Problems adjusting

[Kameron 0]

Hoping to find advice from anyone out there......I'm a little desperate..................................................

My wife is fron Spain and she's having major adjustment problems. She lived here for 3 months before we got married and life for her was tolerable. She returned to Spain for about six months waiting for her K-1 which she got. We got married last month and she is terribly homesick and feeling a bit caged because we are waiting for advance parole so we can travel. I'm being supportive and staying by her side constantly. Any ideas, suggestions, or comments from any of you that have been through the same thing? Anyone out there ever bail on the immigration process here to go to their spouses country because the immigration process is too lengthy/difficult/and expensive here?

Thanks for any help I can get!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Jasman0717 9]

Have you tried to find other immigrants from Spain? I found Claudeth a little Filipino grocery store and she loves it there. There are a lot of Filipinos that go there for lunch because they also have Filipino food. I did see balut the last time we were there! Have to pass on that

[WifeOHunkyJohn 2]

You might also want to apply for EAD for your wife. There are advantages other than simply being allowed to work - you can then have her learn to drive and thus give her some freedom that might help her feel part of things, and having a government issue document that confirms her right to be in the country gives her a sense of connection to her new home.

We waited to file for AOS, and in that time it was a hard adjustment because I couldn't drive and didn't really feel part of the system, if you know what I mean. Once I got my license, I started volunteering at a dog rescue center (I love German Shepherds) and being able to go off and walk them and hang out with them for a few hours was awesome. It made it easier to deal with the wait (our FBI name check took over 9 months, then we got an RFE and now we are waiting for the final processing to be concluded, almost 13 months after we filed for AOS).

Knowing that I can drive, and knowing that I can work (still looking for a job) helped me feel a connection to my new home, and feel more free. Its easy to get sick of the same four walls, and being able to hop in the car and go off somewhere if I wanted, or go spend some time helping the charity definitely is a godsend I'd recommend.

Also encouraging your wife to read VJ, to email or PM people who understand, ie who are going through the process and genuinely know what it is like, that also helps. Makes the process less lonely.

Hope that helps

best regards

Annie

[Kameron 0]

Have you tried to find other immigrants from Spain? I found Claudeth a little Filipino grocery store and she loves it there. There are a lot of Filipinos that go there for lunch because they also have Filipino food. I did see balut the last time we were there! Have to pass on that

I've been looking, but there does not seem to be a big Spanish immigrant population in this part of Texas. She does have some aquaintances, American and Hispanic, but she is not talking to any of them. I've been trying to get her to go to school as well, but she doesn't have any interest at the moment. Some days yes, some days no....................think it is just a phase and patience is in order? I am really very concerned for her.

[*JG* 2]

I showed Andre around town, taught him how to use the bus system so he could explore on his own, and kept him busy with household chores and hobbies. Until the EAD came through. Then, he got a job and everything worked itself out.

Couldnt' ever see chucking all the money, hard wait, and patience to move to Jamaica at any point.

[Kameron 0]

You might also want to apply for EAD for your wife. There are advantages other than simply being allowed to work - you can then have her learn to drive and thus give her some freedom that might help her feel part of things, and having a government issue document that confirms her right to be in the country gives her a sense of connection to her new home.

We waited to file for AOS, and in that time it was a hard adjustment because I couldn't drive and didn't really feel part of the system, if you know what I mean. Once I got my license, I started volunteering at a dog rescue center (I love German Shepherds) and being able to go off and walk them and hang out with them for a few hours was awesome. It made it easier to deal with the wait (our FBI name check took over 9 months, then we got an RFE and now we are waiting for the final processing to be concluded, almost 13 months after we filed for AOS).

Knowing that I can drive, and knowing that I can work (still looking for a job) helped me feel a connection to my new home, and feel more free. Its easy to get sick of the same four walls, and being able to hop in the car and go off somewhere if I wanted, or go spend some time helping the charity definitely is a godsend I'd recommend.

Also encouraging your wife to read VJ, to email or PM people who understand, ie who are going through the process and genuinely know what it is like, that also helps. Makes the process less lonely.

Hope that helps

best regards

Annie

We have everything ready to go for her AOS, EAD, and AP. It'll be in the mail tomorrow. She's been emailing friends in Spain a lot and been on the internet. She can drive, has access to money, etc., has a small job as soon as she has EAD, but she's definitely into a period of desperation. I just don't quite know what to do that would be most helpful to her.

