Understanding Men and African Men

[His Glory 25]

Yes it is a big part and I am the main bread winner in my family but I am not head of the family. i will never feel that way unless my husband has no intentions to take care of his family financially and does take the spiritual lead. He is the family head and answers to God for us as a family and he takes that very seriously. He hates that I have to be the breadwinner right now but he as to accept it at this point as I do. I feel you on the saving thing and thinking that we are rich I keep telling him when he gets here he will know exactly what I am talking about. It is a better standard of living health wise financially etc but its all relative. Once he drives down to beverly hills he is gonna see exactly where we are compared to what others have.

I see where you are coming from with the whole head of the household....Your husband and you are not under the same roof at the moment. Just wait until he gets here. You will see what I am talking about. Fighting the embassy is the easy part. I know that when I was in Nigeria the women were not as liberal as you and I. I don't know how women are in Ghana but most African women do not suggest to their husbands to take out the trash and do housework. And they DO NOT get mouth with their husbands!!! SO when he gets here it will be an adjustment for the two of you. He may not be able to work for a while and that I know will disturb him as a man. You will be like Dear God!!!! but you will make it.

Haha Im sure there will be many adjustments from both of us when living under one roof....there have been so many already. Thanks for the encouragement.

[JJWashington 0]

Yes it is a big part and I am the main bread winner in my family but I am not head of the family. i will never feel that way unless my husband has no intentions to take care of his family financially and does take the spiritual lead. He is the family head and answers to God for us as a family and he takes that very seriously. He hates that I have to be the breadwinner right now but he as to accept it at this point as I do. I feel you on the saving thing and thinking that we are rich I keep telling him when he gets here he will know exactly what I am talking about. It is a better standard of living health wise financially etc but its all relative. Once he drives down to beverly hills he is gonna see exactly where we are compared to what others have.

I see where you are coming from with the whole head of the household....Your husband and you are not under the same roof at the moment. Just wait until he gets here. You will see what I am talking about. Fighting the embassy is the easy part. I know that when I was in Nigeria the women were not as liberal as you and I. I don't know how women are in Ghana but most African women do not suggest to their husbands to take out the trash and do housework. And they DO NOT get mouth with their husbands!!! SO when he gets here it will be an adjustment for the two of you. He may not be able to work for a while and that I know will disturb him as a man. You will be like Dear God!!!! but you will make it.

Well Said

[Mr. Big Dog 10,747]

The pride of every African man (and I would think any man) is his family. He is there to provide for and take care of them. If the woman can help, no problem. But it is the responsibility of the man to provide for his family.

What is wrong with that????????

Nothing. Absolutely nothing. And you're right, this applies to any man.

[Divine Mercy 0]

The pride of every African man (and I would think any man) is his family. He is there to provide for and take care of them. If the woman can help, no problem. But it is the responsibility of the man to provide for his family.

What is wrong with that????????

Nothing. Absolutely nothing. And you're right, this applies to any man.

Thank you for so many thoughtful comments about how to let him know he is appreciated. I will try my best and the comments were very helpful.

Most Godly people know that the easy way is usually not the right way. I have noticed by being with Lanre that knowing him encourages me to take the more difficult path but makes me into a better person, which is his goal. When he gets here, it is going to be difficult for me as well.

It is difficult for me to go to work everyday while he will be the one home with the kids watching them reach their milestones. He will be feeding them, bathing them, helping them learn new things. That is what I want to be doing. I know he would rather be out making the money but I would rather be home with the kids.

I know the kids will be in good hands and I'm grateful they will have the chance to learn from such an amazing human being. It is going to be painful for me though. This certainly isn't the easy path but hopefully in the long run the kids will be better off for having had two parents devote themselves to them rather than just me.

Hopefully they can be understanding to what we are going thru as well as us being understanding of their trials and tribulations.

I also find it difficult to let go of my own pride and submit to his guidance. My initial reaction is to argue and that really throws him for a loop! After I stop being so full of pride and realize that his way IS the best way I end up apologizing profusely. It would be so much easier if I could just bite my tongue the first time he says something!

[Inquiring Mind 0]

WOW! Well said my brother I am a newbie and I will share this information with my Fiance so he will understand what you've experienced and how you handled the situation as a Christian. You are a blessing and I really appreciate you keeping it real. I hope all is well with you and your family on this day.

Be blessed,

Jacqueline

[His Glory 25]

I also find it difficult to let go of my own pride and submit to his guidance. My initial reaction is to argue and that really throws him for a loop! After I stop being so full of pride and realize that his way IS the best way I end up apologizing profusely. It would be so much easier if I could just bite my tongue the first time he says something!

Haha! When you figure out how to let go of pride and bite your tongue and submit, can you let me know? I try to so hard but I think its because I was single for so long and taking care of myself etc. Its not all the time that I dont agree with him passionatly but when it does happen its drama. Its awful but it wouldnt be in the Bible as counsel if it was easy and inherent in us woman, would it? But there is so much counsel for our husbands too. He is so good at it though and I find myself always kicking myself in the butt because I said or did something that I regretted. He is so calm and balanced and easily figures out what is best for us but I on the other hand......well. lets just say I have a lot to work on and pray everyday for balance and to be a submissive wife. He is doing everything that a good husband does to the best of his ability but for me I have a lot to improve on. But where there is love and commitment there security and the support we need to succeed. There is no perfect marriage or perfect people so I guess as long as we keep trying our best we are good It seems to me that he is shocked when I argue sometimes with him. I think its cultural because american men arent surprised when we argue with them, they dont like it, but they are not surprised. But my husband is confounded by it .