Fiance Disapeared !!

[Jason-Sasha 1]

I am so sorry to hear this story. i've just spent the last 30 minutes reading your story. I don't know that I can really add any help, but I felt like giving you our best wishes for closure to this mess. Hang in there. You'll make it through. And don't mind some of these posters who are talking down to you with short, snippy comments. A-hem, good luck, my friend. i wont be able to get this out of my thoughts....

[garya505 2]

i think her living out of her suitcase for 10 days and not unpacking was a sure red flag. what fiance doesn't unpack and start staking her claim on closet and dresser space.

It sounds like she planned this the whole time. i would contact USCIS and cancel the K1 for sure. at least you found out before you married her. i know it still hurts. dont let any shame on this get you with yoru friends or family. You didnt do anything wrong. She will face her consequences. too bad you cant sue her to recoup your costs in the visa etc.

Chris

She did put a few things away, and they are actually still here. It did strike me as rather odd. It did cross my mind at the time, but I thought maybe she still feels a little strange taking over in someone elses house. Also, we were out a lot and when we were home we were always in each others arms. I am thinking that she did have this whole thing planned prior to coming here. if it was, why would she even bother to come here then leave. She has done things in the past that seemed illogical. i think we all do at times. I have no idea what was in her head. that is the most difficult part.

As someone else stated, you had her itinery and paid her ticket. Where else could she have gone. Now that you mentioned 2 visa denials, there may not be any other man involved. She may have wanted to stay with her friends and go to school. None of us really know till she makes contact with you.

I have thought about this, her wanting to go to school. I even offered this option to her before. she told me that she just wanted to be a housewife and have a couple of kids. I am not sure if she could attend school now that she would be illegally here. Anyone know?

There's no way she can attend to school without a student visa or a resident status. With a student visa, they request to take an English exam TOEFL before enrolling school. This exam is not given every month and you have to pay months before the exam and study, it is kinda hard. Second, even if she will have a student visa, prices for foreign students are double and even a little bit more, even in a public college and like you mentioned before she doesn't have the money not even the visa.

--MIRLA.

In some states (like mine) illegal immigrants are allowed to attend public universities.

[jonkam 0]

That rules out the going to school theory. This sure is an odd one. You mentioned she is illogical at times, In your opinion, does she appear to be psycologically stable?

I've lived with a couple of girls who seriously unstable. Trying to hit me, throwing things at me and breaking things. I've never resorted to acting the same.

Anyway, No she seemed stable. Nice, etc.

I don't mean to stereotype anybody either but I just don't understand how such a conservative girl (as you described her) can do something like that. If she was a stable girl, her behaviour just doesn't make sense to me but I do think she deserves a chance to explain to you what really happened and you deserve to know the truth about all this. I'm sure there must be a logical explanation and if she seemed to be in love with you and cared about you (you're the only one who can notice this), she wouldn't had left you for someone that she could have met recently and lose what you guys have or been having for a long time you know.

Have you tried to call again? Maybe she's back in Brazil.....but I still don't get how come she woudln't tell you about it....While you were on long distance relationship, did she mention about her mom illness???

Just stay strong because sooner or later she will get in touch with you and I'm sure things will be solve.

Due to this problem, you don't have to start thinking that everybody is liying to you because not all the people are like this. It is hard to say this but stay strong, think positive, things will be solve.

--Mirla.

That is what is difficult to understand how a conservative person could act this way. Maybe that is why I didn't suspect much.

if there was someone else and all of this was planned, she deserves a grammy for her performance.

If it was cold feet, i think she probably would be more likely to contact me.

I have called Brasil, yesterday and today. No answer.. It has been very rare that no has answered the phone at her house in the past when I called. i did mention earlier that when I first called, the brother answered and hung up on me when he realized it was me. His English is very limited and her mother knows, hello and bye and thats about it. Nearly impossible for me to ask the brother any deep questions or any type of question. The elderly lady she knows is my only contact. As I said her husband just died the other day. I hate to bother her again in this difficult time. I will later, but i don't want to burn my only bridge.

