This is what's going on.

[Fandango 1,439]

Oh and LisaD....go where??? nothing was being directed towards you...I wasn't " lashing out" at you

Sorry, that was meant generally. heh

You know a good way to look at it? Yes, we all want to be with our fiance(e)s. But at the end of the day, many are in an environment which allowed the love to grow in the first place. Yes, not being able to plan sucks, and yes, the impatience of finally getting this over with sucks...but everyone here is better off right this very second than when you met, because you're at least closer to your goal than when you fell in love. And if this environment is bearable enough to nurture a relationship...then why the hell's everyone so up in arms?!?!?!?!

Think of the military couples who are separated but don't know if they'll ever see each other again. Think of how the non-military spouse feels....not knowing whether his/her spouse is under gunfire right at this very minute. Yes, waiting sucks...but as my dad (USMC) says...'no one's shootin at us'

My God, if this is the worst that everyone's life has been thusfar...GOD BLESS YA! Cos real strife is a lot harder than this!

[Sinergy 3]

Oh and LisaD....go where??? nothing was being directed towards you...I wasn't " lashing out" at you

Sorry, that was meant generally. heh

You know a good way to look at it? Yes, we all want to be with our fiance(e)s. But at the end of the day, many are in an environment which allowed the love to grow in the first place. Yes, not being able to plan sucks, and yes, the impatience of finally getting this over with sucks...but everyone here is better off right this very second than when you met, because you're at least closer to your goal than when you fell in love. And if this environment is bearable enough to nurture a relationship...then why the hell's everyone so up in arms?!?!?!?!

Think of the military couples who are separated but don't know if they'll ever see each other again. Think of how the non-military spouse feels....not knowing whether his/her spouse is under gunfire right at this very minute. Yes, waiting sucks...but as my dad (USMC) says...'no one's shootin at us'

My God, if this is the worst that everyone's life has been thusfar...GOD BLESS YA! Cos real strife is a lot harder than this!

Thats what got me thru the process, my mom had to go thru that, it was my dad in the first gulf war, and she went thru it during the vietnam war but different for my mom then us kids. atleast while waiting for approval, my husband wasnt facing death on a daily basis and i knew there was atleast a timeline to see him again.

Edited September 27, 2007 by Ionescu

[Kimberlyanne 0]

B)-->

QUOTE(Bill B @ Sep 26 2007, 11:56 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

It sure does seem like some of these posters either work for USCIS, or maybe they just say good things about them; kissing their...think that in some way USCIS will help them personally. Pick me, help me, I stuck up for you, blah blah blah...

It also must be nice to have your significant other from one of the 27 countries on the VISA Waiver Program so your loved one can come here and visit for 90 days without a VISA. http://travel.state.gov/visa/temp/without/without_1990.html Oh wait, I am sure the compasionate ones who are here to "help" us will say something like, "nobody told you to fall in love with someone from a country that is not on the list..."or something else real intelligent, helpful, and caring.

So here you go to all of you "I just try to help people...but they don't want to listen to me (us)" people. Fresh blood here...time for you to feast and tell each other how right you are and how the newer members are just whiners...or call in the reinforcements and close the thread, delete the post, etc. Sure wish those reinforcements would cancel accounts for those of you who have nothing better to do than come on this board and in more than half of your posts in a week just throw sarcasm and attempted superiority at those you disagree with. I can't wait to read the words of wisdom those of you write after this post because it is burning so bad in you that you just have to reply to feel better about yourself and show everyone how smart you are.

hi bill , thx for the link , i looked and too bad morocco isnt on this list.. lol ,, thx anyways . good luck to u

[Dark Cloud 0]

B)-->

QUOTE(Bill B @ Sep 26 2007, 10:56 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

It sure does seem like some of these posters either work for USCIS, or maybe they just say good things about them; kissing their...think that in some way USCIS will help them personally. Pick me, help me, I stuck up for you, blah blah blah...

