Setting up the household before she arrives

[slim 1,525]

Pink razors, not a necessity, but if you do buy them, keep them in the packet and only buy a travel size or the pack with 3 in it. (If you're going to buy small toiletries to hold her over until she can do some shopping.)

For stuff like a hair dryer, curling iron, clothes iron (and board) tea kettle, etc., you should be able to go to a discount store near you (we have one here called Big Lots) and pick up something cheap for her to use until she really finds the one she likes. If you're really lucky, she'll like the cheap one.

Same goes for clothes. Stores like TJ Maxx, Kohls, Value City, Target, etc., are always going to have better deals than Bebe, Saks, and Macy's. (If you can get your wife to always avoid the latter, please PM me and let me know the magic potion you're using.) And don't forget about internet shopping. The Victoria's Secret website is always having good deals and sales, so get on the e-mail list for those. Be careful that she doesn't get hooked on e-shopping, but you can use it as a tool for her to better view what's available. Plus, it'll give her something to do while you're gone.

And don't forget about your wholesale discount stores. Sam's Club, Costco, etc., are awesome for getting what you need at the lowest prices, even for stuff like a tea kettle. (Bought a nice one at Costco for only $15. A year later, it's still going strong!) The savings on toilet paper and paper towels alone will more than pay for your membership. Plus, most of them also sell gas at a discounted price. And you may need a wedding ring set soon...... discount jewelry isn't too bad at these stores.

Oh, and don't forget the water filtration system or big jug of water. I don't know about your girl in particular, but just about everyone on here says their S/O looks at tap water like sulfuric acid. Gotta have clean water.

More to follow....

[slim 1,525]

Edited: A couple posts back someone said you should give your fiancee some money in case she wants to buy tampons or other "feminine" products or something of that nature. I agree you should give her some pocket money to use for stuff, but the whole tampon issue should be resolved quick, fast, and in a hurry. You're going to get married. Sure there are going to be some things that may not be all the way comfortable at first, especially since most of you getting married on this site really haven't spent a lot of time with each other, but something like personal issues, the bathroom, the "icky" stuff that each of you do..... GET OVER IT! And get over it quickly. You're going to be living together and interacting on a daily basis. It would be a shame if 30 years from now you still have to sneak into the bathroom to pinch a loaf because you're too embarassed for your S/O to hear. And buying tampons? Come on! That's like being embarassed to buy condoms. You should be proud to buy that stuff! Walking up to the counter with a big grin on your face and slapping it down in triumph (while assuming the "Captain Morgan" pose), it says to the whole world "Look at me, I'm about to get some!" And buying tampons only takes it a step further, proclaiming, "Look at me. I get it so much that she's comfortable having me purchase tampons for her!"

[mox 298]

Edited: A couple posts back someone said you should give your fiancee some money in case she wants to buy tampons or other "feminine" products or something of that nature. I agree you should give her some pocket money to use for stuff, but the whole tampon issue should be resolved quick, fast, and in a hurry. You're going to get married. Sure there are going to be some things that may not be all the way comfortable at first, especially since most of you getting married on this site really haven't spent a lot of time with each other, but something like personal issues, the bathroom, the "icky" stuff that each of you do..... GET OVER IT! And get over it quickly. You're going to be living together and interacting on a daily basis. It would be a shame if 30 years from now you still have to sneak into the bathroom to pinch a loaf because you're too embarassed for your S/O to hear. And buying tampons? Come on! That's like being embarassed to buy condoms. You should be proud to buy that stuff! Walking up to the counter with a big grin on your face and slapping it down in triumph (while assuming the "Captain Morgan" pose), it says to the whole world "Look at me, I'm about to get some!" And buying tampons only takes it a step further, proclaiming, "Look at me. I get it so much that she's comfortable having me purchase tampons for her!"

Just to clarify...I shouldn't proclaim to the whole world "Look at me, I'm about to get some!" while buying the tampons, right?

Having been married previously, I won't have a problem with the "icky" stuff. But I have read that (generic) "she" might be embarrassed to shop for feminine products with the hubby-to-be, at least at first. Which is understandable. As for me, I'll be sending my teenage daughter out shopping with her, so I get to dodge that whole bullet.

[slim 1,525]

Just to clarify...I shouldn't proclaim to the whole world "Look at me, I'm about to get some!" while buying the tampons, right?

Yeah, you're probably right. Unless you're into that sort of thing.

