Mena Divorce

[PetraPerson101 0]

I wish you the best.

I'd try to work things out first, don't act too rash. Acting out in a heat-of-the-moment usually isn't the best thing to do. Your last post, shows you already know that.

Indeed - the time involved is brutal. Very painful ... but hey, don't give up.

If you end up needing pointers .. .. .. I can supply a few. :| However, I do hope I never need to.

[aya*abouelnasr 0]

First, let me start by saying thank you for all the support I recieved from everyone here. All of the kindness and well wishes have been inspiring.

After a long conversation with my husband yesterday, we were able to realize that there are things in our marriage that we both have to work on. Someimes, acknowledging that there is a problem is the bigggest step, and coming to a mutual agreement of how to fix it is the hardest.

Loving someone, marriage, is a huge responsility. Adding time and distance to it only makes it harder. It's hard sometimes to not want to just give up because it seems the easiest thing to do. I never thought this would be easy, but I never knew it would be so hard, but I don't regret one single step I have taken on this journey. I have discovered a lot about myself, and I like the woman I have become because of it, much more so that I did before. Tomorrow brings so many amazing possibilites, if you only let yourself open up to them.

This is so much more than a visa journey, it is also a journey of self discovery. May we all arrive at our destination soon.

[~Jess~ 0]

First, let me start by saying thank you for all the support I recieved from everyone here. All of the kindness and well wishes have been inspiring.

After a long conversation with my husband yesterday, we were able to realize that there are things in our marriage that we both have to work on. Someimes, acknowledging that there is a problem is the bigggest step, and coming to a mutual agreement of how to fix it is the hardest.

Loving someone, marriage, is a huge responsility. Adding time and distance to it only makes it harder. It's hard sometimes to not want to just give up because it seems the easiest thing to do. I never thought this would be easy, but I never knew it would be so hard, but I don't regret one single step I have taken on this journey. I have discovered a lot about myself, and I like the woman I have become because of it, much more so that I did before. Tomorrow brings so many amazing possibilites, if you only let yourself open up to them.

This is so much more than a visa journey, it is also a journey of self discovery. May we all arrive at our destination soon.

so that means you have decided to work on things and stick it out??? i wish you the best in whatever you decide.

[sarah and hicham 3]

I think that we have also seen that it can be very difficult for people to actually get out of their situation to help themselves. I'm sure you know which category you fall into. I think some people feel that they have already spent so much time and money invested in their relationship that they just can't end it, even if it is for the best in the end.

[doodlebug 3]

First, let me start by saying thank you for all the support I recieved from everyone here. All of the kindness and well wishes have been inspiring.

After a long conversation with my husband yesterday, we were able to realize that there are things in our marriage that we both have to work on. Someimes, acknowledging that there is a problem is the bigggest step, and coming to a mutual agreement of how to fix it is the hardest.

Loving someone, marriage, is a huge responsility. Adding time and distance to it only makes it harder. It's hard sometimes to not want to just give up because it seems the easiest thing to do. I never thought this would be easy, but I never knew it would be so hard, but I don't regret one single step I have taken on this journey. I have discovered a lot about myself, and I like the woman I have become because of it, much more so that I did before. Tomorrow brings so many amazing possibilites, if you only let yourself open up to them.

This is so much more than a visa journey, it is also a journey of self discovery. May we all arrive at our destination soon.

This waiting for AP really does take a toll on the relationship whether it be by causing fights or just having apathy. I can relate to how distance only makes it harder but if it's hard to begin with before going through this then that must be heck to go through and I can't even imagine that.

[ya falaha! 0]

Tammy...

I don't know the specifics of your relationship and the reasons why you considered divorce but please think through any decision of making it work BEFORE he gets here. There have been a few cases here in MENA where the women wished they would've done just that. It's harder to end the relationship once he's here. You have three sons, make sure you really want your husband in their lives as well.