It also must be nice to have your significant other from one of the 27 countries on the VISA Waiver Program so your loved one can come here and visit for 90 days without a VISA. http://travel.state.gov/visa/temp/without/without_1990.html Oh wait, I am sure the compasionate ones who are here to "help" us will say something like, "nobody told you to fall in love with someone from a country that is not on the list..."or something else real intelligent, helpful, and caring.

So here you go to all of you "I just try to help people...but they don't want to listen to me (us)" people. Fresh blood here...time for you to feast and tell each other how right you are and how the newer members are just whiners...or call in the reinforcements and close the thread, delete the post, etc. Sure wish those reinforcements would cancel accounts for those of you who have nothing better to do than come on this board and in more than half of your posts in a week just throw sarcasm and attempted superiority at those you disagree with. I can't wait to read the words of wisdom those of you write after this post because it is burning so bad in you that you just have to reply to feel better about yourself and show everyone how smart you are.

Great post!

[mox 298]

Is someone going to invoke Godwin's Law, or should I grab another beverage?

[rebeccajo 14]

Oh, the things I miss when I'm up to my backside in cardboard boxes and drywall dust.

As for the point of whether or not people were grumbling about processing times last year - of course they were. They were when I processed two years ago. They were when the site was started more than five years ago. In fact, lack of information and lengthy processing times were the REASON the site was started. So there is nothing new under the sun in that regard.

Is it something new on VJ that people have jealousy about those with shorter processing times? No. Is it something new for those members with shorter visa processing times to be told they 'can't possibly understand'? No. Not new at all.

The ONLY reason some of us who have been at this a while occasionally come forward to take another beating is to ask you all to look inward. The intent of my post (way back in this thread) wasn't about JUST the immigration processing you will have to endure after you are reunited.

I'm sure all of you still separated often say what my husband and I used to say - that you just want to be together. That you just want a 'normal' life - you just want to be a 'normal' couple. Well, guess what? One day, you will. One day (probably several years from now) you will wake up and realize that the foreign born spouse you wake up to each day is just another man or woman with only a few minor differences from the conventional mate you might have found in the states - you know, they have that lovely accent or beautiful skin color you couldn't find around the block. They probably have some virtues similar to what you were looking for in a spouse. I assure you they come packaged with some of human natures annoyances too. So.....in time.......all the waiting will fade away, it will pass, and you will have to deal with your long-distance lover just as you would have the boy or girl next door. For all of your sakes, I hope and pray you have not romanticized your separation beyond the point of not being able to see that eventual horizon.

But there is a layer to these relationships that is unlike the conventional kind. Are you prepared? Are you prepared for all the things previously mentioned - delays in being able to work and drive? Language barriers? Are you REALLY ready to help your spouse start over just like a child - having to learn all over again how to function daily in society? Learning how to post a letter, count currency, find a favorite cereal on a shelf? Learn what words and phrases are socially acceptable here, and what ones are not? Are you prepared to help them with everything and everyone they miss from home?

And are you prepared for how society will react to them? Are you prepared for the employers who subtley discriminate against hiring the non-American born? Are you prepared to help your spouse translate their foreign credentials so those willing to hire them can assess their qualifications? Are you prepared for the people who DON'T find your spouses' accent or skin color as charming as you do? Are you prepared for the hostility of them being viewed as 'another immigrant' seeking a greencard, looking to suckle off the great American prosperity machine solely for their own benefit and at the expense of American workers? Are you aware that all the media attention towards immigrants these days is not productive to your loved ones future in America? Are you aware that as laws are crafted (as they surely will be in the near future) they WILL affect your spouse? Even if those laws are designed to stop the flow of so-called 'illegal immigration' - are you aware that some they those laws will possibly reach in and touch your family?

Your journey is not over when you receive NOA2. It is not over when the visa is approved. It is not over when the greencard is received. It is not even over if your spouse naturalizes. Each step of the process brings you to another plateau and THAT IS ALL.

