Religion

[LondonGooner 0]

To add my two cents to the topic; I would not have considered marrying my wife if she had not been a Christian or was at least about to commit to her faith through baptism. In fact I wouldn't have even dated a non-Christian girl and I was quite prepared to spend the rest of my life as a single guy until I met Kelly.

To add my two cents to the topic; I would not have considered marrying my wife if she had been a Christian or even remotely believed in any of that stuff. In fact I wouldn't have even dated a Christian girl and I was quite prepared to spend the rest of my life as a single guy until I met Sian.

As far as the OP...

I disagree with those who say you should "suck it up" for the family. Sitting through 52-104 hours/year of preaching about something I didn't believe in would drive me batty. I also don't agree with people raising their children "in" one certain religion. That's brainwashing. Let the children learn about all religions, then pick what they believe when they are old enough to do so. Jordan (Mags' son) is free to go to any church or practice any religion he chooses; he has not been pushed toward one religion or NO religion. It is his choice.

Clearly you know nothing of how my church works yet to chose to pick up on what I said at the start of my post. My children will not be brainwashed into believing in Christ and His teachings. However, they will be raised and taught about Jesus and His teachings. If they want to become Christians then when they are old enough to be baptised and make a profession of their faith public then that will be their choosing and a decision made of their own free will because that is the greatest gift that God gave us. My wife and I will not force our children into believing anything because a) that is impossible and B) it would be the wrong thing to do. Entering into a relationship with God is a personal decision because a relationship with God is a personal and intimate thing to do and does not depend on dogma and indoctrinated practice which is what so many "organised" Churches teach. God does not want that. It would be like me saying the same things to you over and over, parrot fashion. You'd get bored and fed up with that too.

[TinTin and Samby 11]

Hi Teagan,

I just wanted to offer my perspective on your topic. I believe everyone has to make their own decisions about the concept of spirituality in their life. Admittedly, I may be an 'unconventional' thinker here, and there are many Catholics who would and could argue many points of my thinking...potentially to a conclusion that, given my beliefs, it is unreasonable to claim that I am, in fact, a Catholic.

That said - I believe that the best evidence of God's existence and his influence can be found in how humanity treats each other, in how fellowship exists, grows and thrives inside one's self, one's family, one's community and beyond. For me, the value of an organized religion, such as Catholicism, is in the coming together of these persons, families and communities to interact, broaden their horizons and grow/contribute from the experience. These are concepts that strengthen individuals and families and communities.

As an individual, there are plenty of things in the Catholic teachings that I believe in. Equally, there are plenty in which I do not. As another poster mentioned, shared experiences and rituals are valuable cornerstones for a family. Attending Mass on Sunday, having breakfast together afterward and talking about what each persons 'take-away' was from the readings, gospel or homily that week - whether in terms of God and Jesus, etc (religious) or just in terms of how people should act or react when faced with life's situations (not necessarily religious) can be a valuable shared family ritual that can bring stability, a sense of belonging and opportunities for communication. All of these are, in the end, good things, regardless of the strength of your Belief or acceptance of all of the corresponding organized religion tenets.

Thanks for your thought provoking post. Best Wishes!

Samby

[Tegan 0]

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Edited September 13, 2007 by Tegan

[Stabu 0]

Let me start off saying I'm not religious and never have been. I'm not against religion I'm just not religious myself my husband is fine with the fact I'm not religious.

Here's the thing my husband is Roman Cathlic doesn't go to Church every sunday or anything like that but all the same is quite religious, which as I've said above I'm fine with.

My hasband and I have been together for almost 7 years now (married for almost 3) Religion is a small part (and sometimes big part) of my husbands life. So everytime we talk about having kids and all that fun stuff religion comes into play, my husband what's our kids to go to church and learn about it all, which I'm totally happy with. But the big thing is, is he wants me to go along to, even though I feel ackward and out of place in a church (it doesn't help that my husband goes to a spanish speaking church) and I don't speak a great deal of spanish which is besides the point. basically he wants me to pretend I believe in religion for our kids sack.

Do you think I should just "suck it up" as they say and go to church, or try and reason with him. We always end up in a heated argument when it comes to this subject and I guess I just wanted some advice on how do deal with it.

