hello everyone

[Jenn! 918]

The more I think about it, the more I wonder if she is legally obligated to let him stay there? I mean when we do the I-134, don't we have to support them for 2 years and make sure they don't become a public charge? I don't know if its as easy as just kicking them to the curb once they are here. Does anyone have any info on that?

No, he is simply here on a visa, BUT she also cannot make him go home, he is here legally. She can, of course remove him from her home and forgo the AOS process. As Charles stated, the I134 is not legally binding.

I'm not sure how the laws work here, but as long as his name's not on the lease, I think she can legally force him to vacate. I don't know if there must be a certain notification period though.

[Ban Hammer 13,334]

The more I think about it, the more I wonder if she is legally obligated to let him stay there? I mean when we do the I-134, don't we have to support them for 2 years and make sure they don't become a public charge? I don't know if its as easy as just kicking them to the curb once they are here. Does anyone have any info on that?

No, he is simply here on a visa, BUT she also cannot make him go home, he is here legally. She can, of course remove him from her home and forgo the AOS process. As Charles stated, the I134 is not legally binding.

I'm not sure how the laws work here, but as long as his name's not on the lease, I think she can legally force him to vacate. I don't know if there must be a certain notification period though.

serve him an eviction order!

[mybackpages 0]

yes.. I left with the kids.. cat AND the fish.. lol

Why do you have to be the one to leave? Why can't he leave? Afterall it is your house and you have kids! I would think that he would be noble enough to recognize that and offer to leave.

In a situation like this where the decision to divorce is not mutual, it is difficult to make him unerstand he needs to leave. Dee left for her own wellbeing until its worked out. I am sure once he understands that this is over, he will leave willingly. )If I understood Dee u to this point this is the way I understand it)

The affidavit of support only goes into effect for him if the aos is approved.

[♥JP♥ 5]

yes.. I left with the kids.. cat AND the fish.. lol

Why do you have to be the one to leave? Why can't he leave? Afterall it is your house and you have kids! I would think that he would be noble enough to recognize that and offer to leave.

In a situation like this where the decision to divorce is not mutual, it is difficult to make him unerstand he needs to leave. Dee left for her own wellbeing until its worked out. I am sure once he understands that this is over, he will leave willingly. )If I understood Dee u to this point this is the way I understand it)

The affidavit of support only goes into effect for him if the aos is approved.

Sorry MBP but thats just a crock of bull. Its her house, he didnt contribute a damn thing to that house. Nothing in that home belongs to him. It doesn't need to be mutual for him to leave, she is unhappy and her kids are suffering. He is a guest and he should leave immediatly. She has children for gods sake. No matter how difficult it is for him to understand, he needs to be kicked to the curb instead of her own children suffering.

[aya*abouelnasr 0]

I don't know what state Dee lives in, but in Michigan if he has ever received one piece of mail at that address it is considered his legal residence. To force him to leave she would have to go thru the legasl process of evicting him. Here that would be a 90 day notice to leave, then a 60 day notice to leave, then a third and final 30 day notice to leave. That adds up to 180 days before they would physically force him to leave the home. This is how the police explained it to me. Also, there are court costs associated with the filing of each eviction notice.

[mybackpages 0]

yes.. I left with the kids.. cat AND the fish.. lol

Why do you have to be the one to leave? Why can't he leave? Afterall it is your house and you have kids! I would think that he would be noble enough to recognize that and offer to leave.

In a situation like this where the decision to divorce is not mutual, it is difficult to make him unerstand he needs to leave. Dee left for her own wellbeing until its worked out. I am sure once he understands that this is over, he will leave willingly. )If I understood Dee u to this point this is the way I understand it)

The affidavit of support only goes into effect for him if the aos is approved.

Sorry MBP but thats just a crock of bull. Its her house, he didnt contribute a damn thing to that house. Nothing in that home belongs to him. It doesn't need to be mutual for him to leave, she is unhappy and her kids are suffering. He is a guest and he should leave immediatly. She has children for gods sake. No matter how difficult it is for him to understand, he needs to be kicked to the curb instead of her own children suffering.