I showed Andre around town, taught him how to use the bus system so he could explore on his own, and kept him busy with household chores and hobbies. Until the EAD came through. Then, he got a job and everything worked itself out.

Couldnt' ever see chucking all the money, hard wait, and patience to move to Jamaica at any point.

Spain is wonderful..................definitely worth considering.

[Kameron 0]

I showed Andre around town, taught him how to use the bus system so he could explore on his own, and kept him busy with household chores and hobbies. Until the EAD came through. Then, he got a job and everything worked itself out.

Couldnt' ever see chucking all the money, hard wait, and patience to move to Jamaica at any point.

I think part of the problem in her case is that she isn't interested with anything at the moment. It is really frustrating for me. There is no doubt that she is in it for nothing but love. Her motives have never been in question. She's just not happy with being here at the moment. There is no doubt that she is going to have to decide to BE happy at some point. I just don't know anything else to do to help her until she reaches that point.

[*JG* 2]

I showed Andre around town, taught him how to use the bus system so he could explore on his own, and kept him busy with household chores and hobbies. Until the EAD came through. Then, he got a job and everything worked itself out.

Couldnt' ever see chucking all the money, hard wait, and patience to move to Jamaica at any point.

I think part of the problem in her case is that she isn't interested with anything at the moment. It is really frustrating for me. There is no doubt that she is in it for nothing but love. Her motives have never been in question. She's just not happy with being here at the moment. There is no doubt that she is going to have to decide to BE happy at some point. I just don't know anything else to do to help her until she reaches that point.

I did not seek out Jamaican things to placate Andre. I really felt (still feel) that this would just be a band aid of sorts. He is no longer in Jamaica and needed to get used to that. Instead, I showed him things he had not experienced before. The wonder of new things seemed to help ease the rest.

She is definately not alone. Every single person I know who has immigrated faces that homesickness. Some a lot worse then others. It is a natural progression. And, you are right....she will either adjust or not. Not much you can do until she finds what will make her happy during that process. Just be supportive and patient.

[no one 0]

We have everything ready to go for her AOS, EAD, and AP. It'll be in the mail tomorrow. She's been emailing friends in Spain a lot and been on the internet. She can drive, has access to money, etc., has a small job as soon as she has EAD, but she's definitely into a period of desperation. I just don't quite know what to do that would be most helpful to her.

Spain is wonderful..................definitely worth considering.

When I moved here last year, I was pretty depressed for months even though I could drive, had access to money, and did volunteer work. I wanted to contribute financially to our family, but couldn't. And more importantly, I'd wanted my husband to do a bit of hand-holding, showing me the ins and outs of everything... but of course, he was/is busy with work and couldn't do that.

Until I got my EAD/GC and landed a paying job, I was frustrated and depressed. In the end, everything turned out ok... as I grow to know my surroundings more, I figure things out on my own. I can't say that your wife's needs are like my own, but those were the things that could've made my transition here more pleasant

[Kameron 0]

When I moved here last year, I was pretty depressed for months even though I could drive, had access to money, and did volunteer work. I wanted to contribute financially to our family, but couldn't. And more importantly, I'd wanted my husband to do a bit of hand-holding, showing me the ins and outs of everything... but of course, he was/is busy with work and couldn't do that.

Until I got my EAD/GC and landed a paying job, I was frustrated and depressed. In the end, everything turned out ok... as I grow to know my surroundings more, I figure things out on my own. I can't say that your wife's needs are like my own, but those were the things that could've made my transition here more pleasant

Thanks..........That's very comforting anyway. The only thing I know to do is stay positive and be there. I have the same situation with work, but I gome home for a few minutes every couple of hours just to see her and let her know that I am there for her. I fully expect that there will be good and bad days for her. It's just frustrating not to be able to do anything to help the situation for her. (where are the reality show producers)

[Kameron 0]

I showed Andre around town, taught him how to use the bus system so he could explore on his own, and kept him busy with household chores and hobbies. Until the EAD came through. Then, he got a job and everything worked itself out.

Couldnt' ever see chucking all the money, hard wait, and patience to move to Jamaica at any point.

I think part of the problem in her case is that she isn't interested with anything at the moment. It is really frustrating for me. There is no doubt that she is in it for nothing but love. Her motives have never been in question. She's just not happy with being here at the moment. There is no doubt that she is going to have to decide to BE happy at some point. I just don't know anything else to do to help her until she reaches that point.