[aya*abouelnasr 0]

I think depression is playing a big part in this. He seems to have given up on ever getting the visa and being able to immigrate here. It has been almost 2 months since he last heard from the embassy and still no good word from them. Yes, I have repeatedly told him that these things take time, we are no different from all the others who have been waiting and waiting, but my words seem to fall on deaf ears. He has a cousin who waitied for 18 months before he got his visa, you would think he would know from that, it takes time.

I have such a hard time associating the man he is now with the man that I know him to be. As for me, I try to go on making plans for him to be here with us, all the while keeping it in the back of my mind that he may never be. It's so hard to keep thinking of myself as part of a relationship, when I am without him. I imagine it is just as hard for him. I try to be understanding, but sometimes, it is SO hard. I know I am probably not the only one to have theses thoughts, but sometimes it makes me feel guilty, almost as if I am trying to forget about him. Does that make sense?

As far as my children are concerned, my husband is a good man. I could see how much he loves children when I was in Jordan. I could see how crazy his neices and nephews were about him. You can't make a child fake true affection. I have spoken open and honestly with my sons about the possibility that my husband man not be allowed to come here, and we cannot go there to live. My oldest son is constantly coming up with ideas and ways that we could go there to live. They don't have a good relationship with their birth father, and rarely see him. They refer to my husband as their dad, and they have such great plans for him if he is able to come here. I think he would only be a positive infuence in their lives, that is not a worry to me.

Yes, the experiences that I have seen other women here have weighed greatly on my mind. There are not any guarantees that we will have a perfect life, or even a good one. We are all taking a great chance, but I think if we are honest with ourselves, we knew that from the very beginning. It's the same in any relationship, not confined to only long distance relationships. With my first husband, I married Dr. Jekyll only to find out he was really Mr. Hyde. So, I am hopiing for the best, but semi-prepared for the worst. Only time will tell, and only God knows.

[♥JP♥ 5]

I think depression is playing a big part in this. He seems to have given up on ever getting the visa and being able to immigrate here. It has been almost 2 months since he last heard from the embassy and still no good word from them.

This is my BIG concern. If he is depressed it should be because you two are apart. It seems like this is all about the visa & immigrating here, which is not good IMO.

[doodlebug 3]

I think depression is playing a big part in this. He seems to have given up on ever getting the visa and being able to immigrate here. It has been almost 2 months since he last heard from the embassy and still no good word from them.

This is my BIG concern. If he is depressed it should be because you two are apart. It seems like this is all about the visa & immigrating here, which is not good IMO.

I kind of agree. My husband never talks about the visa unless I bring it up. It's almost an afterthought since he's so busy with his life there. Not saying he's definitely in it for the visa but just something to keep on the back burner you know?

[mybackpages 0]

I think depression is playing a big part in this. He seems to have given up on ever getting the visa and being able to immigrate here. It has been almost 2 months since he last heard from the embassy and still no good word from them.

This is my BIG concern. If he is depressed it should be because you two are apart. It seems like this is all about the visa & immigrating here, which is not good IMO.

I kind of agree. My husband never talks about the visa unless I bring it up. It's almost an afterthought since he's so busy with his life there. Not saying he's definitely in it for the visa but just something to keep on the back burner you know?

I see it a little differntly. I think Tammy's husband's focus could appear to be on the visa, but the reality is what the visa means. The visa process is keepig him from his family , from carrying out his responsibility as a husband and father. so while he says visa, he might be thinking something else.

If he is prone to depression, think about how much more difficult it is not to have the day to day imitate support of your wife and family. Depression means our thinking is clouded. The visa may symbolize a lof of things to him not only the ticket to come here.

[♥JP♥ 5]

I think depression is playing a big part in this. He seems to have given up on ever getting the visa and being able to immigrate here. It has been almost 2 months since he last heard from the embassy and still no good word from them.

This is my BIG concern. If he is depressed it should be because you two are apart. It seems like this is all about the visa & immigrating here, which is not good IMO.

I kind of agree. My husband never talks about the visa unless I bring it up. It's almost an afterthought since he's so busy with his life there. Not saying he's definitely in it for the visa but just something to keep on the back burner you know?

