MENA sensitive poll regarding Do or Don't Tell

[tnh9479 1]

It has been my experience, on this board and off, that too many women will just be in denial and want to shoot the messenger rather than believe that they may have been taken for a ride.

Is it the right thing to tell? Hell yeah. Would I want to know? You better believe it. Will everyone want to believe it (even some of those who voted yes here) or even act up on it? No.

[mybackpages 0]

It has been my experience, on this board and off, that too many women will just be in denial and want to shoot the messenger rather than believe that they may have been taken for a ride.

Is it the right thing to tell? Hell yeah. Would I want to know? You better believe it. Will everyone want to believe it (even some of those who voted yes here) or even act up on it? No.

and I can only add this....what do you know and how do you know it should be key to telling anyone anything. If it is heresay or speculation, then i would be hesititant to say your man is a fool. I could be worng. If i know first hand, then I would have to say something...in the most postiive delicate way I could. Telling should be a benefit not cause more problems even though Tnh is right with this sstatement above.

[Aymerlu 3]

Of course I'd want to know! I actually knew a man that was doing this to women and had a fiance here in the U.S. His fiance was told, but chose to call everyone warning her liars. I often wondered what happened with that.

If a man claiming to be your fiance is talking to other women, inviting them to his home in another country and accepting gifts from them, he does not think too highly of you.

[Caladan 19]

I think you'd have a moral obligation to tell. The woman's going to pay how much money and be on the hook for how many years? Cheating's bad enough but when you throw in immigration it's a whole nuther ball of wax.

You'd need conclusive evidence and you'd have to realize that it will cause her a LOT of pain. But better now than once he's here.

[~Jackie~ 30]

Would I have wanted to know? Yes

Did someone try to tell me and I didn't listen? Yes

Would I tell? No. The one that needs to hear it, won't believe you anyway. They will hear the little seed of doubt, then justify it away. (til the cold hard truth slaps them hard across the face)

Jackie

[ya falaha! 0]

Oh hell yes I would want to know and I wouldn't be one of those who would automatically think it was a lie. I'd seriously look into it and handle the situation accordingly.

It depends on the "friend" whether I'd tell or not. If she were the type who would believe the man over me I'd let her find out on her own. Most ppl, unfortunately, like to learn the hard way. I have a friend like that. Doesn't matter what my husband or I tell her she buys every story her husband feeds her. We've given up now. This friend is not on VJ.

Edited August 20, 2007 by moody

[Nasturtium 500]

I answered yes on all three points. I would tell myself (or want to be told) but I would also expect to give or see proof, and this is not just "well I saw his name in chat and..."

[PalestineMyHeart 1,897]

I voted yes to all three, but as some have already said, I gave my final answer with some reservations.

"You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink."

A lot of women would dismiss such a "head's up," especially if it came from a stranger, but often even if it comes from a trusted friend. Women want to believe in their guy, of course -- usually they've already become set on marrying him or have already married him. A lot of them have already had to defend their choice to skeptical friends and family -- people will come out and tell them "you're just getting used for a green card" without ever meeting the guy -- and it creates an "us-versus-them" kind of mentality. This makes some women just dig in their heels, and refuse to hear anything that goes against what they've already decided.

Of course no one wants to believe they've been naive enough to be taken for a ride by a scammer. A lot of women would dismiss the person trying to warn them -- "She's just trying to cause trouble, she's just jealous of me, she just want to take ma man," etc. etc. Even if confronted with hard evidence that their guy was trolling for other women, some would still refuse to wake up and smell the coffee -- they will want to believe he stopped that behavior "for her." (Where is my pic "There's an exception to every rule. And most people believe they're it.")

But I would think it would have to plant at least the seeds of doubt. Even if initially brushed off, the warning would probably nag away at their mind, and maybe inspire them to do some "detective work" on their own. And later, when they confirm the truth for themselves, they'll probably wish they'd heeded the initial warning.

Have y'all seen the Russian site that "exposes" the "Egyptian gigolos" ? It's pretty funny -- they name names, "case histories," the guys' places of employment, their "MOs," even photographs of the "suspects." Some of it's in English, but mostly in Russian.

http://kunstkamera.net/index.php

[M+S 0]

It depends on the person, But i would try to tell her or at least give her a hint

[mybackpages 0]

Have y'all seen the Russian site that "exposes" the "Egyptian gigolos" ? It's pretty funny -- they name names, "case histories," the guys' places of employment, their "MOs," even photographs of the "suspects." Some of it's in English, but mostly in Russian.

http://kunstkamera.net/index.php

oooh hours of fun...when can we start our own fourm????

[PalestineMyHeart 1,897]

Have y'all seen the Russian site that "exposes" the "Egyptian gigolos" ? It's pretty funny -- they name names, "case histories," the guys' places of employment, their "MOs," even photographs of the "suspects." Some of it's in English, but mostly in Russian.

http://kunstkamera.net/index.php

oooh hours of fun...when can we start our own fourm????

Hahaha the MENA blacklist..... we may have seen a few candidates pass through these parts over the years....

[lion_lioness 0]

WOM, hilarious - I mean it stinks that this actually happens, but good for the women posting the info out there to share with another woman so she doesn't fall for the same garbage!

[Jenn! 918]

I voted yes, yes, no. I probably wouldn't tell the woman, unless she was a "real life" friend, not sure what the poll question assumed.

I was in a yahoo group once for fiancees/spouses of Moroccan men, and if you can believe it, there was a woman in the group who found photos of her Moroccan fiance with another woman in the group's photo gallery! Evidently that relationship hadn't worked out, and he had moved on, but he hadn't told her about this prior relationship with an American woman.

I guess she was upset or whatnot but SHE DECIDED TO CONTINUE WITH THE K1 PETITION! #######!?!?!?

People just don't believe it.

[peezey 0]

Isn't there an American site about guys who are dogs, too? Don't Date Him, Girl is the site, I think. More hours of fun!

[patiently_waiting 0]

I voted yes. I would definetly want to hear it and want to know how u know what u know. I may not like it and even refuse to accept it, but I would want to be told. You may be doomed either way. if you don't tell and later they find out you knew all along, then they would question what kind of friend you are. Friends who care always make those hard decisions and usually speak the turth even if it will hurt because they know the friend needs to hear it. I would be careful on how I approached this. I wouldn't confront the situation out in the open, but rather quietly so she is not so threatened.