Because we have chosen to love and marry someone from outside our culture and border, the rest of our lives will be different. In most ways, it will be beatifully and wonderfully different. Our families will benefit from blended cultures and our eyes will be opened to the differences of humanity. But in other ways (and hopefully they will be few for each of you) you and your spouse have challenges to face normal married couples don't experience. I am here to tell you that the fact your relationship survives this separation now IS NOT PROOF you will be able to endure all that life, immigration, society, and bigotry will throw at you.

Because one day, your life will be NORMAL. Can you handle the unique challenges you will face as a blended-culture couple once you are finally NORMAL?

With patience and understanding - you can. So - become patient now. The government is not the thing that will kill your relationship or your marriage. But American impatience and intolerance can - and I say American because that 'microwave mentality' is so prevalent in our culture today. We want what we want now and on our own terms.

Funny - life isn't really like that. Never has been and never will be.

Edited September 27, 2007 by rebeccajo

[StillThePrettiest 3]

great post, great food for thought

I applaud and thank you

as I've said elsewhere, I've done the big international move before, and therefore have quite a good idea of the sorts of things that will be facing me, but of course the exact details cannot be fully known, and therefore cannot be fully prepared for... focusing only on the visa process, and not on the new life afterward is, as you say, as full of folly as focusing only on the wedding, and not the years of marriage to follow

not all of us, however, want "what we want now, and on our own terms", and have constantly stated our willingness to wait, and wait patiently - but then I'm not American, and never will be, so perhaps you weren't talking to me there

once again, I do thank you for those thoughts, and the manner in which they were put - they are, by me at least, much appreciated

[rouguewave 7]

Oh, the things I miss when I'm up to my backside in cardboard boxes and drywall dust.

As for the point of whether or not people were grumbling about processing times last year - of course they were. They were when I processed two years ago. They were when the site was started more than five years ago. In fact, lack of information and lengthy processing times were the REASON the site was started. So there is nothing new under the sun in that regard.

Is it something new on VJ that people have jealousy about those with shorter processing times? No. Is it something new for those members with shorter visa processing times to be told they 'can't possibly understand'? No. Not new at all.

The ONLY reason some of us who have been at this a while occasionally come forward to take another beating is to ask you all to look inward. The intent of my post (way back in this thread) wasn't about JUST the immigration processing you will have to endure after you are reunited.

I'm sure all of you still separated often say what my husband and I used to say - that you just want to be together. That you just want a 'normal' life - you just want to be a 'normal' couple. Well, guess what? One day, you will. One day (probably several years from now) you will wake up and realize that the foreign born spouse you wake up to each day is just another man or woman with only a few minor differences from the conventional mate you might have found in the states - you know, they have that lovely accent or beautiful skin color you couldn't find around the block. They probably have some virtues similar to what you were looking for in a spouse. I assure you they come packaged with some of human natures annoyances too. So.....in time.......all the waiting will fade away, it will pass, and you will have to deal with your long-distance lover just as you would have the boy or girl next door. For all of your sakes, I hope and pray you have not romanticized your separation beyond the point of not being able to see that eventual horizon.

But there is a layer to these relationships that is unlike the conventional kind. Are you prepared? Are you prepared for all the things previously mentioned - delays in being able to work and drive? Language barriers? Are you REALLY ready to help your spouse start over just like a child - having to learn all over again how to function daily in society? Learning how to post a letter, count currency, find a favorite cereal on a shelf? Learn what words and phrases are socially acceptable here, and what ones are not? Are you prepared to help them with everything and everyone they miss from home?