Her mom has been ill since we met. She had a bad knee and kidney problems. She had a knee operation and things were good for a little while. The past few months her knee has been iving her problems and around this time she has been having heart trouble. After she got the VISA, I told her that she could come later so she could stay with her mom. But she insisted on coming ASAP.

[jonkam 0]

i think her living out of her suitcase for 10 days and not unpacking was a sure red flag. what fiance doesn't unpack and start staking her claim on closet and dresser space.

It sounds like she planned this the whole time. i would contact USCIS and cancel the K1 for sure. at least you found out before you married her. i know it still hurts. dont let any shame on this get you with yoru friends or family. You didnt do anything wrong. She will face her consequences. too bad you cant sue her to recoup your costs in the visa etc.

Chris

She did put a few things away, and they are actually still here. It did strike me as rather odd. It did cross my mind at the time, but I thought maybe she still feels a little strange taking over in someone elses house. Also, we were out a lot and when we were home we were always in each others arms. I am thinking that she did have this whole thing planned prior to coming here. if it was, why would she even bother to come here then leave. She has done things in the past that seemed illogical. i think we all do at times. I have no idea what was in her head. that is the most difficult part.

As someone else stated, you had her itinery and paid her ticket. Where else could she have gone. Now that you mentioned 2 visa denials, there may not be any other man involved. She may have wanted to stay with her friends and go to school. None of us really know till she makes contact with you.

I have thought about this, her wanting to go to school. I even offered this option to her before. she told me that she just wanted to be a housewife and have a couple of kids. I am not sure if she could attend school now that she would be illegally here. Anyone know?

There's no way she can attend to school without a student visa or a resident status. With a student visa, they request to take an English exam TOEFL before enrolling school. This exam is not given every month and you have to pay months before the exam and study, it is kinda hard. Second, even if she will have a student visa, prices for foreign students are double and even a little bit more, even in a public college and like you mentioned before she doesn't have the money not even the visa.

--MIRLA.

In some states (like mine) illegal immigrants are allowed to attend public universities.

What state is this. I see Texas service center on your bio. Is it Texas. The guy, Thomas, said she was heading for Texas. ( One of the three places I was told she was). This kind of stuff pisses me off. There are those of us who do things the legal way and then states grant illegals access to services using tax dollars. Can't recall, But wasn't there something a while back about granting Illegals drivers licences. I have nothing against foriegners, but do things the legal way and make it impossible to do anything if your not here legally.

[MKCT 0]

That rules out the going to school theory. This sure is an odd one. You mentioned she is illogical at times, In your opinion, does she appear to be psycologically stable?

I've lived with a couple of girls who seriously unstable. Trying to hit me, throwing things at me and breaking things. I've never resorted to acting the same.

Anyway, No she seemed stable. Nice, etc.

I don't mean to stereotype anybody either but I just don't understand how such a conservative girl (as you described her) can do something like that. If she was a stable girl, her behaviour just doesn't make sense to me but I do think she deserves a chance to explain to you what really happened and you deserve to know the truth about all this. I'm sure there must be a logical explanation and if she seemed to be in love with you and cared about you (you're the only one who can notice this), she wouldn't had left you for someone that she could have met recently and lose what you guys have or been having for a long time you know.

Have you tried to call again? Maybe she's back in Brazil.....but I still don't get how come she woudln't tell you about it....While you were on long distance relationship, did she mention about her mom illness???

Just stay strong because sooner or later she will get in touch with you and I'm sure things will be solve.

Due to this problem, you don't have to start thinking that everybody is liying to you because not all the people are like this. It is hard to say this but stay strong, think positive, things will be solve.

--Mirla.

That is what is difficult to understand how a conservative person could act this way. Maybe that is why I didn't suspect much.

if there was someone else and all of this was planned, she deserves a grammy for her performance.

If it was cold feet, i think she probably would be more likely to contact me.