I see it a little differntly. I think Tammy's husband's focus could appear to be on the visa, but the reality is what the visa means. The visa process is keepig him from his family , from carrying out his responsibility as a husband and father. so while he says visa, he might be thinking something else.

If he is prone to depression, think about how much more difficult it is not to have the day to day imitate support of your wife and family. Depression means our thinking is clouded. The visa may symbolize a lof of things to him not only the ticket to come here.

While this is true in many situations, I don't believe it to be true in this one. I have told Tammy my concerns based on extensive conversations I have had with her. We talked about all the possibilities and the depression being one of them. However even if a person is prone to being depressed it doesnt make it ok to shun your loved ones away. How a person deals with depression and hard times in their life says alot about that person.

Tammy is also going though her own depression and so are her kids. Times like this, and him being the adult, he should also be supportive that family that he is waiting to be reunited with, especially the kids. I know everyone deals with depression differently but this is also somehting that can weigh heavily on their marriage, now and later.

[*Maureen* 0]

I know that waiting to be reunited with my husband was the most painful process in the journey. We all go through with it and we are reunited in the end. Some wait shorter times some wait longer times.

During the process, i never once thought of throwing in the towel due to discouragement of the visa process, I felt like packing my bags and moving to Jordan to forget the visa process (many times) but I hung in there cuz there was nothing else I could do. I didnt want to move my kids across the world.

I would email the embasy, call uscis, etc and it got me nowhere just more angry and depressed. Finally, i just washed my hands from it, stopped all the inquiries and told myself ... whenever its meant to be it will happen and i swear within 3 weeks we got the call. ( probably just a coiencedence) but it did happen.

I wish the best for you and your family.

[sarah and hicham 3]

Wow.

[mossydonni33 0]

I know that waiting to be reunited with my husband was the most painful process in the journey. We all go through with it and we are reunited in the end. Some wait shorter times some wait longer times.

During the process, i never once thought of throwing in the towel due to discouragement of the visa process, I felt like packing my bags and moving to Jordan to forget the visa process (many times) but I hung in there cuz there was nothing else I could do. I didnt want to move my kids across the world.

I would email the embasy, call uscis, etc and it got me nowhere just more angry and depressed. Finally, i just washed my hands from it, stopped all the inquiries and told myself ... whenever its meant to be it will happen and i swear within 3 weeks we got the call. ( probably just a coiencedence) but it did happen.

I wish the best for you and your family.

Hello there...

I must wholeheartedly agree with this post as I experience something similiar. It seemed for a while in our case that we were just not meant to be together. Our case took 3 years and buckets of tears but yesterday he finally came. It DOES happen!! Try to hang in there because love is priceless and you will be stronger when he comes once you have survived this hell together. God bless you and please....keep your head up and hope in the real things.

[ya falaha! 0]

This is the reason why I didn't involve my children in this process (never talked to them about it) or with my husband really until I knew for sure he was coming. My sons knew about Moh, they talked to him on the phone a few times but he wasn't involved in their lives until he got here. I didn't want them to feel how I was feeling (hurt, impatient, stressed). My sons have a dad but even if they didn't I wouldn't make Moh their "replacement" dad. Especially if they never met him and didn't really know him. IMO that's just messing with kids' heads. Making a step dad a "replacement" dad takes time. The step dad has to earn the respect and love of the children. This can't be done over the phone and through chats and webcams. It can't even be done by a short term visit overseas.

While this is true in many situations, I don't believe it to be true in this one. I have told Tammy my concerns based on extensive conversations I have had with her. We talked about all the possibilities and the depression being one of them. However even if a person is prone to being depressed it doesnt make it ok to shun your loved ones away. How a person deals with depression and hard times in their life says alot about that person.

Tammy is also going though her own depression and so are her kids. Times like this, and him being the adult, he should also be supportive that family that he is waiting to be reunited with, especially the kids. I know everyone deals with depression differently but this is also somehting that can weigh heavily on their marriage, now and later.