Having been married previously, I won't have a problem with the "icky" stuff. But I have read that (generic) "she" might be embarrassed to shop for feminine products with the hubby-to-be, at least at first. Which is understandable. As for me, I'll be sending my teenage daughter out shopping with her, so I get to dodge that whole bullet.

You're a lucky man!

[1HappyGuy 45]

Slim, I almost fell out of my chair laughing at your post. I think everyone has to understand that certain aspects of marriage are difficult at first but you need to get used to it. My wife is still having a difficult time with our bathroom having the toilet, sink and shower in the same room. Luckily we have two bathrooms.

I think the cure for shopping at the cheaper stores versus the high priced ones is to start out at the high priced stores. Tell her you are going on a "shopping trip" with her to find the best deals. Make sure she understands how much you want her to compare prices before buying. That will probably work.

It's not a matter of being cheap but some of those stores (Macy's, Saks, etc.) are really over priced on a lot of items.

[Kotenochek 0]

My fiance had all pads and women"s stuff for me before I even arrived..

Its funny,but he knew which type i Like to use and how much of what I need.

Also he prepapred for me medical insurance,since his work is covering partially me as well,so after a week of my arrival I had my own insurance.

We also have a new house which is completely empty.all we have is tv some office couches and one bed.2 other bedrooms are free and i never even go into there.

Its a good idea to wait for me till i come to decorate it,but I have more business mind as he does and understanding it well that decoration does not increase a value of your property,so I would rather pay mortgage in advance if we have any "extra" money...

The biggest problem is transportation ,which we are working on right now and I am learning to drive.I would never drive in Moscow,but North of Ca has a problem with a public transportation...

Slim is right about making women busy it is very tough for an active russian women just sit home..Even though we have a huge house to take care of,Its not enaugh...I am helping my fiance with work,he is bringing me some,so that way i also support him.

Gym is also a great thing to take your mind away from being so far from your family.

I talk to mom every day for a bout a half an hour or a bit more..

Make sure she knows and is ready before she comes here that people are very into their own business and you do not tell to"friends"your personal problems..

In Russia everyone talks of it with no problem...

Make sure that you save bunch of money,because first time even food takes lots of money till you settle and find out whats better to eat for both of you:)

Haha and make sure you buy bunch of fruits..russians eat more fruits than anyone..all safeway is laughing at me shopping every day for fresh organic strawberries...But hey its better than donuts for your body:)))

[calamitka 0]

Oh my,

Guys, guys you missing the point, most probably because of my “still need to be improved” English…

This is not about being embarrassed buying tampons, condoms…whatever this is just part of life and maybe I gave wrong example. And really this is not about nuances and obviousness of woman- man, man –man, woman- woman living together.

My post was about her being embarrassed to asking you to buy her everything, every single ting. You wouldn't like to be in her shoes. Imagine this is like a violation of her independency. I still think that some pocket money will help her, before she starts working.

LOL slim I appreciate your enthusiasm with proclaiming in Captain Morgan pose (from limited edition of course with that tasty vanilla flavor) that you about to get some tampons.

[mox 298]

Oh my,

Guys, guys you missing the point, most probably because of my “still need to be improved” English…

This is not about being embarrassed buying tampons, condoms…whatever this is just part of life and maybe I gave wrong example. And really this is not about nuances and obviousness of woman- man, man –man, woman- woman living together.

My post was about her being embarrassed to asking you to buy her everything, every single ting. You wouldn't like to be in her shoes. Imagine this is like a violation of her independency. I still think that some pocket money will help her, before she starts working.

LOL slim I appreciate your enthusiasm with proclaiming in Captain Morgan pose (from limited edition of course with that tasty vanilla flavor) that you about to get some tampons.

I picked up on your point calamitka, although I have also read that buying personal effects such as tampons is embarrassing to some women. So there is a double point to be made. I think establishing her independence as early as possible is going to be very important. Nadya's a very independent woman anyway, so I know it's going to be important to make her feel useful and independent very early on.

[calamitka 0]

Thank you moxcamel.

…and sorry for impatience in my tone, like all of us I’m getting anxious with this whole waiting.

Wish you good luck.

[mox 298]

Thank you moxcamel.

…and sorry for impatience in my tone, like all of us I’m getting anxious with this whole waiting.

Wish you good luck.

No apologies are necessary, I detected no impatience in your tone. And I am very grateful for your advice!

[Satellite 1]

Anyone else have suggestions on how they setup their household to get ready for her arrival? Any special "Russification" things I can do to make her feel more at home?

