what is your opinion??

[monnik 0]

Hi Dee.

Well, my opinion about contacting his family would be to ask you first what you would like to acheive from the phone call(s). If it would be just to tell your side of the story or to get closure, I think you can do it and feel better. But, if it is only to try and convince them that you are right and he is a jerk (which is true, but they won't be convinced), then I would say DON'T do it.

Just try and make a small list of the expectations that you have for the call. Listing out some of the things that you think are important for them to know. i.e.- emotionally abusing your children, compromising your and their safety, making himself untrustworthy, withdrawing from the relationship, refusal to change, etc.....

And, if you feel you can accomplish those things, try it. But try to keep control of the conversation/call. Don't let them pull you into a debate or trying to pick apart your story. Let them know the facts, just the most crucial points, and how disappointed you are that his behavior changed completely.

I would make sure the person you are getting to translate for you is trustworthy (as mentioned before) and maybe even a female (who knows how they would perceive a male friend at this point in the marriage??) or at least someone that the family is familiar with (from your pictures or your conversations with them) or may have bonded with at some point. Try telling them that you wish you could talk to them yourself, but the language difference makes it hard.

Does his family have internet or webcam? Maybe you could talk to them in a video call to show your face to them online to let them see how hurt you are or that you are serious. Just an idea.

Calling them could add to your husband's anger or frustration, but if you take precautions (from the other thread and/or from any other advice received), then hopefully it won't affect your safety.

I wish you the best!! Please be safe.

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[♥JP♥ 5]

Dee mabye instead of getting someone to speak to them in arabic for you, have them find someone that can translate the english for them?

[Ban Hammer 13,334]

think long and hard before contacting them, it could make matters worse.

but my vote for calling them would be wom.......she'll chew butt better than a drill sergeant

[~~~water~~~ 0]

I think legal intervention is the way to go you need to start building a paper trail.... Is there a lawyer you can talk to?

[LaL 418]

I think the interesting part of this is Dee is stating they contact her. I would not be *for* contacting them but maybe if she wants to send them a reply text message that their son should be coming home. Maybe that will put the bug in their ear to coerce him to come home.

Just for clarity - I think Jenn is correct. No good will come of outright contacting them. If it is a text reply to a concerned mother in law, short & sweet about her son soon return to home maybe that would suffice.

[Mags 112]

Just for clarity - I think Jenn is correct. No good will come of outright contacting them. If it is a text reply to a concerned mother in law, short & sweet about her son soon return to home maybe that would suffice.

I have to agree.

It is a rare situation when a family stays in touch with the ex-wife or husband, so it shouldn't really matter what they think of you. He is their son, they are 95% of the time going to side with him, it's a family thing.

I, personally, would just do my damnedest to forget it, not let his lies get to me and move on. Get him out of your life and get on with yours. Don't dwell on the things he has said, or is saying, just ignore them. YOUR friends and family know they are lies and that is the most important thing.

Sometimes it is really hard to ignore when falsehoods are being thrown around about you, but you can show that you are the better person for ignoring them and rising above them...

Edited September 12, 2007 by Mags

[Jasman0717 9]

Personally, I'd do it. I'd let them know just the kind of person he is. Even if it doesn't accomplish anything at least they'd know. I would, however, wait until he was a safe distance away from you and your children.

Do you think they would listen?

[monnik 0]

I think legal intervention is the way to go you need to start building a paper trail.... Is there a lawyer you can talk to?

This is good advice. You can talk to a judge in your area. They are the ones who sign restraining orders. Although a restraining order won't stop a murderer, it may stop him from stalking you and scare him into behaving for a while. ***(I don't know if he's violent, and I am not trying to scare you, but it happened to my mom's friend. You know your husband better than us. )***

If he's just blowing hot air, and is relatively harmless, it will create a paper trail and facilitate your divorce (which I am assuming is what you are aiming for???? eventually??? ---correct me if I am wrong).

Also, a lawyer may help you file for separation. Even if you don't physically stay separated every day from the date of the filing, or if it's just temporary, it will help you when you go to court.

You can look into grounds for divorce in your state/county. See what you might have to do.

Good luck Dee.

[Caladan 19]

he has the BEST crocidile tears.. and sad puppy face... EVERYONE is buying it right now.....

And they will continue to, no matter what you say. Honestly, I don't think there's any way for you to not come off looking like the bad guy, unfortunately. Water under the bridge, and they're thousands of miles away. Get on with living your life for you and your boys and leave the loser and everything associated with him in the dust.

Just my 2 cents.

I agree. You are in the right, but they're his family and are more than likely going to have his back even if the truth was in their face, green, and wiggling. I'd leave it. If they contact you, answer them truthfully and politely, but otherwise, no reason to seek them out.

[ya falaha! 0]

I don't necessarily think they would listen or believe her but if it's something that would help her get closure then what's the harm? Her inlaws should at least know that he is no longer living with her (if they don't reconcile) and the reason why (abuse to her and the children). It doesn't have to be a betch fest, just something short and to the point.

Personally, I'd do it. I'd let them know just the kind of person he is. Even if it doesn't accomplish anything at least they'd know. I would, however, wait until he was a safe distance away from you and your children.

Do you think they would listen?

[brnidokiegurl 0]

At this point im sure they have heard plenty of his side, they are family and they can do nothing to correct any of this within him. Soon you will come to a point, put him out, send him back, be done, then if you are close to the family you may feel like explaining some to them because im sure you were close with them also, but until you start shutting the doors behind him you wont progress forward. In any divorce the other side rarely knows the truth and like in mine, i didnt go telling his mom and his kids anything, im sure in their own way they knew. I could still pick up the phone and one of his kids walked right past me yet not a word has been spoken to me.

[sarah and hicham 3]

To be honest I don't think it's worth it. They are probably going to believe their son over you any day.

I think you should just leave him, make him leave or do whatever it takes to move on and have a good life for you and your kids. There's no point in staying with him. If your friends don't support you then clearly they aren't your real friends unfortunately.

I hope you stop EAD and divorce him ASAP. At least do it for your kids.

[dawnnhatem 0]

I wouldn't do it. I can imagine how you'd want to, but you really can't know exactly who is texting you or what their reason is. Croc tears just might in the family and you never know if someone on his side is fishing for some temper or disrespect out of you (If he's a real dog, he already knows that he will need proof that you were the crazy one. try not to give him that).

Also, I don't know exactly whats happened here, but it could pass, too. People work out the damnest things and theres no turning back if you let it all out.

Just be careful whatever you do.

[Mrs.J06 4]

When my ex and I split up, I sat down and wrote a letter to his mother explaining my side of it and giving her some of the reasons. No bashing - I didn't have reasons to bash him anyway, it was just something I did for myself because I felt I had a right to give them my point of view also.

I think that's what I would do once it's all over and he is back home or whereever, I don't think I'd do it now.

[deemabrouk 0]

well... I guess I could add.. he called MY MOM>. got her # off the caller ID.. and was talking to her about EVERYTHING.. including sex stuff

and he doesnt even have any relationship with her..... my mom is really distant with him...