Wife raped

["rylee" 0]

When did you find out about the rape? After it happened?

I don't want to sound mean here; but this question kind of made me giggle. Was she supposed to call him before or during?

It's not mean - I was trying to be delicate.

The real question is when did the OP learn of the rape? After it happened - or after the pregnancy came to light?

We can wax on all we want about not standing in moral judgment. That's not what I am doing.

I am asking daveg and NOT the Consular Officer to decide if this is a bonafide marriage relationship.

i was about to ask that...when did he knew about the rape?right after it happened or when she knew that she was pregnant?

cheecks

[pushbrk 13,099]

When did you find out about the rape? After it happened?

I don't want to sound mean here; but this question kind of made me giggle. Was she supposed to call him before or during?

It's not mean - I was trying to be delicate.

The real question is when did the OP learn of the rape? After it happened - or after the pregnancy came to light?

We can wax on all we want about not standing in moral judgment. That's not what I am doing.

I am asking daveg and NOT the Consular Officer to decide if this is a bonafide marriage relationship.

That's actually a very valid question. If it's what you had in mind, it would have been good to ask it more directly.

It's a question a Consular officer might ask. I've been thinking about this all day long. I see it as nearly impossible to convince a reasonable person that the wife and father aren't visa scammers. I don't actually think they are but the difficulty is convincing a Consular officer. daveg can show his own bona fides with visits but how does she show hers under the circumstances.

The best solution I've come up with is for the couple to spend several months living together in the PI between now and her interview. Cohabitation (and plenty of evidence of it) is the surest two-way evidence of bona fides because in the case of long distance relationships its the most difficult to pull off. It's still lopsided on the USC end but I can't think of any better way for the foreign spouse to show her bona fides, since she can't visit the US.

It's just a really tough scenario to sell in a high fraud station like this.

[Skeeter211 2]

I agree that the question of when the OP learned of the rape would be a very valid queston for him and the CO. Whether she wanted to report to police or not, one would think she would have told the man she loved right away of such a traumatc event in her life. Then again, I am sure she was too scared to tell him too.

[pushbrk 13,099]

I agree that the question of when the OP learned of the rape would be a very valid queston for him and the CO. Whether she wanted to report to police or not, one would think she would have told the man she loved right away of such a traumatc event in her life. Then again, I am sure she was too scared to tell him too.

I think the cogent question we don't have the answer to is whether she told her husband about the rape before or after she learned she was pregnant.

[archie07 0]

I agree that the question of when the OP learned of the rape would be a very valid queston for him and the CO. Whether she wanted to report to police or not, one would think she would have told the man she loved right away of such a traumatc event in her life. Then again, I am sure she was too scared to tell him too.

I thought of that too. The whole problem here is she has no medical or police reports to corroborate the allegation she was raped. The embassy wants documentation and keeping this hushed up was the wrong thing to do. She was afraid of revenge. An automatic protection order would have been issued if this crime was reported. The embassy may have a hard time believing a married woman was alone with a friend that raped her especially without any reports. The filipines consider rape a heinous crime that carries severe penalties. I can understand her not telling Dave she was raped at the time, she probably never expected the pregnancy. My whole problem with this is I can't see letting a rapist go free. Now these two people have to suffer over it.

[Reza 0]

Man I feel so sorry dude

[archie07 0]

I agree that the question of when the OP learned of the rape would be a very valid queston for him and the CO. Whether she wanted to report to police or not, one would think she would have told the man she loved right away of such a traumatc event in her life. Then again, I am sure she was too scared to tell him too.

I think the cogent question we don't have the answer to is whether she told her husband about the rape before or after she learned she was pregnant.

Even if she didn't tell him, she may have felt so ashamed that she didn't want to tell anyone. I'm giving her the benefit of the doubt. We will never know if the rape allegation was fabricated due to the pregnancy. Still, without documentation she has a hard nut to crack.

[daveg 0]

At this point I think there can only be speculation about motives, etc. Those issues will not be resolved on this board. I think it's probably in the best interests of everybody here to just focus on the immigration issues, answer his immigration related questions, and let him and his wife sort out the rest.

I agree. I think it's clear now that the "rape" while still a rape, can be more accurately characterized as non-consensual sex between two people who are acquainted. Since the result will be a child who has a family who wants to love and raise it, I see nothing to be gained by criticizing that decision.

We have enough information to start focusing on the immigration problems at this point. Since there is no intention for the child to immigrate, the original plans can procede without a delay to get the child's immigration dealt with.

I agree that the bona fides are the greatest issue to deal with. Without multiple visits, at least one during the pregnancy, I see some big red flags for a Consular officer to overcome.

"I had a child as the result of non-consensual sex with a person I thought of as a friend. Since abortion is not an option, and the father's family wanted to adopt and care for the baby, I decided that was the best course of action." , is a viable explanation but a Consular officer still must overcome the natural reaction that the story isn't entirely true.

A full and candid explanation of the events and decision making process, backed up by strong evidence the petitioner behaved like a husband during the process, will be critical to convincing the CO, the marriage relationship is bona fide.

Your question is "Will they believe her?" The answer is nobody knows. Your best bet is to have and effectively present what a reasonable Consular officer would believe is a bona fide marriage relationship.

What's the plan? Will you visit? Have you already? When? How many times?

Yes I have visited once of course to marry her and stay with her family the whole time.

My problem now is as lame as it sounds is I have no money I barley make enough to get her here as my yearly income is just over the amount needed. So basically can not afford to go there now.

I am there for her 6 hours a day on chat and cam and yahoo computer to mic calling.

She has meet the parents of the rapisist and they are very nice they are willing to take care of the baby while the guy pays for its support from working in Korea.