And are you prepared for how society will react to them? Are you prepared for the employers who subtley discriminate against hiring the non-American born? Are you prepared to help your spouse translate their foreign credentials so those willing to hire them can assess their qualifications? Are you prepared for the people who DON'T find your spouses' accent or skin color as charming as you do? Are you prepared for the hostility of them being viewed as 'another immigrant' seeking a greencard, looking to suckle off the great American prosperity machine solely for their own benefit and at the expense of American workers? Are you aware that all the media attention towards immigrants these days is not productive to your loved ones future in America? Are you aware that as laws are crafted (as they surely will be in the near future) they WILL affect your spouse? Even if those laws are designed to stop the flow of so-called 'illegal immigration' - are you aware that some they those laws will possibly reach in and touch your family?

Your journey is not over when you receive NOA2. It is not over when the visa is approved. It is not over when the greencard is received. It is not even over if your spouse naturalizes. Each step of the process brings you to another plateau and THAT IS ALL.

Because we have chosen to love and marry someone from outside our culture and border, the rest of our lives will be different. In most ways, it will be beatifully and wonderfully different. Our families will benefit from blended cultures and our eyes will be opened to the differences of humanity. But in other ways (and hopefully they will be few for each of you) you and your spouse have challenges to face normal married couples don't experience. I am here to tell you that the fact your relationship survives this separation now IS NOT PROOF you will be able to endure all that life, immigration, society, and bigotry will throw at you.

Because one day, your life will be NORMAL. Can you handle the unique challenges you will face as a blended-culture couple once you are finally NORMAL?

With patience and understanding - you can. So - become patient now. The government is not the thing that will kill your relationship or your marriage. But American impatience and intolerance can - and I say American because that 'microwave mentality' is so prevalent in our culture today. We want what we want now and on our own terms.

Funny - life isn't really like that. Never has been and never will be.

rebeccajo,

I would also like to thank you for your post and appreciate what you have to say. It resonated with many of the things I have been thinking and have thought about the changes when mahal ko will arrive. I also know that some of the things you speak of are true because of my experiences with my ex-wife (not-US born) and the work I do. I wish that this post could be the start of a seperate thread where some of those who have gone before share their suggestions about "Things to Think about" and talk about all the non-logistic and non-material issues, challenges, and concerns that will occur.

Thanks for sharing you wisdom and experience.

[U.S. Wendy 0]

B)--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(Bill B @ Sep 26 2007, 11:56 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}></div><div class='quotemain'><!--quotec-->It sure does seem like some of these posters either work for USCIS, or maybe they just say good things about them; kissing their...think that in some way USCIS will help them personally. Pick me, help me, I stuck up for you, blah blah blah...

It also must be nice to have your significant other from one of the 27 countries on the VISA Waiver Program so your loved one can come here and visit for 90 days without a VISA. http://travel.state.gov/visa/temp/without/without_1990.html Oh wait, I am sure the compasionate ones who are here to "help" us will say something like, "nobody told you to fall in love with someone from a country that is not on the list..."or something else real intelligent, helpful, and caring.

So here you go to all of you "I just try to help people...but they don't want to listen to me (us)" people. Fresh blood here...time for you to feast and tell each other how right you are and how the newer members are just whiners...or call in the reinforcements and close the thread, delete the post, etc. Sure wish those reinforcements would cancel accounts for those of you who have nothing better to do than come on this board and in more than half of your posts in a week just throw sarcasm and attempted superiority at those you disagree with. I can't wait to read the words of wisdom those of you write after this post because it is burning so bad in you that you just have to reply to feel better about yourself and show everyone how smart you are.

Guess I went to bed too early last night. Bill, very nice post indeed; I agree with you 100%.

I just wish my SO was here and then I'd have the opportunity to worry about all the other 'stuff'.

I won't be on here asking for any marriage counseling from anyone without a license.

Edited September 27, 2007 by U.S. Wendy

[Krikit 1,164]

Great post, RebeccaJo. I appreciate the thought and the effort that went into that.

[StillThePrettiest 3]

I wish that this post could be the start of a seperate thread where some of those who have gone before share their suggestions about "Things to Think about" and talk about all the non-logistic and non-material issues, challenges, and concerns that will occur.

