Setting up the household before she arrives

[Kotenochek 0]

And Satellite, it kind of is like getting a new puppy or a kitty for most of us. We go through months and months (sometimes years) of waiting and then we jump in, head first, with someone from a completely different culture that speaks a completely different language. (Being from the FSU, you got the luxury of having less of a "culture shock" than most of us.)

I think that Russians and Americans are very similar, no cultural differences to speak of, really. I mean, we don't bow to our bosses and we don't go around wearing kimonos, right?

I certainly didn't feel like I was getting a new puppy when I moved in with husband, but I moved in from one apartment in California to another, so it was very different from what a lot of future spouses are going through here. What I asked him to do before I moved in was to find some space for my computer desk and free one book shelf for my books

One thing is to move from one flat in Ca to another and is different to come from russia straight to luive with a man you supposed to spend the rest of your life:)

Great it worked for you though:)I did appreciate all my man tried to do to impress me:)

[Jolie Melusine 0]

Ah, mama, mama! It was so funny to read what guys wrote about preparations Kettles, tapochki, tampons, cleaning etc We were in a very good contact with my husband (fiancee at that time) and I didn't have any thoughts about how I would be checking dust or durty dishes. It's not that important as understanding between you and it's easier to solve than problems in your relationships.

It reminds me my arrival. My first crying because all these stupid stores were full of ugliest stuff I've ever seen! I regreted so much that I didn't buy more skirts, pants, tops there, in Russia!!! And then bras... Here they all look like cops vests - thik and able to protact you even against missils No lace, nothing feminine ( throwing up under the copm desk). Forget about Victoria's secret. Fredericks is better then Victoria's secret in question of flirty and feminine underwear. And then Frederck's supports better unusual sizes which can be very important issue. It already costed me a lot of tears during my fruitless search in all these Macy's, Targets, JCPenny etc.

If your fiancee loves sewing or knitting then find some fabric and yarn stores. JoAnn is not bad but... There is not any other normal stores of this kind any way. Na bezrybye i rak ryba About money - oh, yeah! Some cash in her pocket is always a good idea It's not bad to walk for self entertainment to the closest store and buy just couple of simple things. I love to see cashiers' surprised faces - that's all you need?! I answer that I have my husband for all these heavy groceries Usually they don't catch it but try to smile. They so got used to see people buying mountains of food and driving cars that they can't imagine 5 mins walk with a package of cottage cheese

About spending time somewhere else - it depends on her caracter and life expirience. I had to work a lot and sometimes I had 3 jobs at the same time when I was in Russia. I really don't miss it and we take our time in this question - tax return gives us more money then my possible job, so why bother? I stay the most part of time in our apartment doing regular home things. And I don't feel bored. When you have a little child then permanent mess is garanteed Also I have my own gym - sewing machine, knitting machine, vacuum cleaner etc During 6 months I was busy without any jobs - homeschooling was taking a lot of time. My daughter didn't speak English at all when we came here. Also she was in the first grade in her russian school and I had to teach her basic things in maths and handwriting in both languages. Now she gets test results even better than kids who were born and grew up here!

As you can see - you always can find something to do. And ask her more often what she would like to do, to try or may be she has her own ideas about things you proposed. Talk, talk and once again talk to her. It's impossible to think ahead about everything. And it's always good to ask her instead of guessing.

[visceral image 0]

The absolute most important preparation has been - consult, consult, consult. She wants to be involved in the details, no matter how small. By doing this one thing it has enabled her to play a huge part in shaping the environment that we can truly call "ours".

for our new life, I have purchased a house; I sent her photos of many of the houses I looked at and we selected one together.

during my last visit with Alla, I took along some home magazines to get an idea of what she likes; from the magazines I learned she liked open spaces, lots of light, views out the window, cozy comfortable spaces, fireplaces, etc.

Alla has a dog, the house has a fence but it is old and looks like hell; I am working with Alla to plan a new fence; I sent her some photos of different designs and once we agree I will build the fence. I will send her progress photos to share the process together.

I have purchased some cheap used furniture; this will help the house not look empty until we can go together and pick out new furniture.

This process makes us closer and gives me something to work on during the long wait process.

[mendeleev 68]

But what about dictionaries?