If I made enough money to adopt the kid I really think I would.

I can see how this whole thing looks weird to people of course.

All I can say is im sure my wife was forced to have sex, after talking to her so many times about it and knowing her well. She is a very shy sweet girl who loves me so much and is having a very hard time with this.

She still breaks down crying when we talk about it.

Thanks for everyones opions and thoughts as well as help.

[Dakine 26]

I thought of that too. The whole problem here is she has no medical or police reports to corroborate the allegation she was raped. The embassy wants documentation and keeping this hushed up was the wrong thing to do. She was afraid of revenge.

From what my wife says unless she is rich and can have protection. She wouldn't have much of a chance of staying alive long if she reported the rape.

Don't forget this happened in the Philippines.

[daveg 0]

I agree that the question of when the OP learned of the rape would be a very valid queston for him and the CO. Whether she wanted to report to police or not, one would think she would have told the man she loved right away of such a traumatc event in her life. Then again, I am sure she was too scared to tell him too.

She did not tell me until she felt pregnant but she was not sure at the time.

Yes she was scared and very ashamed. A woman should never feel ashamed of course if she was forcee to have sex.

We are talking about this at this very moment its so hard to tell what is the right thing to do and wrong.

And maybe we should keep the baby with us? Or will it be ok with the rapist parents since he is far away in Korea.

It just such a horrible thing to happen to any woman, and couple, let alone it might affect us finally being together forver.

We honestly love each other so very much.

[daveg 0]

my thoughts to you is that if you really love your wife, you should go to your country as soon as possible. Console her and then, if you have decided that you do not wanna tell this to police, your only option is abortion. You have to do that. Adn then, everthing will be ok after a while. You need to console your wife and do this right away.

Your right I should go there but can not afford it. She is with her family now and they are helping her alot.

We are talking chat and cam to cam 6 hours a day and computer phone talk about it.

She can not have an abortion it is illegal there and she does not belive in it also.

[Boiler 46,034]

Don't you think it is odd that your wife was raped and you did not go to her side?

[Skeeter211 2]

Don't you think it is odd that your wife was raped and you did not go to her side?

Well that's the one part I do understand. He said he can't afford it and can barely makes the poverty guidelines as a spoinsor if I remember correctly. Not everyone can afford to fly on a moments notice to another country. I don't think that is unusual. However, as has been said....more visits right now certainly won't hurt their immigration case.

[Dakine 26]

Don't you think it is odd that your wife was raped and you did not go to her side?

Well that's the one part I do understand. He said he can't afford it and can barely makes the poverty guidelines as a spoinsor if I remember correctly. Not everyone can afford to fly on a moments notice to another country. I don't think that is unusual. However, as has been said....more visits right now certainly won't hurt their immigration case.

Doesn't really matter if there is a rape issue or not. Proving a "for real" marriage is difficult to do having only made one trip to get married.

Rape and the question of sincerity of the wife just makes things worse.

Burn your visa and at least plan to go and support your wife at the interview.

If she is denied what are you going to do then?

[neenuh 0]

neenuh....thank you for having the courtesy of not slamming my post with your own views. I respect your opinions as well. I understand that rape is a total crime of violence, regardless of whether she knew the perpetrator or not. The decision is up to the OP as to what he believes and what he will do. In that respect it is "none of our business". Having said that, this board runs on 80% opinions and 20% facts most of the time and I guess I did contribute to that tonight.

I will only stick my nose in one more time where it probably doesn't belong...As you said, what happens to the child is a prime concern, which is another red flag for me. Giving the child to the parents of the "rapist" so that he can support the child and hopefully take care of it? Why not adoption so the child has a chance away from this "RAPIST" as he is called. I wonder what the CO would have to say about that in the interview?

Skeeter211 - you're welcome and thank you as well

i think our "sticking noses in places where they don't belong," in a way, is good for daveg

he is in the situation and he sees things subjectively in some levels

we are all "on the outside looking in" and we are seeing different angles

i can only imagine how difficult this must really be for daveg

in the end, of course, the choices will still be up to him and we can only hope he ends up making the right ones

hence, we are all here to help in one way or another

Would that be a cultural norm in the Phils? For a child to be 'given' to a true rapist to be raised?

what i remember from one of the papers i read in college is that statitics show that filipinas normally give up the children for adoption

which is the "moral" thing to do, especially in a society that frowns upon abortion

but who knows, to each his own, right?

I don't want to sound mean here; but this question kind of made me giggle. Was she supposed to call him before or during?

That's actually a very valid question. If it's what you had in mind, it would have been good to ask it more directly.

It's a question a Consular officer might ask. I've been thinking about this all day long. I see it as nearly impossible to convince a reasonable person that the wife and father aren't visa scammers. I don't actually think they are but the difficulty is convincing a Consular officer. daveg can show his own bona fides with visits but how does she show hers under the circumstances.

The best solution I've come up with is for the couple to spend several months living together in the PI between now and her interview. Cohabitation (and plenty of evidence of it) is the surest two-way evidence of bona fides because in the case of long distance relationships its the most difficult to pull off. It's still lopsided on the USC end but I can't think of any better way for the foreign spouse to show her bona fides, since she can't visit the US.

It's just a really tough scenario to sell in a high fraud station like this.

and we all know the COs know how to ask questions just to throw people off guard

without sufficient documentation to prove the marriage as legit, this case is really going to be a tough one

Your right I should go there but can not afford it. She is with her family now and they are helping her alot.

We are talking chat and cam to cam 6 hours a day and computer phone talk about it.

She can not have an abortion it is illegal there and she does not belive in it also.

i understand

ticket fare atm is roughly 1k for roundtrip