I was personally force-churched when I was young. My mom was very religious and my dad somewhat so thus I was dragged into Church often (often in Finnish standards that is). They eventually gave up when I was a teenager and thus I eventually stopped going altogether as did my younger siblings later on. I've always thought that the architecture was wonderful and the music pretty but the teachings where always boring and simpleminded.

I don't mind going to church these days, but I avoid it since I know that I'm going to be bored and I know that there’s nothing in it for me. If I guess you correctly, I think this is among the lines you feel about it too. What I personally think is that you've given so much in regarding this issue that you really shouldn't need to give in any further. Your husband wants to bring your children up religiously and he has already gotten that. The only problem he may witness is that many children don't really like to go to church especially when they clearly see an option to stay home (as you would do). Most children don't want to sit still and listen to an adult mumbling meaningless stuff or hearing adults randomly sing in choirs. Thus most children like to avoid boring places such as churches, schools, political rallies etc. One way for you to avoid this problem would be to leave say an hour earlier before church starts to e.g. a hair dresser or your friend or equal, in any case to a place where the children couldn't come. Then they wouldn't have an option to stay home either, as they would other vice want to do. As marriage is a lot of compromising, I think your husband should compromise more on this issue as well, you have already accepted his religion to a larger degree than most others would.

(Ouh and btw. Christians commenting this thread tend to give the advice "just go, you may like it". They give this advice since they hope that you would magically transform into a Christian when you go enough to church - believe me, I used to hang a lot around them when I was young. Sadly they never seem to learn that you cannot turn most men into horse polo fans either no matter how many times you take them into a game, if they themselves show no interest in it or are totally irrelevant towards it.)

[Carlawarla 1]

Here's what I'd do (and you can take whatever I say with a huge grain of salt since you don't know me from Adam) in this situation...

Tell your husband that you'll let your future children go to church with you and him, but that you won't pretend to believe in anything you don't feel comfortable with yourself. In addition, your husband must also agree to keep from forcing religion on your children if they decide they don't particularly care for it as they get older. How religious they are (if at all) in the end must be their own decision to make.

I think that's a fair deal. Your husband gets to go to church with you and his kids; you don't have to pretend to believe in something you don't, and your children will be free to make up their own minds as they grow up.

I think this is awesome advise! When you married I'm assuming that the "church" made you promise to raise your children in the Catholic faith. They didn't say you had to become Catholic did they? I'd go with your husband and children, be supportive, but don't agree to anything else unless or until you feel comfortable with it. If you do eventually want to take instruction yourself, there are classes offered through RCIA, and you'd be with other non-Catholics receving instruction. I actually participated in mentoring and studying with non-Catholics looking to become Catholics at one time and it was a rewarding and very fun process.

Carla

[PlatyPius 5]

To add my two cents to the topic; I would not have considered marrying my wife if she had not been a Christian or was at least about to commit to her faith through baptism. In fact I wouldn't have even dated a non-Christian girl and I was quite prepared to spend the rest of my life as a single guy until I met Kelly.

To add my two cents to the topic; I would not have considered marrying my wife if she had been a Christian or even remotely believed in any of that stuff. In fact I wouldn't have even dated a Christian girl and I was quite prepared to spend the rest of my life as a single guy until I met Sian.

As far as the OP...

I disagree with those who say you should "suck it up" for the family. Sitting through 52-104 hours/year of preaching about something I didn't believe in would drive me batty. I also don't agree with people raising their children "in" one certain religion. That's brainwashing. Let the children learn about all religions, then pick what they believe when they are old enough to do so. Jordan (Mags' son) is free to go to any church or practice any religion he chooses; he has not been pushed toward one religion or NO religion. It is his choice.

Clearly you know nothing of how my church works yet to chose to pick up on what I said at the start of my post. My children will not be brainwashed into believing in Christ and His teachings. However, they will be raised and taught about Jesus and His teachings. If they want to become Christians then when they are old enough to be baptised and make a profession of their faith public then that will be their choosing and a decision made of their own free will because that is the greatest gift that God gave us. My wife and I will not force our children into believing anything because a) that is impossible and B) it would be the wrong thing to do. Entering into a relationship with God is a personal decision because a relationship with God is a personal and intimate thing to do and does not depend on dogma and indoctrinated practice which is what so many "organised" Churches teach. God does not want that. It would be like me saying the same things to you over and over, parrot fashion. You'd get bored and fed up with that too.

