Yallah Middle East 2.0

[amal 4]

My husband... oh how I love that man!!!

It was late at night (11:30pm) when he finally arrived. My sister and her husband took me to the airport to meet him.(yes they took me..I get lost everywhere I go) The first place was a gas station in Kingdom City. He was amased at the cleanliness and size of it. It had a restaurant, gift shop, and a decent food shop inside.

The 2nd place we went was to Wal-Mart. First a regular Wal-Mart. He said.. "ya salam! very big..every thing is here".... THEN the SUPERCENTER... He said .. "YA SALAAAAAMMMMMM KTEEEEEEER BIG STORE" He was the same as Jackies husband.. couldn't believe that you could get clothes, food, bank, get ur eyes checked, and get ur car fixed all in the same place.

The 3rd place was the drive thru at the bank. He said " you have everything here..it is all so easy. I didn't imagine there would be places as this"

So I've had quite a good time showing him around my dinky tiny little bitty town. He is a lot of fun coz he lets me know if he is in awe or thinks its stupid or... (this is a big one) Jordan does it better... I hope you all have as much fun with ur SO's as I've had with mine!!!!!

Love u all!!

amal

[LaL 418]

As a semi-oldie I can add to the life after getting to US here. Im sorry I dont participate much, I just cant find anything to chat about!

I guess my story is slightly different because Abdel came to Canada in 2002 and was exposed to the west a year before I met him. He also traveled all over the US & Canada for work so he had even more exposure. We also were able to visit 11 or 12 times before marrying.

That said, the only stresses we have had was the visa process. Life is perfect since he came here and we eased into marriage and all the nuances of it very easily. He does however get many people here in Tampa speaking to him in Spanish.

As for the question VPL asked - I am not a muslim, nor am I a practicing Christian. Abdel has no problem with this and why should he? Understanding that it is part of their culture to "guide" people and almost preach about things you *should* be doing, he engages in none of that. My choices are my choices, just as are his family's and other Muslims.

Laura

[cbd2cai 0]

Ahmed and I have discussed what he can do to help me while he is waiting to work. I have lots of walls to be painted, LOL! AND, I have even mentioned to him signing up for classes at Lowe's/Home Depot. I am still working on my bathroom, but have decided that with the old icky carpet still left in two of them . . . I'm getting Lowe's to come do those floors. That way I can just get something out of the way quickly (ok, not so quick, I have been intending to do that since I moved in 7 or 8 years ago).

Lucky for me is that I am in close driving distance of a few ME grocery stores and restaurants. Since I am at least the occassional patron, I have some idea what is available. Plus, there is a mosque up in the same area, so if he feels the need to go . . . there it is. I don't think he is a regular attendee from what we have discussed before, but I think it could be a way for him to make some contacts in the community.

As for getting used to the language: his english is quite good, but there are lots of words he still doesn't know. There is a community college across the street from where I live that has a huge ESL program. I think it could benefit him not just to learn more English, but to get out of the house, meet people, etc. Plus, they have a workout facility that I can join for just a little money since I am an "alumni", so he can go lift weights if he feels the need, LOL.

Yes, he will be watching lots of TV I am sure. But I am wondering when/if I should break down and get satellite so i can receive Arabic TV. Too be honest, there are only so many Arabic MTV type channels I can stand to watch and that drove me nuts while I was in Cairo this last trip . . . I don't watch MTV that much anymore here, even though I love music . . . just not wanting to constantly watch skimpily clad women shaking their booties and clinging to male singers.

Well, I am sure there are going to be many surprises for Ahmed when it comes to what is normal in our society. We just grow up with different things as the "norm", so both of us will need to be sensitive to that . . .

Catherine

[UmmSqueakster 54]

Hmmm, I can't remember back to what we did when Tamer got here. Honestly, the 6 months Tamer has been here have been very very very difficult for us. We could talk for hours on the internet and enjoyed our time we spent in Egypt together, but living together 24/7 is a completely different story.

Some of the issues are immigration related. He just got his EAD a few weeks ago and is in the midst of looking for work. Not working has made him very frustrated, because he feels he can't provide for our family. I don't have the best job in the world, but we're certainly well into the lower middle class and aren't missing any of the essentials.

