need advice

[sweety_pie 0]

Hi.I came to USA with a K1.Now I have green card.Everithing seems fine,but my husband became abusive,he yells at me if for example,he comes home and something is not perfect(his clothes unwashed,or dishes unwashed-but,still,that happened only 2 or 3 times.)Yesterday he came home,and some of his clothes were not yet dryed completely,he said nothing,but after a couple of hours he burst,yelling at me and treating me like i was his housekeeper.

The other fact is that he keeps me hungry.I want to cook,but i'm even afraid to tell him to go to the supermarket and buy some stuff and cook something,because this could end in a fight(he tells me to eat what is in the fridge first,and in the fridge is only cold food,snacks,what you eat for breakfast,and i need at least a warm meal per day).He doesnt bother,because he eats his lunch at job,at a restaurant,and in the meanwhile,i stay home and eat his leftovers from breakfast as a lunch).

I dont know how to gather evidence that he abuses me,how to prove that i entered this marriage in good faith.I dont know how much longer i can live like that.I miss my friends,my parents and my home in my native country.I dont want to live in fear and abuse like that,but also,other that my family,i have nothing to return to in my native country,and i want to try to stay here.

I'm sorry if i am a little incoherent,but i cried all night,and i havent eaten anything yet.

[sweety_pie 0]

I forgot to mention that i cant go to the supermarket alone,because i have no drivers licence,and i need a car to go basicly anywere here,and the other fact is i have no money,he has all the money and i have no access to it.

[sweety_pie 0]

If there is an admin here,please delete this topic,because everybody reads it but nobody wants to answer.I dont want my problems to be fun for somebody else,i thought i will find some help on this forum.

[MissStacey 1]

I don't know really know how to advise you on this issue- but there are many people on this board that will offer great advice. This isn't a situation that people are laughing and making fun of you. Please don't think that.

[Kez/JWolf 6]

Sorry to hear that you are having to go through this... do you have any friends who could help you? do you attend a church thay may be able to help... one option is to contact a womans refuge, they can help you decide what you want to do and how best for you to do that... they can also help with somewhere safe to stay if you need it and can get you legal advice... if all else fails you can call the police at anytime... you need to keep your self safe..

Kez

[bszoom42 0]

Sorry to hear about your situation. my thoughts to you would be to contact any friends or family you have for immediate assistance. Even your husbands friends and family would be a potential place to look - as this treatment is not normal.

[lala14 0]

Your husband abuse you! he has no right to treat you like that! and you are in america , you have rights as a woman and as a person; tell him that if he doesn`t change you`re going to battered wifes and complain; doing so is going to be an evidence if you`re going to need later! he treats you like a servant or cleaning lady or even worse because those are paid! stop doing his laundry if he yells at you, he should bring you a flower and say thanks for doing things for me not yell....

look on internet for local battered woman organization or something like that, and call there and tell them your problem i`m sure they can advice you well.

Good luck!

[akatagirl 0]

Sweety Pie, I am very sorry to hear that your husband is abusing you and making your life unbearable.

Since you were able to post on here, I would advise as other vjers as have said in previous posts, is too seek a woman's refuge, or find the contact information for a church or non profit services in your area.

Where do you live? You may want to contact a place like Catholic Charities and there are many non profit places that can provide legal assistance to you. If you fear your safety, they you really need to rethink your situation and get out of that house and find a place where you can feel safe. I hope you have some friends or family that you can call to help you..if not find a church or a place like the YWCA.

You are in my thoughts and prayers.....

[Jasman0717 9]

You need to sit down and discuss this with him otherwise it can only get worse. Mental abuse is still abuse and you don't need to be subjected to that.

[Nancy2015 2]

Dear Sweetie Pie,

Here's the number that can be of great help: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233). It's the National Domestic Violence Hotline. Give them a call - they will talk to you and make you feel better, and they will also give you resources and ideas on how to cope with your situation - they'll give you a list of shelters in your area and tell you where to get counseling and legal advice for a nominal fee or free of charge.

I have witnessed a number of women (and men) in a situation like yours, and a lot of them were unwilling or afraid to take any action for fear of retaliation from the perpetrator. I understand that not only you are worried about your family life, but you're also concerned with your immigration status. Your husband sounds like a complete nutcase, and if you wish to stay in this country, filing a self-petition under VAWA is always an option for you.

But first you need to make sure you're safe. When your husband is not home, call the number I gave you. Find out where the local shelter closest to you is, pack your stuff and go there. They'll take you in, and they will definitely have counselors and maybe lawyers who can help you with your situation. Tell them what is going on. The counselor will start a medical file, whcih you will be able to use as proof of abuse if you decide to self-petition. Also, ask the shelter workers if they would accompany you to court - most of them do that. You can go to court, and request a restraining order from the judge (if you can convince the judge that your husband is dangerous, which in your case will be very much possible). The restraining order will help keep your husband away from you, and will also be good proof for your VAWA petition.

If your husband ever gets physical with you - do not hesitate to call 911 - just make sure you don't do it right in front of him, cause he can go completely bonkers in this case. Get the phone, run away somewhere (preferably out of the house) and call the police.

Keep your important documents and some vital things (a change of clothes, cash, your own credit cards, etc.) in one spot - that way if you ever need to get away quickly, you can just grab your stuff and go.

If you decide not to file under VAWA, I strongly recommend to go to the shelter anyways. Your husband seems like a creepy freak who has serious issues, and he should be kept in isolation.

And please - no one will ever make fun of you on this board. We're here to help, and we will try to do it as best as we can.

(F)

[claire2007 0]

Dear Sweety Pie

First off let me tell you how sorry I am for your situation. Second, it was like reading my own story. My husband is the same way. I have no driver's license, I'm not on his bank account, not on the car title, I have no job and no money. I can't go anywhere without him or one of his family members. It's horrible. I feel I lost my husband the day we arrived at the airport. There are some things and advice I've gotten from others that I'd like to share with you. But I think such a personal thing is better kept in private. If you want you can write to me here or on messenger. My e-mail is claire200785@yahoo.com. Trust me I know what you're going through, I really do.

Love, Claire

[gabby4ever 1]

be careful and good luck in whatever you do...im very sorry you have to go through this...people like your husband need to be shot