Yallah Middle East 2.0

[myfellah 0]

Angel,

I know how you feel. When my husband was putting down $1 I figured they would think he put it in wrong or have a good laugh but it was the truth. It didn't seem to matter because he was interviewed for the first place he put in his application for at that very moment. I worried about him all day and still do now and then. My biggest worry is that he is such an honest hard working man that they would take advantage of this as so many people aren't either thing. But he loves his job and it seems they see how hard working he is and instead of taking advantage they reward him, how ironic and pleasing Now we are talking of getting a new car, my car is a 2001 so with needing two we don't want to lose that one. I keep thinking of how can I see him driving off to work on his own without worrying. I know I'm not his mother but a wife can worry too until proven there is no worry needed. It's good to know I'm not alone in this.

Doreen

[MrsAmera 41]

This job thing is killing me. Everyday Youssef tells me "I want to work, I want a job..." Which I can understand but he only has 6 weeks left on his temp. EAD and he doesn't understand that after the 6 weeks he can't work anymore. (Plus he insisted we go to NYC for 10 days to see his brother this month). I've tried to explain it to him but he doesn't get it and thinks I'm just being mean. We have a 2 year old too and sometimes I feel like I have 2 children. I told him to get an application from Pizza Hut (near our house) - but he only wants a job that he doesn't have to talk to anyone. Arghhh! He takes ESL classes every morning and he needs to finish his GED still. (No HS Diploma). He doesn't get how important education is here and that frustrates me. He thinks about right this second and not down the road. If he concentrated now, study English good and finished his EAD by the time our AOS is done he could get a decent job. But he doesn't take school seriously. It's hard for me to understand because I work my ### off carrying 18 credits, and working 20+ hrs a week, taking care of the baby and him too. AHHHHH I just don't know what to do. It's at the point where every day when he mentions it I want to run into the bathroom and hide.

[sara535 15]

Amera the job thing and adjusting to life in the US is a lot harder than I expected. Adnan bitched wildly every single day when he couldn't work, it certainly didn't help that his EAD got screwed up and he had to wait more than 6 months, but once it was taken care of and he got a job it was only about a week before he said "you know, I don;t really like this working so much. I don;t have any free time to do the things I want to!" fortunately we both have a good sense of humor so I just laughed right in his face.

and its true, I often feel like the mother also but try to keep some perspective and some humor. personally I cannot imagine what it would be like to have the shoe on the other foot and be in a totally new country, new life, etc. So I try to deal with him the way I would him to deal with me if it was me in Morocco. and hey, if you have to go hide in the bathroom for a few minutes every day to keep your sanity then so be it.

good luck

[kerewin21 2]

Angel, your story about Anmar is HILARIOUS!!!!

Amera, part of the reason Majid was so anxious to work is that his family at home is always asking him how much he is earning. They really think jobs grow on trees around here, and don't understand that you need work authorization and a social security number and so on. There may be pressures on him from home that you're not aware of.

I'm also frustrated with Maj's lack of commitment to education. He actually has his Bacc and a 2-year accounting degree, but his English could use some improvement. He's just not really willing to commit to any ESL classes. It's weird for me, because I LOVE learning languages, I've studied 4 different languages fairly seriously and would never miss an opportunity to improve my ability in one of them. I guess it's just a question of different values; after all, I've been in school for 20 years now , and my sister has a PhD and my brother is working on his PhD, so in my family school is really valued. I think in Maj's family earning money is more valued than education.

You might be surprised, someone might hire Youssef even with only 6 weeks on his work permit. Maj actually was able to find a job; I was shocked, but you could send him out there to see for himself.

Sharon

[UmmSqueakster 54]

(((Amera))) Maybe my husband can have a talkin to with Youssef. He's very sucess and education oriented, and very good with finances (he's an accountat). If they hang out, maybe he can slip it into the conversation somewhere.

If you guys have the time and energy, let me know when you have time to come up to the Twin Cities. DH has a volunteer job on Saturday morning, but the rest of our weekends are usually free.