Our computers all have Lingvo on them -- a Russian-English dictionary I got a few years ago. I'll buy the current version when I return.

There are also several paper Russian-English dictionaries. Kenneth Katzner's seems to be the best for "American" English but we have others. When she was here last time (on the K1) we kept them lying around the place so that we could quickly look up that word that one or the other of us was reaching for.

My wife is pretty fluent in English (college degree in English, plenty of work experience, govt certified translator, besides relating to me in English over the distance for these years) but there are still plenty of words she doesn't know. And most Russian toddlers speak Russian better than I do. The dictionaries can be impt!

[Turboguy 6]

Well, I am a day and a half into this and it has been interesting and great actually. Funny how much you can clean and how much you will miss. I envy guys with an efficiency apartment.

First thing when she walked through the door was to ask me (ask???) to get rid of the Russian stuff I had, Stacking dolls, etc) All in all it has been great. People at JFK were rude but the lady customer at the yogurt counter in WalMart ballanced that off with striking up a conversation with her and telling her the weight watcher's yogurt was the best thing ever and just being very friendly. It left a good impresision of America with her.

Today we are off to the outlet malls.

[visceral image 0]

Turbo

I wish you the very best; it will be fun the first couple weeks but also shocking.

[mox 298]

Congratulations to the both of you! I'm a bit jealous, but completely happy for you!

Please do keep dropping in to let us know how you're both adjusting to life with each other.

Well, I am a day and a half into this and it has been interesting and great actually. Funny how much you can clean and how much you will miss. I envy guys with an efficiency apartment.

First thing when she walked through the door was to ask me (ask???) to get rid of the Russian stuff I had, Stacking dolls, etc) All in all it has been great. People at JFK were rude but the lady customer at the yogurt counter in WalMart ballanced that off with striking up a conversation with her and telling her the weight watcher's yogurt was the best thing ever and just being very friendly. It left a good impresision of America with her.

Today we are off to the outlet malls.

[NavarreMan 10]

I can only speak for myself on this but I think this is absolutely the best thread I have read on this forum. I stumbled across this thread this morning and read it from start to finish. I was under the mistaken impression that no one else thought about these things in advance and I am happy to be wrong.

Your advice and insights into this subject are welcome and informative. I also have purchased a new house for the 2 of us. She was instrumental in selecting it and it will remain undecorated until she arrives. I feel that she needs to have her "territory" and the house is it. I am well aware that she is leaving behind everything she has ever known and my sacrifice is small in comparrison.

Mox, Jeff & Slim (and others), your posts have been entertaining and helpful. I just talked to Tanya and she has said she would like for me to wait until she arrives and we will go shopping for the necessities at first and stock up on the other things as they come up. I have befriended several Russian immigrants in my area and they have filled me in on all the places to shop for food etc. I think I am ready to roll, or as ready as I will ever be.

I would love to see more posts on here from the women and on their experiences during their first few months. What was it like for them? What did they do to adjust? What were their needs and discoveries? I would love to sharew this info with Tanya to better prepare her for the transition. I know each story will be different but it would still be helpful.

Looking forward to hearing more on this subject.

Bill

[mox 298]

Agreed Nav, I'd like to see more posts from the women's perspective. What did we do wrong, what did we do right, how could we have made your move to America easier?

And yeah, this has been a really fun thread. Maybe even sticky-worthy? Hmmm....

[Turboguy 6]

Well, let's see we are in day 3 assuming she wakes up after 12 hours in bed and has not contracted sleeping sickness. She did move about 4 hours ago so I do know she is alive. Of course in trying to keep her company I am normally a 5-6 hours sleeper but managed over 11 myself.

I can't say anthing much different than anyone else would say. You already can't reconginze my house and I think she has barely started. I am probably lucky that she was here on a K-1 once before so she had a better idea what to expect. She has probably been a little less into cooking than some so we are splitting those duties. Having survived a long time as a batchlor I can survive on my own cooking but pizza and burgers are not quite her thing.

Today I will go to work for a few hours so it will be our first time apart. She should be fine. I had sort of planned some heavy duty shopping for clothes for her over the weekend but we were too busy on the house so my budget is still intact.

I could probably get her to post some of her impressions but again she has been here before so may have known more what to expect.