I have called Brasil, yesterday and today. No answer.. It has been very rare that no has answered the phone at her house in the past when I called. i did mention earlier that when I first called, the brother answered and hung up on me when he realized it was me. His English is very limited and her mother knows, hello and bye and thats about it. Nearly impossible for me to ask the brother any deep questions or any type of question. The elderly lady she knows is my only contact. As I said her husband just died the other day. I hate to bother her again in this difficult time. I will later, but i don't want to burn my only bridge.

Her mom has been ill since we met. She had a bad knee and kidney problems. She had a knee operation and things were good for a little while. The past few months her knee has been iving her problems and around this time she has been having heart trouble. After she got the VISA, I told her that she could come later so she could stay with her mom. But she insisted on coming ASAP.

I'm just trying to get the positive of this but I'm just wondering, if nobody answers the phone in Brazil don't you think something wrong happened to her mom? You said she had a kidney problem...and if the brother hung up on you was because of the language barrier and if she wasn't there he didn't know how to explain it....You see, anything could had happened here. Like somebody else said, keep trying to get in touch with her.....How old is she? She must have a good explanation for all this but she is just too embarrassed to call you. And it is totally understandable that if she has a good statement, you will take her back...like you said, you have a history together, great moments together and you can't just stop loving someone today and hate her tomorrow right.

I can tell you are a very smart and kind guy, you'll pull through!!!

--Mirla.

[jonkam 0]

Jonkam, I can't say that I can entirely relate to your story, but I did go through a pretty nasty divorce where my wife hid an affair from me for a long time. Things got weirder and weirder, and once I started suspecting, I started to dwell on it. It got to where I couldn't separate the facts from the fiction in my mind, and my friends' speculation only fed into it. When it all finally came out in the wash, yes she was having an affair but the situation was nowhere near what my mind had cooked up.

You've received some great advice on how to handle the USCIS portion of your problem. But most of what I hear you saying is pure speculation. What's worse is that other forum members are feeding into your speculation. Their intentions are good but I don't think it's helping. You have a lot of circumstantial evidence, but your mind is filling in the gaps where you need the hard evidence. What's worse is that you're letting other (well meaning) people help you fill in those gaps. They're enabling you. It's easy to give in to those feelings, but you have to let them go right now. If you want to get through this you have to start working the problem more rationally. It's hard because you're hurting (god I know that feeling!) but you have to focus.

Sit down with a pen and paper if you have to and start separating what you know for certain from what you speculate. Keep trying to get in contact with her. Try to think of creative ways. Keep bugging people, try to play on their sympathies to get them to tell the truth. If you can get them to give her a message, make it clear that it's okay if she doesn't want to marry you, you just want closure. Send her postal letters, contact the agency you met her through (if you did) and start thinking of non-obvious contacts.

But stop speculating, and stop listening to the speculation about her intentions on this board. None of it does you any good. Be a detective and follow the trail. As someone else said, there's a slim chance that she's just got cold feet and freaked out a little. People act differently in times of stress. Don't throw it all away just yet over an imaginary boyfriend.

Anyway, hope that helps, and I truly wish you the best of luck in getting closure at the very least.

Circumstancial evidence and speculation is all I have. There is more speculation because the 3 people I did talk to gave me three differnt locations and 2 seperate excuses.

As far as people adding to the speculation. In the past two days i have thought of EVERY " what if" scenario. the past two days I haven't really left home and it does feel good to vent(keeping me sane) I was going nits keeping everthing inside. And as stated before I didn't tell my friends the truth.

As far as facts. i don't really have much, she came she left. was in Arizona for a day and left( so I was told).

The legal aspect of the advise has been very helpful. Venting has also been very helpful. I wasn't ready to jump off a bridge or anything but I have been miserable. Still not Hungary. i've eaten once in the past several days.

[jonkam 0]

That rules out the going to school theory. This sure is an odd one. You mentioned she is illogical at times, In your opinion, does she appear to be psycologically stable?

I've lived with a couple of girls who seriously unstable. Trying to hit me, throwing things at me and breaking things. I've never resorted to acting the same.

Anyway, No she seemed stable. Nice, etc.

