Yallah Middle East 2.0

[LebaneseMama 1]

OK girls what about shangleesh ? If you are not familiar it is cheese with mold on it. Yes, MOLD. You take the mold off and put oregano and olive oil. I hate it. I am Lebanese and will not eat shangleesh. I tell Ali my theory "Shangleesh was made in the old days for the poor to save their food. Alhamdullah we are not poor and I see no need to eat mold." He thinks I'm being picky. So I want to tell him that I am not the only one with this theory ... anyone agree ? (even if you don't say you do ... just kidding).

[True Love at Last 15]

Salamu alaikum

I want to ask the opinion from you all :

It has come to my attention that we have 2 new members, a husband and a wife(Islamically)Process is actually K1. In the past i knew this husband and he did some things that are just plain evil to myself and others. I am sure that his new wife knows nothing about his past doings. She is from USA and I believe that he is only trying to get here (USA) no matter what.

My question is: Should we make her aware of her husbands ways and let her decide?

or

Keep my mouth shut??

If you need more info to better help me just let me know. Thanks Alot .

[Bosco 1]

Salamu alaikum

I want to ask the opinion from you all :

It has come to my attention that we have 2 new members, a husband and a wife(Islamically)Process is actually K1. In the past i knew this husband and he did some things that are just plain evil to myself and others. I am sure that his new wife knows nothing about his past doings. She is from USA and I believe that he is only trying to get here (USA) no matter what.

My question is: Should we make her aware of her husbands ways and let her decide?

or

Keep my mouth shut??

If you need more info to better help me just let me know. Thanks Alot .

I think this is the type of thing you will get varying opinions on. Some will say the past is the past or what he did to you is only relevant to you. Others will feel they would want to know if in this woman's position (I would).

My advice would be to ask yourself what is motivating you to tell. If it is revenge, I suggest you don't speak up. If you truly want to look out for this woman, I would talk to her. If you choose the latter, I would first tell her you know him from before and ask if she wants to hear what you know.

It is a very unfortunate situation for you to be in, and I hope you are able to resolve it in a way that you feel at peace with. Keep in my mind that the messenger often gets shot and she may not be grateful.

Rebecca

[amal 4]

You all were explaining "mashe" earlier.. thats the equivalent to Jordans "malfoof" (stuffed cabbage leaves) and its my absolute favorite food in the entire world!!!!! The first time we made it, it ended up a rice and cabbage casserole. We learned to use only a half a teaspoonfull for each cabbage leaf, not to cook the rice before hand (just soak it a while to clean it), and to put the plate on top to hold them all tightly down. Then they turn out great!!!! ... ohhhhhh yeahhhh...soooooooo goooooooooood.

As far as telling the lady anything....Remember that most ppl who think they're in love will not listen to any negative things about their lover because they see them thru the eyes of love, not reality. My ex husband was horrible to me and my son ... when his girlfriend and I became friends, she wanted me to tell her everything about him. She was fine until the negative things came out. She refused to listen and stayed with him anyway. Now they are not together and she told me she wished she would have listened to me... I don't know if that'll help you or not .. but its my experience...

amal

[LebaneseMama 1]

Salamu alaikum

I want to ask the opinion from you all :

It has come to my attention that we have 2 new members, a husband and a wife(Islamically)Process is actually K1. In the past i knew this husband and he did some things that are just plain evil to myself and others. I am sure that his new wife knows nothing about his past doings. She is from USA and I believe that he is only trying to get here (USA) no matter what.

My question is: Should we make her aware of her husbands ways and let her decide?

or

Keep my mouth shut??

If you need more info to better help me just let me know. Thanks Alot .

Who are you to these people ? An ex fiance, ex wife, sister, cousin, family friend, etc.

I feel like you should tell her but only once. "Here is what happened to me take it if you want and choose what you want to do with it". But as others said she may not be receptive to you depending on who you are. If you are a cousin, sister, or friend she probably will listen. If your an ex I doubt she will. But then you would have done your part and told her. This way you do not feel guilty about not telling her, and you do not keep beating a dead bush. That's my opinion ...

[UmmSqueakster 54]

Not speaking to any one case in particular, there does seem to be a problem of ME/NA men wanting to get to the United States and using american women to do it. This happens both through online conversations and by meeting people on vacation.

