Fiance Disapeared !!

[Kotenochek 0]

I would suggest to catch a plane and follow her to clear this situation.

Maybe she just got confused once she got there?Do not stop this process without making sure you did everything to fix it before.

Since you know where these friends are you can just fly out there without telling them you coming so she has no chance to escape.that way you could ask her what has happened and you would show you really care and willing to do everything to have family with her.

Just dont give up without knowing whats going on!

[jonkam 0]

It also has occurred to me that this very well may be a major case of cold feet. This does not quite fit a deception scenario, imo. If someone is so deceptive to use the visa process to get here, they likewise would be knowledgeable of the consequences of fraud. Why not stick around and see the other guy on the sly? It would be a heck of a lot easier than than "being on the run." The sick mother may have a lot to do with what's going on here. As you have said, your fiancee is a conservative girl, young, not from a big city and I gather somewhat inexperienced. She left her ill mother to come here to a place where she only knows you and some longtime friends. Where else would she run to but to the people she knows best? You were an exciting guy who would be able to provide her a life different from what she knew. However, when the moment of truth arrived, she saw that the cultural adjustment was huge and probably felt no small amount of guilt in leaving her mother. Rather than talk out the issues, she booked. Difficult and infuriating but not all that surprising from an inexperienced young person. Family and friends are huge in the Latin world. To leave that just may have been too much for her to bear.

With all the little things that have occured in the preceeding many months prior, I think it DOES fit the deception scenario. A RECENT attack of cold feet is almost an impossibility in my mind. Of course you all only know, what LIMITED, information I have given. Many of her actions ( for MANY months), by themselves, seemed a little strange. But, when you look back and add 1+1+1+1 etc.. things start to look very fishy. We are ALL strange in our own way. She was no exception. So, at the time, i would think "that is strange" but after a short time wouldn't dwell on it. I get along with most people and am easy going so I can usually deal with peoples peculiarities. It is not like strange things happened all the time. But, when you add them all up..................

Looking back now, I think I just didn't want to see anything bad. For my own selfish reasons, I blocked out the signs that MAYBE could have helped me to see this coming.

If it was some sort of cold feet, it was cold feet from a long time ago.. If she did have second thoughts, she should have told me prior to coming here. Knowing what I know, I am 99.9% sure she did not come here THEn get cold feet. Leaving me was planned prior to arriving. For how long? Not sure.. But , adding everything up, it does seem that it was planned for a long time.. I am sure her mother knows exactly where she is.

I forget who it was or what gender the person was, but someone was suggesting something about age difference or something to that effect. As I said, I forget the gender of the poster, but I would say it was probably a woman. Let me ask you this. I am not, but say I was 20 years her senior. Would that make her actions justifiable??? "oh, he deserved to get screwed over, cause he was some older guy with more experience, taking advantage of this innocent girl". if in the begining of a relationship, age is addressed and the girl says that the mans age is no problem then it shouldn't be. If a girl says there is no problem, but there really is a problem, then to me that is a form of deception. When people bring up the age difference thing, it bothers me a little. If it was a problem for the girl, all she has to be is HONEST and say "no you are too old". So don't go blame the older guy for wanting to be with a younger woman.

[Magnolia31 0]

Gosh, all of this reminds me of the German women (not all but quite a few), who are looking for US soldiers to get married to in order to have a military ID card.

I have had several friends when I was still in Germany who were looking for soldiers for this purpose ... and then to later on move to the US. Quite sad.

Jonkam-

I for one got plenty of general warnings and suggestions. My father and brother met my fiancee and we also met my fiancee's mother. My relatives here and elsewhere grandparent's, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc., were far more concerned and said I should just stick to a USC and not deal with the LDR, the possible ulterior motives, and told me to take extra precautions. The people who have met my fiancee have told me I should marry her and she seems like a great girl.

There is no possible way for my friends to meet her before she arrives if our petition and application are both approved, since she is from China and can't come here to visit.

Also like you, when I decided to move forward I also started to read here. I also went and searched on google for things like, "USC marriage to chinese citizen" "Marriage fraud and immigration," and searches of that nature.

Sometimes even with due diligence and being careful you can still get duped. Seeing this post and your story reminds me to keep my eyes open, but my fiancee when compared to several of the women I dated in the past few years is just more my type in several different ways. To imagine her betraying me and duping me is just incredibly painful and so I really feel for your story and situation.