I don't mean to stereotype anybody either but I just don't understand how such a conservative girl (as you described her) can do something like that. If she was a stable girl, her behaviour just doesn't make sense to me but I do think she deserves a chance to explain to you what really happened and you deserve to know the truth about all this. I'm sure there must be a logical explanation and if she seemed to be in love with you and cared about you (you're the only one who can notice this), she wouldn't had left you for someone that she could have met recently and lose what you guys have or been having for a long time you know.

Have you tried to call again? Maybe she's back in Brazil.....but I still don't get how come she woudln't tell you about it....While you were on long distance relationship, did she mention about her mom illness???

Just stay strong because sooner or later she will get in touch with you and I'm sure things will be solve.

Due to this problem, you don't have to start thinking that everybody is liying to you because not all the people are like this. It is hard to say this but stay strong, think positive, things will be solve.

--Mirla.

That is what is difficult to understand how a conservative person could act this way. Maybe that is why I didn't suspect much.

if there was someone else and all of this was planned, she deserves a grammy for her performance.

If it was cold feet, i think she probably would be more likely to contact me.

I have called Brasil, yesterday and today. No answer.. It has been very rare that no has answered the phone at her house in the past when I called. i did mention earlier that when I first called, the brother answered and hung up on me when he realized it was me. His English is very limited and her mother knows, hello and bye and thats about it. Nearly impossible for me to ask the brother any deep questions or any type of question. The elderly lady she knows is my only contact. As I said her husband just died the other day. I hate to bother her again in this difficult time. I will later, but i don't want to burn my only bridge.

Her mom has been ill since we met. She had a bad knee and kidney problems. She had a knee operation and things were good for a little while. The past few months her knee has been iving her problems and around this time she has been having heart trouble. After she got the VISA, I told her that she could come later so she could stay with her mom. But she insisted on coming ASAP.

I'm just trying to get the positive of this but I'm just wondering, if nobody answers the phone in Brazil don't you think something wrong happened to her mom? You said she had a kidney problem...and if the brother hung up on you was because of the language barrier and if she wasn't there he didn't know how to explain it....You see, anything could had happened here. Like somebody else said, keep trying to get in touch with her.....How old is she? She must have a good explanation for all this but she is just too embarrassed to call you. And it is totally understandable that if she has a good statement, you will take her back...like you said, you have a history together, great moments together and you can't just stop loving someone today and hate her tomorrow right.

I can tell you are a very smart and kind guy, you'll pull through!!!

--Mirla.

I always talk to the brother when I call. really basic though. How's work? How are you? very limited. When I called he knew it was me. He sounded really nervous. not at all how he sounds when I talked to him in the past. Then I called back, let the phone ring like 10 times, hung up. Called back again in 5 minutes. her mom answered after another 10 rings, her tone was different. Not happy to hear me. I talked to the brother. he also did not sound "normal". Trying to talk to him about where she was, was very difficult. I did get that she was still in Arizona. One of the 3 locations I was given.

[MKCT 0]

Jonkam, I can't say that I can entirely relate to your story, but I did go through a pretty nasty divorce where my wife hid an affair from me for a long time. Things got weirder and weirder, and once I started suspecting, I started to dwell on it. It got to where I couldn't separate the facts from the fiction in my mind, and my friends' speculation only fed into it. When it all finally came out in the wash, yes she was having an affair but the situation was nowhere near what my mind had cooked up.

You've received some great advice on how to handle the USCIS portion of your problem. But most of what I hear you saying is pure speculation. What's worse is that other forum members are feeding into your speculation. Their intentions are good but I don't think it's helping. You have a lot of circumstantial evidence, but your mind is filling in the gaps where you need the hard evidence. What's worse is that you're letting other (well meaning) people help you fill in those gaps. They're enabling you. It's easy to give in to those feelings, but you have to let them go right now. If you want to get through this you have to start working the problem more rationally. It's hard because you're hurting (god I know that feeling!) but you have to focus.

Sit down with a pen and paper if you have to and start separating what you know for certain from what you speculate. Keep trying to get in contact with her. Try to think of creative ways. Keep bugging people, try to play on their sympathies to get them to tell the truth. If you can get them to give her a message, make it clear that it's okay if she doesn't want to marry you, you just want closure. Send her postal letters, contact the agency you met her through (if you did) and start thinking of non-obvious contacts.