And in other news, I may get to go swimming on Saturdays I was a lifeguard in High School, but haven't been swimming since I graduated and went to college. Now, all I have to do is find something decent to swim in. It's a sisters' swim, but I don't want to wear a normal swimsuit. I always hated normal swimsuits, and I'm a bit heavier than I used to be, so I'm sure now it will only be worse. Hopefully they'll let me wear my running pants and yoga top in the pool. Yaaaay swimming! Now I just have to convince my husband to let me buy this:

[honeyblonde 0]

Sharon, You know, I think that is probably why Abdel won't log on and talk to his family. He goes online after they are asleep and reads their instant messages and replies to them but that's it, and he'll only even do that once every week or two. He said they just don't understand that he isn't working yet and he won't let me give him any money to buy them presents. We've slowly been filling a box for them, but with all the renovation we've had no choice but to have to do, and the dental work he needs, we're pretty broke.

Amera, Hang in there girl. My last husband, Mustapha, was only 25 when I married him and he drove me nuts too. He was so needy and demanding I thought I would go crazy. About 3 years after we were divorced he apologized to me for being so needy and explained that a friend of his had just brought her husband here and he was seeing how much the guy was driving her nuts. Like Sarah said, if you can just hang in there until he can work things should be much better, although you guys are so young, and guys mature so much slower than women, that you might have a few years of waiting for him to grow up.

I do feel for those of you whose husbands don't value education while you do. Mustapha was that way and it bothered me, but he seems to be quite successful in spite of his lack of interest in education. He has managed to start his own business and after a few years he has become modestly successful. (just type Marrakesh Cafe Kansas City in Google and you'll find him). He came here with only the clothes on his back and very little English. Don't give up on your man just because he doesn't value the same things you do.

I guess I'm lucky that Abdel does value education as much or more than I do. But hey, this is my 4th marriage, hopefully my last, so maybe I finally got it right this time!

[MrsAmera 41]

I think you guys are right about the family thing. I know his mom asks him everytime if he's working yet. I wish that they would understand. He has such a need to prove his "manhood" by having a job, but he's not "man" enough to stand up and say "Hey listen, I can't work right now. I'm going to school and as soon as I can work I will." The education thing gets me - it seems like a lot of people there place such a low value on education as a way to achieve success and that only through work do you recieve praise. Seems somewhat the opposite of here. Like someone said if I had the chance to not work and only study I would LOVE it. I told him if we were in Morocco and someone told me "All you need to do is go to Arabic classes" I would be jumping up and down out of excitement.

Rahma - I think we do need to come out to Minneapolis soon. I think that it would help him to talk to someone who might be better able to explain and help him understand. Maybe in the beginning of April if it works out for you guys? This weekend we're doing wedding invites, next weekend it's birthday parties (him and our son), and then we'll be in NYC for a week. But I really want to come over and meet you guys! Send me a PM and let's see if we can work something out.

Thanks for all your support. It makes me feel better to see that I'm not the only one dealing with this work/school issue. Really, I am so thankful for this site (even though he loathes it....). You girls are awesome!

[lamaestra 0]

Now, I am starting to get very concerned about what life will be like for my fiance and me when he finally arrives. I do not want him to feel like less of a man, but I can't help but feel that he will be emasculated with his wife paying all the bills and driving him around town. He has already told me that he

"will be the head of the family."

Tell me this. For those of you who are your husband's sponsors, does being his sponsor mean you can not quit your job for 3 years? I am asking this because we want to start our family soon after we are married, but I am concerned about having to take time off during the pregnancy and after the birth of the baby. What would happen if you got laid off before the "support" period ending? Would someone else have to step up to be his sponsor?

[MrsAmera 41]

I don't think there's a requirement that you keep the same job - and having a child would certainly be a reason to have a leave of abscence from employment. You will most likely need a co-sponsor however if you can't show proof of income at the time of your interview. We wanted to have a baby right away too but that's kind of tough, especially if you're the only one that can work (female USC). It will probably be a year or two until we'll feel financially comfortable to start trying.

[LaL 418]

Tell me this. For those of you who are your husband's sponsors, does being his sponsor mean you can not quit your job for 3 years? I am asking this because we want to start our family soon after we are married, but I am concerned about having to take time off during the pregnancy and after the birth of the baby. What would happen if you got laid off before the "support" period ending? Would someone else have to step up to be his sponsor?