And, some of our issues are, I hope, simply getting used to living with another person. I've always hated roommates, so it shouldn't have been a suprise for me that I get irratible easily when there is another person around all of the time.

There are often days where we're ready to call it quits and send DH back home. sigh.

For those of us in the immigration process, we often are caught up in the fairytale aspect of it. Some day my prince will come, and then I can put all of this immigration stuff behind me and finally be happy. But, as I've found, there is no happily ever after. It only gets harder once your prince arrives.

[Bosco 1]

I too cannot remember what store we first went too. It may have been Walmart for boots since it snowed the night he arrived. The "boots" he had brought with him were shoes.

The first two weeks or so were a bit rough. We slept in separate bedrooms before the wedding. Living together but not yet being husband and wife, and not feeling OK with that was VERY stressful. If you feel your living situation isn't right, it is hard to find your home relaxing.

I work from home and I am used to a lot of quiet during the day, so just having someone here was a big change. It had just been me and my daughter for 6 years. I worried about how they both were adjusting, and the truth is, it took time.

Now, we are at 4 months and things are really wonderful. He is an amazing husband, incredible stepfather and everyone adores him. I never even dreamed of this

Rebecca

Edited April 10, 2006 by rhouni

[PalestineMyHeart 1,897]

ok here's a question for MK. did you ever see that documentary Checkpoint?? Me and my husband watched some of it but it was umm actually pissed us off. he told me they hear about it in Jordan but to actually see it on tv was a whole different story for him and he couldn't watch it anymore. I was going to post this in that 221g thread but thought it was more appropriate here.

Anyways for you that don't know what i'm talking about it's a documentary made in the west bank that shows what palestinians have to go through daily just to get to one town to other and what they have to endure at the hands of the israeli soldiers.

angel

Angel... it was a much better idea to bring this over here.... thank you ! That 221g thread was going wayyyyyy off topic...

No, I haven't seen "Checkpoint" yet, but I've heard a lot about it and plan to order a copy. I'm sure it will be as difficult for us to watch as it was for you, and especially for my husband. We saw "Paradise Now" last night, and it brought out a lot of feelings and emotions, although it didn't show much of the occupation.

"Checkpoint" was made by an Israeli film crew (which explains why they were able to get so close to the soldiers with a camera in order to document some of the things that go on.... a Palestinian crew would never be permitted such access.) I understand that the film does not show any violent incidents, but focuses on the humiliation and psychological aspects of what Palestinians go through every day at these checkpoints.

For those unfamiliar with the concept, the Israeli army operates checkpoints all through the West Bank. They are not situated only at the borders as you might think, but are scattered deep inside Palestinian territory. There are large, permanent ones on the main roads outside every major Palestinian town and outside the illegal Jewish settlements -- some of these with several perimeters of razor wire, concrete barriers, and dozens of soldiers. The biggest ones (like Qalandia, just outside Ramallah on the road to Jerusalem) look almost like actual "terminals," with covered areas and turnstiles.

There are also dozens of "temporary" checkpoints which may be erected on a road for a few weeks, a few days, or even just a few hours. These usually consist of a few concrete blocks to block the road, with a couple of army jeeps parked around. All of the checkpoints fly an Israeli flag on a pole. (At the permanent checkpoints, you notice that these flags are shot full of bullet holes.) You never know where you might run into one of these temporary checkpoints... you might spend hours travelling on the back "roads" (actually unpaved rocky trails) to avoid a checkpoint that you know has been closed, only to stumble onto a new one that wasn't there the day before.

Cars are usually not allowed to pass through the checkpoints, except at the very largest ones. All Palestinians and their vehicles have IDs that state their village or district. When Israel decides to shut down the West Bank (which happens frequently) it becomes very difficult to travel beyond your district. If you have a Nablus ID from the north and try to travel to an outside destination (even to go to school or work) the soldiers will probably stop you and force you to turn back. Same thing if you have a Hebron ID from the south.... you likely won't be allowed to pass outside your sector. Taxi and service drivers often have a permit only for their local area.

