Feeling hopeless

[Imua 0]

I simply have to get this off of my chest and see if anyone has any advice... Quite simply I am wondering if it is even worth filing the K-3/CR-1 apps since from reading this forum I am almost positive we will be denied... I am thinking we will have to move to the Gulf or Thailand or some other country where I can teach English and a Nepali guy can get a job.

We have the following red flags in our case:

Hubby is 16 yrs younger than me(he 24/me 40).

We do not have any evidence of meeting before engagement/marriage

Short engagement(1 month)

Older woman/younger man marriage against Nepali Hindu norms - his very traditional family loves me though...

I left Nepal 2 weeks after marriage so we have no conjoined resources/bank accounts etc.

All I have as evidence is photos of engagement/wedding/trips together around Nepal and with family(which count for little I gather) and our court marriage certificate. I have thought about sending affadavits from his family and neighbors as well as from my roommate who hears about our marriage constantly and has talked with G... The thing is I have no clue as to how I would word the letters from his fam and especially neighbors - his next door neighbor helped with my mehendi the night before the wedding, she was at engagement and I hung out with her and her family. I am completely going crazy over this and feel so discouraged... How else to explain except we love each other and want the chance to build our life together? I dont know how to work around the red flags...

Ke garne??

[bszoom42 0]

Demonstrating that your relationship is bonafide to a consular official is by no means an easy task for anyone. Sure, you may have some red flags, but at least you know your relationship is bonafide. As long as you keep up with it, and do some preparations, you should be able to bypass the red flags.

Based on what you wrote, here are my simple suggestions to minimize the red flags.

Since your husband is younger then you, make sure you identify such in your letter of intent and note that it is not an issue for you. Also, have your husband make a similiar note in his. Getting affadavits from friends and family who know the both of you can help here as well.

Are you sure you don't have any evidence of meeting prior to the marriage? Sometimes the little things make the difference. Sworn affadavits from people who saw you together could be secondary evidence. Any receipts or paperwork can help. If I truly had none of those, I would at the minimum write a daily log of my specific activities with my spouse, and have the both of us sign it. If you had a cell phone, you were probably romaing - your cell phone can show where you were... There are lots of ways to get evidence after the fact.

Short engagement by who's standard? In Nepal, engagements are typically short and done before the wedding, as per my knowledge. Demonstrating how much Nepali culture you have absorbed (writing a statement in Nepali, etc.) may go a long way to demonstrate that for your case, the engagement period was just right.

Conjoined resources alone don't show a bona-fide marriage. How have you communicated? How has he and his family planned for his new life together with you? What plans are you making to be together in the U.S.?

My advice is every lit bit helps, and do everything you can to demonstrate the bona fides of your relationship to the consulate. And, if they don't see it yet, don't give up! Keep at them, and eventually they will be convinced!

Best of luck!

[*JG* 2]

I don't think the age issue should be a problem. You are both consenting adults.

If you have your doubts, you could always wait a while to file, gathering more evidence as you wait.

I wish you luck. Beautiful picture, btw.

[maya62 7]

Hi Pattu-Rani,

Sorry to hear you are feeling discouraged, and I hope I didn't contribute to it!

I think bszoom42's advice is very good. I'd get those affidavits... as many as you can.

I don't think your intentions are going to be in question. Everything about you indicates a sincere, sustained interest in the region, the religion, etc... that I doubt is typical of a scammer. I think what the Consulate will be interested in is anything that sheds light on your husband's intentions. To this end, anything that shows effort on his part will help, imho. Hand-written letters, cards, packages, documented phone calls that he paid for... stuff like that. That's just my opinion.

The travel together, I think, is excellent. Who said that doesn't count for much?? I would do as bszoom suggests and document where you went, when, and with whom, and include photos. A little album to submit with your package to the Consulate, I think, might be in order. You want to PERSONALIZE your submission, imho. Tell your story a little. And be sure to review all the dates etc... with your hubby so he doesn't give conflicting information at the interview.

