"The Hunt for Foreign Husbands"

[Kathryn41 3,205]

Sylvia Yu Chao: Global View: China

The hunt for foreign husbands

June 7, 2007

When I first arrived in China, it bothered me to hear stories of foreign men taking advantage of the new stud status they gained from merely being a waiguoren. I heard that one American guy, a lanky, acne-ridden friend of a friend of a friend, had dated more than 30 girls in a month. Even the most awkward foreign guys who couldn't get a date in their home countries were dating pretty girls. Ed, a Chinese-Canadian from Vancouver, says, "I've seen so many of these low-life types … these real losers, with really pretty Chinese girls. I'm disgusted by it."

At the time, I couldn't understand why local women would want to date these guys. I've discussed this phenomenon with friends who've lived in countries from Thailand to Japan, and we all agree that expat communities always seem to have a cohort of strange men who are pariahs back at home and yet bask in the inexplicable attention from local girls in foreign countries.

In China, as in many developing countries, there are local women who date foreigners simply because they see them as a ticket to escape poverty or climb up the social ladder. And in the Middle Kingdom, more than a few local women have told me they really want that foreign passport and dream of travelling abroad. What about marrying for love? I have even heard of a seminar in Beijing that instructs local women on "How to find and date foreign men." A local young woman said that she found it helpful.

In the last six months, I've lost two Chinese teachers who left the country with foreign boyfriends. Christina and Anna seemed like career-minded independent local Chinese women until I heard them talk about marriage. Christina would get a desperate look in her eyes whenever I mentioned that a foreign male friend was passing through town and that he was looking for a translator. "Is he single?" she would ask. I could tell she was hoping the guy would be "the one." She once told me point blank that she didn't want to marry a Chinese guy and that she thought Chinese babies were ugly. "I want to marry a Caucasian man with blue eyes and light hair. Our children will be much more attractive," she said.

"Is that why you're working as a Chinese teacher? So you can meet foreign men? I asked her. "Well … it's a great way to meet foreigners in a natural way," she replied. Perhaps this is a strategy that's taught at one of those how-to-date-a-foreigner seminar. One day, I didn't hear from Christina for two weeks, and I called her boss at the school. She told me that Christina just took off one day. According to the gossip mill, she met a foreigner and left the country with him. I wasn't surprised to hear that, but I still think of her from time to time and hope she's OK.

My second language teacher, Anna, had a rather nice and seemingly normal American boyfriend. He asked her to consider moving to the U.S and mentioned that they could be married at some point. The last time I saw her, she was positively glowing as she told me that she felt "really lucky" to have an American boyfriend. She was ecstatic about settling down in the U.S.

A documentary that recently premiered in Beijing called Shanghai Bride accurately depicts the impact of materialism on Chinese society and hence the changing attitudes toward finding a marriage partner. The film follows one professional Shanghai woman named Aileen, and a likable but down-and-out divorcee named Wu who's looking for love through matchmaking services. Aileen, like a growing group of white-collar women in Shanghai and elsewhere in China, is opting to marry later in life and is intent on finding a rich, foreign husband. Aileen meets a lot of wealthy foreigners in her line of work in the racing industry. In her search for the right person, she dates several men at once, and her approach on finding Mr. Right is quite calculating. Wu wants to desperately meet someone he can love and grow old with, but he's limited in his choices, because he doesn't own a house and he makes a relatively low salary of 1,000 yuan a month. His first wife left him for a richer man. Women nowadays, says the matchmaker in Shanghai Bride, want to marry men that own a house and a car.

My local friend Kunkun Lu married a local guy in February and to her, marriage is an economic decision. Before she got married, Lu was making 1,000 yuan a month ($149) and lived with her aunt. She had no savings, a low salary and was looking for the right guy who could provide a house in a nice area of Beijing and pay for trips abroad once or twice a year. Her husband, she tells me, only makes 5,000 yuan a month ($746) and that's not enough.

At least six of her high school friends from Kaifeng have married foreigners or overseas Chinese. With a tinge of envy, she lists all of their assets, like sailboats, houses, and how much money their husbands make. "Why didn't you find a foreign boyfriend?" I asked her. "Nah, I'm more comfortable with a Chinese guy," she said. Kunkun explains that it now costs more than $100,000 yuan ($14,925) for a local guy to get married. The average Chinese man needs money to pay for the wedding, gifts for the in-laws, a decent apartment and a honeymoon. Kunkun tells me that most professional women won't consider marrying a man who doesn't own an apartment.

