Question about male behaviour

[almaty 19]

sister perfect, i understand you unhappiness in your current situation and in your marriage at present...but, is this thread productive to you and him? or, is an attempt for you to feel okay about yourself by getting postive stokes from others...?

the answer is within

Edited August 23, 2007 by almaty

[Dr. A ♥ O 203]

The problem with expectations is they kill. Acceptance is key here.

[carabao 0]

sister perfect, i understand you unhappiness in your current situation and in your marriage at present...but, is this thread productive to you and him? or, is an attempt for you to feel okay about yourself by getting postive stokes from others...?

the answer is within

I was gonna say . . .

There are three important lessons that I've learned over the years about relationships:

1. I should very careful about where and from whom I solicit advice regarding my personal life.

2. Half the story is always just half the story.

3. It's better to understand than be understood.

How's that for gender-neutral?

[one...two...tree 2,762]

sister perfect, i understand you unhappiness in your current situation and in your marriage at present...but, is this thread productive to you and him? or, is an attempt for you to feel okay about yourself by getting postive stokes from others...?

the answer is within

I was gonna say . . .

There are three important lessons that I've learned over the years about relationships:

1. I should very careful about where and from whom I solicit advice regarding my personal life.

2. Half the story is always just half the story.

3. It's better to understand than be understood.

How's that for gender-neutral?

[almaty 19]

sister perfect, i understand you unhappiness in your current situation and in your marriage at present...but, is this thread productive to you and him? or, is an attempt for you to feel okay about yourself by getting postive stokes from others...?

the answer is within

I was gonna say . . .

There are three important lessons that I've learned over the years about relationships:

1. I should very careful about where and from whom I solicit advice regarding my personal life.

2. Half the story is always just half the story.

3. It's better to understand than be understood.

How's that for gender-neutral?

.. i admire your wisdom sister...

[Fandango 1,440]

First of all, this is not a men-are-from-mars-and-women-are-from-venus issue. Actually, I don't much buy into that tripe to begin with.

But it seems to me that this has nowt to do with the actual bedtime issue and all to do with the weight issue. And tbh, it's troubling. I feel your anxiety just reading your posts...and getting up at 4:30 to hit the gym seems a bit unnatural. Is that of your volition or to please him? Your screen name even seems troubling to me...although that could just be me reading into things. But are you striving for perfection to please your husband because who you are now is not acceptable to him???? And the ex wife with the eating disorder....did she have one before she met your husband?

You need to do a lot of soul searching and decide what it is YOU want to change, and what you don't. Change because you want to, not because his emotional support is conditional upon you shrinking.

I really think a counselor is your best bet.

Good luck to you...I really do hope it's sorted somehow. It's a shame to go through all this to get to be together for you to be emotionally starved.

Edited August 24, 2007 by LisaD

[garya505 2]

There are two side to every story.

I couldn't help but notice that the title of this thread is "Question about male behaviour" and not "Question about my husband's behaviour".

[Peggy 1]

There is no man on this planet that I would allow to manipulate or control me over my body size, weight or look.... whet he is doing is wrong... if he wanted a size 6 wife then why did he not marry a size 6 woman.. you should feel good about what you are doing for yourself not because your husband has made threats about what his next project is... tummy tuck indead...

Sorry but that is so wrong...

Kez

Maybe you need to tell him to get his ####### enlarged. See how he likes it when someone is making fun of him.

I have gained some weight also since living in the USA. My husband would never say anything hurtful to me about my weight. He loves me for me, not if I have a few extra pounds on.

[garya505 2]

There is no man on this planet that I would allow to manipulate or control me over my body size, weight or look.... whet he is doing is wrong... if he wanted a size 6 wife then why did he not marry a size 6 woman.. you should feel good about what you are doing for yourself not because your husband has made threats about what his next project is... tummy tuck indead...

Sorry but that is so wrong...

Kez

Maybe you need to tell him to get his ####### enlarged. See how he likes it when someone is making fun of him.

I have gained some weight also since living in the USA. My husband would never say anything hurtful to me about my weight. He loves me for me, not if I have a few extra pounds on.