He is not a guest, he is her husband. This is his legal residence too. But that is not what I meant by it not being easy.

Idont care how much a husband and wife are fighting, try telling him to pack up his bags an leave. If he hasnt come to the conclusion that the marriage is over, his thinking is probably why should i leave my home?

Now there is no way I am defending him and the right thing for him to do is to allow Dee and the boys to stay in their own home, but we have all see here this story unfold. You think this is a good reasonable man who is putting the needs of his wife the the cildren first? His view of the situation is very different from ours and right or wrong he has this view.

Besides telling Dee that her leaving is wrong and he should be the one kicked to the curb is just not fair to Dee. She is struggling everyday (and I bet it is a lot worse than what we read here) and I think she did the right thing by rermoving herself froma terrible situation- even if it meant leaving her home.

Dee, like any woman going through this, is trying to best cope under extremely difficult circumstances. I would hate to even hint that somehow her decision to get away is a mistake. With his recent immigration, the abuse, the dynamics in that house over the last few weeks, it is not as easy as it sounds watching fromthe sidelines.

The most important thing here is that Dee and her boys are safe....everythign else will get resolved in due time.

[mybackpages 0]

I don't know what state Dee lives in, but in Michigan if he has ever received one piece of mail at that address it is considered his legal residence. To force him to leave she would have to go thru the legasl process of evicting him. Here that would be a 90 day notice to leave, then a 60 day notice to leave, then a third and final 30 day notice to leave. That adds up to 180 days before they would physically force him to leave the home. This is how the police explained it to me. Also, there are court costs associated with the filing of each eviction notice.

Tammy, youa re right in much of this but the problem is they are married. Eviction would mean legal separation, getting a restaining order fromthe court, involving the police etc....

IMO I thin Dee must have considered all of these options and the consequences each route. I'm sure she is trying to handled this as best she can.

[AichaKandisha 0]

I agree MBP. I think Dee is handling this in the best way she can given the circumstances. Dee is smart and I have faith in her that she is doing the best she can.

Anyone want to join forces with me in praying for her throughout each day and throughout this Ramadan?

[RAKASA 0]

I agree MBP. I think Dee is handling this in the best way she can given the circumstances. Dee is smart and I have faith in her that she is doing the best she can.

Anyone want to join forces with me in praying for her throughout each day and throughout this Ramadan?

you betcha!

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

She has another option and this will work. I was faced with a similar situation 4 years ago. The first place she should go is the domestic violence shelter. He may not be battering her but he is emotionally abusing her. To make him leave without eviction, she can seek an emergency order of protection and restraining order. It is a simple process and the local domestic violence office will help. I know she wants him to leave on his own volition but this signals the end of his greencard as well and he will become very enraged and crazy at this point and will start trying everything. I literally had to keep going to the courthouse and filing the restraining order and my ex kept trying to break it down to the very last day. This is not a common thing for someone from a mena country or USA for that matter and he will feel out of control. My mena ex literally tried to stop our divorce, battered and threatened me down to the very last day he was allowed to talk to me. I think her only solution is to seek this order of protection and this will enable her to make him leave with police support. I am sure this is a heartbreaking situation for her having had to try so hard to get him here. I can only feel so much compassion for her. I was left with rage and anger and heartbreak towards my ex due to the thousands of dollars it ended up costing me to get rid of him. My mena ex battered and threatened me in front of my children and to this day my son has nightmares about him. I literally think she needs to run not walk down to the courthouse and discuss this with the women that work there. The only people who can really tell her what she can do legally are the people that work with this kind of stuff everyday. I to this day have horrible resentment towards him and even people where he is from ( um that s not fair and its not logical) but to me he was an emotional terrorist and the scars that I was left with were horrific. Notice that she said she lost 99 percent of her muslim friends. That is ridiculous. people should stand behind her muslim or not. He very obviously is not being a good muslim or a good person and the imam should ask him to move out and help her make the transition out of this marriage. This happened to me. Don't lose hope or faith Dee. I acted illogically and still am pretty pissed off at everyone from his country ( hahahah NOT LOGICAL BUT TRUE) Hang in there and contact the domestic violence shelter immediately. they will help you , trust me. They are used to this garbage. Normal rules of eviction and things like that do NOT APPLY IN THIS SITUATION.