I second this, because it brings to the forefront the only thing that sits uncomfortably with me -

so often in here, we see someone post with a visa issue, and subsequent replies giving the OP personal advice... someone usually comes along and, quite rightly in my opinion, says something like 'the OP has asked for advice on a visa problem; let's stick to that please as we have no right to comment on their personal situations'

what's the difference here? I've already said that I really value everything rebeccajo had to say above - but it wasn't on topic, and it doesn't address the issue that the thread was raised to discuss

people may counter that it IS relevant, because it's someone else's viewpoint on the issue raised, but how is this different from someone giving personal advice on another matter?

I think there is definitely a place for discussion of this nature, and would welcome a new thread, as rouguewave suggested; perhaps it should even be pinned, and referred to in the guides; I think the issues are certainly of major importance to all of us

but as far as I understand it, VJ doesn't encourage us to push our own agendas, however valid, or to give people unsolicited advice, however pertinent... I think that's what sometimes gets people annoyed

my two cents

(again )

[rebeccajo 14]

Prettiest -

My thoughts are 'on topic' from the following perspective (in my opinion).

There appears to crop up (from time to time) a situation or scenario which affects USCIS processing times. Whenever those reasons are 'uncovered' (the original post) then the usual fussing begins to occur about how unfair the whole situation is; about how this has probably never happened before and how the current crop of petitioners are being punished more than previous petitioners; and about how USCIS doesn't care and how ineffective they are.

So other members come forward and attest to the fact that such-and-such happened in the past, that it worked itself out eventually, and that VJ members saw petitions approved and were reunited.

But for some reason - that's no comfort to some. So then the infighting begins.

It's my position that if one wants to bicker about THIS stage of the journey, one is ill prepared for the rest.

So................that's where I am coming from.

[BYRON-LEIDY 0]

Oh, the things I miss when I'm up to my backside in cardboard boxes and drywall dust.

As for the point of whether or not people were grumbling about processing times last year - of course they were. They were when I processed two years ago. They were when the site was started more than five years ago. In fact, lack of information and lengthy processing times were the REASON the site was started. So there is nothing new under the sun in that regard.

Is it something new on VJ that people have jealousy about those with shorter processing times? No. Is it something new for those members with shorter visa processing times to be told they 'can't possibly understand'? No. Not new at all.

The ONLY reason some of us who have been at this a while occasionally come forward to take another beating is to ask you all to look inward. The intent of my post (way back in this thread) wasn't about JUST the immigration processing you will have to endure after you are reunited.

I'm sure all of you still separated often say what my husband and I used to say - that you just want to be together. That you just want a 'normal' life - you just want to be a 'normal' couple. Well, guess what? One day, you will. One day (probably several years from now) you will wake up and realize that the foreign born spouse you wake up to each day is just another man or woman with only a few minor differences from the conventional mate you might have found in the states - you know, they have that lovely accent or beautiful skin color you couldn't find around the block. They probably have some virtues similar to what you were looking for in a spouse. I assure you they come packaged with some of human natures annoyances too. So.....in time.......all the waiting will fade away, it will pass, and you will have to deal with your long-distance lover just as you would have the boy or girl next door. For all of your sakes, I hope and pray you have not romanticized your separation beyond the point of not being able to see that eventual horizon.

But there is a layer to these relationships that is unlike the conventional kind. Are you prepared? Are you prepared for all the things previously mentioned - delays in being able to work and drive? Language barriers? Are you REALLY ready to help your spouse start over just like a child - having to learn all over again how to function daily in society? Learning how to post a letter, count currency, find a favorite cereal on a shelf? Learn what words and phrases are socially acceptable here, and what ones are not? Are you prepared to help them with everything and everyone they miss from home?

