Bush May Lack Gene For Human Speech

[Mr. Big Dog 10,747]

A team of genetic scientists stunned the world today by revealing that President George W. Bush may lack the gene necessary for human speech.

The scientists, who had been studying the genetic differences between humans and chimps, made the discovery about the President almost by accident, a spokesman for the group said.

“We happened to be looking at the blood work from the President’s recent physical,” said the spokesman, Dr. Alvin Kunen of the University of Minnesota. “We found extremely high potassium levels, indicating a banana-rich diet rarely found in humans.”

Prompted by the banana clue, scientists probed the President’s DNA further and found “no evidence” of the gene that enables humans to speak.

From the White House, the President had no comment.

But even as some in the administration angrily questioned the scientists’ findings -- arguing that the President often said things -- Dr. Kunen said that many non-human primates were capable of producing basic, “speech-like” utterances.

“In our experiments, we were able to teach a female baboon named Bonny to say such things as ‘tax cut,’ ‘evildoer,’ and ‘regime change,’” Dr. Kunen said. “This should not be confused with actual human speech.”

In a related finding, the scientists said that former President Bill Clinton possessed an “abnormal double-gene” for human speech, meaning that it was “virtually impossible to get him to shut up.”

Mr. Clinton’s DNA was culled during his second term in office, when the former President’s genetic material was widely disseminated.

Borowitz Report

[Sinergy 3]

No excuses, hes just dumb

[chri'stina 190]

When he's not giving a speech, he talks fine. When he gives a speech, he messes up his words. I don't know why. Maybe he still has some stage fright.

[one...two...tree 2,762]

When he's not giving a speech, he talks fine. When he gives a speech, he messes up his words. I don't know why. Maybe he still has some stage fright.

He's not a book reader...I think that's the main reason.

[Dr. A ♥ O 203]

I hear a group of guerilla grunts over what's in the toilet.

[eric&gen 0]

He is a number one jackazz lol.

[pedroh 21]

that's unpatriotic!

[Sinergy 3]

that's unpatriotic!

so is he

[Mr. Big Dog 10,747]

that's unpatriotic!

so is he

touché

[pedroh 21]

that's unpatriotic!

so is he

touché

OWNED

[Trumplestiltskin 5,791]

When he's not giving a speech, he talks fine. When he gives a speech, he messes up his words. I don't know why. Maybe he still has some stage fright.

Dunno he's done that in supposedly spontaneous debates too. I think that's what brings up questions as to his general intelligence. You have to be able to sustain a thought - stage fright or not, he seems genuinely unable to do that in a public setting. Given that - I wonder how he was elected, it certainly wasn't charisma - I suspect that ultimately it's the marketers who won his campaign for him.

[Jasman0717 9]

It can't get any worse can it

[Trumplestiltskin 5,791]

It can't get any worse can it

8 years of national, public humiliation. I'd say probably not..