If you'll read it all again, you'll see that only the first part applies to you. You said you'd only consider a Xian worthy; I copied it and said that I'd only consider a non-Xian worthy. Which is true.

The rest of it is not addressed to you. It is specifically addressed to the OP. I don't give a flying f#$% about your church.

[Mags 112]

Religion is a highly emotive subject, however, I ask that we please keep this thread on an respectful level.

Thanks.

[rebeccajo 14]

These religion threads never get anywhere.

But every time I read one I'm always reminded of the Amish. I'm familiar with their teachings as there are large communities of them relatively near me, and I've become acquainted with several of them personally.

They are everything they are perceived to be in the media - devout and humble. What is often not 'media-ized' about them is that faith and belonging to the church is purely an adult choice. True, the children are taken to church. But they are encouraged during their teenage years to explore the 'english' world during a period called 'wilding', and they must make an adult choice to join the church by baptism.

When such devout people can offer up such a simple plan for family members, I often marvel how other churches take such a stringent stance when it comes to family.

[PlatyPius 5]

Religion is a highly emotive subject, however, I ask that we please keep this thread on an respectful level.

Thanks.

yes dear.

[Sister Fracas 5]

I disagree with those who say you should "suck it up" for the family. Sitting through 52-104 hours/year of preaching about something I didn't believe in would drive me batty.

Not only drive you batty, but just what kind of message does it send to the kids? When they are old enough to know that mom doesn't believe I'd think they'd start to wonder what else was done just for their sake and not because it was something mom really believed in or wanted to do.

It sounds like you've already made a compromise and your husband isn't meeting you half way. Also, I can understand HIM attending a Spanish service if he has Spanish or some kind of hispanic/latin American/Mexican roots....but I don't understand him expecting you to go to something you wouldn't understand. That's not meaningful at all and unless your children will be bilingual, it won't be meaningful to them either.

Sucking it up week after week, year after year will just lead to resentment in my opinion.

Edited September 13, 2007 by Frances

[Tegan 0]

First of all I want to say if I ever did decided to attend church with my husband with our kids we will be going to an english speaking Cathlic church, I have been a few times already with out hesitation when my husbands mother died 2 years ago because he really needed me. It was really ackward (the few times we're all to a spanish speaking church) it wasn't just because of the language barrier but because I have been to english speaking church's so understand what is being said but I don't agree.

When I would visit my dad and step mum as a kid they wouldn't go to church every sunday only on special occasions they would make me go even though I had already made up my mind about religion, they even sent me to a religious school once while I was visiting which I really didn't like.

Even though I feel ackward and hypocritcal about going to church myself I think it would be a wonderful experience for our kids so they can see where their fathers believes are, of course I'll be supportive towards our kids going and will ask them questions ect. Maybe they will find something there that I never did or maybe not i believe in the end it's their choice.

[Sister Fracas 5]

Tegan, you sound like you are being very open. I think it's wonderful that you would support them, either way! You accept that not everyone believes the same, nor should they.

Edited September 13, 2007 by Frances

[Kajikit 65]

Tegan, if you don't want to go to church, then don't go... there's no point in going if you don't want to be there. It's one thing to tell a six-year-old, 'we're going to church today so you have to come too' - they're not old enough to have made a rational choice, and if you let them do just what they wanted they'd go to school in their party dress (if they went to school at all - they'd probably be sitting at home watching cartoons instead!) and eat icecream for breakfast - but you're an adult and it sounds like you're pretty sure about your (non)belief. A good compromise might be for you to go to church with your family for the special holidays and if there is some kind of special event going on, and let your husband take the kids by himself the rest of the time.

As the only Christian in my immediate family (and someone who voluntarily started going to church at a fairly young age) it made me sad that I couldn't get my mother to come to church with me for special occasions - not because I wanted her to be converted or anything, but because they were important to me and I wanted to share them with her... if the church and church-life are going to matter to your kids and husband, they're ARE going to want to share them with you at some point. It's not hypocritical to want to spend time with your family...

But if you're adamant about non-believing and not wanting to be there, then just don't go to church - it would be far worse for your children's faith development to see a parent begrudging church time and sitting in the pew watching the clock...