Wife raped

[pushbrk 12,892]

my thoughts to you is that if you really love your wife, you should go to your country as soon as possible. Console her and then, if you have decided that you do not wanna tell this to police, your only option is abortion. You have to do that. Adn then, everthing will be ok after a while. You need to console your wife and do this right away.

Your right I should go there but can not afford it. She is with her family now and they are helping her alot.

We are talking chat and cam to cam 6 hours a day and computer phone talk about it.

She can not have an abortion it is illegal there and she does not belive in it also.

I understand you can't afford to go. However, I think if she is going to have any chance for a visa, you must be there at the time of her interview and have spent some more time with her and her family. I don't know if you can be with her during the actual interview in Manila but that would be good too.

If this means you must borrow or beg to afford to go, I think you must do it.

I just do not see a visa being awarded in a high fraud country like the PI, to a woman who became pregnant by a man other than her husband, during the visa process, then gave the baby to the "friend's" family to raise. I don't mean to be dismissive of her ordeal but the above are the verifiable facts. As sad as it is, her ordeal is not verifiable.

If you are there in the room with her presenting a bona fide relationship, the two of you together have the best chance of presenting a relationship the Consular officer believes in.

[archie07 0]

my thoughts to you is that if you really love your wife, you should go to your country as soon as possible. Console her and then, if you have decided that you do not wanna tell this to police, your only option is abortion. You have to do that. Adn then, everthing will be ok after a while. You need to console your wife and do this right away.

Your right I should go there but can not afford it. She is with her family now and they are helping her alot.

We are talking chat and cam to cam 6 hours a day and computer phone talk about it.

She can not have an abortion it is illegal there and she does not belive in it also.

I understand you can't afford to go. However, I think if she is going to have any chance for a visa, you must be there at the time of her interview and have spent some more time with her and her family. I don't know if you can be with her during the actual interview in Manila but that would be good too.

If this means you must borrow or beg to afford to go, I think you must do it.

I just do not see a visa being awarded in a high fraud country like the PI, to a woman who became pregnant by a man other than her husband, during the visa process, then gave the baby to the "friend's" family to raise. I don't mean to be dismissive of her ordeal but the above are the verifiable facts. As sad as it is, her ordeal is not verifiable.

If you are there in the room with her presenting a bona fide relationship, the two of you together have the best chance of presenting a relationship the Consular officer believes in.

That is the best advice I believe Dave can get. He needs to be at that interview for sure. Save your money Dave or get a credit card. Good luck

[rebeccajo 14]

Are you all trying to tell me that a woman from the Philippines would be too ashamed after a rape to disclose it to her American husband after it happened?

I am NOT being a wise-a$$ - is that a cultural truth?

Rape is a very traumatic experience. It's difficult for me to understand why a woman would NOT tell her husband immediately. Telling your husband you have been violated isn't the same thing as telling everybody in the village.

If there is ANYTHING about this story that doesn't wash as culturally believable to the CO, it's not going to matter diddly-squat if the OP makes more visits or is even present for the interview. If the CO views the beneficiary as using an American citizen solely for the purpose of immigrating, the visa will be denied.

[pushbrk 12,892]

Are you all trying to tell me that a woman from the Philippines would be too ashamed after a rape to disclose it to her American husband after it happened?

I am NOT being a wise-a$$ - is that a cultural truth?

Rape is a very traumatic experience. It's difficult for me to understand why a woman would NOT tell her husband immediately. Telling your husband you have been violated isn't the same thing as telling everybody in the village.

If there is ANYTHING about this story that doesn't wash as culturally believable to the CO, it's not going to matter diddly-squat if the OP makes more visits or is even present for the interview. If the CO views the beneficiary as using an American citizen solely for the purpose of immigrating, the visa will be denied.

All good points. I don't see it as wise-a$$ in the least. I don't know the answer to the question but it is what it is. At this point, the couple has little choice but to do as much as they can to have and present a bona fide relationship at interview. We really don't know if this will come up at interview. I suspect it will come up at the medical but really don't know if that information will get conveyed or picked up as critical by the Consular officer.

I do think that if the Consular officer asks the questions you've asked, there is little chance of a visa. Unfortunately, that/our opinion is of little help to Dave and his wife.

[rouguewave 7]

Are you all trying to tell me that a woman from the Philippines would be too ashamed after a rape to disclose it to her American husband after it happened?

The answer to your question is "Maybe". But perhaps it'd be best to discuss via a seperate thread if you wanted to explore the cultural nuances to this, rather than subjecting the OP to this.

[rebeccajo 14]

Are you all trying to tell me that a woman from the Philippines would be too ashamed after a rape to disclose it to her American husband after it happened?

The answer to your question is "Maybe". But perhaps it'd be best to discuss via a seperate thread if you wanted to explore the cultural nuances to this, rather than subjecting the OP to this.

Neither you nor the OP need worry about what I am 'subjecting' him to. It's nothing compared to what the CO may do. My questions are designed to make you THINK about what's likely in store at the interview. It's not doing anybody any good to sit here and pat him on the head and wish him good luck. After all, he asked us what is likely to happen. We'd be doing him a disservice to be less than honest.

