Horrible sister in law....

[Anyta Holland 1]

Need to vent!

My husband and his sister had an argument a year ago because we decided to move to America. I called her on the phone to try and ease things and talk the problem through, but instead I got her fiance on the phone and he had a RIGHT GO at me for splitting the family and for the "bad son" that my husband is...

To make a long story short, we didn't speak to them (my SIL and her fiance) for months, until one night she called to apologise... We were "cool" with her, but I just couldn't forget what had happened. Her fiance never apologised and I felt (and feel) that he has to do it...

We then went for my MIL's 60th b-day (they live about 400 miles away from us) and my SIL's daughter absolutely blanked us (she was only 12 at the time) and I felt really hurt, but just didn't do anything. We didn't speak to my SIL's fiance and he didn't make an effort to speak to us either, so we just left it like that... I vented with my mum about it, she lives in Venezuela, and we she came for my grad in Jan and we went to visit them, she had a conversation with my SIL about the situation (it is worth mentioning that my mum's english is nearly non existent, so she really had to make an effort) anyway, my SIL took offence in what she said and interpreted as my mum telling her she was an "unfit mother"

Last Friday my MIL, SIL, her daughter, my husband and me met in Exeter for a friend's 60th. And it all started again... It happens that my SIL is getting married this summer, and I was asked if we were going to the wedding and I said I was not sure, and my SIL asked why and I said it would be awkward given that her fiance and us don't speak to each other, she said that I had ignored him and that he tried and when I stuck up for myself she stormed off....

I waited until things cooled down a bit and went to talk to her and say that I didn't want things to go back to how they were a year ago, and to sort things out, and she just started screaming at me that my mum had said this or that, that I was twisting stuff, that I had brought all these problems into their family because they were happy before (I know the happy bit is not true, but there you go!), and she finished off saying that I was an awful person and that I kept speaking to people in a terrible way, she mentioned a couple of things that I do, that according to her "are not done in this country" (God knows that I have changed a lot since I came to fit in, what the heck does she expect from me?).... At that point I had lost it already, I think I lost it when she mentioned my mum.... She never gave me chance to defend myself as she kept interrupting, but when she said that I was awful I just said to her that it had been a waste of time to talk to her and that she had ruined it....

She stayed for a couple of hours, but had an evil look on her face and left quite early... I went to the table after all this and sat and tried to pretend nothing had happened when my hubby asked, but then I just broke down and cried my eyes out... He said that we should go and I said no... I composed myself and went back and pretended nothing happened....

I think she got even angrier 'cause my MIL stayed sat with us most of the night and stayed with us when my SIL left...

On the way back I said to my husband that I never ever wanted her near us again, and that nothing she does in the future will make me want to EVER talk to her again.... He fully supported me, and thanked me for making the effort in the first place.. Then he apologised on his sister's behalf, but I asked him not to, 'cause it wasn't his fault.... My MIL on the hand, said that she had to learn to live with it, and that as much as it hurt her there was not much she could do....

I just don't like things being like this, she said many hurtful things and I just can't find a reason not to be angry with them anymore.... She has a history of falling out with people BIG TIME so it's no wonder that my number had to come up at some point...

Thanks for reading... I just needed to get it out of my chest....

[Jaylen Brit 0]

Its HER issue - not yours or yr hubbys - thats the bottom line. You've tried to say sorry - tried to build bridges and she's either not got it or she doesn't choose to put it behind her.

Move on.

You don't NEED her in your life - you married your HUBBY not his sister. If she can't act like an adult then forget it - forget her - life is too short for you to worry over this. You have your family - and if she doesn't want to be part of it that's not your fault.

(Edit for spelling)

Edited April 10, 2006 by Jaylen Brit

[CarolineM 0]

JayLen said it wonderfully. I couldn't have said it better!

[Anyta Holland 1]

Thanks guys....

[Melo 1]

Jaylen said exactly what I think too... can't give you better advice than that. You just need to move on now