RED SKELTON'S RECIPE FOR THE PERFECT MARRIAGE

[almaty 19]

1. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, have a

little beverage, good food and companionship.

She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.

2. We also sleep in separate beds.

Hers is in California and mine is in Texas.

3. I take my wife everywhere.....

but she keeps finding her way back.

4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our

anniversary. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!"

she said.

So I suggested the kitchen.

5. We always hold hands.

If I let go, she shops.

6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric

bread maker.

She said "There are too many gadgets and no place

to sit down!" .. So I bought her an electric chair.

7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because

there was water in the carburetor.

I asked where the car was; she told me "In the lake."

8. She got a mud pack and looked great for two days.

Then the mud fell off.

9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling "Am I too late

for the garbage?" .... The driver said "No, jump in!"

10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.

11. I married Miss Right I just didn't know her

first name was Always.

12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months.

I don't like to interrupt her.

13. The last fight was my fault though.

My wife asked "What's on the TV?"

I said "Dust!"

[Dixie_Peach 1]

thanks dean... needed a chuckle today!

[Hilarious Clinton 452]

oldies but goodies

[munchkins 0]

Arrgggh - now I know who my hubby is an incarnation of. (only joking)

Like them

[Jasman0717 9]

Now you are talking, I loved Red Skelton!

[rebeccajo 14]

I can see him telling those jokes! And that silly giggle! Good one Dean!

[almaty 19]

i remember him too..what a kind hearted person

[Jasman0717 9]

I loved his characters! I can just see him doing Freddie the Freeloader, Clem Kadiddlehopper, San Franando Red, the little boy, Cauliflower McPhug and his seagulls Gertrude and Healthcliffe. What a talant!

[rebeccajo 14]

g'nite *wave*

[Jasman0717 9]

I wonder why they don't syndicate his TV shows, they were GREAT

[almaty 19]

i agree...i also liked some of his movies... always..good nite and god bless