But stop speculating, and stop listening to the speculation about her intentions on this board. None of it does you any good. Be a detective and follow the trail. As someone else said, there's a slim chance that she's just got cold feet and freaked out a little. People act differently in times of stress. Don't throw it all away just yet over an imaginary boyfriend.

Anyway, hope that helps, and I truly wish you the best of luck in getting closure at the very least.

Circumstancial evidence and speculation is all I have. There is more speculation because the 3 people I did talk to gave me three differnt locations and 2 seperate excuses.

As far as people adding to the speculation. In the past two days i have thought of EVERY " what if" scenario. the past two days I haven't really left home and it does feel good to vent(keeping me sane) I was going nits keeping everthing inside. And as stated before I didn't tell my friends the truth.

As far as facts. i don't really have much, she came she left. was in Arizona for a day and left( so I was told).

The legal aspect of the advise has been very helpful. Venting has also been very helpful. I wasn't ready to jump off a bridge or anything but I have been miserable. Still not Hungary. i've eaten once in the past several days.

Well, now you should start worrying about yourself, get something to eat, do something different. Don't stay home and sit down and think about this all the time. You're doing what you can but care about yourself first. Don't stop working! Things happen for a reason and you were a good person who was doing things right. Like I said before, sooner or later you will hear from her. Now get some sleep but eat something and try to stay calm. You can do it.

We all are here to read and help you! Don't hesitate to ask about anything you need.

Take care and EAT!

--Mirla.

[jonkam 0]

Pretty sure his friends gave him the standard stereotype horror story warnings about foreigners doing whatever it takes to come to the US. The stories about people who come over to kill their future spouse, marry for a green card/naturalization and divorce them, get pregnant by their lover back home and come to the US and say the kid is the USC's, etc., etc.

The OP already stated his friends didn't know this girl, but unfortunately he is in one of those nightmare situations where the fiancee had ulterior motives for coming here and used the USC for a visa for whatever reason.

I'm not sure those are 'standard' stories exactly......... my friends were all very suppotive of me moving because I gave them the chance to meet my future-wife.

If the friends didn't meet the girl, then maybe the advice should be that in the future friends do get to meet their intended.........

I see you are UK and USa match. Your SO coming from a 1st world country is much differnt than one coming from a less developed and wealthy country. I am quite sure that if she was from Japan or the UK no warnings from friends would have been issued. I am sure that fraud steming from other 1st world countries is rather low. i have done some traveling, middle east, europe, brasil. I have seen some messed up stuff. Until you travel to a less fortunate country, you don't realize how good we have it.

[jonkam 0]

She arrived here about 10 days ago. I took a little time off from work. we had a nice time, she seemed happy and all that. The day I went back to work, "poof" gone. That was a few days ago.

Have your questions been answered here about what to do at this point?

Yes. Sorry to sound ignorant or lazy, but what is infopass?

Here you go:

<a href="http://www.usimmigrationsupport.org/infopass.html" target="_blank">

ttp://www.usimmigrationsupport.org/infopass.html</a>

Also, don't get too annoyed at anyone questioning you. I understand not wanting people to know you have to deal with this situation, but if you posted under a username that people could reference you wouldn't get the suspicion. Even staying anonymous people are willing to help. Heck, at the beginning I was totally suspicious and even now I still am, but I'll help where I can.

Don't mean to sound annoyed. That is one of my pet peves is people who are not polite. It is understandble that some people may not believe me and be skeptical because I wish to remain undercover. If someone were a detective they could probably deduce about who I am from posts. Brasil, Arizona is "thousands" of miles from where I live, she flew to Arizona, She had 2 prior visa refusals, She came ASAP after the interview. (also my terrible spelling)

Edited August 23, 2007 by jonkam

[jonkam 0]

Is the fiancee's son in the U.S.? With the elderly relative who is in Brazil?

(just going back and answering peoples posts)

Answer to your questions.