[Magnolia31 0]

I have been on VJ for a while too and didn't know what Infopass was UNTIL I needed to make an appointment with them. i seriously never knew. i don't think it's so unusual. Heck, i didn't even know what NOA meant LMAO

This all sounds like a story narrative to me.

Funny, that.

You don't have to believe me if you don't want to.

What would be the point of spending time writing a bunch of BS.

I understand that maybe some people do not have anything better to do.

I have been here for a year, and whenever there is someone with a negative problem. There are always people who cry "troll". If you choose to believe me or don't, I don't really care.

to those that have point me to what i have to do and answered some of my questions, I thank you.

You have been here for a year and don't know what an INFOPASS interview is?

[Magnolia31 0]

I didn't - I was too lazy! I don't think I unpacked everything until weeks later. I had tons of boxes too though (about 30) which I shipped before coming here. When I got here my main concern was cleaning this huge house. Just like a man to buy a house and not clean it LOL. j/k

i think her living out of her suitcase for 10 days and not unpacking was a sure red flag. what fiance doesn't unpack and start staking her claim on closet and dresser space.

It sounds like she planned this the whole time. i would contact USCIS and cancel the K1 for sure. at least you found out before you married her. i know it still hurts. dont let any shame on this get you with yoru friends or family. You didnt do anything wrong. She will face her consequences. too bad you cant sue her to recoup your costs in the visa etc.

Chris

[Magnolia31 0]

Hmm, yes and no. It all depends on the school. I have went to a school where they did not even ask if I was an American citizen. I registered, took an English test, passed it, paid the registration fee, and then started 2 weeks later.

However, when you do file for financial aid through the department of education/federal student aid (FASFA), they do ask you if you are a US citizen or legal permanent resident. They even make you enter your A#. If it doesn't match up, they deny you a pell grant or any other type of grants/loans.

If she has a away of paying for school herself, she could go to school without issues.

i think her living out of her suitcase for 10 days and not unpacking was a sure red flag. what fiance doesn't unpack and start staking her claim on closet and dresser space.

It sounds like she planned this the whole time. i would contact USCIS and cancel the K1 for sure. at least you found out before you married her. i know it still hurts. dont let any shame on this get you with yoru friends or family. You didnt do anything wrong. She will face her consequences. too bad you cant sue her to recoup your costs in the visa etc.

Chris

She did put a few things away, and they are actually still here. It did strike me as rather odd. It did cross my mind at the time, but I thought maybe she still feels a little strange taking over in someone elses house. Also, we were out a lot and when we were home we were always in each others arms. I am thinking that she did have this whole thing planned prior to coming here. if it was, why would she even bother to come here then leave. She has done things in the past that seemed illogical. i think we all do at times. I have no idea what was in her head. that is the most difficult part.

As someone else stated, you had her itinery and paid her ticket. Where else could she have gone. Now that you mentioned 2 visa denials, there may not be any other man involved. She may have wanted to stay with her friends and go to school. None of us really know till she makes contact with you.

I have thought about this, her wanting to go to school. I even offered this option to her before. she told me that she just wanted to be a housewife and have a couple of kids. I am not sure if she could attend school now that she would be illegally here. Anyone know?

[Magnolia31 0]

I have to disagree.

i think her living out of her suitcase for 10 days and not unpacking was a sure red flag. what fiance doesn't unpack and start staking her claim on closet and dresser space.

It sounds like she planned this the whole time. i would contact USCIS and cancel the K1 for sure. at least you found out before you married her. i know it still hurts. dont let any shame on this get you with yoru friends or family. You didnt do anything wrong. She will face her consequences. too bad you cant sue her to recoup your costs in the visa etc.

Chris

She did put a few things away, and they are actually still here. It did strike me as rather odd. It did cross my mind at the time, but I thought maybe she still feels a little strange taking over in someone elses house. Also, we were out a lot and when we were home we were always in each others arms. I am thinking that she did have this whole thing planned prior to coming here. if it was, why would she even bother to come here then leave. She has done things in the past that seemed illogical. i think we all do at times. I have no idea what was in her head. that is the most difficult part.

As someone else stated, you had her itinery and paid her ticket. Where else could she have gone. Now that you mentioned 2 visa denials, there may not be any other man involved. She may have wanted to stay with her friends and go to school. None of us really know till she makes contact with you.

I have thought about this, her wanting to go to school. I even offered this option to her before. she told me that she just wanted to be a housewife and have a couple of kids. I am not sure if she could attend school now that she would be illegally here. Anyone know?

