Bonified marriage with Africans

[rdsey 0]

I have been married to my husband a little over a year, we have been tring to have a baby and we had big plans for our family. I have children already(teenagers) he has a problem with. We taled about moving to Texas for better carrere but was going to be in 08. My husband received his wor permit and green card and within a wee was in Texas. I have been paying his expense there until he found a job. I go up every other weeend and found out he's been chatting on the single line. Stating he's single and looing for someone to settle down with and get married.

What can i do leagley I thin he only married me for his status.

I have emails he has written one lady.

Why is this common with Arricans what can be done about this. They need to now this hurt.

[goldie 0]

I have been married to my husband a little over a year, we have been tring to have a baby and we had big plans for our family. I have children already(teenagers) he has a problem with. We taled about moving to Texas for better carrere but was going to be in 08. My husband received his wor permit and green card and within a wee was in Texas. I have been paying his expense there until he found a job. I go up every other weeend and found out he's been chatting on the single line. Stating he's single and looing for someone to settle down with and get married.

What can i do leagley I thin he only married me for his status.

I have emails he has written one lady.

Why is this common with Arricans what can be done about this. They need to now this hurt.

I am so sorry about your situation, I am in a similar...( read my text..) as for your situation, i was living for 10 years before in eastern africa, and my ex husband was a african.. and yes, its sad, but I learned to know in all this years there, that most of them, specialy men, are only together with a woman eighter for money, or having the chance to moove out of their 3. world country. Thats how it is, its a fact. I would even say most of them have no clue what is the meaning of love at all.. They dont even grow up with love from their parents. I forgave my ex husband, he never knew it better, all I could do is, leaving him and go on with my life.. ( until I ended in another mess now..) It seems your situation is hopless, he got everything he wanted from you, and now he thinks he can do what he wants. Try to get evidence, just in case. Dont accept all this. Get a immigration lawyer, thats what I try to do now. Ask what possibilities you got. Good luck, you havent received a baby yet from this guy! They dont even care for them...

Big hugs!

[Ta Ta 1]

As discussed in another thread, please do not make a generalized stereotypical assumption about African men.

Men and woman of all cultures and races cheat and are dishonest.

I have met very loyal Africans that care immensely about their children and wife and family means everything to them and they work very hard to support them.

I am very sorry that you are going through this, it is terrible to discover the man you thought loves you is trying to find another relationship.

Been there done that with an American man after many years of marriage.

Sounds like he doesn't want to work things out. You can try counseling. You have the option to divorce him and notify USCIS in writing.

It takes a closer look to find a man you can trust. In my case being of the same faith has given me a comfortable way to gauge the relationship.

I don't date men that hang out in clubs or bars. If their lifestyle, values and morals are very different from yours then look elsewhere.

Don't try to change someone, it won't work.

Many relationships fall apart, so do cultural diverse marriages. Was it for the GC.........only he would know. Marriages fail for all kinds of reasons.

Many couples share email passwords and an open computer screen.

When my American ex barricaded himself in the basement with the computer and boarded a window shut it definitely gave me a clue of what he was up to.

It is in the personality, not the culture, not the race.

Don't fall for someone too soon and test around a little, watch for subtle red flags, minute details can tell a story sometimes.

Associating an entire continent with one man that has cheated on you is not wise and is unfair.

For every one that cheats there are many that don't.

We just have to be a wise to watch for honesty in potential mates when we first date them and build from there.

Can we do all that and still get deceived .........yes.

I wish you the best and may your heart heal soon.

[MaRob 0]

As discussed in another thread, please do not make a generalized stereotypical assumption about African men.

Men and woman of all cultures and races cheat and are dishonest.

I have met very loyal Africans that care immensely about their children and wife and family means everything to them and they work very hard to support them.

I am very sorry that you are going through this, it is terrible to discover the man you thought loves you is trying to find another relationship.

Been there done that with an American man after many years of marriage.

Sounds like he doesn't want to work things out. You can try counseling. You have the option to divorce him and notify USCIS in writing.

It takes a closer look to find a man you can trust. In my case being of the same faith has given me a comfortable way to gauge the relationship.

I don't date men that hang out in clubs or bars. If their lifestyle, values and morals are very different from yours then look elsewhere.

Don't try to change someone, it won't work.

