Halloween Jokes Thread !

[LuzyC 0]

Q. What do you call a witch who lives at the beach?

A. A sand witch.

Q. What do you call a witch who lives at the beach but won't fly across the ocean?

A. A chicken sand witch.

Q. Do monsters eat popcorn with their fingers?

A. No, they eat their fingers separately.

LITTLE MONSTER: I don't like my teacher.

MUMMY MONSTER: Well then, just eat your salad.

Q. Why did the zombie stay in his coffin?

A. He felt rotten.

Q. Why do skeletons play the piano?

A. They don't have organs.

Q. Who is the best dancer at a monster party?

A. The boogie man.

Q. Why don't zombies have trouble getting dates?

A. They can usually dig someone up.

*********************************

What did the ghost have something under the nose?

Boooogers!

What does the ghost eat the cereal for breakfast?

Booberries!

What are the vampires favorite holiday?

Fangsgiving Day!

What is Dracula's favorite sport?

Casketball!

Q. Why does the vampire go to see the dentist?

A. To improve the bite and make sure his mouth is pure hygiene!

Share your jokes..just for fun..

[one...two...tree 2,762]

Two men were walking home after a Halloween party and decided to take a shortcut through the cemetery just for laughs. Right in the middle of the cemetery they were startled by a tap-tap-tapping noise coming from the misty shadows.

Trembling with fear, they found an old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away at one of the headstones.

"Holy cow, Mister," one of them said after catching his breath, "You scared us half to death -- we thought you were a ghost! What are you doing working here so late at night?"

"Those fools!" the old man grumbled. "They misspelled my name!"

[Jasman0717 9]

[~*Maria*~ 1]

:lol:

[~*Maria*~ 1]

Q. What do goblins and ghosts drink when they're hot and thirsty on Halloween?

A. Ghoul-aid!!!

Q. Why can't the boy ghost have babies?

A. Because he has a Hallo-weenie.

Q. What tops off a ghost's ice cream sundae?

A. Whipped scream.

Q. What do you give a skeleton for valentine's day?

A. Bone-bones in a heart shaped box.

Q. What did the ghost say to the man at the coffee shop?

A. Scream or sugar!

Q. Who was the most famous French skeleton?

A. Napoleon bone-apart

Q. Where do most goblins live?

A. in North and South Scarolina.

Q. What do Italian's eat on Halloween?

A. Fettucinni Afraid-o (Ha ha ha)

Q. Why did the skeleton go disco dancing?

A. to see the boogy man.

Q. What do you get when you cross a black cat with a lemon.

A. sour-puss

Q. What do you get when you cross a vampire with the internet?

A. blood-thirsty hacker baby

[almaty 19]

lol...good hallloween spirit

[Ban Hammer 13,644]

TOP TEN REASONS TRICK-OR-TREATING IS BETTER THAN HAVING SEX

10. You're guaranteed to get at least a little something in the sack.

9. Once you've done it, you don't have to wait an hour to do it again.

8. The uglier you look, the more likely you'll get some.

7. You don't have to make small talk with the person who gave you the candy.

6. The person giving it to you isn't fantasizing you're someone else.

5. If you get a stomach ache, it won't last 9 months.

4. If you wear a mask, no one thinks you're kinky.

3. Doesn't matter if the kids hear you moaning and groaning.

2. You don't have to call the person that gave it to you next week.

And the #1 reason trick-or-treating is better than having sex...

1. IF YOU DON'T GET WHAT YOU WANT, YOU CAN ALWAYS GO NEXT DOOR!!!

[almaty 19]

TOP TEN REASONS TRICK-OR-TREATING IS BETTER THAN HAVING SEX

10. You're guaranteed to get at least a little something in the sack.

9. Once you've done it, you don't have to wait an hour to do it again.

8. The uglier you look, the more likely you'll get some.

7. You don't have to make small talk with the person who gave you the candy.

6. The person giving it to you isn't fantasizing you're someone else.

5. If you get a stomach ache, it won't last 9 months.

4. If you wear a mask, no one thinks you're kinky.

3. Doesn't matter if the kids hear you moaning and groaning.

2. You don't have to call the person that gave it to you next week.

And the #1 reason trick-or-treating is better than having sex...

1. IF YOU DON'T GET WHAT YOU WANT, YOU CAN ALWAYS GO NEXT DOOR!!!

lol..that was great...i steal..i mean remember this

[almaty 19]

In summary, the police arrested Robert Aylor, 59+ year old white male, in a pumpkin patch 11:38 p.m. on Friday night.