There's no way she can attend to school without a student visa or a resident status. With a student visa, they request to take an English exam TOEFL before enrolling school. This exam is not given every month and you have to pay months before the exam and study, it is kinda hard. Second, even if she will have a student visa, prices for foreign students are double and even a little bit more, even in a public college and like you mentioned before she doesn't have the money not even the visa.

--MIRLA.

I have to disagree. It is possible to attend school, I did it myself and was not asked any questions at all. I took an English exam which I did online. Once I passed, I registered, etc. I also did not have to pay for the exam. I graduated from Kaplan University and also went to the University of Maryland studying IT/Network Administration.

I don't know why I was never asked for permanent resident status - I really never knew that they even required you to be one. I suppose they assumed I was American because I did go to American school all my life and I have no German accent at all. I am fluent in English and perhaps therefore they didn't question it. I really do not know but i do know that it is not hard to go to school here.

[Magnolia31 0]

Glad to see another person say this - not to justify my own thoughts but because I know it can be done.

i think her living out of her suitcase for 10 days and not unpacking was a sure red flag. what fiance doesn't unpack and start staking her claim on closet and dresser space.

It sounds like she planned this the whole time. i would contact USCIS and cancel the K1 for sure. at least you found out before you married her. i know it still hurts. dont let any shame on this get you with yoru friends or family. You didnt do anything wrong. She will face her consequences. too bad you cant sue her to recoup your costs in the visa etc.

Chris

She did put a few things away, and they are actually still here. It did strike me as rather odd. It did cross my mind at the time, but I thought maybe she still feels a little strange taking over in someone elses house. Also, we were out a lot and when we were home we were always in each others arms. I am thinking that she did have this whole thing planned prior to coming here. if it was, why would she even bother to come here then leave. She has done things in the past that seemed illogical. i think we all do at times. I have no idea what was in her head. that is the most difficult part.

As someone else stated, you had her itinery and paid her ticket. Where else could she have gone. Now that you mentioned 2 visa denials, there may not be any other man involved. She may have wanted to stay with her friends and go to school. None of us really know till she makes contact with you.

I have thought about this, her wanting to go to school. I even offered this option to her before. she told me that she just wanted to be a housewife and have a couple of kids. I am not sure if she could attend school now that she would be illegally here. Anyone know?

There's no way she can attend to school without a student visa or a resident status. With a student visa, they request to take an English exam TOEFL before enrolling school. This exam is not given every month and you have to pay months before the exam and study, it is kinda hard. Second, even if she will have a student visa, prices for foreign students are double and even a little bit more, even in a public college and like you mentioned before she doesn't have the money not even the visa.

--MIRLA.

In some states (like mine) illegal immigrants are allowed to attend public universities.

[Magnolia31 0]

See, where she would run into issues is if she were trying to apply for a federal loan. If she has the money to pay for school, she can attend. They also have vocational schools that have their own financial aid departments directly through the school. With those, they don't check either. You just sign a promissory note stating that you will repay the loan. i worked at a computer school in Texas back in 97 that did it this way. ANYone could have applied!

I have had a permanent resident card before and before it became invalid, I applied for a stafford loan to go to school. When you apply for a federal loan, they ask you if you are a US citizen or LPR. They do check on this. I think I already mentioned this though LOL.

i think her living out of her suitcase for 10 days and not unpacking was a sure red flag. what fiance doesn't unpack and start staking her claim on closet and dresser space.

It sounds like she planned this the whole time. i would contact USCIS and cancel the K1 for sure. at least you found out before you married her. i know it still hurts. dont let any shame on this get you with yoru friends or family. You didnt do anything wrong. She will face her consequences. too bad you cant sue her to recoup your costs in the visa etc.

Chris

She did put a few things away, and they are actually still here. It did strike me as rather odd. It did cross my mind at the time, but I thought maybe she still feels a little strange taking over in someone elses house. Also, we were out a lot and when we were home we were always in each others arms. I am thinking that she did have this whole thing planned prior to coming here. if it was, why would she even bother to come here then leave. She has done things in the past that seemed illogical. i think we all do at times. I have no idea what was in her head. that is the most difficult part.

As someone else stated, you had her itinery and paid her ticket. Where else could she have gone. Now that you mentioned 2 visa denials, there may not be any other man involved. She may have wanted to stay with her friends and go to school. None of us really know till she makes contact with you.