She has no children. her elderly friend has a son.

I never said she had an elderly relative in Brasil. Her mom is older( not quite at the elderly stage yet, soon though). She has an elderly "friend" in Arizona( Sedona to be exact)

[jonkam 0]

She arrived here about 10 days ago. I took a little time off from work. we had a nice time, she seemed happy and all that. The day I went back to work, "poof" gone. That was a few days ago.

Have your questions been answered here about what to do at this point?

Yes. Sorry to sound ignorant or lazy, but what is infopass?

What office did you go through?

service center??

Cali.

[StillThePrettiest 3]

you haven't sounded annoyed; I think you have remained remarkably polite and articulate, given both your circumstances and a couple of comments on here...

I have little more to add; I was going to suggest the computer history but someone else already did, and you said you'd done it... perhaps the next time you call the lady, Sarah, you could calmly lay out the immigration facts as you know them: that at the end of 90 days she will be here illegally, that she can't marry another man and adjust status, etc; that way even if Sarah says nothing to you there's a good chance that information will be passed on if she's speaking to your SO again... if even you, who had been through the process and paperwork and so on, were not sure about the options, I'm sure your SO isn't; she may well think now she's here there are more options available to her than there really are

the two things I hope for you:

- that you get SOME sort of answer from your SO, to all your questions; it's the very least she owes you

- that you don't allow all this to make you cynical or bitter or distrustful... big ask, I know, but you sound like such a decent and genuine guy, and I hate even the possibility that someone saw that and thought they'd exploit it, rather than nurture and treasure it

all the very best

please do keep us posted with any news; there are many people here really hoping for some resolution for you

xxx

[jonkam 0]

Is your fiancee's son in the U.S.? Or was it the son of the elderly friend? What was confusing is that you said your fiancee was from Brazil, that you called a mutual elderly friend in Brazil, and her son said she was on a bus to Texas and then the elderly friend flew to Arizona?

And somewhere in here you think there is a boyfriend... that she met in Brazil and is with in Arizona? (How did he get here?) That she met in the 10 days she was in here?

See, this is why I just gave immigration-related advice, because trying to find 'red flags' to help other people is hard when the story is sort of tangled.

Caladan, you have posted several times in this post. You keep stating things that I never said. Like my fiance having a son. I never said her friend was in Brazil. the elderly friend flying to Arizona??? Sorry never said that either. Never said she might have a boyfriend that she originally met in Brazil. Never mentioned about meeting a new guy within the time she came to the U.S.

I didn't think my writing skills were that bad where people can not follow my train of thought. I must admit that, i haven't really been proofreading with an editors eye. i am reading back now over some of my posts and my posts do seem for the main part, okay, lots of spelling and gramatical errors.

I'll give you the benefit of the doubt. Everything i have said is not in one place. And you are mixing things up and creating your own statements using words and phrases I have used.

Or is it me? Am i so emotionally drained that my words and sentences seem to make sense to me, but are total giberish to everyone else.

i don't mind questions, but please be sure that if you atribute something to me, make sure that I actually said that. thanks

[jonkam 0]

I think some of the responses are totally patronizing and/or uncalled for.

OP, I'm sorry for your situation. But try not to take the 'troll' thing too personal....I think people need to justify bad news away as bullsh!t so it doesn't upset them.

Very true observation.

Forums are always like that. As soon as someone states something negative it upsets the balance and the "troll" word comes out. Sometimes people can't deal the fact that bad "stuff" happens to good people. If people can't deal with a bad story, don't click on the post.

i must admit though, i have seen some strange posts here and elsewhere. Many times these people dissapear minutes after they post. or refuse to directly answer questions that are asked to them. My original story and details may be brief, simply because, personally I hate to read a post that is pages long and don't want to subject people to this. believe me, i could write a novel, but I don't think everyone wants to read one, or do they. hmm. No I'll spare you all.

i am more than willing to answer any questions about something you may be curious about that i did not mention or about something I said. But make sure I said what you think I said,Umm Caladan...Just poking fun, don't take offense.