I did not seek out Jamaican things to placate Andre. I really felt (still feel) that this would just be a band aid of sorts. He is no longer in Jamaica and needed to get used to that. Instead, I showed him things he had not experienced before. The wonder of new things seemed to help ease the rest.

She is definately not alone. Every single person I know who has immigrated faces that homesickness. Some a lot worse then others. It is a natural progression. And, you are right....she will either adjust or not. Not much you can do until she finds what will make her happy during that process. Just be supportive and patient.

Thanks so much........it's just hard to see someone you love having a rough time.

[Jessi+Rich 0]

I don't know if this can help you, or to what degree... When I arrived here, the top priority for my husband was to show me a new land and a new culture. In every single way. First he tried to get me into hobbies. I had some of my own, the internet is a hobby! But not the best one if you are trying to adjust to a new country. Don't argue with her about it, give her options, alternatives.

Show her the city (I bet you did this one already), the places/activities that make your city especial and unique. In your area, I especially loved the Dallas arboretum, because I love flowers. First your city, then those lil towns that are nearby. Choose what town to show her by the history they have, or the procedence (e.g. german towns) or any special charasteristic. Go for weekend getaways. Problems with money? Go on a road trip and camp! Do you fish? Take her with you at least once. If she is like me, she will try it and tell you that she hated it. At least you are doing things together.

Since I got here (8+ months already) I have been to 17 states, most times camping, some others staying in hotels. For him it is important for me to appreciate the different landscapes, weather conditions, amenities in cities, but especially to appreciate the outdoors and healthy activities that you can find almost everywhere here. I have learnt to fish, to shoot, to do sausages, by now you know I married a wild west guy. We have been trapped in an electric storm in Yosemite, lost in a deep Tennessee farm land, considered relocating to the outskirts of Boise, Idaho, cooked at 110 F crossing the arizona desert with a dead A/C, heard a bear roaming around in a campground by Lake Tahoe, raided Texas looking for kolaches, antique shops, etc etc. Everytime he saw (boy he has great eyesight) a bug or animal he thought was new to me, he would stop and show it to me. I have seen more new animals than in a zoo!!!! We would also stop to appreciate and take pictures of wildflowers.

You have to awake a sense of admiration for the culture too. What cultural activities do they have in that city? Theaters? Museums? Do they have wine tasting? Spain is famous for their good wine, ask her to teach you to appreciate it. Add a tapas or paella treat and she will feel that you understand her better.

Did you guys contacted her embassy yet? Thats one of the first things to do to start a "paisano" network. Look what I found: http://www.lacasadeespana.org/ . Casa de Espana is a organization aimed to spaniards abroad. They have one in Peru and also in the Dominican Republic. They have a list of activities there. It is in spanish tho.

Last, my mother in law has 2 rabbits, everytime she goes to the Rabbit Society or to the vet I go with her, I love those lil furry balls.

I hope I didnt get you tired. Just some ideas to help.

Best luck

Jess

[Kameron 0]

I don't know if this can help you, or to what degree... When I arrived here, the top priority for my husband was to show me a new land and a new culture. In every single way. First he tried to get me into hobbies. I had some of my own, the internet is a hobby! But not the best one if you are trying to adjust to a new country. Don't argue with her about it, give her options, alternatives.

Show her the city (I bet you did this one already), the places/activities that make your city especial and unique. In your area, I especially loved the Dallas arboretum, because I love flowers. First your city, then those lil towns that are nearby. Choose what town to show her by the history they have, or the procedence (e.g. german towns) or any special charasteristic. Go for weekend getaways. Problems with money? Go on a road trip and camp! Do you fish? Take her with you at least once. If she is like me, she will try it and tell you that she hated it. At least you are doing things together.

Since I got here (8+ months already) I have been to 17 states, most times camping, some others staying in hotels. For him it is important for me to appreciate the different landscapes, weather conditions, amenities in cities, but especially to appreciate the outdoors and healthy activities that you can find almost everywhere here. I have learnt to fish, to shoot, to do sausages, by now you know I married a wild west guy. We have been trapped in an electric storm in Yosemite, lost in a deep Tennessee farm land, considered relocating to the outskirts of Boise, Idaho, cooked at 110 F crossing the arizona desert with a dead A/C, heard a bear roaming around in a campground by Lake Tahoe, raided Texas looking for kolaches, antique shops, etc etc. Everytime he saw (boy he has great eyesight) a bug or animal he thought was new to me, he would stop and show it to me. I have seen more new animals than in a zoo!!!! We would also stop to appreciate and take pictures of wildflowers.

