what is your opinion??

[deemabrouk 0]

for anyone who knows my situation...

I have been floating around with the idea of having someone arabic speaking call my husbands family in egypt and tell them whats up...

they know we are having issues BUT they dont really know what is going on...

Should I call them and tell them everything?

Ramadan is starting...... but things are sinking quicker than I can think..

OR would this just be Gasoline on the fire???

[ya falaha! 0]

Personally, I'd do it. I'd let them know just the kind of person he is. Even if it doesn't accomplish anything at least they'd know. I would, however, wait until he was a safe distance away from you and your children.

[*JG* 2]

for anyone who knows my situation...

I have been floating around with the idea of having someone arabic speaking call my husbands family in egypt and tell them whats up...

they know we are having issues BUT they dont really know what is going on...

Should I call them and tell them everything?

Ramadan is starting...... but things are sinking quicker than I can think..

OR would this just be Gasoline on the fire???

I don't know anything about you or your situation; but I do know if my husband found out I had a 3rd party "spreading news" about us in any way, shape or form, to his family, he would be livid.

I also have a friend who, while having problems with her Jamaican husband, called and spoke to his mother. They are close and talk about just about everything. After he found out she told his mother their business, he was very angry.

Men tend to want to tell their family things on their own schedule and with their spin on it.

[mybackpages 0]

I think getting the family involved is a good thing, but please choose the words carefully. The words you say can be misunderstood easily. Who would be translating for you? it needs to be someone who can be a real mediator and not try to flame the fires. The best support in a MENA relationship can be the intervention of the families, but some families are not good and it could make things worse.

Edited September 12, 2007 by mybackpages

[♥JP♥ 5]

Well part of me would want to do it, but on the other hand I don't think they would take my side anyway. I kinda went through this with my ex. When I left him, it was very sudden. I just work up finally and decided enough was enough. I thought about contacting his family but then I decided not to and now I am happy I didn't contact them.

When I left him, I walked out of the house with nothing and I was gone for a full week before he even called me to see where I was. He didnt think I was serious I guess but then he knew I was. What baffled me was after being together for 9 years, no one in his family even bothered to call me. So then I figured why call them? So I didn't.

My concern for you Dee would be who do you consider trust worthy enough at this point to make sure they are translating what you want them to say and without adding in their 2 cents. However if this is going to give you closure, then yes you should do it.

[Jenn! 918]

My vote would be definitely not. What is important is that he is out of your life. Don't give him any reason to change that!

He is not stable and who knows what he is capable of.

[MelindaandTarek 0]

I think you should do what feels right to you, there are probably pros and cons to contacting the family. I would trust your judgment and ? what would be your reasons for contacting the family? Would they be supportive? Could they help you in any way? Are they going to take his side regardless and cause you more stress? Just some food for thought, I think these are the things that I would consider for myself, if I thought contacting the family would assist in any way then I would...but I agree w/I think it was mybackpages who stated to be careful in how this is phrases and translated to be accurate.....good luck....stay safe.

[deemabrouk 0]

Well part of me would want to do it, but on the other hand I don't think they would take my side anyway. I kinda went through this with my ex. When I left him, it was very sudden. I just work up finally and decided enough was enough. I thought about contacting his family but then I decided not to and now I am happy I didn't contact them.

When I left him, I walked out of the house with nothing and I was gone for a full week before he even called me to see where I was. He didnt think I was serious I guess but then he knew I was. What baffled me was after being together for 9 years, no one in his family even bothered to call me. So then I figured why call them? So I didn't.

My concern for you Dee would be who do you consider trust worthy enough at this point to make sure they are translating what you want them to say and without adding in their 2 cents. However if this is going to give you closure, then yes you should do it.

hmm... well they send text messages saying they want to know what os going on with mohamed... his mom is worried... And why should I just let him walk away...

I KNOW it doesnt matter in the end... but he paints the ugliest picture of me.. and I do love his family.. and I'd hate for them to hear the things that he says without hearing my side to it....

he has the BEST crocidile tears.. and sad puppy face... EVERYONE is buying it right now.....

and honestly maybe if they BEG for him to come home.. maybe it would pull on his heart strings enough for him to do that......

Edited September 12, 2007 by deemabrouk

[Jenn! 918]

he has the BEST crocidile tears.. and sad puppy face... EVERYONE is buying it right now.....

And they will continue to, no matter what you say. Honestly, I don't think there's any way for you to not come off looking like the bad guy, unfortunately. Water under the bridge, and they're thousands of miles away. Get on with living your life for you and your boys and leave the loser and everything associated with him in the dust.

Just my 2 cents.

[doodlebug 3]

he has the BEST crocidile tears.. and sad puppy face... EVERYONE is buying it right now.....

And they will continue to, no matter what you say. Honestly, I don't think there's any way for you to not come off looking like the bad guy, unfortunately. Water under the bridge, and they're thousands of miles away. Get on with living your life for you and your boys and leave the loser and everything associated with him in the dust.

Just my 2 cents.

[AInfante-Saraireh 0]

Jenn is right. Why don't you look at this situation as if God saved you. I don't know what visa your husband came in on, but I would revoke all and move on. His family will take his side, no matter how much they love you. You are an American, a foreigner, he is their son, brother, etc. If it makes you feel better, you can call them and tell your side of the story briefly and that you are sorry things ended up this way. Hopefully during Ramadan, he will find his losses and learn to make a better person of himself.

