Petersburg we were standing across from the front of the Russian Admiralty building in a lovely park setting with a beautiful fountain. I pointed towards the entrance and said "Там матрос" or there is a sailor. She immediately became highly annoyed and indignant and said "absolutely not, you can not call this person a Матрос". Now, having been a sailor for some years in a prior life, I was quite confident in my identification of the individual standing there, my use of the word and its translation into Russian. So I voiced my insistance even stronger. Soon we were having quite an animated disagreement in the park, each of us sure of our position. Finally she said, "you cannot refer to admiral so-and-so (I forget his name) as a sailor". Turns out, in the same line of sight as the aforementioned sailor was a statue of a famous Russian admiral - who, I can assure you, I will never refer to as "Матрос".

[katya_and_besik 0]

Women like her are so fun. Not on the job, but later, and preferably after a few adult beverages!!!

hey

you might wanna change you signature from "Русский форум член" to "ЧЛЕН РУССКОГО ФОРУМА"

It is right grammatically, and also makes a great difference in meaning,

just like the word "member" in English, the word "член" has several meaings,

the context of your original signature suggests the *body part* meaning (but not the leg/arm kind of body part)

Edited October 12, 2007 by katya_and_besik

[katya_and_besik 0]

I think we don't have cumin in Russia. We have zafron which is much better.

We do, it's тмин