MENA Abuse Poll~~Please keep in MENA

[Henia 11]

I have been in an emotional/mental abusive relationship you could say with non-MENA man but it compared nothing to the abuse I endored with my ex-husband. Elhamdullah my husband now there is no signs or actions of abuse. Elhamdullah I leanred quite a bit from my ex, to know what to look for and how to act.

[peezey 0]

I think the story being told here has more to do with the choices a woman might make for her next relationship if she has been abused in a past relationship.

Yes, it is encouraging to see that there were only 2 yes responses to the third question (although 0 would obviously be better).

I wonder how national stats compare to our results for the first question...

I didn't mean choosing a non-abuser if you have been abused. My sentiments are more along the lines of MK's...choosing something very different than an abusive relationship by way of totally different culture, religion, language, socioeconomic background, education, etc.

So do you think that women tend to associate the abuse with the nationality of the abuser, perhaps subconsciously?

I don't have experience with this so I'm just curious about that logic. If abuse does not have anything to do with the nationality of the abuser, then why would changing nationalities improve your chances?

ETA: sorry did not mean to single out nationality there. Same question would apply to religion, socioeconomic position, etc.

I don't think it's nationality at all, but the things I mentioned. Coupled with long-distance, internet meeting, etc.

[Devil's_Advocate 0]

A poignant fact to also keep in mind is that this is a poll that any member of VJ can answer, not just those that are in a Middle East or North African relationship. This will provide an inaccurate poll and false readings as some may choose to provide a malicious answer for any of the questions posed.

Keep in mind though that the fact that most of the people responding to this poll are probably currently in a relationship with an MENA man.

[Jenn! 918]

So do you think that women tend to associate the abuse with the nationality of the abuser, perhaps subconsciously?

I don't have experience with this so I'm just curious about that logic. If abuse does not have anything to do with the nationality of the abuser, then why would changing nationalities improve your chances?

ETA: sorry did not mean to single out nationality there. Same question would apply to religion, socioeconomic position, etc.

I don't think it's nationality at all, but the things I mentioned. Coupled with long-distance, internet meeting, etc.

Sorry, I don't mean to be dense, but are you talking about fetishizing the unfamiliar in order to cope with the abuse associated with the familiar?

Edited August 15, 2007 by jenn3539

[Jenn! 918]

A poignant fact to also keep in mind is that this is a poll that any member of VJ can answer, not just those that are in a Middle East or North African relationship. This will provide an inaccurate poll and false readings as some may choose to provide a malicious answer for any of the questions posed.

Keep in mind though that the fact that most of the people responding to this poll are probably currently in a relationship with an MENA man.

Yes. Anyone who voted without a MENA SO would be skewing the poll with an automatic no to the second question.

[a1angied 0]

I was rasied by an alcoholic father who I adroed with all my heart and soul God rest his soul, a mother who was a prescription drug addict who I love so very much so I was raised with all types of abuse. At the age of 13 I started using driugs to not feel and continued to do so off and on until 1997. I tended to find be attracted to men that were abusive. I used to watch my sister go through hell being abused and would help her or try to help her leave. I used to tell her she must like it that is why she stayed. I was married at 19 and he was the perfect man I thought. Before we where married one month I was beaten very bad and left. Well I didn't want to be a divorced woman so I went back, the abuse continued because I wanted to make it work. I used to be locked inthe basement with my son while he was at work unless at was at my parents home. I ended up pregnant, not because I wanted to because he would rape me when ever he wanted to. Then he tried numerous times to kick, punch, knee me in the stomach to make me lose the baby. I was 6 months pregnant the last tiem I was beaten and my sister came with the cops and had him arrested. I am greatful to say that my daughter was born and turned 17 yesterday and he still has never seen her. When she turned 13 I told him she watned to met him and he never called. Just as well. He was 30 when I was 19, he was rasied my Minanites (nationality not sure he was apodted but looked mexican/american).

Well when she was 2 I fell for a Mexican man that adored my children and used alochol and drugs as I did also. Well I ended up with my forehead spilt open, my jaw broke in 2 places and still believed he loved me. Yeah I know retarded. Insane. Drug Induced. I wish I was smart enough to break out of the situation, today I am as I am no longer drug induced and have selfworth, self respect, self esteem and a clear mind.

For those of you who have never been abuse thanks be to God and I pray you never are. For those of us that have been I pray that you have worked through the pain and have broken the cycle. For those of you that are still enduring the pain I pray that God will help you out of the situation safley and give you the strengh and guidence to stop the cycle.

My husband has been here almost 2 months and so far things are good. I am not going to say great but I can assure you that no abuse is taking place. I am trying not to place expectations on him as my dream of how things would be is not reality but what it is. He is making milestones and some he wished he would cross before he did but didn't get into a depression. He is working a side job and wished he had a premanet job but this too will come in God's time not ours.

[peezey 0]

So do you think that women tend to associate the abuse with the nationality of the abuser, perhaps subconsciously?

I don't have experience with this so I'm just curious about that logic. If abuse does not have anything to do with the nationality of the abuser, then why would changing nationalities improve your chances?