ramadan mubarak

[Caladan 19]

The more I think about it, the more I wonder if she is legally obligated to let him stay there? I mean when we do the I-134, don't we have to support them for 2 years and make sure they don't become a public charge? I don't know if its as easy as just kicking them to the curb once they are here. Does anyone have any info on that?

Nope, she's not legally obligated to support him. The I-134 is just an administrative requirement, meaning that the consulate uses it to gauge whether you're likely to be able to adjust status. She might, however, depending on the laws of the state, have a hard time getting him out of the house because as her spouse, it probably counts as his legal residence.

She's doing exactly the right thing by herself and her kids by leaving for now. The house is hers; it isn't going anywhere. She can start that legal process whenever she wants. But she needed to get out. And her kids needed to be out of that environment.

dee, you are demonstrating amazing courage and fortitude, and you are being a good mother by protecting them.

[AichaKandisha 0]

For you Dee:

You Are The Light

Interview With God

[monnik 0]

She's doing exactly the right thing by herself and her kids by leaving for now. The house is hers; it isn't going anywhere. She can start that legal process whenever she wants. But she needed to get out. And her kids needed to be out of that environment.

dee, you are demonstrating amazing courage and fortitude, and you are being a good mother by protecting them.

I agree! And, I think that most of us here have the same view Dee, even if you can't see it for yourself.

You may feel like you are drowning in problems, but from where I am standing I can see that you made the right choices until now. When the dust settles, your kids are not gonna remember how many times they were late for school or that they wore the same clothes for 3 days in a row. What they will remember is your face. Just keep smiling at your boys and let them see that they are a source of happiness, strength, and inspiration.

Standing for what you believe in , regardless of the odds against you and the pressures that tear at your resistance, that means ..............................COURAGE.

[♥JP♥ 5]

yes.. I left with the kids.. cat AND the fish.. lol

Why do you have to be the one to leave? Why can't he leave? Afterall it is your house and you have kids! I would think that he would be noble enough to recognize that and offer to leave.

In a situation like this where the decision to divorce is not mutual, it is difficult to make him unerstand he needs to leave. Dee left for her own wellbeing until its worked out. I am sure once he understands that this is over, he will leave willingly. )If I understood Dee u to this point this is the way I understand it)

The affidavit of support only goes into effect for him if the aos is approved.

Sorry MBP but thats just a crock of bull. Its her house, he didnt contribute a damn thing to that house. Nothing in that home belongs to him. It doesn't need to be mutual for him to leave, she is unhappy and her kids are suffering. He is a guest and he should leave immediatly. She has children for gods sake. No matter how difficult it is for him to understand, he needs to be kicked to the curb instead of her own children suffering.

He is not a guest, he is her husband. This is his legal residence too. But that is not what I meant by it not being easy.

Idont care how much a husband and wife are fighting, try telling him to pack up his bags an leave. If he hasnt come to the conclusion that the marriage is over, his thinking is probably why should i leave my home?

Now there is no way I am defending him and the right thing for him to do is to allow Dee and the boys to stay in their own home, but we have all see here this story unfold. You think this is a good reasonable man who is putting the needs of his wife the the cildren first? His view of the situation is very different from ours and right or wrong he has this view.

Besides telling Dee that her leaving is wrong and he should be the one kicked to the curb is just not fair to Dee. She is struggling everyday (and I bet it is a lot worse than what we read here) and I think she did the right thing by rermoving herself froma terrible situation- even if it meant leaving her home.