You guys are hilarious. You talk about this as if you are getting a new puppy or kitten! Litter box, food, chewable bone, warm blanket, etc...

[mox 298]

Anyone else have suggestions on how they setup their household to get ready for her arrival? Any special "Russification" things I can do to make her feel more at home?

You guys are hilarious. You talk about this as if you are getting a new puppy or kitten! Litter box, food, chewable bone, warm blanket, etc...

That's certainly not how I think of this at all. I understand that this woman is leaving behind everything she's ever known, including her family, friends, and the culture that's been integral to her since birth. She's sacrificing everything to be with me, and I don't take it lightly. I want to make sure her first days are as comfortable as I can make them. If I'm taking a light tone, it's only because there's no reason to be overly dramatic. But make no mistake, I don't for one second think of her as some kind of toy or pet. I don't think anyone who's serious about such a complicated relationship takes it lightly.

[slim 1,525]

All valid points made above.

The "dependency" issue is probably the hardest thing to work through. It was extremely difficult for us (we were pretty short on cash, so even something like meeting new people for coffee was seldom, if ever, done) and is still going on even now. It's not like it was, but the first few months, before she could work, were very difficult.

Working doesn't solve everything though, so to minimize her feelings of being "caged in" and totally needing you for everything, encourage her as much as possible, and as early as possible, to get involved in something outside the home. Something that will take up a large amount of her time, and something that DOES NOT involve you. "Me" time is very important, especially when everything else in her life revolves around you.

And Satellite, it kind of is like getting a new puppy or a kitty for most of us. We go through months and months (sometimes years) of waiting and then we jump in, head first, with someone from a completely different culture that speaks a completely different language. (Being from the FSU, you got the luxury of having less of a "culture shock" than most of us.) There are huge obstacles to overcome, and the more planning and preparation that goes into it, the more successful the start of the relationship will be. That doesn't mean acquiring an S/O is like acquiring a new pet, but it's a similar instance in which one can increase the chances of a successful transition by taking certain steps prior to the arrival of the new household member; puppy or person.

[dagobert2 0]

I am speaking from the perspective of being married but not yet living together - the interview is next week. I don't believe it is all that different than a situation where any two people are merging their individual lifestyles. There has got to be give and take compromises in the set-up decisions. Given that I am the one whose house we are merging into it was extremely important for me to begin thinking in terms of "ours" instead of "mine" immediately. That is a key mental shift that has to be made early because it takes a little time. Once that happened I found myself open to the process of making the home something different than it has ever been and we began the process of creating that household together. It has been a great way for us to work on our relationship skills and the details of our marital arrangement while waiting for the immigration process. Sure beats droning, redundant versions of "I love you , I miss you". If your spouse or fiance is open to the idea and you can create a budget for such a "project" I can highly recommend it. We worked together on everything from interior remodeling details to handling finances, to indoor climate control preferences, to parenting techniques...etc. I would venture that in the 9 months we've been married and apart we've have accomplished more in terms of aligning our individual lives than I managed in the 14 years of my first marriage (I am only slightly embarrassed to say). That's not to say there won't be changes or revisions to decisions we've made but we feel great about the progress under the circumstances.

So what have I done to prepare? Here are some (in no particular order): get the electric teapot, remove clutter (AKA purge the basement and all storage areas), adopt the no shoes rule, stop using plastic cups, begin using separate cutting boards and knives for meat and vegetables, get rid of most of the antiques (the American definition is "antique", the Russian defintion is "used junk"), don't hang things on the walls (that will be something we decide together and I had way too much so I probably can't be trusted to make this choice alone). I won't get into the details of my "general contractor" duties but trust me when I say they were significant. The absolute most important preparation has been - consult, consult, consult. She wants to be involved in the details, no matter how small. By doing this one thing it has enabled her to play a huge part in shaping the environment that we can truly call "ours".

[Nancy2015 2]

And Satellite, it kind of is like getting a new puppy or a kitty for most of us. We go through months and months (sometimes years) of waiting and then we jump in, head first, with someone from a completely different culture that speaks a completely different language. (Being from the FSU, you got the luxury of having less of a "culture shock" than most of us.)

I think that Russians and Americans are very similar, no cultural differences to speak of, really. I mean, we don't bow to our bosses and we don't go around wearing kimonos, right?

I certainly didn't feel like I was getting a new puppy when I moved in with husband, but I moved in from one apartment in California to another, so it was very different from what a lot of future spouses are going through here. What I asked him to do before I moved in was to find some space for my computer desk and free one book shelf for my books