In order to cross a checkpoint, usually you have to get out of your car or bus in the road some distance from the soldiers, carrying all your bags and possessions. There is usually a crowd of people there waiting to cross. Sometimes there is an actual "line," sometimes it's just a crowd milling around because almost no one is getting across. You gently push your way to the front and wait for a chance to present your ID/passport/permit to one of the soldiers. Maybe you will be allowed to cross. If not (which is the norm for most Palestinians a lot of the time) you can go back and stand in the crowd and wait for the soldiers to have a shift change (usually every 3 or 4 hours.) There's a chance that a soldier in the next shift might let you through. Or you can get back into a taxi and try another route.

The soldiers may search your bag, pulling every single article out of it, or just prod it a little without opening it, or (more often) simply ignore it. Once you're waved through, you walk through a "no-man's land" made of layers of razor wire, concrete barriers and mounds of rubble left from when the bulldozer took out the road, past soldiers in full battle dress with their M16s trained on you. If you look up, you will see the snipers positioned at strategic points nearby, also watching you. When you get to the other side, you will see dozens of Palestinian taxis waiting to pick up passengers and transport them to points beyond, where you will pass through more checkpoints and go through the same procedure all over again. A journey of 30 or 40 miles might involve 5 or 10 such checkpoints and car changes.

Palestinian drivers are always on their cell phones, checking with each other for the latest news of closures and re-opened roads, movements of the army, where new checkpoints have been set up, and what kind of mood the soldiers are in that day. They are resourceful and ingenious in finding a route, even if it takes all day.

As an American female holding a U.S. passport, I am usually allowed to cross the checkpoints without too much hassle. I have been turned back from time to time, but more often I am allowed to walk through. Sometimes I get questioned about where I'm from and where I'm going, but generally the soldiers will just glance at my passport, look me over, and then make a motion for me to go ahead.

Palestinians are usually subjected to much worse. I will say that on occasion, I have seen soldiers behave with the utmost military professionalism, even extraordinary kindness. But far more often it's the opposite. One's lasting impression of the soldiers is a bunch of 19-year-old racist thugs who seem to be drunk with power... swaggering around, brandishing assault rifles, just itching for a confrontation and an excuse to shoot some Arabs. They seem to delight in subjecting Palestinians to various levels of disrespect, intimidation, harrassment, humiliation, even beatings and worse.

I have seen some very ugly incidents that I can never forget.... violence, intimidation and humiliation. I don't always know the full stories behind everything, but often, the soldiers' actions are completely inexplicable as well as disgraceful. One time at Qalandia there was an old lady -- probably around 65 years old -- who started crying when the soldiers wouldn't let her through. The soldier immediately cocked his M16 and aimed it at her head at point blank range, about an inch from her skull.

Sometimes the soldiers are just bored and like to entertain themselves by toying with Palestinians. One time at Container checkpoint (near Bethlehem) I saw a soldier telling two men to sit down. They sat down, right there in the middle of the road. He told them to stand up. They stood up. Then he said sit down again. And then stand up. Sit down. Stand up. And on and on. It went on like this for 20 minutes, until the soldier finally got tired of the game. Another time, a soldier asked a man if he had heard of a popular singer. The man said yes. The soldier said OK sing his song now. Now ? Yes. Sing it.

If you experience the checkpoints, you will soon realize that their purpose is not to ensure security for Israel (as anyone who really wants to circumvent these checkpoints obviously can,) but rather to disrupt normal traffic on the main roads as much as possible, simply to harrass the Palestinian population in their daily lives.

-MK

[Veiled Princess 1]

If you experience the checkpoints, you will soon realize that their purpose is not to ensure security for Israel (as anyone who really wants to circumvent these checkpoints obviously can,) but rather to disrupt normal traffic on the main roads as much as possible, simply to harrass the Palestinian population in their daily lives.

This is horrible. Where is this movie you're talking about? There is a TV station on satellite called LINK TV and this sounds like something they would show. I would love to see it but I'm not sure I could stomach it.

[MHandMB 0]

For whoever it was that quoted the Koran: Not all of us here are Muslim. Many of us are either other religions or non-religious. Please do not impose your religious opinion on us since we really don't care what the Koran says, for me, any more than I care what the Bible says. Think about how you'd feel if someone came in here quoting the Bible. Middle East does not necessarily mean Muslim.

As for slandering someone - nobody did that. I saw no names, just someone asking for advice on how to handle a delicate situation.