On Monday, at the County courthouse, Aylor was charged with lewd and lascivious behavior, public indecency, and public intoxication.

The suspect explained that as he was passing a pumpkin patch on his way home from a drinking session he decided to stop. "You know how a pumpkin is soft and squishy inside, and there was no one around for miles or at least I thought there wasn't anyone around" he stated in a telephone interview.

Aylor went on to say that he pulled over to the side of the road, picked out a pumpkin that he felt was appropriate to his purpose, cut a hole in it, and proceeded to satisfy his alleged 'need.' "Guess I was really into it, you know?" he commented with evident embarrassment.

In the process of doing the deed, Aylor failed to notice an approaching police car and was unaware of his audience until officer Brenda Taylor approached him.

"It was an unusual situation, that's for sure," said officer Taylor.

"I walked up to Mr. Aylor and he's just banging away at this pumpkin."

Officer Taylor went on to describe what happened when she approached Aylor.

"I said, "Excuse me sir, but do you realize that you're having sex with a pumpkin?"

He froze and was clearly very surprised that I was there, and then he looked me straight in the face and said.....

"A pumpkin? ...... ######...is it midnight already?"

[one...two...tree 2,762]

In summary, the police arrested Robert Aylor, 59+ year old white male, in a pumpkin patch 11:38 p.m. on Friday night.

On Monday, at the County courthouse, Aylor was charged with lewd and lascivious behavior, public indecency, and public intoxication.

The suspect explained that as he was passing a pumpkin patch on his way home from a drinking session he decided to stop. "You know how a pumpkin is soft and squishy inside, and there was no one around for miles or at least I thought there wasn't anyone around" he stated in a telephone interview.

Aylor went on to say that he pulled over to the side of the road, picked out a pumpkin that he felt was appropriate to his purpose, cut a hole in it, and proceeded to satisfy his alleged 'need.' "Guess I was really into it, you know?" he commented with evident embarrassment.

In the process of doing the deed, Aylor failed to notice an approaching police car and was unaware of his audience until officer Brenda Taylor approached him.

"It was an unusual situation, that's for sure," said officer Taylor.

"I walked up to Mr. Aylor and he's just banging away at this pumpkin."

Officer Taylor went on to describe what happened when she approached Aylor.

"I said, "Excuse me sir, but do you realize that you're having sex with a pumpkin?"

He froze and was clearly very surprised that I was there, and then he looked me straight in the face and said.....

"A pumpkin? ...... ######...is it midnight already?"

[LuzyC 0]

There was a very old man who was lying upstairs dying. His grand daughter came in and said "Hi Grandpa" , "Hi little sweetie" he said. "Say, are those Grandmas extra special cookies I smell?" "Yes" she replied. "Do you think you can sneek down stairs and get a couple for me?" "Sure" she replied. In a few minutes, the little girl came back with a frown on her face. Grandpa asked, "What's wrong? " " Grandma wouldn't let me have any, she says they are for after the funeral."

************************************************************************

As migration approached, two elderly vultures doubted they could make the trip south, so

they decided to go by airplane. When they checked their baggage, the attendant noticed

that they were carrying two dead raccoons.

"Do you wish to check the raccoons through as luggage?" he asked.

"No, thanks," replied one of the vultures. "They're carrion."

***************************************************************************

10 Signs You Are Too Old For Halloween

10. You get winded from knocking on the door.

9. You have to have another kid chew the candy for you.

8. You ask for high fiber candy only.

7. When someone drops a candy bar in your bag, you lose your balance and fall over.

6. People say, "Great Keith Richards mask!" and you're not wearing a mask.

5. When the door opens you yell, "Trick or..." and can't remember the rest.

4. By the end of the night, you have a bag full of restraining orders.

3. You have to carefully choose a costume that won't dislodge your hairpiece.

2. You're the only Power Ranger in the neighborhood with a walker.

1. You avoid going to houses where your ex-wives live.

[MissStacey 1]

What is the definition of gross?

Two vampires fighting over a used tampon.

[Nagishkaw 510]

Why couldn't the gypsy have a baby?

Her husband had crystal balls.

[Ban Hammer 13,644]

2. You're the only Power Ranger in the neighborhood with a walker.

[Mephys 2]

What is the definition of gross?

Two vampires fighting over a used tampon.

Definitely