When I first became involved with my husband, I frequented the Egypt Search message boards (which I had forgotten until this topic came up), and was horrified at the stories of american women who had been duped by egyptian men. It made me very wary of my (future) husband's attentions.

But, for me at least, after a four year online courtship and a few times meeting in person, my fears were abated. One of the reasons I grew to trust my husband is that he is insistant on raising our kids and living in egypt some day. There was even a long period of time that he argued strongly for me immigrating to Egypt rather than him to the US. He went around to american/british schools trying to get me a job for after I graduated from college

Have other ladies experienced these doubts? How have you overcome them?

[kerewin21 2]

Have other ladies experienced these doubts? How have you overcome them?

I have definitely had a lot of doubts, but I decided that the love I have for him is worth taking a chance for. There was a chance he was using me for a green card, but I don't want to live my life avoiding the worst possible scenario. Even if I get hurt, I'll know I took the chance and tried my best. So far it's been great, and I don't have any reason to doubt it won't continue to be great.

MelodyJeanne, I suggest you send a private message to this person, stating what you know, and let her decide what to do with the information. If it were me I would want to know. It's true, she may not want to hear it, and that's her choice.

[lostinlove228 0]

OK girls what about shangleesh ? If you are not familiar it is cheese with mold on it. Yes, MOLD. You take the mold off and put oregano and olive oil. I hate it. I am Lebanese and will not eat shangleesh. I tell Ali my theory "Shangleesh was made in the old days for the poor to save their food. Alhamdullah we are not poor and I see no need to eat mold." He thinks I'm being picky. So I want to tell him that I am not the only one with this theory ... anyone agree ? (even if you don't say you do ... just kidding).

You haven't had the right Shankleesh. I love Shankleesh. The one my mom buys here. I tried it in lebanon Last month when I was there and it was absolutely horrible. I think if you try the one with the right spices you would love it.

There is a lot of cheeses with mold on them. BlueCheese. It is discusting to think about. But it tastes good.

[Jenn! 918]

Not speaking to any one case in particular, there does seem to be a problem of ME/NA men wanting to get to the United States and using american women to do it. This happens both through online conversations and by meeting people on vacation.

Have other ladies experienced these doubts? How have you overcome them?

I was not even aware of the "problem with ME/NA men" until I came here to VJ. Ours was not an online relationship nor one that started on a vacation. The whole "greencard doubt" hasn't really entered into our relationship, except for expressing the frustration we feel at some close-minded (or devious) people's comments.

We were together in person for almost two years before making the decisions we did. Moving to the U.S. was the best option for us right now, but not the only one. In fact, I was more gung-ho about it than he was. Ideally I think we would like to live overseas eventually, most likely in Europe.

Of course, everyone thinks theirs is a unique situation. But had the nature of our meeting and "courtship" been otherwise, I honestly don't know how I might have handled those sorts of doubts....

[lostinlove228 0]

Doubts I have never had. I think you know if someone is just out to get a green card. the way they treat you. The things you know about them. The look in there eyes. There plans. and You though out there a threat . You throw out a couple of tests.

I think there is a lot of people in this sight being used, but it is not my place to say anything.

[Bosco 1]

Have other ladies experienced these doubts? How have you overcome them?

I had read the stories too and seen cases of women getting used. I thought about it a great deal.

My husband has a very strong faith and it leads him in all his interactions. I have never seen him act in an indecent, dishonest or less than ethical way with anyone. He is such a good person and I cannot fathom him intentionally hurting me or anyone else - it would go against his nature. I am not claiming he is perfect, but he is a far better person than me, less reactive and nearly always thinks before speaking/acting. He continually strives to make himself a better person too, through his faith following the example of the Prophet.

He had a great job in Morocco, and it will be a long time, if ever, before he reaches the equivalent here. There was great pressure on me to move there and at times contemplating going our own ways because both of us had lives in our respective countries.

So to answer your question, the main factors in overcoming my doubts were his character and the fact that the need/desire for a better life wasn't at issue. My doubts were never specifically about him, but general doubts because of the stories. There are also the intangible things, just knowing and sensing what we share.

I do think that for many of these men genuinely love their wives but their citizenship is part of the appeal, but only a part. I think the desire for a better life can blur things, make them think they can accept things they may not otherwise like, especially cultural/religious differences. Later these differences start getting to both people, and maybe that is why some of the marriages fail - not so much because the woman was used for a GC but because reality kicked in.