I assumed since the person who first posted started with "salaamu alaikum" (an Islamic greeting) they were muslim and since that was one of the ppl to whom I was replying that's why I quoted from the Quran. If you read all the posts you would have seen two ppl (this person and another who just joined) calling another person a terrorist.

I am not offended by the bible so I wouldn't care if anyone quoted from it. I do myself on occassion

This does spark my curiosity though.... If this question is not offensive to anyone (because I don't mean it to be I'm just curious) how many women here are marrying or are married to muslim men but are not yourself muslim?

I'm curious on this, too. It seems like, from what I can tell (and I could be totally off base), a lot of the fiancees/wives on this forum are Muslim. My fiance is Muslim, and I am Christian, and that has probably been our biggest issue in deciding on whether we would get engaged. We have a lot of differences, but we respect each other, and love each other so much that we couldn't let those differences tear us apart. We did have to be realistic and discuss what these differences mean as far as our lifestyle, whether we would have children, etc.

Are there any other couples of mixed religions in here? How do you make it work? Have the religious differences been responsible for any problems between you and your spouse? I'd be interested to hear any tips you have. I know we're going to have to work at it, but we've been fortunate to have spent a whole year together prior to the engagement, so we know what it's like to be together on a day-to-day basis. I am hoping that we'll be able to work through our differences and that it will make us stronger.

[cbd2cai 0]

My husband is muslim and i am a non-practicing Catholic . . . will have to wait till he is here before I can tell if there will be difficulties of the religious kind. Mostly what I have run into is the stranger cultural aspects of things like, for instance . . . I put my feet on the coffee table while we were watching TV and he moved the bowl of food that was there. I did notice this after he had done it a couple of nights and he told me about it is not good, blah, blah, blah. Also he mentioned something about dropping food on the floor. Seems there are Islamic rules covering these things?

Have I been living by myself for too long? I can't remember Catholicism getting into this kind of stuff . . . more things of the 10 commandments nature is what got pounded into my head. Oh, yes, there are the Lent and Advent kind of things going on . . . but food and feet?? Nope don't remember those.

ALSO . . .

You know about the "double dipping" rules??? I didn't grow up with those either!! And one of my friends was saying she could never eat like the Egyptians do (when I tried to explain about the communal food bowls). Then the other one chimed in about "well they don't double dip! they are just scooping once." . Then I told them about how they pick up the food from the serving platter with their hands and just plop it right onto your plate, all the while exorting "eat, eat!!!".

I just don't have the "germ phobia" that ppl seem to have gotten to in the West.

Edited April 10, 2006 by cbarrosmostafa

[Together4ever 1]

I'm glad I crept back. This is a nice topic. I really followed no specific religion when I met Mohammed but I had been very curiously drawn to Islam way before then having read the Quran and discussed religion with many Muslims online for years. It was a happy day when I asked Mohammed if he would take me to the mosque to make my religious decision official. His family celebrated for me.

While I lived in Egypt, Mohammed and I spent many hours discussing. This will always be some of my most treasured memories and some of our closest moments. We added a special extra prayer together alone in our room before sleep, then would fall into the usual giggles and silliness. I sure do miss those times. Enshaa Allah they will be back with us soon.

We share perhaps wee bit more "conservative" interpretation, maybe a bit broader then most of the people I was around, but we almost always agree on our viewpoints. Between us our religion is very important and a very private thing. I do not wear hijab but I dress conservatively. This was never a change for me. I've always been that way anyway and he requires absolutely nothing from me at all but love, and that's sure not hard to give to him.

Anta noor el enaia ya Mohammed...

[tnh9479 1]

Poor Hicham. Within 24 hours of him arriving here, he had to meet my step-dad. That was probably the worst thing to happen. He still won't tell me everything that was said. However, he also got to meet my mom, my sister, my grandmother and my grandmother's sister. They all felt so bad for him that he got the royal treatment.

The first month was not bad as we were kind of busy. Within two weeks of him arriving we flew to Vermont, got married, and spent a little over a week there. It was a welcome distraction. Then...we came back to FL. Since his SS card had arrived and he had a temp EAD stamp from JFK, he went out and got a job pretty quickly. That was the best thing and I SO highly suggest it. He got to practice his English, meet others and learn of the American culture, make some money, and get out of the house.