I have thought about this, her wanting to go to school. I even offered this option to her before. she told me that she just wanted to be a housewife and have a couple of kids. I am not sure if she could attend school now that she would be illegally here. Anyone know?

There's no way she can attend to school without a student visa or a resident status. With a student visa, they request to take an English exam TOEFL before enrolling school. This exam is not given every month and you have to pay months before the exam and study, it is kinda hard. Second, even if she will have a student visa, prices for foreign students are double and even a little bit more, even in a public college and like you mentioned before she doesn't have the money not even the visa.

--MIRLA.

In some states (like mine) illegal immigrants are allowed to attend public universities.

What state is this. I see Texas service center on your bio. Is it Texas. The guy, Thomas, said she was heading for Texas. ( One of the three places I was told she was). This kind of stuff pisses me off. There are those of us who do things the legal way and then states grant illegals access to services using tax dollars. Can't recall, But wasn't there something a while back about granting Illegals drivers licences. I have nothing against foriegners, but do things the legal way and make it impossible to do anything if your not here legally.

[Magnolia31 0]

Not to sound weird or anything BUT, if you have the money, have you thought about hiring a private detective to find out her whereabouts? At least you'd know where she's at and that way you wouldn't have to keep speculating about that. I would seriously do that if I were in your shoes. Just to at least get piece of mind about her whereabouts since you have been told several things.

Does she have a SSN yet?

She arrived here about 10 days ago. I took a little time off from work. we had a nice time, she seemed happy and all that. The day I went back to work, "poof" gone. That was a few days ago.

Have your questions been answered here about what to do at this point?

Yes. Sorry to sound ignorant or lazy, but what is infopass?

What office did you go through?

service center??

Cali.

[Magnolia31 0]

You should tell that stupid lady friend of hers that she is harboring an illegal immigrant and that you are going to report her for doing that if she doesn't tell you where your wife is right NOW. Even if you won't do it, threaten her. I'd have to scare the beejeebees out of her to get the information I want. Seriously, you should scare the bloomers off of her butt. I'd make up all sorts of believable stuff in order to manipulate the truth out of her. LOL

5% isn't that high. I think you have the information you need to go with if you wish to find and deport her. She is the only person who would be able to tell you her full reasons and explanations, but if you already left messages and email you should just hold off and not continue to stack on more messages. It is clear she owes you closure and if she has a conscience or any real morals she should give it to you. The silence and lack of respect does tell you she very likely is missing those two attributes.

True about her being the only one who can tell me what is going on. Especially true, cause first, getting info from the brother is impossible (language barrier). Second, the two people who saw her last ( the old lady and her son) seem to not want tell me anything. I did send out a 3 page letter to the lady yesterday, asking for her help.

as far as stacking e-mails, I know what your saying. Believe me her inbox is stacked already. I would say there is about 5-6 full pages in English. then you gotta add the portuguese translations. the likely hood of her not checking her mail recently is slim, considering nearly every household in the U.S. has a computer. Despite her actions, it would be nice to here that she safe. Even an e-mail saying, i'm safe and by the way, i don't love you and don't look for me. would be better than nothing. at least i would know she is alive.

I agree that I am OWED an explanation.

Why this caught me off guard and why I am surprised she as not contacted me is because she seemed to have morals. When someone did something bad, she would always criticize them. And as I said she was a devout catholic. I know that going to church doesn't mean everything. Look at me, I don't attend anymore,and haven't done so for twenty years and I would say a have more "christian" values than my friends that attend do.

The silence is what is killing me.

[Magnolia31 0]

I would still try it. There is a woman who lives in my town and she went missing. Police did do a search although they thought she had met up with someone else. Her and her "estranged" husband were living together still but hadn't spoken in 6 months. She had put an ad on the internet that she was looking for a workout partner. Anyhow, she ended up missing one late afternoon.

You never know what the police might do. You won't know until you try it!

If this was happening to me I would be reporting her missing with the police....

Hope it works out for you...

Kez

Someone suggested this. Another posted the police would do nothing. I tend to believe they would do nothing. And besides, I don't even know what state she is in. I know for sure she is not in my state.

[Magnolia31 0]

But who knows if they even told the truth about her having gone to Arizona? Maybe they just told him that to throw him off.

