AP Hell

[doodlebug 3]

I guess I could post this in the AP section but since most MENA peeps go through this I figured I'd put it here.

I am not worthy yet to complain after only starting our third week in AP hell BUT...........it's not as easy as I thought it would be. The hardest part I seem to be dealing with is not knowing where my file is exactly and whether or not Cairo is waiting for us to give them something before they give our file to DOS for security checks.

Anyways I have done what I can and can only wait for them to hopefully respond to my email some day.(it's been over a week now since I sent it).

For you veterans out there, what do you suggest we do in order to get out of the deep dark tunnel of aggravated despair that I find myself sinking deeper into each day due to the unknown as to where we're at? I need to do SOMETHING because this is only the beginning. Will I eventually just become hard hearted and not give a sh!t anymore and if so how do you dethaw your heart once your SO finally arrives?

[ya falaha! 0]

If you're anything like me you'll go through stages and various levels of ups and downs. First it was the realization that it would be months before we'd be done and I was only a couple weeks into it. Then I settled in for about a month. Then security checks were done so I got excited but that lasted all of a couple days. Then I got angry about having AP even though security checks were done. Then I settled in for a couple weeks. Then we got the request for the movement cert. and I lost it! I thought for sure there would be more and more requests for useless info. After he finally returned the movement cert. (it took him two weeks to finish it but seemed like an eternity) I panicked that it would take another few months to finish AP. I was pretty upset for the next week and a half then out of the blue the visa was issued.

AP sucks. Period.

[doodlebug 3]

If you're anything like me you'll go through stages and various levels of ups and downs. First it was the realization that it would be months before we'd be done and I was only a couple weeks into it. Then I settled in for about a month. Then security checks were done so I got excited but that lasted all of a couple days. Then I got angry about having AP even though security checks were done. Then I settled in for a couple weeks. Then we got the request for the movement cert. and I lost it! I thought for sure there would be more and more requests for useless info. After he finally returned the movement cert. (it took him two weeks to finish it but seemed like an eternity) I panicked that it would take another few months to finish AP. I was pretty upset for the next week and a half then out of the blue the visa was issued.

AP sucks. Period.

How long did it take for your file to go to DOS?

See part of the problem I'm having is that I've been on VJ for about a year now following everyone from Cairo and I pretty much had it in my head that after the interview the file would go to DOS, stay there for about 3 to 6 months, come back to Cairo for about a month or two and then voila the visa would be issued. That is what I was mentally prepared for but now when I see that at wk 3 the file isn't even at DOS yet I am at a loss and my whole mental-preparedness is shot to hell.

I guess you summed it up though. AP sucks. Period.

[ya falaha! 0]

Moh's interview was on Dec. 6, his file arrived to DOS and security checks started on Dec. 15. Security checks were completed on Feb. 20. Moh's case was at DOS for a little over two months. I'm not sure when his case returned to Cairo but I assume it was within a week. The additional AP then took about a month and a half this is including the 2.5 weeks we were tied up with the movement cert. thing.

Yanno, I thought I was mentally prepared for it, too. However, once *I* had to experience it personally I realized I wasn't prepared for it. I was in it for a few days over 4 months and that SUCKED! I can't imagine those who are/were on it 6, 7, 8 + months. That's insane!

[~~~water~~~ 0]

do you think they could be doing ap/Ar first and then sending it to DOS?

ours has been in cario going on 4 months and has never been sent forclearences.... I feel so distraught these days

[doodlebug 3]

I really wish I could be a fly on the wall in Cairo for just one day to see what the heck is going on over there.

[anniee 0]

Our interview was June 12 and then I was told we were in AP...It took me about a week to get a reply from emails...Iv sent 2 inquiries..I have phoned DOS and was told both times our case is open and it is in AP...Last time DOS told me they were doing background checks...I have no idea who is doing all this if its now in DOS hands or Cairo...Since the interview it has been sooooooo hard...I wonder if they even care what we are going through..Seems they could just give us a tid bit of information or some time frame...It is HELL....I also wonder if it will harden me ....Now its over 2 months time...I just try to keep the faith and hope...I guess all we can do is hang in there ....

[Nasturtium 500]

For you veterans out there, what do you suggest we do in order to get out of the deep dark tunnel of aggravated despair that I find myself sinking deeper into each day due to the unknown as to where we're at?

I don't have any real tips.. I just kept up hope! but really I was so down! I think that this was the worst time of the whole process because of the exact fact that you have no freaking deadline to count down to. Man! it was infuriating. I wish they could give you a review deadline or somehting that would give you a date, you know?

[MaryandMian 1]

1. First off do not give up hope.

2. Do not discuss AP HELL but once a week with your SO and do not call DOS but once a week.

3. Do not make plans that are date sensitive so you do not have depression or lose hope. **We made plans for my birthday and it passed with us still in the dark abyss and I was depressed and so was he over missing our planned outing.

