Undercover VJ member needs to moan

[Lansbury 19]

The business of letting the USC doing the talking I'll admit is something I did as well. I just got totally annoyed with trying to talk to people and watching a blank look come over their faces 'cause they couldn't understand me. It was just quicker and easier if she did it.

[Cécy 44]

As said above, it takes time to adapt to a new environment.

From what you say you've pretty much never really lived in the country. You should talk together about the reasons that brought you here, and why he feels that it's not working out so far. But he has to open his mind, it hasn't been that long obviously and you can't expect to have the local band welcoming you as you take your first steps.

Talk together about what's most important to work on right now, try to deal with the little issues, but also to figure out what's behind it. He is probably realizing that he left a lot behind and you obviously did too, but you also have a lot of opportunities opening up to you and you should look forward to that.

I hope you can work things out and that he gets used to it. Keep on talking, tell your parents that yes their son is living, but they have a son-in-law who is trying to adapt to the life here, that the two of you (I assume) left friends and a life behind and that it would be welcomed if they could make an effort as well.

Good luck on everything, let us know how it goes.

[secretsquirrel 4]

Hey all! Thanks for all the kind words and thoughts. I'm still not coming out of the closet to reveal my true identity (although I think a couple of you have twigged!), but just wanted to let you know things have gotten a LOT better chez secretsquirrel. The car is in the car hospital, getting better, and that's good! After a truly unbelievably cr*p experience at a national chain of opticians (rhymes with Dense Rafters ) we decided to order our contacts from the UK and they arrive today. Memory stick abandoned as lost -- oh well. And we just got back from a fantastic beach weekend on Cape Cod with friends and family and a big shaggy dog.

What has gone right? Well, we talked. And talked. And debated. And yelled a bit. And then we took some deep breaths and decided to get on with life and relax a bit. So here we are, happier and stronger than ever before. So what if life ain't perfect? We're still here and it rocks being home at last. But the two most important things we did? Talk and listen. And not at the same time!

Thanks VJers!

[moelarrycheese 0]

It sounds like your husband's problems are very minor in nature, and mostly involve material goods, so he needs to just suck it up and deal with it. Things break, get lost, and are late. It's part of life.

Edited September 4, 2007 by solamentemiyti

[Lansbury 19]

Hey all! Thanks for all the kind words and thoughts. I'm still not coming out of the closet to reveal my true identity (although I think a couple of you have twigged!), but just wanted to let you know things have gotten a LOT better chez secretsquirrel. The car is in the car hospital, getting better, and that's good! After a truly unbelievably cr*p experience at a national chain of opticians (rhymes with Dense Rafters ) we decided to order our contacts from the UK and they arrive today. Memory stick abandoned as lost -- oh well. And we just got back from a fantastic beach weekend on Cape Cod with friends and family and a big shaggy dog.

What has gone right? Well, we talked. And talked. And debated. And yelled a bit. And then we took some deep breaths and decided to get on with life and relax a bit. So here we are, happier and stronger than ever before. So what if life ain't perfect? We're still here and it rocks being home at last. But the two most important things we did? Talk and listen. And not at the same time!

Thanks VJers!

Glad to hear things are improving. The US is so like the UK that I don't think people realise that the differences are what they are and they come along unexpected and unnerve you. Like all new places it takes a while to settle in and then thing bet better.

Except plumbers they are as bad here as in the UK. Our one was coming 2 weeks ago to fit a new water heater no sight nor sound of him.

[*julez* 124]

Hey all! Thanks for all the kind words and thoughts. I'm still not coming out of the closet to reveal my true identity (although I think a couple of you have twigged!), but just wanted to let you know things have gotten a LOT better chez secretsquirrel. The car is in the car hospital, getting better, and that's good! After a truly unbelievably cr*p experience at a national chain of opticians (rhymes with Dense Rafters ) we decided to order our contacts from the UK and they arrive today. Memory stick abandoned as lost -- oh well. And we just got back from a fantastic beach weekend on Cape Cod with friends and family and a big shaggy dog.

What has gone right? Well, we talked. And talked. And debated. And yelled a bit. And then we took some deep breaths and decided to get on with life and relax a bit. So here we are, happier and stronger than ever before. So what if life ain't perfect? We're still here and it rocks being home at last. But the two most important things we did? Talk and listen. And not at the same time!

Thanks VJers!

I know who you you are and you know I love you, girl!! Sorry things have been tougher than you guys had planned for, but am really glad you convinced your husband to get away for the weekend. Sounds like some sea air and a lot of talking helped you guys out!

My fiance is not here permanently yet, but has spent about 9 of the last 12 months here. When he last went back to the UK he felt he was finally "coming to grips" with things in the US. It is a difficult adjustment. My fiance is lucky cos here in Buffalo everyone is simply charmed by his accent and love to talk to him about where he is from and why he is here. He slowly built up his confidence with driving arouind town on his own and making shopping trips without me. he did very well for himself! The biggest issue he has is at the home improvement stores, where nothing seems to have the same name here as in the UK!! But still he managed to get what he needed!

I'm sure part of the struggle your man has is that he now feels totally dependent upon you for support in every way - financially, emotionally, etc. Just try to get him involved in things as much as you can so that he can begin to feel more secure in his new life here in the US. You're bound to still have some ups and downs, but as you've already found out - communication is key to the success of any marriage - regardless of where you call home!!!

Keep your chin up and feel the love of VJ!