The evolution of Dad: he's no Mr. Mom

[one...two...tree 2,762]

By LISA TAKEUCHI CULLEN, LEV GROSSMAN

Does being more of a father make you less of a man? To a group of committed dads assembled one night in a New Jersey diner, the answer is obvious. Sort of. Paul Haley, 38, a father of two, says women look at him when he walks down the street with his kids. "I think it's admiration," he says. Adam Wolff, also 38--with two kids and one on the way--ponders what it means to be a man. "Is my man-ness about being the breadwinner or being a good father to my kids or something else?" Michael Gerber, 36, father of a 7-month-old, asks, "Do you mean, Do we feel whipped?"

"I'm probably a little whipped," shrugs Lee Roberts, 45. He's a part-time copy editor, married to a full-time journalist, who has stayed home for nine years to raise their two children. "There are definitely some guys who look at me and think, 'What's up with him?' Do I care? Well, I guess I do a little because I just mentioned it," he says. Haley speaks up to reassure him: "Kids remember, man. All that matters is that you're there. Being there is being a man."

But what does it mean, exactly, to be a man these days? Once upon a Darwinian time, a man was the one spearing the woolly mammoth. And it wasn't so long ago that a man was that strong and silent fellow over there at the bar with the dry martini or a cold can of beer--a hardworking guy in a gray flannel suit or blue-collar work shirt. He sired children, yes, but he drew the line at diapering them. He didn't know what to expect when his wife was expecting, he didn't review bottle warmers on his daddy blog, and he most certainly didn't participate in little-girl tea parties. Today's dads plead guilty to all of the above--so what does that make them?

As we fuss and fight over the trials and dilemmas of American mothers, a quiet revolution is occurring in fatherhood. "Men today are far more involved with their families than they have been at virtually any other time in the last century," says Michael Kimmel, author of Manhood in America: A Cultural History. In the late 1970s, sociologists at the University of Michigan found that the average dad spent about a third as much time with his kids as the average mom did. By 2000, that was up to three-fourths. The number of stay-at-home fathers has tripled in the past 10 years. The Census counts less than 200,000, but those studying the phenomenon say it's probably 10 times that number. Fathers' style of parenting has changed too. Men hug their kids more, help with homework more, tell kids they love them more. Or, as sociologist Scott Coltrane of the University of California, Riverside, says, "Fathers are beginning to look more like mothers."

Many dads are challenging old definitions of manliness. "Masculinity has traditionally been associated with work and work-related success, with competition, power, prestige, dominance over women, restrictive emotionality--that's a big one," says Aaron Rochlen, an associate professor of psychology at the University of Texas who studies fatherhood and masculinity. "But a good parent needs to be expressive, patient, emotional, not money oriented." Though many fathers still cleave to the old archetype, Rochlen's study finds that those who don't are happier. Other research shows that fathers who stop being men of the old mold have better-adjusted children, better marriages and better work lives--better physical and mental health, even. "Basically," says Rochlen, "masculinity is bad for you."

http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/...1668449,00.html

[Jasman0717 9]

I raised my daughter as a single parent and loved just about every minute of it. There were those times at around 12 or 13 that she was a little wild

[one...two...tree 2,762]

I raised my daughter as a single parent and loved just about every minute of it. There were those times at around 12 or 13 that she was a little wild

Me too. My 17 yr. old daughter seems to have inherited the worst behaviors from both her mom and dad. She's like a bad experiment gone wrong...hehehe. I'm hoping that by the time she's in her mid twenties, the good genes will kick in.

[archie07 0]

I Raised 4 children alone. I thought 14-17 were the worst years. Many nights I slept outside guarding my daughters bedroom windows. The problem was I couldn't be on the other side of the house to keep the girls from climbing in my sons bedroom windows. So I figured what the heck, I found a woman to climb in my bedroom window.

[Alex+R 0]

I raised my daughter as a single parent and loved just about every minute of it. There were those times at around 12 or 13 that she was a little wild

Me too. My 17 yr. old daughter seems to have inherited the worst behaviors from both her mom and dad. She's like a bad experiment gone wrong...hehehe. I'm hoping that by the time she's in her mid twenties, the good genes will kick in.

Hope she doesn't have access to VJ!

[Ban Hammer 13,337]

Once upon a Darwinian time, a man was the one spearing the woolly mammoth.

until brazilian waxing was invented

[Welshcookie 17]

My daughter was raised alone by her father from the age of 4....she is a credit to him, a lovely person. Men can be just as nurturing as women, if not more so in some circumstances. My ex husband never questioned his 'man-ness' he was never short of dates It really doesn't matter if the predominate parent is male or female as long as the parenting is good.

[almaty 19]

i raised my son alone from age 1 till he joined the service at age 19....i twas hard but, we had allot of good times i cherish