[slim 1,525]

I would love to see more posts on here from the women and on their experiences during their first few months.

Me too! I've tried in vain to get my wife to post here but it's just not interesting for her. Plus, this is kind of "my" thing. When your S/O arrives, ensure she has the opportunity to get some things that are just "hers" that she can do without you. I'll stress again being 100% dependent on you is not something most of the recent S/O arrivals look forward to. If you afford her the time and chance to really take on something without you it will probably be really helpful down the road.

I had sort of planned some heavy duty shopping for clothes for her over the weekend but we were too busy on the house so my budget is still intact.

Good luck keeping it that way!

[L_n_O 3]

good luck!

[groovlstk 0]

Me too! I've tried in vain to get my wife to post here but it's just not interesting for her. Plus, this is kind of "my" thing.

My wife is the same way Slim, she looks at the boards as some sort of playground for boys and couldn't be bothered to post!

In my experience, there is no greater friend to you during the time of your fiancee's initial transition than PATIENCE. Whenever you feel sorry for yourself after she inexplicably loses it and blames you for every calamity under the sun, every time she confesses that she wishes she were back home in Russia, every time you take her out to dinner and she orders something expensive and after one bite decides she doesn't like it... SUCK IT UP and remember the sacrifices she's made and the enormous stress she is feeling while living in a strange land, completely dependent upon you for everything.

[Kotenochek 0]

The absolute most important preparation has been - consult, consult, consult. She wants to be involved in the details, no matter how small. By doing this one thing it has enabled her to play a huge part in shaping the environment that we can truly call "ours".

for our new life, I have purchased a house; I sent her photos of many of the houses I looked at and we selected one together.

during my last visit with Alla, I took along some home magazines to get an idea of what she likes; from the magazines I learned she liked open spaces, lots of light, views out the window, cozy comfortable spaces, fireplaces, etc.

Alla has a dog, the house has a fence but it is old and looks like hell; I am working with Alla to plan a new fence; I sent her some photos of different designs and once we agree I will build the fence. I will send her progress photos to share the process together.

I have purchased some cheap used furniture; this will help the house not look empty until we can go together and pick out new furniture.

This process makes us closer and gives me something to work on during the long wait process.

We bought house also same way:)he showed me all options and i choosed.about decorations he said he wants me to do it and we doing now bit by bit when we find some good deals for some pictures and stuff that makes home homey:)

[Kotenochek 0]

I agree with Slim about her having stuff that is just about her..But I have other issue..

Alex is working all day and I am proud of him being a hard worker.while he is at work I am taking care of house,cooking him lunch and dinner-only healthy stuff so takes quite a time to cook.

Before I was getting very depressed,because transportation here is not developed much and I do not have my drivers license yet.So tell her fiancee if she has a chance to take license in russia before coming.

Also I really missed Alex while he was at work,since he is my only friend here:)))

so we sorted out it recently couple days ago..Now each lunch he picks me up and we go to workout together:)Before his arrival i have his lunch ready,so he can eat afterwards at work.

after Gym I feel like life is much better:))and have bunch of home stuff to do,then i answer emails from friends and family and start cooking dinner for him.

I had great career in russia with 2 works at the time travelling all the time all over the world..I really miss that times,but hey that was my choice.We also realized that we are way too career obsessed and if we work apart we will end up devorcing...Work will take all our lives..so we compromising before problem occurs,i am helping him bit by bit now with his work from home,like filling forms and stuff-he is a Loan officer..and he suggested me to try work with him,so that way we see each other more.again it is about personalities..I am crazy for my husband and want to be near all the time,so does he..But i am still having just mine thing which is going to be teaching ballet to little girls:)that way we both get what we want.

Regarding clothes:I left bunch of stuff jin russia and actually regret it.I am tall as most russian girls and have way too long legs for this country.I shoped all over Northern Ca and can not find new pair of pants or jeans!

So if your girl is that case,tell her to shop for pants in russia.

For home stuff we shop at Ross-they have a great deals.

As for climate i love to read news and seeing in russia is snowing,while i am in a warm california where people complain if its 25C..lol

So i appreciate that comfort.

again its a serious thing to go through k1 and time for an adult relationship where people discuss what they both should change about themselves to make it work:)

good luck with that:)