ETA: sorry did not mean to single out nationality there. Same question would apply to religion, socioeconomic position, etc.

I don't think it's nationality at all, but the things I mentioned. Coupled with long-distance, internet meeting, etc.

Sorry, I don't mean to be dense, but are you talking about fetishizing the unfamiliar in order to cope with the abuse associated with the familiar?

No, not at all.

Although I wasn't, I guess, crystal clear, I thought the headings, title, and questions made it obvious this poll is for women who are currently or have been in relationships with a MENA man. Anyone else answering is certainly skewing the results because it wasn't a general poll.

[Devil's_Advocate 0]

jenn3539,

Who is to say that someone would vote '"no" to the second question regardless of their relationship? Who is to say that someone with multiple ID's does not vote "physical" to the second question even if they are not in a Middle East and/or North African relationship?

This poll was started in good faith, but the results are drastically inaccurate.

Yes. Anyone who voted without a MENA SO would be skewing the poll with an automatic no to the second question.

[PalestineMyHeart 1,897]

jenn3539,

Who is to say that someone would vote '"no" to the second question regardless of their relationship? Who is to say that someone with multiple ID's does not vote "physical" to the second question even if they are not in a Middle East and/or North African relationship?

This poll was started in good faith, but the results are drastically inaccurate.

Yes. Anyone who voted without a MENA SO would be skewing the poll with an automatic no to the second question.

How do you *know* that they're "drastically inaccurate" ? Unless you're the one who's been posting bogus votes....

[mybackpages 0]

A poignant fact to also keep in mind is that this is a poll that any member of VJ can answer, not just those that are in a Middle East or North African relationship. This will provide an inaccurate poll and false readings as some may choose to provide a malicious answer for any of the questions posed.

Keep in mind though that the fact that most of the people responding to this poll are probably currently in a relationship with an MENA man.

Yes. Anyone who voted without a MENA SO would be skewing the poll with an automatic no to the second question.

So would anyone who just votes for the fun of skewing the results...at best the results just give us some fodder for further the discussion.

I also just am thinking, that while this poll is specific to the issues of female USCs and their MENA SOs, there is also the USC female who is abusive esp in the emotional/verbal sense.

[Jenn! 918]

So do you think that women tend to associate the abuse with the nationality of the abuser, perhaps subconsciously?

I don't have experience with this so I'm just curious about that logic. If abuse does not have anything to do with the nationality of the abuser, then why would changing nationalities improve your chances?

ETA: sorry did not mean to single out nationality there. Same question would apply to religion, socioeconomic position, etc.

I don't think it's nationality at all, but the things I mentioned. Coupled with long-distance, internet meeting, etc.

Sorry, I don't mean to be dense, but are you talking about fetishizing the unfamiliar in order to cope with the abuse associated with the familiar?

No, not at all.

Although I wasn't, I guess, crystal clear, I thought the headings, title, and questions made it obvious this poll is for women who are currently or have been in relationships with a MENA man. Anyone else answering is certainly skewing the results because it wasn't a general poll.

Yes, I know the poll is directed towards women in relationships with MENA men. I don't understand what that has to do with what I said.

[peezey 0]

So do you think that women tend to associate the abuse with the nationality of the abuser, perhaps subconsciously?

I don't have experience with this so I'm just curious about that logic. If abuse does not have anything to do with the nationality of the abuser, then why would changing nationalities improve your chances?

ETA: sorry did not mean to single out nationality there. Same question would apply to religion, socioeconomic position, etc.

I don't think it's nationality at all, but the things I mentioned. Coupled with long-distance, internet meeting, etc.

Sorry, I don't mean to be dense, but are you talking about fetishizing the unfamiliar in order to cope with the abuse associated with the familiar?

No, not at all.

Although I wasn't, I guess, crystal clear, I thought the headings, title, and questions made it obvious this poll is for women who are currently or have been in relationships with a MENA man. Anyone else answering is certainly skewing the results because it wasn't a general poll.

Yes, I know the poll is directed towards women in relationships with MENA men. I don't understand what that has to do with what I said.

It doesn't. I replied to DA but it all went into one post.

[♥JP♥ 5]

I've been following this thread and poll but I have yet to see what point there is to the poll. I don't think anyone knows how accurate the numbers and I think what this poll is actually showing is that abuse is not cultural and happens everywhere.

The only thing I could see coming out of this poll (and only if we could see who voted which way) would be how many women were abused in their first relationship and how many are currently being abused in their relationship now. There is no way we will ever know that unless they step forward.

[PalestineMyHeart 1,897]

I've been following this thread and poll but I have yet to see what point there is to the poll. I don't think anyone knows how accurate the numbers and I think what this poll is actually showing is that abuse is not cultural and happens everywhere.

I think actually that WAS the point to the poll.

[Fandango 1,440]

If there is a high % that have been abused in the past by their American ex-SOs, I think there's got to be a link somewhere.

I know many American women, only a few with emotional abuse issues....a high % here on VJ must reflect something....but what?

Could it be that with petitioning a foreign SO, that the woman is in the 'driver's seat' as far as having some control in the relationship?

I dunno....but it's pretty interesting.