Dee, like any woman going through this, is trying to best cope under extremely difficult circumstances. I would hate to even hint that somehow her decision to get away is a mistake. With his recent immigration, the abuse, the dynamics in that house over the last few weeks, it is not as easy as it sounds watching fromthe sidelines.

The most important thing here is that Dee and her boys are safe....everythign else will get resolved in due time.

Don't turn this around on me as if I am putting Dee down for leaving. I never put her down for it and that is not at all what I meant. However as a USC she does have some rights and maybe she doesn't know what they are. He IS a guest and it is NOT his home. I also never said any of this was easy but Dee also needs support in making her stronger throughout this ordeal. She is clearly suffering and unhappy and being back in her home will definitly take the edge off.

I don't see anything wrong at all with trying to give Dee the strength to kick him out. You are putting words in my mouth and I don't appreciate it. My post was made in support and caring of Dee not in any other way.

[deemabrouk 0]

yes.. I left with the kids.. cat AND the fish.. lol

Why do you have to be the one to leave? Why can't he leave? Afterall it is your house and you have kids! I would think that he would be noble enough to recognize that and offer to leave.

In a situation like this where the decision to divorce is not mutual, it is difficult to make him unerstand he needs to leave. Dee left for her own wellbeing until its worked out. I am sure once he understands that this is over, he will leave willingly. )If I understood Dee u to this point this is the way I understand it)

The affidavit of support only goes into effect for him if the aos is approved.

Sorry MBP but thats just a crock of bull. Its her house, he didnt contribute a damn thing to that house. Nothing in that home belongs to him. It doesn't need to be mutual for him to leave, she is unhappy and her kids are suffering. He is a guest and he should leave immediatly. She has children for gods sake. No matter how difficult it is for him to understand, he needs to be kicked to the curb instead of her own children suffering.

He is not a guest, he is her husband. This is his legal residence too. But that is not what I meant by it not being easy.

Idont care how much a husband and wife are fighting, try telling him to pack up his bags an leave. If he hasnt come to the conclusion that the marriage is over, his thinking is probably why should i leave my home?

Now there is no way I am defending him and the right thing for him to do is to allow Dee and the boys to stay in their own home, but we have all see here this story unfold. You think this is a good reasonable man who is putting the needs of his wife the the cildren first? His view of the situation is very different from ours and right or wrong he has this view.

Besides telling Dee that her leaving is wrong and he should be the one kicked to the curb is just not fair to Dee. She is struggling everyday (and I bet it is a lot worse than what we read here) and I think she did the right thing by rermoving herself froma terrible situation- even if it meant leaving her home.

Dee, like any woman going through this, is trying to best cope under extremely difficult circumstances. I would hate to even hint that somehow her decision to get away is a mistake. With his recent immigration, the abuse, the dynamics in that house over the last few weeks, it is not as easy as it sounds watching fromthe sidelines.

The most important thing here is that Dee and her boys are safe....everythign else will get resolved in due time.

Don't turn this around on me as if I am putting Dee down for leaving. I never put her down for it and that is not at all what I meant. However as a USC she does have some rights and maybe she doesn't know what they are. He IS a guest and it is NOT his home. I also never said any of this was easy but Dee also needs support in making her stronger throughout this ordeal. She is clearly suffering and unhappy and being back in her home will definitly take the edge off.

I don't see anything wrong at all with trying to give Dee the strength to kick him out. You are putting words in my mouth and I don't appreciate it. My post was made in support and caring of Dee not in any other way.

thanks everyone for your support......

He is starting to go in Stalker mode... so at this point.. everything is leaning towards getting the law involve

He pulled a few stunts at my job today that has got me freaked out.......

when I am not at work I can try to call a DV number and see what they have to say...

BUT sadly, I've been down this path before.. and I already know my options

I've given him EVERY opportunity to leave before things got sticky... and he just doesnt get it....