[♥JP♥ 5]

Well part of me would want to do it, but on the other hand I don't think they would take my side anyway. I kinda went through this with my ex. When I left him, it was very sudden. I just work up finally and decided enough was enough. I thought about contacting his family but then I decided not to and now I am happy I didn't contact them.

When I left him, I walked out of the house with nothing and I was gone for a full week before he even called me to see where I was. He didnt think I was serious I guess but then he knew I was. What baffled me was after being together for 9 years, no one in his family even bothered to call me. So then I figured why call them? So I didn't.

My concern for you Dee would be who do you consider trust worthy enough at this point to make sure they are translating what you want them to say and without adding in their 2 cents. However if this is going to give you closure, then yes you should do it.

hmm... well they send text messages saying they want to know what os going on with mohamed... his mom is worried... And why should I just let him walk away...

I KNOW it doesnt matter in the end... but he paints the ugliest picture of me.. and I do love his family.. and I'd hate for them to hear the things that he says without hearing my side to it....

he has the BEST crocidile tears.. and sad puppy face... EVERYONE is buying it right now.....

and honestly maybe if they BEG for him to come home.. maybe it would pull on his heart strings enough for him to do that......

Honestly babe no matter what you tell them, he will always be the one that looks good in their eyes even if he did you wrong. In an arab family, the boys are raised on such a high pedestal that its damn near impossible to knock them off. So if you want to talk to them so that you don't look bad in their eyes, you will never convince them of that. In his mom's generation, it was very rare to walk away from a marriage. They just took whatever abuse and BS that came their way and they did it with a smile on their face.

[aya*abouelnasr 0]

I agree, it's not going to matter much to them who is to blame in the situation, they are still going to take his side as he is their family. My ex mother in law loved me too, so much that she would sit in the living room and watch tv while her son beat me. She would turn up the volume so she didn't have to hear the sounds. It's not easy accepting that someone you love really only loves you when it's convenient to them, but, I don't think you would get a good response from them. I know it would be easier for you to have that closure, but in the long run, what difference will it make?

It's terrible that you have had to go thru this, and for your children especially. From what I have read here, and between the lines, you gave it your best. You have begged, pleaded, cried, and tried to work things out so that you could understand his mind set. You have given him every oportunity to work WITH you to save your marriage, and it seems all has failed. He has spyed on you, threatend you, made your life miserable. Is that LOVE? I don't think so, not the kind that I would want anyway.

Don't let him break you mentally and physically, don't let him take YOU away from yourself and from your sons. You all deserve much more that it seems he is able to give you, or to even comprehend.

My thoughts and prayers are with you, and I hope you find peace in your heart and mind.

[wael253 0]

for anyone who knows my situation...

I have been floating around with the idea of having someone arabic speaking call my husbands family in egypt and tell them whats up...

they know we are having issues BUT they dont really know what is going on...

Should I call them and tell them everything?

Ramadan is starting...... but things are sinking quicker than I can think..

OR would this just be Gasoline on the fire???

yes Dee we know your situation as our hearts were going out to you in every part of it .

me and Jeanne would talk about it sometims and would be looking for anyway that we can help you thru that situation .. but unfortunately we were never sure what's the best to do or to say to help you so we were just praying to GOD that things work out for you and the kids .

if you need someone to call his family , i'm ready to do so

even if you want me to go and meet them in person , i don't mind so

i can't say if it would be agood idea or not to call or meet them as you know them better than all of us as you are the most one who can expect their reaction in situation like that ...

but i would say .. think of it this way , if i call or meet them .. ( whether they were understanding or not .. and whether they were helpful or not .. and whether they took your side or his ) i think things can't get worse so why not give it a try !

i just want to add ...

i know that some people there in the states have talked to him , advise him , and try to work it with him

but i would say maybe they were not the right people to do so .. maybe the big part of his problem was the culture difference while those people who were trying to help him couldn't see both of the two cultures side ( Egypt / USA )

someone like the Imam , with all of his knowledge remember that his basic job is to advise people what's the Halal and what's the Haram .. so he won't go further than that most of times .

i don't claim to be very familiar with every single part of the American culture .. but i knew my wife for more than 3 years and i have learnt most of the difference between our two cultures .

so i would also want to see if you would like for me to talk to him first .. maybe i can get him to see things that he couldn't see by himself .. maybe i can work this out for you both .. and if it doesn't work then it would be the same thought ( what more you can lose ? )

plz Dee don't hesitate to let me know if you want me to do so as soon as possible ..

and remember that me and Jeanne would always be here with the other great VJ members to give you all the support that you need and just to be your big extended family

[MrsAmera 41]

Here's my two cents. Unless you are extremely close to his family I think it will only fan the fires. My sister in law was like a member of my husband's family before she married his brother. So when something started going wrong and she called and told them what happened it did make a difference (but as I said SHE called - didn't involve a 3rd party). I know that if something happened and I had someone call them on my behalf (an outside unknown 3rd party) it wouldn't help. It would make it worse and it wouldn't make even a little difference. I wish you the best of luck with your decision.