Many relationships fall apart, so do cultural diverse marriages. Was it for the GC.........only he would know. Marriages fail for all kinds of reasons.

Many couples share email passwords and an open computer screen.

When my American ex barricaded himself in the basement with the computer and boarded a window shut it definitely gave me a clue of what he was up to.

It is in the personality, not the culture, not the race.

Don't fall for someone too soon and test around a little, watch for subtle red flags, minute details can tell a story sometimes.

Associating an entire continent with one man that has cheated on you is not wise and is unfair.

For every one that cheats there are many that don't.

We just have to be a wise to watch for honesty in potential mates when we first date them and build from there.

Can we do all that and still get deceived .........yes.

I wish you the best and may your heart heal soon.

absolutely agreed!

[Aymerlu 3]

This is not only with African men. I'm sorry this is happening to you and I hope you find a solution to your problem

[Nagishkaw 510]

As discussed in another thread, please do not make a generalized stereotypical assumption about African men.

Men and woman of all cultures and races cheat and are dishonest.

I have met very loyal Africans that care immensely about their children and wife and family means everything to them and they work very hard to support them.

I am very sorry that you are going through this, it is terrible to discover the man you thought loves you is trying to find another relationship.

Been there done that with an American man after many years of marriage.

Sounds like he doesn't want to work things out. You can try counseling. You have the option to divorce him and notify USCIS in writing.

It takes a closer look to find a man you can trust. In my case being of the same faith has given me a comfortable way to gauge the relationship.

I don't date men that hang out in clubs or bars. If their lifestyle, values and morals are very different from yours then look elsewhere.

Don't try to change someone, it won't work.

Many relationships fall apart, so do cultural diverse marriages. Was it for the GC.........only he would know. Marriages fail for all kinds of reasons.

Many couples share email passwords and an open computer screen.

When my American ex barricaded himself in the basement with the computer and boarded a window shut it definitely gave me a clue of what he was up to.

It is in the personality, not the culture, not the race.

Don't fall for someone too soon and test around a little, watch for subtle red flags, minute details can tell a story sometimes.

Associating an entire continent with one man that has cheated on you is not wise and is unfair.

For every one that cheats there are many that don't.

We just have to be a wise to watch for honesty in potential mates when we first date them and build from there.

Can we do all that and still get deceived .........yes.

I wish you the best and may your heart heal soon.

As Always, great post Sister.

[akatagirl 0]

Why is this common with Arricans what can be done about this. They need to now this hurt...that most of them, specialy men, are only together with a woman eighter for money, or having the chance to moove out of their 3. world country. Thats how it is, its a fact. I would even say most of them have no clue what is the meaning of love at all.. They dont even grow up with love from their parents. quote]

Rdsey and Goldie,

I am sorry that you both experienced such heartache and despair from these men that you fell in love with, but like Omoba has so eloquently pointed out, generalizing a whole continent is a bit hasty because you both did not date the whole continent of men in Africa nor can you possibly know how each single African man thinks, feels and acts in relationships..I do understand your pain and you are both quite justified in the resentment you feel toward these 2 men who have hurt both of you but I hope in time you both will not write off African men or make hasty generalizations toward other groups of people if have negative and unpleasant encounters with someone from a different or even the same ethnic background.... A person's wrongful actions is not necessarily indictative of their ethnic background; its more representative of the person's personal attributes rather than the color of his or her skin or what country he or she grew up in. As Omoba stated, there are good and bad people in every culture. I know how it feels when you are so hurt and upset by the person you trusted with your life. You try to make sense and find reasons why that person chose to hurt you so badly but those of us who were hurt may never fully understand or find all these answers why our partners chose to mistreat us and never had good intentions toward us to begin with. All you can do if when you are trying to get over this person who mistreated you, is to look within and see how we could've have missed the warning signs that something wasn't right.

You both have absolutely every right to be mad as hell at these 2 men who did this to you both and it will definitely take time to get to over this. Rdsey, its good you have proof of these emails...keep that if you should ever need proof and if you do decide to end your marriage to him, then make sure you go through all the proper channels by notifying immigration, divorce paperwork, etc. I pray that both of your hearts mend and that you both will be open to love again and be with someone who truly loves you for you.