Try to make things more light hearted and as you know Pakistan has phone and net problems and we had many missed chats or interrupted calls from power load shifts, the earthquake and other problems. So you have to focus on something else during your separation but keep the communication open, strong, and caring.

We called each other to hear the other ones voice once a day (I made more calls than him since it was cheaper for me than him). I called him and told him goodnight and we talked maybe 5 minutes and he would call me at my good night time too several times a week. Just hearing that other person's voice will lift your spirits to know that you are taking the time to check on your loved one. I used phone cards for these type calls and used the house land line for my phone records for once a week long chats on his off day.

We talked almost every day for one hour on the internet. And our chats were offbeat, making silly faces in the camera, telling jokes and catching up on family, holidays, events, and what was happening in our daily lives and routines. If he knew the boys were going to the Dr or JP was having another surgery we would discuss in details and he still felt he was a part of the family.

I sent silly text messages to him all the time. He loved it and he said I always kept him lol in his travels with his job.

I volunteered for my kids school to help with projects, kept busy researching foods, cooking, or cultural things and leaned on some of my friends from VJ.

It is hard to believe but once they arrive and are home you forget this awful time and you are so happy and focusing on starting your life together. Just do not take out your frustrations on each other during this time. And the most important thing for me is I prayed for patience and understanding.

Good luck on finding something that you can focus or find solace in during your wait.

Mary

[deadbird 2]

3. Do not make plans that are date sensitive so you do not have depression or lose hope. **We made plans for my birthday and it passed with us still in the dark abyss and I was depressed and so was he over missing our planned outing.

We haven't even gotten in AP yet and while we would hope he would be here before his birthday (two days after Thanksgiving)...or Christmas...chances are he won't even be here before my birthday (day before Valentines!)

The thought of having to go through our birthdays & holidays without him.....

[doodlebug 3]

3. Do not make plans that are date sensitive so you do not have depression or lose hope. **We made plans for my birthday and it passed with us still in the dark abyss and I was depressed and so was he over missing our planned outing.

We haven't even gotten in AP yet and while we would hope he would be here before his birthday (two days after Thanksgiving)...or Christmas...chances are he won't even be here before my birthday (day before Valentines!)

The thought of having to go through our birthdays & holidays without him.....

Yeah I had this stupid idea that he'd be here for my birthday in late September only because Dee's case went so swiftly but I have since buried that thought and am thinking now that it will be more like Christmas or New Years. . . or later.

[MaryandMian 1]

We focused on my birthday too since others at the consulate were being approved fastly. My mistake was it was all ladies at the time since AP/AP was not discussed until Shonnie and I brought it out in the Pakistani forum.

[allousa 1]

After having been in AP for a year and two months, I think that would qualify me as a "general", right????

I DEFINITELY agree with the advice that you just have to try and not think about it. I actually think it's quite normal for you to have the outrage feeling. That does subside after a while. I quickly found out that once the file goes into the abyss of AP, there isn't anything that you can do...unless the President himself touches the file (and I know personally I wouldn't want him touching anything of mine ). I never got any assistance from DOS. I'm thinking because we were filing for a different application, perhaps our case has been handled differently.

I did alot of volunteer work for the Red Cross. I was even teaching classes two weeks before I had our son. Once our boy was born, time has fast-forwarded. Hicham was the one that was really flipping out. We've really just talked each other through the bad spells.

You just can't dwell on it. I promise you...it will drive you to insanity. Time will pass and you will be delivered out of the purgatory of AP. But until then, you just have to grab the marshmellows and make smores! Know what I mean???

Hang in there!!!!

[doodlebug 3]

After having been in AP for a year and two months, I think that would qualify me as a "general", right????

I DEFINITELY agree with the advice that you just have to try and not think about it. I actually think it's quite normal for you to have the outrage feeling. That does subside after a while. I quickly found out that once the file goes into the abyss of AP, there isn't anything that you can do...unless the President himself touches the file (and I know personally I wouldn't want him touching anything of mine ). I never got any assistance from DOS. I'm thinking because we were filing for a different application, perhaps our case has been handled differently.

I did alot of volunteer work for the Red Cross. I was even teaching classes two weeks before I had our son. Once our boy was born, time has fast-forwarded. Hicham was the one that was really flipping out. We've really just talked each other through the bad spells.

You just can't dwell on it. I promise you...it will drive you to insanity. Time will pass and you will be delivered out of the purgatory of AP. But until then, you just have to grab the marshmellows and make smores! Know what I mean???

Hang in there!!!!

I think you and dipsticks may have to fight it out to see who is the general and who is the whatevercomesundergeneral

You both are two of the strongest women I know!

[Aymerlu 3]

AP sucks. Period.

Yep. Been there, did that and wouldn't wish it on my worse enemy. I went through A LOT of ups and downs during the AP process and Prozac became my best friend! Really, as hard as it is to do, try to relax (a bit) through the process. It will just eat at you. If I could repeat the whole AP thing I *think* I would *try* to be a more relaxed person.