He got really depressed when it took FOREVER for his EAD to come. That was probably the hardest time. We were short on money and he was bored to death. Learning to talk and share our frustrations has only helped to make our marriage stronger.

Twila

P.S. Hicham also commented on how he was amazed you can do just about everything without ever having to leave your car (get food, get money, get alcohol, etc).

[dollface41601 0]

Well..........there are a million topics flying around here, I dont even know where to start.....

First and foremost...Winddancer...I hope you are enjoying your time in Jordan...It has been a mere 16 days since we got on that plane in Amman, and im oh so sad about missing my family back there...I know Amman is pretty backlogged, but I assure, the time u have to wait until Next year is going to fly, and once your both home, for good, the wait will be only a distant memory..

Angel, Jackie, and Laura, its good to see you all back...I know i havent been posting alot, but, its the first for me to see you guys here in a few days...I hope all is well and Jac...I know I know....I have been strapped for time and the next two works are more jam packed than the last two...We will get together very soon INshallah....

As for me and the hubster...Oh gosh I dont even know where to begin....Although we have only been home for a little over two weeks, it honestly feels like months...Our relationship is so perfect now and Sofyan is in love with America...He has met most of my family by now, and they all cant get enough of him....and vice versa....We have easter next week, along with a wedding shower, we had a wedding last night....A communion on the 23rd, a wedding the following week, and somewhere in there my family has a wedding shower planned for us...THINGS HAVE BEEN NUTS! We have been all over the chicago land area by now...he has had his taste of any kind of food you could think of, and he loves it all...and weve been to Wal mart, Kmart, Kohls, Menards, Orland Mall, he is amazed at how our stores are set up...and ive spent a fortune buying him a new wardrobe, which he oh so loves...we both got new cell phones, he has been studying his rules of the road, and will try to get his license this week, assuming the social security card comes in the next few days...I find him sleeping alot, which im not suprised because he has been working (on the side) with his brother for some times 10-12 hours a day....trying to make a little cash! ive been so busy taking care of 3 kids all day, and working at applebees on friday and sunday (my only days off from sitting) we have been back and forth to the doctor for my stomach....Im scheduled for an endoscopy in the next few weeks so inshallah, this problem gets solved and i can go back to feeling like Kelly again...for those who didnt know...sofyan and i are currently living with his brother, sis in law, and their two kids, which has been something else to deal with...at first we had planned to live with my dad, but this house has a lot more room and convenience, so we chose here....the parents are both working 12+ hours everyday so that has left sofyan and i taking care of their kids, and maintaining this 3 story house which never seems to be clean enough....i dont have a few mins ever just to sit, and ive literally been sleeping less than 6 hours every night...it has been a big change not only for sofyan, but for me also, because in jordan i was sooooooooo spolied by all his sisters, him and his mom, so, i guess its time for me to take over the responsibility right? were looking into getting a loan to get a car in the next few weeks... should be exciting....sofyan is so eager to drive here!!!! well now that ive shared my novel i better run...the kids just walked in from school and are starving....Off to the kitchen i go!!!! I hope all of you are well, and i hope the bickering stops soon....we never had problems like that in the ME/NA forum, and i would hate to see them start, that is what off topic is for!!!

Salaam,

Kelly and Sofyan

[kerewin21 2]

Hello all!Just wanted to say hello from jordan.Good to see my husband but th bad news is we got our interview date for january 25th 2007 But what can we say at least it is a date.This is a bad thing but we just keep hangin on.Guess i will be back here again in october.Hope all is well with everyone

Wow, I'm glad you got a date, but that's SOOOO LONG!!!!!! I'm sorry you have to wait so long I'm glad you're having fun in Jordan.

[~Jackie~ 30]

Kelly it is good to see you post! I totally understand that you are in a whirlwind now of activity. We will get together soon inshallah.

Jackie

[honeyblonde 0]

This does spark my curiosity though.... If this question is not offensive to anyone (because I don't mean it to be I'm just curious) how many women here are marrying or are married to muslim men but are not yourself muslim?

Abdel is a non-practicing Muslim. He won't outright say he isn't Muslim since that would be punishable by the death penalty, but I would say he isn't.

My last husband was Muslim and that did not work out at all!