Consular Officers at high fraud posts are trained to look for signs of immigration fraud. That training includes questioning the visa applicant in a manner which will yield pertinent answers. If shame over a rape is a cultural norm (to the extent a woman might not tell her husband) then the CO will know this. But you can bet your bottom dollar the CO will still question the woman to see if the shame is real or not. It's their job.

If you think I'm turning up too much heat on the OP, then there's little hope for him when he really gets into the kitchen.

[rouguewave 7]

Are you all trying to tell me that a woman from the Philippines would be too ashamed after a rape to disclose it to her American husband after it happened?

The answer to your question is "Maybe". But perhaps it'd be best to discuss via a seperate thread if you wanted to explore the cultural nuances to this, rather than subjecting the OP to this.

Neither you nor the OP need worry about what I am 'subjecting' him to. It's nothing compared to what the CO may do. My questions are designed to make you THINK about what's likely in store at the interview. It's not doing anybody any good to sit here and pat him on the head and wish him good luck. After all, he asked us what is likely to happen. We'd be doing him a disservice to be less than honest.

Consular Officers at high fraud posts are trained to look for signs of immigration fraud. That training includes questioning the visa applicant in a manner which will yield pertinent answers. If shame over a rape is a cultural norm (to the extent a woman might not tell her husband) then the CO will know this. But you can bet your bottom dollar the CO will still question the woman to see if the shame is real or not. It's their job.

If you think I'm turning up too much heat on the OP, then there's little hope for him when he really gets into the kitchen.

Whether it is a "cultural" norm or not, the CO will be concerned. "Cultural norm" is not the same as "Acceptable behavior". I'd suggest that the CO bases decisions on "Acceptable behavior" (based on US Standards) rather than "Cultural Norm". IMHO there is substantial difference.

My point was if you wanted to devolve to a philisophical or cultural discussion, it might be better elsewhere. As has been pointed out repeatedly, the CO is likely to be concerned in this case. Shall we repeat that over and over?

[rebeccajo 14]

Are you all trying to tell me that a woman from the Philippines would be too ashamed after a rape to disclose it to her American husband after it happened?

The answer to your question is "Maybe". But perhaps it'd be best to discuss via a seperate thread if you wanted to explore the cultural nuances to this, rather than subjecting the OP to this.

Neither you nor the OP need worry about what I am 'subjecting' him to. It's nothing compared to what the CO may do. My questions are designed to make you THINK about what's likely in store at the interview. It's not doing anybody any good to sit here and pat him on the head and wish him good luck. After all, he asked us what is likely to happen. We'd be doing him a disservice to be less than honest.

Consular Officers at high fraud posts are trained to look for signs of immigration fraud. That training includes questioning the visa applicant in a manner which will yield pertinent answers. If shame over a rape is a cultural norm (to the extent a woman might not tell her husband) then the CO will know this. But you can bet your bottom dollar the CO will still question the woman to see if the shame is real or not. It's their job.

If you think I'm turning up too much heat on the OP, then there's little hope for him when he really gets into the kitchen.

Whether it is a "cultural" norm or not, the CO will be concerned. "Cultural norm" is not the same as "Acceptable behavior". I'd suggest that the CO bases decisions on "Acceptable behavior" (based on US Standards) rather than "Cultural Norm". IMHO there is substantial difference.

My point was if you wanted to devolve to a philisophical or cultural discussion, it might be better elsewhere. As has been pointed out repeatedly, the CO is likely to be concerned in this case. Shall we repeat that over and over?

What are you on about? CO's don't judge the behavior of visa applicants based solely upon US 'standards' - whatever THOSE might be. They absolutely take into account the cultural norms, behaviors and idiosyncracies of the people their consulate serves.

That, IMO, is VERY relevant in a discussion about whether or not a denial might occur. Some things NOT 'acceptable' by US standards might be excuseable in another country.

Edited October 2, 2007 by rebeccajo

[sunandmoon 450]

I've seen adoption mentioned a couple of times. here's a link to the Phlilppine law on adoption for anyone who might me interested:

http://www.chanrobles.com/republicactno8552.htm

[Dakine 26]

I've seen adoption mentioned a couple of times. here's a link to the Phlilppine law on adoption for anyone who might me interested:

http://www.chanrobles.com/republicactno8552.htm

Adoption is out as an alternative.

For one the child has to be an orphan.

Or the child would have to been in the legal custody of the USC for 2 years living in the Philippines

Can adopted once the child is in the US and came by a visa tho.

I did it!

Edited October 2, 2007 by Haole

[pushbrk 12,892]

Are you all trying to tell me that a woman from the Philippines would be too ashamed after a rape to disclose it to her American husband after it happened?

The answer to your question is "Maybe". But perhaps it'd be best to discuss via a seperate thread if you wanted to explore the cultural nuances to this, rather than subjecting the OP to this.

