Cry for help

[Mags 112]

I think from now on we should keep any judgemental comments to ourselves and focus on giving the OP good advice on how to help her.

Why should we all beat the same drum? Why should we give the OP reasons to end her marriage and try to save it. If her goal isn't to be in the marriage because of a green card, then she's an insincere person and then why should we support insincere people?

We've had an issue with this part of the forum where we have had some very emotional problems and members then coming in and making judgemental comments over their nature. THIS is why I asked you to keep any further GC comments to yourself. 9/10 these fragile members need support and advice, not accusations of them being a fraud and only interested in a GC.

Anyway,

Thanks.

Edited September 26, 2007 by Mags

[BillyB 0]

She also admitted, after my comments on enlisting outside help, her husband's family talked to him and her husband apologized. That's a good start and her husband has shown signs he can listen and apologize when he's wrong.

All abusers do that - they apologize, promise to change, and then the cycle of abuse starts all over again. This is a fact.

Abusive people aren't the only people who apologizes. Sincere people apologize too and correct themself of their wrongdoing.

Mags, The OP was thankful for my tips on how to save her marriage. My comments to her about the GC would hurt her if it was partially or completely true. I do not like helping insincere people. People come to these forums with different motives when needing help, some sincere, some not. I remember an FSU forum a Russian woman needing help because she was a slave to her new husband and he did not buy her any feminine products. People told her where to go for help such as to the police or women's shelter and some RW and American man took her into their home to protect her from the abuse she was going through. I question that couple and the RW if they have any facts about the abuse and questioned the abused RW on her sincerety. I just happened to read VisaJourney at the same time and a man was here pouring his heart out that he was used by a RW and she left him and his daughter who loved her new step-mother. He said the day before they were abandonded his daughter and his wife were holding hands walking down the street. Of course there's more to the story but you get the point.

Over at the other forum, I posted the visajourney link to direct people here since the stories were similar. Come to find out, the two people posting were the two people that were talking about each other. In the end, the man was sincere since he could prove he bought her things+ and the woman in question could not prove anything she was talking about.

There are two sides to every story.

I read a lot of people on the forums agreeing to get married before ever seeing each other or on their first meeting. It's important to get to know thoroughly the person you're going to marry. It's also important to understand there are people who want to take advantage of you.

Mags, I know you may think my comments were not constructive but they are in many ways. I may have hurt some feelings out there with my comments about GC's but I'm sure it's food for thought for most of the readership here who's about to marry and hopefully some people will learn to be more judgemental and educate themselves about the people they are to marry before they enter into a marriage that may be doomed for disaster. Love does not conquer all. With giving the knowledge that people will use you through marriage for personal gain, hopefully I saved someone from entering a marriage that's destined to fail.

[Kiv 32]

No, it shouldn't be a problem removing conditions as long as:

1.) You have evidence of a shared life and a shared residence

2.) You have evidence of commingled finances while married

3.) You have a divorce decree

You also have a Birth certificate of a child together.

I wish you and your baby good luck in whatever you decide to do.

[trinity06 1]

Once again, thank you all for your wonderful advice. I am not mad or hangry about any comments. I am here to seek advice and i am happy i found this site. As i have said before, i have given him a last chance, and if he starts treaten me the way he use to, i am leaving and i wont stay a week. I will like to say that i am a very sincere wife and mother, and everything i wrote here about my condition are all true. I am not mad or hangry about the comments, because i understand that, some people do come here to post false story about themselves, and that is not right.

One thing also is that i really want to make the marriage work, eventhough i have been emotionally abusive for the past one year. I dont just want to go for divorce without trying, but i am really ready now to be on my own, if he starts again.

My dean, two of my instructors and one of my classmate, gave me some numbers to call, and they are all looking out for me. I am happy that i am no longer alone, and i have people that care about me. Expecially the VJ, it really means a lot to me, and i will like to say thank you to every one that contributed in making me feel welcome her.

I will keep you guys posted on any new things that happen, thank you all