It's certainly not easy to be a local man earning an average salary in China. Not only are they competing with foreigners for local women, but if they're not upwardly mobile, like Wu in Shanghai Bride, it could take years to find a wife. What will happen to these working-class men who cannot settle down and start families? Perhaps they'll have to move to Canada and the U.S. where, according to several eligible women I know, a good man is hard to come by. The impact of these single men on Chinese society will, no doubt, be felt in the years to come.

[*JG* 2]

We talk about this kind of thing all the time on a Jamaican web site I go on. Happens in so many countries.

[Jasman0717 9]

Its the new era

[kim&james 0]

I do like the bit about "the chinese woman meets the foreigner and leaves within a few days" Oh thats sweet but a tad inaccurate for most first world countries....

I notice that a lot of times here the media constantly seems to give this impression ... just an observation.

[athena_ny 1]

I'm 99% sure that my husband's cousin came here (on her tourist visa, shocker) to find an American husband. Being out of status for three years didn't matter to her if she found one. And she did, and he's a sucker, and their marriage looks to be a mess already.

I don't even get it though. Her family is well off, lives in a nice part of Lima, Peru - why did you need to come to American to marry a slob of an American who doesn't even make *that* much money and you can't communicate with?

[rika60607 215]

Well, since in China there is a one child per family policy (used to be, I do not know if it is still current), most parents wanted boys (for whatever reasons). So that's what you get for having a high male to female ratio in the population.

Women can afford to be picky

[sutton 0]

yes it may be sweet or whatever BUT not realistic.........................it is reasons like these why the rest of us have to prove honest relationships to our husbands and fiances that have been committed for yrs.............not days and not for ecomnomic reasons.

AND NO it is not a new era, it is just happening more and people abusing system and it is US (the hoest ones) who are suffering.

yes i am a tad stressed due to my vancouver interview next week.........lol

mary lou

[Trompe le Monde 1,107]

Well, since in China there is a one child per family policy (used to be, I do not know if it is still current), most parents wanted boys (for whatever reasons). So that's what you get for having a high male to female ratio in the population.

Women can afford to be picky

There was an article in the newspaper about this over the weekend - apparently, it's starting to become a national crisis with the worst hit areas (mostly rural) having ratios of 165 men to 100 women.

[mawilson 2,133]

"I want to marry a Caucasian man with blue eyes and light hair. Our children will be much more attractive," she said.

Yah well, not gonna happen. Blue eyes + Chinese eyes = dark Chinese eyes.

Not their fault, just genetics at play.

[LaL 418]

"I want to marry a Caucasian man with blue eyes and light hair. Our children will be much more attractive," she said.

Yah well, not gonna happen. Blue eyes + Chinese eyes = dark Chinese eyes.

Not their fault, just genetics at play.

oh noes! blue eyes are going to be extinct!

/sarcasm

[mawilson 2,133]

"I want to marry a Caucasian man with blue eyes and light hair. Our children will be much more attractive," she said.

Yah well, not gonna happen. Blue eyes + Chinese eyes = dark Chinese eyes.

Not their fault, just genetics at play.

oh noes! blue eyes are going to be extinct!

/sarcasm

Not until Europeans stop marrying other Europeans. But eventually - yes, probably.

Birth rates in Europe are pretty low these days.

[almaty 19]

"I want to marry a Caucasian man with blue eyes and light hair. Our children will be much more attractive," she said.

Yah well, not gonna happen. Blue eyes + Chinese eyes = dark Chinese eyes.

Not their fault, just genetics at play.

oh noes! blue eyes are going to be extinct!

/sarcasm

Not until Europeans stop marrying other Europeans. But eventually - yes, probably.

Birth rates in Europe are pretty low these days.

how about..."don't it make my brown eyes blues"..does that count

[peejay 327]

"I want to marry a Caucasian man with blue eyes and light hair. Our children will be much more attractive," she said.

Yah well, not gonna happen. Blue eyes + Chinese eyes = dark Chinese eyes.

Not their fault, just genetics at play.

My dad had black hair and dark brown eyes and I still ended up with my mama's blue eyes. You reckon there was a devil hiding in the wood pile?

[mawilson 2,133]

My dad had black hair and dark brown eyes and I still ended up with my mama's blue eyes. You reckon there was a devil hiding in the wood pile?

Your Dad's parents must have had blue eyes.

[Nessa 23]

My dad had black hair and dark brown eyes and I still ended up with my mama's blue eyes. You reckon there was a devil hiding in the wood pile?

Your Dad's parents must have had blue eyes.

or maybe he was not your dad *runs and hide*