You have to awake a sense of admiration for the culture too. What cultural activities do they have in that city? Theaters? Museums? Do they have wine tasting? Spain is famous for their good wine, ask her to teach you to appreciate it. Add a tapas or paella treat and she will feel that you understand her better.

Did you guys contacted her embassy yet? Thats one of the first things to do to start a "paisano" network. Look what I found: http://www.lacasadeespana.org/ . Casa de Espana is a organization aimed to spaniards abroad. They have one in Peru and also in the Dominican Republic. They have a list of activities there. It is in spanish tho.

Last, my mother in law has 2 rabbits, everytime she goes to the Rabbit Society or to the vet I go with her, I love those lil furry balls.

I hope I didnt get you tired. Just some ideas to help.

Best luck

Jess

Not at all tired! Thanks for the website and your reply! I think that will help some. Any idea is more than welcome. I'm really grasping at straws and every little bit helps! She is supposed to go the the embassy in Houston tomorrow. The embassy does not seem to be the most friendly to their citizens. They have a "what do you want attitude". I think part of the problem is that she is from Barcelona (big city) and has moved to a more rural area. Where four hours driving there gets you to another country, four hours driving here only gets you to salt water. It's just a big change for both of us.

[Mrs.J06 4]

I showed Andre around town, taught him how to use the bus system so he could explore on his own, and kept him busy with household chores and hobbies. Until the EAD came through. Then, he got a job and everything worked itself out.

Couldnt' ever see chucking all the money, hard wait, and patience to move to Jamaica at any point.

I think part of the problem in her case is that she isn't interested with anything at the moment. It is really frustrating for me. There is no doubt that she is in it for nothing but love. Her motives have never been in question. She's just not happy with being here at the moment. There is no doubt that she is going to have to decide to BE happy at some point. I just don't know anything else to do to help her until she reaches that point.

I felt like that for a while too - I guess all immigrants do.

In my case it helped that my husband had to go to an extended business trip about three months after I got here. All of a sudden, I had to be independant, take care of things on my own and that made me feel so much better and more myself again. I bought a car, had it licensed, got my SSN going and on top of it had to deal with a frozen septic system! The dog needed to go to the vet and all the everyday things I had to deal with got me.

Sometimes I think fussing over your spouse too much is not that good - can your wife take care of some things for you? Give her something to feel useful and part of your new life?

Have some patience, I know my husband sometimes rolled his eyes when I got too crappy and bitchy, but this will pass, too.

[*JG* 2]

I showed Andre around town, taught him how to use the bus system so he could explore on his own, and kept him busy with household chores and hobbies. Until the EAD came through. Then, he got a job and everything worked itself out.

Couldnt' ever see chucking all the money, hard wait, and patience to move to Jamaica at any point.

I think part of the problem in her case is that she isn't interested with anything at the moment. It is really frustrating for me. There is no doubt that she is in it for nothing but love. Her motives have never been in question. She's just not happy with being here at the moment. There is no doubt that she is going to have to decide to BE happy at some point. I just don't know anything else to do to help her until she reaches that point.

I felt like that for a while too - I guess all immigrants do.

In my case it helped that my husband had to go to an extended business trip about three months after I got here. All of a sudden, I had to be independant, take care of things on my own and that made me feel so much better and more myself again. I bought a car, had it licensed, got my SSN going and on top of it had to deal with a frozen septic system! The dog needed to go to the vet and all the everyday things I had to deal with got me.

Sometimes I think fussing over your spouse too much is not that good - can your wife take care of some things for you? Give her something to feel useful and part of your new life?

Have some patience, I know my husband sometimes rolled his eyes when I got too crappy and bitchy, but this will pass, too.

I agree with this completely. My goal has always been to make Andre less dependent on me at every turn. I want him to KNOW how to take care of himself and entertain himself when I can't be around. It was a long process. He's done well so far.

To the gal who traveled to 17 states in 8 months....well, that is just plain crazy. I'm glad it worked out well for you. For me, that would be too much. I want him to get used to St. Louis (same as you, I see!) not be some entertainment coordinator. We have been to just 2 other states in the 15 months he has been here. We did a weekend trip to Chicago and he accompanied me on a business trip to Washington, D.C. Otherwise, there is plenty for him to see and do here for now.