And are you prepared for how society will react to them? Are you prepared for the employers who subtley discriminate against hiring the non-American born? Are you prepared to help your spouse translate their foreign credentials so those willing to hire them can assess their qualifications? Are you prepared for the people who DON'T find your spouses' accent or skin color as charming as you do? Are you prepared for the hostility of them being viewed as 'another immigrant' seeking a greencard, looking to suckle off the great American prosperity machine solely for their own benefit and at the expense of American workers? Are you aware that all the media attention towards immigrants these days is not productive to your loved ones future in America? Are you aware that as laws are crafted (as they surely will be in the near future) they WILL affect your spouse? Even if those laws are designed to stop the flow of so-called 'illegal immigration' - are you aware that some they those laws will possibly reach in and touch your family?

Your journey is not over when you receive NOA2. It is not over when the visa is approved. It is not over when the greencard is received. It is not even over if your spouse naturalizes. Each step of the process brings you to another plateau and THAT IS ALL.

Because we have chosen to love and marry someone from outside our culture and border, the rest of our lives will be different. In most ways, it will be beatifully and wonderfully different. Our families will benefit from blended cultures and our eyes will be opened to the differences of humanity. But in other ways (and hopefully they will be few for each of you) you and your spouse have challenges to face normal married couples don't experience. I am here to tell you that the fact your relationship survives this separation now IS NOT PROOF you will be able to endure all that life, immigration, society, and bigotry will throw at you.

Because one day, your life will be NORMAL. Can you handle the unique challenges you will face as a blended-culture couple once you are finally NORMAL?

With patience and understanding - you can. So - become patient now. The government is not the thing that will kill your relationship or your marriage. But American impatience and intolerance can - and I say American because that 'microwave mentality' is so prevalent in our culture today. We want what we want now and on our own terms.

Funny - life isn't really like that. Never has been and never will be.

Rebeccajo, great post.....In my case its a little different, i have stopped to think about the things that come in a relationship when living together but that's the only thing in my case....My fiance is Colombian and so am I....New York, thank God is extremely diverse and she has some family here...as for work, i told her she doesnt have to work, she is going to get here and just try to refine her english, but that will be maybe a year after she is here..I live where i work so i will always be around for her...I want her to take the first year just to see all the new things about this country and to do simple things like take a walk with her son down the block to central park and just see what life is all about here...Thank God i never forgot my spanish, so the language barrier is not an issue...She is an esthetician in Colombia and thats her passion so after refining her english we will look for her to get her licensing to follow her passion for esthetics.....Allin all i think i am very fortunate that ur transition will be a little easier

[athena_ny 1]

Prettiest -

My thoughts are 'on topic' from the following perspective (in my opinion).

There appears to crop up (from time to time) a situation or scenario which affects USCIS processing times. Whenever those reasons are 'uncovered' (the original post) then the usual fussing begins to occur about how unfair the whole situation is; about how this has probably never happened before and how the current crop of petitioners are being punished more than previous petitioners; and about how USCIS doesn't care and how ineffective they are.

So other members come forward and attest to the fact that such-and-such happened in the past, that it worked itself out eventually, and that VJ members saw petitions approved and were reunited.

But for some reason - that's no comfort to some. So then the infighting begins.

It's my position that if one wants to bicker about THIS stage of the journey, one is ill prepared for the rest.

So................that's where I am coming from.

[no name 1]

Prettiest -

My thoughts are 'on topic' from the following perspective (in my opinion).

There appears to crop up (from time to time) a situation or scenario which affects USCIS processing times. Whenever those reasons are 'uncovered' (the original post) then the usual fussing begins to occur about how unfair the whole situation is; about how this has probably never happened before and how the current crop of petitioners are being punished more than previous petitioners; and about how USCIS doesn't care and how ineffective they are.

So other members come forward and attest to the fact that such-and-such happened in the past, that it worked itself out eventually, and that VJ members saw petitions approved and were reunited.

But for some reason - that's no comfort to some. So then the infighting begins.

It's my position that if one wants to bicker about THIS stage of the journey, one is ill prepared for the rest.

So................that's where I am coming from.

And thank you for your other very well said post.