We have had a "change in plans" as to the affidavit of support. Once we get the Adjustment of Status interview, we will be resubmitting a new affidavit with Abdel's name. I have cut back many hours and changed jobs leaving me with much lower income. Now that he has received his EAD, he will transfer to the American affiliate and his income will suffice for the requirement. The only requirement that I know of to do this is to be sure my husband is employed here for 6 months prior to the interview.

In my opinion, as long as you either have a co-sponsor or your hubby takes on the affidavit himself, you should be able to go ahead with your plans.

[kerewin21 2]

Now, I am starting to get very concerned about what life will be like for my fiance and me when he finally arrives. I do not want him to feel like less of a man, but I can't help but feel that he will be emasculated with his wife paying all the bills and driving him around town. He has already told me that he

"will be the head of the family."

I would say, try to prepare him as much as possible ahead of time for the fact that although his family and friends think he will immediately be earning thousands of dollars a month, he will only be able to work a few months (if he is lucky- you're doing a K-1, right?) and then will probably have to stop for another 3 months or so before he gets his work authorization. During that time, you will have to be the one supporting the two of you. I don't know how it will be for you and your fiance, but I suggest that you try to prepare him to have his primary job be to be helpful around the house, to get used to the culture here and learn his way around, and to work on his English when he first arrives.

Tell me this. For those of you who are your husband's sponsors, does being his sponsor mean you can not quit your job for 3 years? I am asking this because we want to start our family soon after we are married, but I am concerned about having to take time off during the pregnancy and after the birth of the baby. What would happen if you got laid off before the "support" period ending? Would someone else have to step up to be his sponsor?

It's not like they're following up on you after AOS to see if you're still earning enough money. As far as I can tell, you need to be able to prove you have sufficient income at the time of the interview at the consulate, then again when you send in AOS and again when you have your AOS interview, which hopefully won't be more than a year from when you apply. That locks you into your job for maybe 2 years from when you first apply for the K-1, but after that AOS interview I think you're home free... at least until the end of the conditional green card, I don't know the details on that. You may need to show sufficient income for that application, but as lal_brandow says, your husband will be able sponsor himself if he has been working.

That's just what I've gleaned from these pages, so please someone correct me if I'm wrong!

Sharon

BTW, lamaestra, fill in your timeline (or link it if you've already filled it out) so that we can see where you are in the process!

[jordanianprincess 0]

I think the reason your husbands feel so bad about not working and not wanting to deal with their families about this is that because most people in the Middle East think that Jobs and money grow on trees. When I went on vacation to Jordan, I had two 70 lb suitcases full of clothes and shoes and came back with next to nothing. They figured that if i lived in america I had the money to buy new stuff.

Another thing is that (and they may not have shared this information with you) when told their families they were getting married and moving to the US, the most likely told them that it would give them a better life (which usually means more money) and that they could help the family and send money to them. It's kinda like a pride thing, most men in that region are heavily relied upon in their families as care givers.

Jordanian Princess

[dollface41601 0]

wow ya'll are scaring me with this mothering thing...i think things will be alot easier for sofyan and myself considering he has instant permanent residency and he has a job lined up....i think adjusting may take some time...but im not really worried about a whole lot

i finally got to see baby Yamen...my sis in laws baby who was just born...he is the cutest thing ever! goin to Kufranjaa was so nice...

[dollface41601 0]

Forgot to mention ..............16 days til the interview!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Aymerlu 3]

Ok, are you gals ready to giggle? I was talking to Khallid this morning asking him what he needs/wants, etc once he gets here. I want him to feel very comfortable once he is here. So then I thought.......HEY WHAT ABOUT THOSE A$$ WASHERS YOU HAVE ON THE TOLIETS? DO YOU NEED/WANT ONE OF THOSE THINGYS? So the answer is YES, he would like one, which is fine with me, but where the heck do you find one? I can just visulize my kids spraying the whole bathroom! Anyone else got one of these thingys and where do I find them????