Rebecca

[honeyblonde 0]

I agree with the last part of what you just said Rebecca. Just look at the divorce rate among Americans. People go into marriage expecting one thing and then realize they have to share their life with that person on a very intimate day-to-day level, and that can get very stressful. Not everyone chooses a mate that they can live with on that level so divorce just happens - to Americans as well as international couples.

As for telling the person: A couple of years ago one of my best friends husbands hit on me. It was a phone call on a Saturday morning while she was at work and he was very specific about what he wanted. I had no idea how to tell her what happened, but I knew I had to. Since I worked with her, Monday morning at work I started an e-mail conversation with her telling her that one of my friends husbands had hit on me, what should I do? We talked about it back and forth and within about 2 hours she realized it was her. I think doing it that way made it easier for her to accept it from me. He gave her some lame line about her working too much and him being so lonely and needing attention, and she forgave him. Within a year she got pregnant and he left her for another woman. At the time, once she forgave him I dropped the subject. I knew it had to be hard for her to accept as it was, so I wasn't going to risk our friendship rubbing it in. She lives in another state now so I don't see her, but she still sends me pictures of the kids and we talk by e-mail occassionally.

Bottom line, do what you can to protect her and let her take it from there. Try to be as tactful as possible and let it go after that.

I've always wondered on here if some people don't post pictures because they are afraid someone will know their SO and don't want to hear that they aren't marrying someone perfect. With the internet now it is always possible. I know I had over 100 men talk to me at various times online before I met Abdel, and over 90% were just after a green card. I do think the more time you spend online the more aware you are of when a man is just looking for a green card. I still have the transcripts of just about every internet conversation I ever had, and even pictures of some of the guys that they sent me, all in my correspondence files, and I often wonder if I'll see them here engaged to another American woman that wasn't as cautious as I learned to be.

I would have a hard time, even as paranoid as I am, ever doubting Abdel's love for me. The man could kiss and snuggle for hours on end, and when we just rearranged our office, he set it up so our chairs at our computers are side-by-side. Now when we're at the computers we can snuggle and hold hands! I'd feel suffocated if I wasn't so paranoid that I love being able to see how much he loves me.

[True Love at Last 15]

Thanks for all your honest replies. No I dont even know this girl, she sent me a message.I am not trying to have revenge on this man. I am honestly worried that this man could be using her. He did some things that cry terrorist to me. I met him in person before all this mess happened but after it, i learned some horrible things about this man.

He had already ONE Fiance from USA that I know of....what are the chances just a year later he has ANOTHER USA FIANCE???

I am not the ex-fiance but the ex- is a very good friend of mine !

[AInfante-Saraireh 0]

I wonder if we are all looking at our husbands, now, LOL Just kidding.

If it were me, I would tell her. If you don't know her, all the better. Like others said, if it's for revenge, forget it but if you want to protect this woman or give her some healthy advice, I would tell her.

[LebaneseMama 1]

Ok you want to hear my story ?

I have always known since day 1 that my husband did not want me for the visa. He has loved me since we were kids .... kids don't even know about america and etc. Anyways my father on the other hand didn't but still wanted to take precautions. Well I needed a co-sponser for the affidavit of support. We went and got the affidavit all done and etc. When it came time to sign my dad said he wouldn't sign it. I was like "WHAAAT?" and he gave me some lame excuse about something I don't even remember. I didn't tell Ali till about it till three days later until I was sure he was not going to sign it (these three days being spent in my room crying not sure of what is going to happen). Well I finally tell Ali and what is his reaction ? "Well now we have an excuse to live in Lebanon. You will come visit me every year until you graduate college then you will come move here and we can start our lives" As simple as that. He wasn't even mad that my dad wouldn't sign. He just said "Massouna, he does not have to sign. Nobody is forcing him to ... plus your the one that wants to live in the US because of your career and school".

Well I come and tell my parents what Ali said and I am crying so hard. What does my dad do ? Go sign it and mail it off. It was all a test to see what Ali's reaction was going to be. I didn't even know about this test, and apparently Ali passed. I am glad my dad did this because it shows how much he is willing to look out for me. I was right all along, but he just made sure that there wasn't a single ounce of doubt in anyones mind.