Neither you nor the OP need worry about what I am 'subjecting' him to. It's nothing compared to what the CO may do. My questions are designed to make you THINK about what's likely in store at the interview. It's not doing anybody any good to sit here and pat him on the head and wish him good luck. After all, he asked us what is likely to happen. We'd be doing him a disservice to be less than honest.

Consular Officers at high fraud posts are trained to look for signs of immigration fraud. That training includes questioning the visa applicant in a manner which will yield pertinent answers. If shame over a rape is a cultural norm (to the extent a woman might not tell her husband) then the CO will know this. But you can bet your bottom dollar the CO will still question the woman to see if the shame is real or not. It's their job.

If you think I'm turning up too much heat on the OP, then there's little hope for him when he really gets into the kitchen.

Whether it is a "cultural" norm or not, the CO will be concerned. "Cultural norm" is not the same as "Acceptable behavior". I'd suggest that the CO bases decisions on "Acceptable behavior" (based on US Standards) rather than "Cultural Norm". IMHO there is substantial difference.

My point was if you wanted to devolve to a philisophical or cultural discussion, it might be better elsewhere. As has been pointed out repeatedly, the CO is likely to be concerned in this case. Shall we repeat that over and over?

What are you on about? CO's don't judge the behavior of visa applicants based solely upon US 'standards' - whatever THOSE might be. They absolutely take into account the cultural norms, behaviors and idiosyncracies of the people their consulate serves.

That, IMO, is VERY relevant in a discussion about whether or not a denial might occur. Some things NOT 'acceptable' by US standards might be excuseable in another country.

You bet the CO's take cultural norms into account. At the same time, their training and ability to separate their own values and feelings can vary widely. I think a civil discussion on the cultural norms is appropriate here.

I tried to have a conversation about this with my wife who comes from a similar (somewhat) culture but even when we go past the part where she didn't believe the woman's story, a glaring cultural difference raised its head. In China, abortion is legal and the common remedy for all unwanted pregnancy.

As far as cultural norms, there are many variations within the US too. Many women would have done just as this woman says she did, even without a threat from the perpetrator. I wouldn't call it a US cultural norm but common just the same. Shame is a universal emotion.

[Dakine 26]

OOPs! 3 years living in the Philippines and 2 years legal and physical custody in the US unless child comes on a IR and they get automatic USC from the date on the GC

[maore 0]

I am sorry to hear about what happened to your wife. If I were in your situation I would personally do the following :

+ support my wife in reporting the crime - the animal can not roam free and do this to someone else

+ finance a trip for both of you to a place were abortion is legal

That 's my personal opinion interview or visa are really not what worry me in your situation , what I would need if I were in your situation is to rebuild my life and of my special one.

I apologise in advance if it is not what wanted to hear

[mox 298]

I've only spent a short time in PI, but I lived in Guam for 2 years. Both places have similar Catholic attitudes, which are much more strict, conservative, and "old school" than what you'd run into in the U.S. here. Many of these people believe that any "sex" outside marriage is a sin, including rape. In these cases, and in these cultures, the woman is blamed as much as or more than the man. I'm not saying they're all like this, but these attitudes DO exist. It's also possible that those in charge (whether family, village elders, etc) have decided the fate of the child for her. Maybe she's been judged unfit, seeing as how she was out sinnin' and all. Never underestimate the power of family or village government. For that matter, never underestimate how misguided and self-serving religion can be, but that's another topic. Nevertheless it could be she simply has no other choice in the matter.

It is feasible then, under these conditions, that the wife would be afraid to report the rape or tell her husband until it was unavoidable. I'm not saying this is definitively what happened, because we just don't know. Unfortunately we're getting little hard information from the OP to know for sure. But there are scenarios where something like this could happen, and you don't have to reach far to see it.

Whatever the case, the OP needs to really heed the excellent advice given about doing whatever it takes to get over there and establish his relationship with his wife.

Edited October 2, 2007 by moxcamel

[archie07 0]

Are you all trying to tell me that a woman from the Philippines would be too ashamed after a rape to disclose it to her American husband after it happened?

I am NOT being a wise-a$$ - is that a cultural truth?

Rape is a very traumatic experience. It's difficult for me to understand why a woman would NOT tell her husband immediately. Telling your husband you have been violated isn't the same thing as telling everybody in the village.

If there is ANYTHING about this story that doesn't wash as culturally believable to the CO, it's not going to matter diddly-squat if the OP makes more visits or is even present for the interview. If the CO views the beneficiary as using an American citizen solely for the purpose of immigrating, the visa will be denied.

There was a highly publicized rape case in Manila a year ago. Two of the reasons given for women not reporting the crime were shame and fear. There was also alot of protesting in front of the american embassy. Whether or not this would help in Daves case I don't know. IMO, without documentation I would assume a CO would consider this a case of an adultrous wife with possible intent to commit visa fraud. With this in mind, considering the fact the wife did not tell her husband of the alleged rape, what is the CO to think? I also find it hard to believe she never told her husband but if we read between the lines, there may have been reasons for that. I do feel however if there is any chance at all for this woman getting a visa it would be better for her husband to be present at the interview.