[mswemi 0]

you need to be quiet if u don't have something better to say. How would u feel if i said all the men from ur country don't love their women and children. don't say anything if u don't have something positive to say. what do u say about the high rate of single parents in america, where are the men, you say africa is a 3rd world country, CORRECTION, Africa is a continent, and not a country. I see why u got dumped. I am a proud African woman and i will always stick up for mine, watch what u say

I have been married to my husband a little over a year, we have been tring to have a baby and we had big plans for our family. I have children already(teenagers) he has a problem with. We taled about moving to Texas for better carrere but was going to be in 08. My husband received his wor permit and green card and within a wee was in Texas. I have been paying his expense there until he found a job. I go up every other weeend and found out he's been chatting on the single line. Stating he's single and looing for someone to settle down with and get married.

What can i do leagley I thin he only married me for his status.

I have emails he has written one lady.

Why is this common with Arricans what can be done about this. They need to now this hurt.

I am so sorry about your situation, I am in a similar...( read my text..) as for your situation, i was living for 10 years before in eastern africa, and my ex husband was a african.. and yes, its sad, but I learned to know in all this years there, that most of them, specialy men, are only together with a woman eighter for money, or having the chance to moove out of their 3. world country. Thats how it is, its a fact. I would even say most of them have no clue what is the meaning of love at all.. They dont even grow up with love from their parents. I forgave my ex husband, he never knew it better, all I could do is, leaving him and go on with my life.. ( until I ended in another mess now..) It seems your situation is hopless, he got everything he wanted from you, and now he thinks he can do what he wants. Try to get evidence, just in case. Dont accept all this. Get a immigration lawyer, thats what I try to do now. Ask what possibilities you got. Good luck, you havent received a baby yet from this guy! They dont even care for them...

Big hugs!

[Ban Hammer 13,343]

you need to be quiet if u don't have something better to say. How would u feel if i said all the men from ur country don't love their women and children. don't say anything if u don't have something positive to say. what do u say about the high rate of single parents in america, where are the men, you say africa is a 3rd world country, CORRECTION, Africa is a continent, and not a country. I see why u got dumped. I am a proud African woman and i will always stick up for mine, watch what u say

first bolded sentence - meet the second and third bolded sentences.

Edited October 3, 2007 by charlesandnessa

[Captain Ewok 1,891]

Ok all. Lets nump up the personal respect level please. Personal jabs and alike are not welcome. Thank you .

[almaty 19]

d. I am a proud African woman and i will always stick up for mine, watch what u say

my admiration for you sister..this thread needs to be monitored it borders on racism

[rashell 0]

d. I am a proud African woman and i will always stick up for mine, watch what u say

my admiration for you sister..this thread needs to be monitored it borders on racism

I dont see where it borders racism this is her very own oppion and I AGREE its sad that alot of africian men take advantage of females. I too had a problem with my africian husband and before i married him people would tell me either their bad experience or someone they know. I teach and I have thought in the past 2 years 8 africian families. They were my best parents and so where the kids, education is very important and they would help where needed, I can say good things about africians ans those parents I still have conact with them. They agree there is a problem and it known by many. 2 of the parents are going through a divorce because their husband cheated..I know it is in all races I think why it seems to be more heavy with africians because they marry for purposes of being legal.

[*JG* 2]

I don't know any African men, so no opinion on that part. And, I agree, you cannot generalize about a whole continent because of some bad men. I hear it all the time about Jamaican men and, as far as my husband goes, they are completely off base. That being said, I do see trends as far as how some of the other Jamaican men I know act and how they were brought up. There is some truth in the statement she initially made regarding this.

[LaL 418]

What can i do leagley I thin he only married me for his status.

Let's move past the generalizations, does anyone have anything to add on this regard quoted above?

[rdsey 0]

What can i do leagley I thin he only married me for his status.

Let's move past the generalizations, does anyone have anything to add on this regard quoted above?

I thank every one for your input I did not mean for it to seem like bashing that one race of people. Before I got married to my husband I heard nothing but neg. experiences others had I then didn't beleive my husband was that type of person.

He received his green and work card and was in another state within days. Found out I was pregrent and now he's saying lets get divorce, he's been on single line looking for a wife.

That in irself lead me to only beleive one thing. I was told if im pregrent, he would not need me the baby would be his petition.