The OP admitted to gaining 30lbs (that means it's probably more like 40lbs). A little more than "a few extra pounds".

[Fandango 1,440]

There is no man on this planet that I would allow to manipulate or control me over my body size, weight or look.... whet he is doing is wrong... if he wanted a size 6 wife then why did he not marry a size 6 woman.. you should feel good about what you are doing for yourself not because your husband has made threats about what his next project is... tummy tuck indead...

Sorry but that is so wrong...

Kez

Maybe you need to tell him to get his ####### enlarged. See how he likes it when someone is making fun of him.

I have gained some weight also since living in the USA. My husband would never say anything hurtful to me about my weight. He loves me for me, not if I have a few extra pounds on.

The OP admitted to gaining 30lbs (that means it's probably more like 40lbs). A little more than "a few extra pounds".

Right.....and? Of course it's not a GREAT thing...but to threaten? emotionally isolate?? no, that's bollox.

ever heard of 'good times and bad'?

Although I don't believe the answer is engaging in retaliatory behavior.....

[garya505 2]

There is no man on this planet that I would allow to manipulate or control me over my body size, weight or look.... whet he is doing is wrong... if he wanted a size 6 wife then why did he not marry a size 6 woman.. you should feel good about what you are doing for yourself not because your husband has made threats about what his next project is... tummy tuck indead...

Sorry but that is so wrong...

Kez

Maybe you need to tell him to get his ####### enlarged. See how he likes it when someone is making fun of him.

I have gained some weight also since living in the USA. My husband would never say anything hurtful to me about my weight. He loves me for me, not if I have a few extra pounds on.

The OP admitted to gaining 30lbs (that means it's probably more like 40lbs). A little more than "a few extra pounds".

Right.....and? Of course it's not a GREAT thing...but to threaten? emotionally isolate?? no, that's bollox.

ever heard of 'good times and bad'?

Although I don't believe the answer is engaging in retaliatory behavior.....

If I gained 30lbs I wouldn't expect my wife to think I'm too desirable anymore. I mean, people do have control over their weight, despite what they claim. It's a choice.

[Fandango 1,440]

If I gained 30lbs I wouldn't expect my wife to think I'm too desirable anymore. I mean, people do have control over their weight, despite what they claim. It's a choice.

But that's not the real issue here....it's really NOT her weight, but how he REACTS to her weight that seems to be the issue....

[LuzyC 0]

I can totally understand your husband - I'm the same way. I always go to bed crazy late

(1am-3am) and my wife can't function after 11pm. She's a morning person, I'm definitely NOT.

Nothing / no-one can force me to go to bed before midnight.

Gary stay that late also,(he work 2nd shift)...He is on the computer or TV to unwind or we just talk about everything and VJ of course.

I tried to stay awake as much as I can (and just take a nap after he off to work.)As for the gain weight issue..we love and accept our SO the way they are as a person, beauty fade but the love and feelings stay.I do gain weight too and so as Gary but it didn't change the love we have for each other a bit.I can even crack a joke that we are twins now because we both have big bellies . I tried to do jog 10 miles a day and lose weight though not for Gary but for myself.

I hope that you both sorted what is best.Goodluck !

[garya505 2]

If I gained 30lbs I wouldn't expect my wife to think I'm too desirable anymore. I mean, people do have control over their weight, despite what they claim. It's a choice.

But that's not the real issue here....it's really NOT her weight, but how he REACTS to her weight that seems to be the issue....

But that's her version of it. I wonder what he would say.

[Fandango 1,440]

If I gained 30lbs I wouldn't expect my wife to think I'm too desirable anymore. I mean, people do have control over their weight, despite what they claim. It's a choice.

But that's not the real issue here....it's really NOT her weight, but how he REACTS to her weight that seems to be the issue....

But that's her version of it. I wonder what he would say.

Perspective is reality. I'd say for either side that counseling is in order because if one of the parties in a marriage feels this controlled by the other....no matter who's 'at fault'.....there are issues.

You've heard that she's gained 30 lbs and seemingly have written off her concerns cos of it....which is unfair really....