And if there's a line on your petition (like there is on the I-129F) about how you met, tell the story there, too. Write a page or two (everyone here said no more than a page... well, I wrote a page and a half because that's the shortest I could make it... you can probably see from this post I have a problem keeping things short.... ).

And if you run into a snag at the Consulate phase (I think you will breeze through USCIS), you want to be on it like white on rice. Immediately. And by all means possibly: email, phone, fax, even in person if possible. Call out the Senators, Congressman/woman, National Guard, the Girl Scouts. Everybody. That's just my opinion. When I faxed the Consulate (when I found out S's interview was the next day and I couldn't be there as planned), I put all my contact info on the letter (two phone numbers, a fax number, and two email addresses, including my work email addie which happens to end in .gov) and asked them to please call me immediately if there were ANY questions or problems. I wanted them to know I was going to be VERY PROACTIVE.

So, that's just my $ .02. I think if you massage this thing, it WILL go through. Heck, it might sail through with no problem at all. But your best bet is to throw everything you have at them (in a nice, slightly mushy, feet-not-quite-on-the-ground way), and be ready to follow your petition through NVC to Ktm, help assemble packet 3, and be available for anything the Consulate might need to feel comfortable issuing the visa.

And don't forget Ganesh... maybe a little cheese for his mouse, too.

hugs,

Maya

[calijatt 0]

dont worry pray to god we feel depressed also :-(

[Imgone 0]

We had the same problem with the short meeting and getting married and the first thing the consulate officer told my wife that this is a sign of fraud. I don't want to get you down because i for one do not see a problem with some one meeting and getting married in a short time I dated my first wife for a year and got married and it was a nightmare. And age is no thing in my book if you love someone you love them no matter what. I just want to say address all the concerns you have in a letter to the consulate officer and explain the reasons an how much you love each other.. It can't hurt and it will address the red flags early before your husband interviews.. affadavits from his family and neighbors will be a big help. That's what i was told after we were denied I wish i would have done it. And not have to wait to do it now.

Edited September 10, 2007 by Ninetok

[Jasman0717 9]

Develop a plan and think positively. If one part of the plan doesn't succeed then pursue another solution. Good luck

[ELW 5]

GREAT advice bszoom42, maya62 and others! You are worrying too much Pattu Rani. Give it your all wholeheartedly and success will be yours! Like others have said, one month is not such a long time for engagement and marriage in Nepali culture. Your longtime love of Nepal and the customs and religion is obvious - that shows real dedication to the country, give proof of that when you send in your application! Plenty of people are giving K3/CR1 applications and getting approved, I can't see how they can show combined resources, when the spouse isn't even living in USA!

All of our thoughts and prayers are with you; now send in that application with courage and determination!!

[Ta Ta 1]

This is a long process. You have to be committed and determined to succeed. There may be a long AP/AR ahead and if you already

feel discouraged it will be very difficult to endure this journey. It takes a certain mindset.

Be tenacious and give it 100%. If it doesn't work out you can always go to plan B and live there.

Best wishes

[Imua 0]

Sorry I was offline last night so I could not reply sooner - thank you so much for all of your advice and encouragement - I am feeling a little better and able to meet this huge challenge.

I am wondering if the same CO who interviewed me briefly when I received the OK to marry in Nepal will conduct G's interview - at the time she asked if I was Hindu and seemed pleased when I answered yes - I practice Hinduism and Buddhism. When I am feeling really low I pray to Ganesh and Tara

I have to get back to work but will reply in detail later.

[pbgirl 1]

Hi Pattu Rani,

Hope you stay positive. You have a lot of things in common so I think that will help in your case. Being able to speak a common language (or trying to!) and then also religion. Your visits to Nepal will be helpful too. And the short engagment is a cultural norm so don't try to take that too much into account.

I think letters from people who have seen you intereact together would be a good idea. And the fact that his family knows about you and accepts you..big plus!!

Good luck...