Is it possible to access your home phone records online? We know she went to Arizona to visit Sarah, so therefore she isn't missing. They may have told you she left for texas so you would stop calling. Right now the family is busy with the funeral. It is a little premature at this time to suspect another man. Whatever her reason for leaving, I think after the smoke clears you will get a call or email with an explanation.

[Magnolia31 0]

What part of NM? I grew up in El Paso, Tx and spent alot of time in Las Cruces on the weekend. I miss those places!

i think her living out of her suitcase for 10 days and not unpacking was a sure red flag. what fiance doesn't unpack and start staking her claim on closet and dresser space.

It sounds like she planned this the whole time. i would contact USCIS and cancel the K1 for sure. at least you found out before you married her. i know it still hurts. dont let any shame on this get you with yoru friends or family. You didnt do anything wrong. She will face her consequences. too bad you cant sue her to recoup your costs in the visa etc.

Chris

She did put a few things away, and they are actually still here. It did strike me as rather odd. It did cross my mind at the time, but I thought maybe she still feels a little strange taking over in someone elses house. Also, we were out a lot and when we were home we were always in each others arms. I am thinking that she did have this whole thing planned prior to coming here. if it was, why would she even bother to come here then leave. She has done things in the past that seemed illogical. i think we all do at times. I have no idea what was in her head. that is the most difficult part.

As someone else stated, you had her itinery and paid her ticket. Where else could she have gone. Now that you mentioned 2 visa denials, there may not be any other man involved. She may have wanted to stay with her friends and go to school. None of us really know till she makes contact with you.

I have thought about this, her wanting to go to school. I even offered this option to her before. she told me that she just wanted to be a housewife and have a couple of kids. I am not sure if she could attend school now that she would be illegally here. Anyone know?

There's no way she can attend to school without a student visa or a resident status. With a student visa, they request to take an English exam TOEFL before enrolling school. This exam is not given every month and you have to pay months before the exam and study, it is kinda hard. Second, even if she will have a student visa, prices for foreign students are double and even a little bit more, even in a public college and like you mentioned before she doesn't have the money not even the visa.

--MIRLA.

In some states (like mine) illegal immigrants are allowed to attend public universities.

What state is this. I see Texas service center on your bio. Is it Texas. The guy, Thomas, said she was heading for Texas. ( One of the three places I was told she was). This kind of stuff pisses me off. There are those of us who do things the legal way and then states grant illegals access to services using tax dollars. Can't recall, But wasn't there something a while back about granting Illegals drivers licences. I have nothing against foriegners, but do things the legal way and make it impossible to do anything if your not here legally.

I'm in NM. Illegals can get a driver's license here as well. It pisses me off too.

You sound like me LOL. Searchbug.com is a good place to try to find people. You can trace by telephone number too.

Wow, it took me a while to read all 17 pages of what happened! Jon, I feel for you, and must commend you on your ability to keep your cool without loosing it. If it were me, I'd be trying to hunt her down, to get to the bottom of the truth. If I knew the tel # to the lady in AZ, I'd trace it and be in front of her house for the opportunity to talk with her, thinking the SO is there. (Yes, I know I'm crazy)

While on one of the back pages, it struck me as odd, the story about your experience with her actions post-interview. Her mom was so sick, but yet took an almost week trip to Rio with her? Like there was no phone anywhere to call & say "I'm approved, by the way going to a hospital." If my husband did that during the fiance days I don't know what I would have done, either freaked out that something happened or definitely thought of some alternative plan being brewed up. But you cant change what happened.

I truly wish that she does at least contact you. Just so you get some well deserved closure on this. It must be super hard to go from saying "I love you" one day to thinking hating thoughts the next. I'm not going to speculate like others on why it happened. Just know that its better it was day 10, than year 3. You deserve better, and look at the bright side, she has put herself into one heck of an immigration mess now... no matter what path she chooses in her future.

Good luck, and continue to be positive!

[Magnolia31 0]

I used my husband for sex. Now I'm pregnant. Next time I'll use him for his money instead! J/K gotta have some humor though . He is in Iraq and it is depressing me.

Why do I keep hearing the words to the song "Against the Wind" in my mind.....

"I used her and she used me and neither one cared".................

"what"

You've made a couple of comments and I didn't really get either.

Maybe I'm just not as smart and witty as you are. Dah, where did he go George, where did he go, Dah.

I would hold off making value judgements, In every relationship, everyone "uses" the other for something, love, emotional/financial support, companionship, etc. I think you are comparing apples and oranges.